72 The Universe Takes Care of Delores
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"I think you need to trust that everything is going to be OK. That the Universe is going to take care of you…" - George Lass
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Sheila left work late. Delores had left early. They all had heard that news yesterday about the miracle survivors, the Hesburghs and the others up at his fancy house in the mountains. For Delores there would be no do over for her Millie dying up there. The funeral was over and the body in the ground. Sheila passed her corner turn to go home, to her temporary refuge from Death, which she knew was stalking her. For her Death was not an abstract idea, some far away future event. For her it was a real everyday presence. It always had been something she could feel. She believed that it was a normal awareness when she was growing up, something everyone shared. She had the misfortune to find out that it was not normal. For her the reality of her own dying was ever-present, something she never could shake and pretend like everyone else that it didn't exist. She knew her end was coming. She drove on past her turn against her better judgement. But… Delores was beside herself with grief over Millie's end. It just was not right. Yesterday the cable news announced that the Hesburghs had survived. Father Adair, if he knew that little twist was coming, hadn't told her. He had clarified what she already knew that George would resurrect, somehow, more detail to follow. Sheila went into Happy Time this morning with more questions than answers. Yes, Father Adair had told her that George would be returning in one form or another, but he couldn't tell Delores what she needed to know, and neither could she, and that just was not right. Delores believed that her Millie had been killed and no one knew what to do for her and she was sinking into a very dark place. She pulled her car up to the curb outside Delores' building and shut off the engine. She couldn't tell her that George was still alive or undead without risking her own end, but she somehow had to get the poor woman back on track. She found Delores, at first, annoying, but when all was said and done Delores was there for her when she was sinking into her own black pit and hope seemed gone, and she needed someone to believe she could cut the booze off. Now with Trip back, and George resurrected, she had a pathway back to her old job, if she wanted it. Of course she did. But she had to help Delores. After a good five minutes and three passersby taking long looks at her just sitting in her car, she got out.
The elevator ride was longer than usual. The bell dinged her arrival. She walked down the hall and standing outside Delores' door Sheila realized she hadn't called, but then of course she hadn't. This was an uninvited and probably unwelcome visit. She brought her hand up to knock, and the door opened. She jumped back. Delores was standing there, but her smile was forced and didn't reach her eyes.
"Sheila. Come in." She moved back to let her in. She had been crying.
"Hi, Delores. I was driving in the neighborhood and…thought I would stop by." She stepped inside. There was no puzzle on the table. But there were various papers laid out in neat rows on the same table. She stepped closer and took her coat off. Delores put it on the back of the couch for her, not the closet, so she wouldn't be staying too long then.
"Come on in. I wasn't doing much of anything. Just trying to get my papers organized." Delores went into the kitchen. "Would you like some coffee? Decaf?"
"Ahh, OK. Decaf would be fine." She pulled a chair over to the table.
Delores came over and stacked her papers into one pile and placed a book on top. "Let me get these out of the way."
Delores took the long way back to the kitchen stopping by the living room window overlooking the street below where Sheila had parked. She studied the street below and then walked back into the kitchen. She must have seen her parked out there just sitting alone in the car. Christ. She felt weird now and didn't know what to say so she retreated. She excused herself to go to the restroom. There Sheila washed her hands. She looked up at her reflection. She wasn't getting any younger and her own end was getting closer. She opened the medicine cabinet. The obvious stuff - Alka Seltzer, some aspirin, band-aids, and…not one but several bottles of over the counter sleeping pills. She shook one bottle. It was full. They were all unopened. She picked up another. They were all full. Ahh shit. Shit, shit…she closed the door and thought hard.
Finally, she returned to the living room to find a cup of coffee waiting. Delores was just sitting there staring down into her own cup. Her computer was off. Sheila sat down and reached out to take her hand. "Delores. I know you miss her."
The tears started. Sheila looked around and found a tissue box on the counter and placed in front of Delores. Sheila didn't know how close to forbidden she was going, but. "Delores. I believe, in my heart, that she isn't really gone. I don't know how, but I believe it. I want you to have faith."
"I know. I believe it too. I will see her soon."
What did she mean by that? "No. No. I mean… Be patient." This too will pass. Don't do anything stupid.
"I never really understood how much she meant to me. One day you wake up. And what do you have? I never married. Never had any kids. And you put everything into your job and after decades slaving for the company, some new guy is now your boss, and you realize he doesn't care, they don't care. They cut her loose, and I won't be long behind. Oh well. That's life."
She got up, wiped her eyes and nose, and walked over to the window. She jerked to full attention focusing on something down below on the street. Sheila got up and went over to the window. She could see her car, and nothing else that stood out. Delores went back to the couch to stand next to her coat on its back. Something had changed. "Thank you for coming Sheila. But I'll be OK. Really. The Universe takes care of us all in the end." She put her hand on her coat.
That was as clear a signal as she had ever heard. She tried to read Delores' face but couldn't. What did she see out there? Delores picked up her coat. And she handed it to her and gave her a tight goodbye hug. And before she closed the door, a big smile, this one from the heart. She said, "Thank you."
Sheila walked down the hallway slowly pondering what happened, what was happening. Before she got to the elevator door the bell dinged. The elevator would stop at this floor. She jumped on around the corner out of sight and waited. She heard it open. She peeked back around. George exited. She stopped just outside the elevator, but didn't look her way, just stood there a long few heartbeats. She didn't have a mark on her face. She carried a paper bag, no two bags. She walked on down towards Delores' door and knocked. Sheila moved around to where she could see down the hall and leaned a bit out. George stood there as the door opened and said, "Hi Delores."
Sheila thought she heard Delores ask, 'What should I call you?'
"Millie is just fine."
George entered and the door closed.
Sheila stepped out and in front of the elevator. She looked down the empty hallway for too long. No one came by. She made a decision. She pushed the button to go down. She would go back to her refuge and hide away from Death, and just take it one day at a time. She shook her purse. All those pill bottles added some real weight. Indeed, the Universe takes care of us all.