It was after nine and Spongebob walked out his house in a fresh pair of clothes and musky cologne. He had his phone in one hand, a bottle in another, and a few pills in his pocket cozying up with his wallet and keys.
Knock knock knock
Patrick's rock flung open to reveal Squidward in his usual brown shirt and Patrick in his dashiki
"Sorry I'm late everyone! I'm shit with time"
Squidward and Patrick chuckled a bit. Patrick packed his bong piece and handed it to Spongebob
"You want greens?"
Spongebob smiled and grabbed the bong
"Aw thanks Pat I preciate it!"
After he took a fat hit, he started coughing and passed the piece to Squidward.
"Want cough some?"
Squidward waved him off holding a soda in said hand
"Nah I'm good thanks"
Spongebob placed the bong on the table as they watched tv. The movie Clerks was on and the scene where a guy is checking eggs on the floor was playing
"Pffft, we've seen worse freaks in the fast-food industry huh Spongebob?" Squidward nudged Spongebob on the shoulder
Spongebob giggled "haha yep! No job can top what we have to deal with on the DAILY"
Squidward turned towards him "Remember the pickle guy? Bubble Ass or something?..."
He turned to Patrick "This fat motherfucker literally hid pickles under his tongue to spite us and get free food!"
SpongeBob froze a little bit. He didn't know if it was the weed but he started getting a little paranoid hearing that name. Was Squidward fucking with him? Did he know? Is he secretly on to him?
Spongebob felt his heart pounding and his mind would not stop talking.
"...Spongebob? Hellooooo Spongebob!" Squidward was waving his hand in Spongebobs face
The sponge snapped out of it and laughed "Haha sorry I was just thinking about that moment…pretty fucking high right now"
Squidward looked at him puzzled but brushed it off and smiled. He then turned back to the tv.
Spongebob walked to the bathroom. It was, you guessed it, made of sand like the rest of the house. He looked in the grainy mirror. His eyes were so red, and he looked so sad like this. A blip of guilt was starting to crawl up his stomach and through the sides of neck. It was almost suffocating
"Fuck…I'm sorry Squidward"
He took a pill out of his pocket. He knows he really should be selling these and not taking them like an idiot, but this weed got him thinking too much. One can't hurt. He placed the pill on his tongue and looked in the mirror with it out. Down the shoot it went.
He went back over into the living room and took a swig from his liquor bottle before sitting back down.
The two clerks in the movie were now on their way to a funeral to visit some lady and they shut down the store. Patrick and Squidward laughed at the ridiculousness of the situation followed by Spongebob just now paying attention.
Squidward looked away from the screen and around everyone. "Everyone ready?"
Patrick and Spongebob mhm'd and started making their way out of the house and off to the Bikini Bottom night.
—-
Squidward drove down the street passing the Krusty Krab and on their way downtown. Spongebob was smoking a cigarette looking out the car into the dark and empty ocean floor. Some buildings were starting to pop up as a sign of downtown approaching. My Neck My Back was playing on the radio and Spongebob was trying to get lost in the words.
"... lick my pussy and my crack…"
He turned on his phone to see if there were any messages, holding his breath. He let out a great sigh seeing yet again the lonely home screen of him and his girl.
They pulled up to a red light and idled for a few seconds.
Squidward turned the music a little down and spoke "What's going on with you two?"
This startled the sponge as he dropped his phone into his lap and looked up.
Squidward hit the gas as the light turned green while Spongebob shrugged
"I don't know man…I just really fucked it up with her"
"Did you both break up?"
"No…well yes kinda but not exactly…" Spongebob gulped
"We're taking a break"
Squidward nodded "I see…I'm sure you attacking me has to do with it?"
"Yeah, it didn't help" Spongebob took one last puff and flicked the butt out onto the street
Squidward turned right onto south fourth avenue and parallel parked his car on the side of the road. Music, laughter, and the occasional shouting suddenly overwhelmed the trio. The whole block was lined up with bars, pubs, and clubs. The locals called it The Strip.
Squidward shut off the engine and turned to Spongebob who was unbuckling his seatbelt.
"I got a couple things I wanna tell ya before we get out"
Spongebob nodded and listened. Patrick was still sitting in the back resting his eyes.
"Sundays are usually one of the days I go to AA…I hope you remember our deal"
"You want me to come tomorrow"
"If you're free yes"
Spongebob sat and thunk for a moment
"I have plans with Patrick, but I'll see what I can do…where is it?"
"The Neptunian temple on Coral right off near Conch. I can drive…it's tomorrow after services at 11:15 am"
"Ok I'll be there. Now what else did you want to say?"
Squidward smirked and looked back at Patrick who seemed somehow asleep. He then reached under his seat and pulled out a perc.
Spongebob looked suspiciously at it and smirked. "What you doing with that?"
Squidward popped it in his mouth and swallowed it dry.
"That"
Spongebob laughed "You're one crazy squid you know that?"
Squidward chuckled and turned to tap Patrick on the knee. "Wake up Patrick we're here!"
Patrick lazily opened his eyes to his surroundings. His eyes were redder than satans asscrack.
"Wh-what?... is this Disney world?"
Spongebob got out of the car as he laughed "Haha not quite Patrick. Welcome to the Strip!"
The sponge's legs felt very warm and jelly-like. His chest too. Man did he feel good…why was he feeling so good? It was almost like the feeling he has felt after fucking Sandy in the cooler. What would Katy Perry say? Cloud 9?
The trio started off at a smoky, dive bar called 'Flats' where Spongebob and Patrick took a shot of henny (and Squidward a glass of sprite). Sitting at the bar, they were shooting the shit with each other, exchanging stories of the past, and laughing at the bullshit of it all.
"...haha ooooh shit man we were so dumb as kids…"
Squidward agreed and wiped a tear of laughter from his eye
"God, I didn't realize how much stories I have of you two idiots fucking up my day"
Patrick threw down another shot then wiped his mouth
Burrrrrp
"Ha heyah we are sooo much more sophisticated now" As he said placing his hands on his hips and chin up.
Spongebob looked out the bar window and got an idea
"Wanna check out another place? I hear Shelley's has pool"
They all agreed and closed out their tabs. The three of them walk like they're underwater. Well, you know what I mean. UNDERWATER underwater. Squidward latched on to the door frame as they existed. He took a second to recollect and then proceeded.
"You good?" asked Spongebob
"Ya I'm fine just got dizzy for a second…"
They meandered down the block to the noisiest club in town. Shelley's. When they walked in the outside atmosphere dissolved into the shrieking clusterfuck inside. Electronic house music, lights. Big tiddy girls with flaming champagne bottles, a long bar, dancers, pool…. Pool.
Patrick nudged his friends and pointed to the direction of the pool tables to the left side of the club.
"It's really loud in here!"
"Ya this is normal Squidward"
When they got to the pool table it requested a few quarters for them to get the balls. Patrick dug some out of his belly button and inserted it in the machine
"Remind me to not touch the coin slot" Squidward squealed aloud.
Spongebob and Patrick were on a team and Squidward on his own.
When Squidward hit the cue ball a seven stripes ball went in the hole
"Alright that makes you both solids"
Squidward tried hitting the cue with the pool stick behind his back."Hnnya!"
He missed and threw his hands. "Well, I guess that's what I get for trying to be cool."
They ran a couple rounds trying to one up one another. Everyone pretty much sucked.
"God damnit I hate this place!" scream Patrick
Spongebob and Squidward laughed and then tried to refocus on the game
Squidward saw something catch his eye and looked past his neighbors to the stage. Was it a light reflection? What is that bowl? Is that? Oh crum.
"Sandy"
Spongebob looked up from focusing on the cue ball he was about to hit and gave a nasty look to Squidward
"What did you say?"
"I think.." Squidward pointed up to the stage "That's Sandy"
Spongebob and Patrick glanced at each other before turning towards the stage.