A/N:

I hope you're all doing well! I know that a few of the previous chapters were pretty short (I might later combine two chapters into one) but I was planning out this story and I think it will be about 23 chapters.

HMU if you ever want to talk or if you have any questions!

Thank you to my beta reader, kaykay3441. Thank you to everyone who reviewed, followed, and favorited! I really appreciate it.

Enjoy!

On monday, Nesta woke up without the slightest queasiness. Instead, her legs and chest felt sore and she was overall just feeling very warm. Which was odd, considering the fact that was usually cold. Drinking a glass of water, Nesta decided that it was a welcome change.

She glanced through her kitchen, making a note to buy some raspberries (clearly they were essential to her diet: why hadn't she noticed how absolutely incredible raspberries were?). She ate a bowl of cereal which had a strange aftertaste of metal, but was supposedly healthy. The pregnancy books that she returned to the library that afternoon after work had informed her how important her diet was. Still, not even Nesta's iron will or limited budget could stop her from buying a piece of chocolate along with a box of raspberries at the marketplace on her way to work that morning. There was no one to scold or judge that Nesta's lunch of salad and chocolate seemed to be contractradicting, for Brielle only grinned at Nesta's choice of dessert.

Nesta began her Tuesday by staring into a bucket, realizing that the relief she'd felt yesterday at her lack of nausea had unfortunately been only temporarily. She managed to eat a slice of toast for breakfast, but she regretted that as soon as she got to work. Nesta tried to be discreet about her queasiness in order to not disturb the customers, but Brielle seemed to notice, and asked if Nesta preferred to rest for a while. Nesta insisted that she was fine, but agreed to sit down and drink some water. Miraculously, that actually helped, and by 1 pm she was chatting idly with Brielle. Though they were really only exchanging a few sentences between customers — the number of customers had grown so much that the shop was almost always busy — but the small talk was still education as Nesta learned Brielle's favorite color along with her birthday.

Wednesday was the half-day that Brielle and Nesta had agreed upon. Home once more, Nesta plopped onto her bed. She was overcome with both the desire to do something — anything — and the reluctance to move even a single inch. Opening the book on her nightstand, she was hit by a truckload of information about how to regulate her diet and what to start thinking about to prepare for the baby to arrive, despite it still being months away. Though the books she'd borrowed had lots of information (and at times the info even seemed to contradict itself — how was she supposed to rest and get exercise at the same time in the later months?), they all stated that it was vital to get a healer's opinion and to follow their advice. Nesta bit her lip. The only healer she'd met in the Night Court was Madja. There was no way she was going to see that healer! Letting out a sound halfway between a sigh and a grunt, Nesta reluctantly accepted the insurmountable reality that she would, in fact, be forced to get up. She walked to the table where she had placed the card that the customer had given her last week.

The card read:

S. Galen (Healer) - Qualifications on back

32 Mahina Avenue

L'Estelle, Velaris, Night Court

By appointment only (Few exceptions)

Nesta had no idea who this healer was or who the female customer was who had given her the card, but Brielle seemed to trust her. Besides, Nesta did not know any other healers in Velaris.

The card had said that she needed an appointment. How was she supposed to do that? Since the only information provided was an address, she was probably supposed to write a letter requesting to meet with the healer— or was she expected to winnow there? Nesta didn't know how to winnow but, embarrassingly, she also did not know how to send a letter in Velaris. She'd never had the need to do so before. Nesta knew she should have asked Brielle, but it was too late now. She really wanted to get it done today, before she could overthink it and change her mind. Nesta quickly wrote a letter. Well, as quickly as she could while doubting every single word she placed on paper. How was she supposed to address this healer? What was proper etiquette here? She didn't want to sound rude or desperate but also not cold or fakely cheerful.

Clutching her letter, she decided to get over herself and just ask a random stranger where the post office was. Someone she knew she'd never see again, so that them thinking she was stupid wouldn't matter. As she wandered the street, deciding who to ask, she passed by the mediocre bar/restorant she'd never been to before. Ignoring the sudden urge to just take a shot to soothe her nerves, she asked the waiter where she could mail a letter. The waiter raised an eyebrow, looking her up and down, but pointed in a direction and gave her a few instructions. Nesta muttered a quiet "thanks" as she quickly escaped the tempting lure of her poison.

The post office was nothing like in the human realms. Really, it was just a room with four high fae workers, three male and one female, sat, talking to one another. On one wall was a painting of a beach, on the other was a stunning landscape with cliffs, while the back wall was filled with maps.

"Hello!" The female stood up to greet her. "Where are you going today?"

Nesta resisted the urge to ask what the hell was going on, and instead replied, "I was told I could mail a letter here?"

One of the males got up. He scoffed, giving his male coworkers a look that made them snicker and stare at Nesta. Great. They were making fun of her. The female took the letter from her and handed it to the male.

Glancing at the address, his brow furrowed even more.

"This is in Velaris," he informed her.

Nesta didn't respond, because there was nothing to say.

"Why don't you just winnow there yourself?" he asked, glancing at her ears, covered by her hair.

"I'm not sure exactly where it is," Nesta responded. There was no need to inform the male that she couldn't winnow. Nesta had thought that not all fae possessed the ability to winnow, but perhaps that wasn't true.

"We'll take care of it for you," the female interjected hurriedly.

One of the males who was still sitting muttered something. It was low enough that Nesta only caught the word "foreign".

The male who'd stood up sat down once more. "Well, go on then," he smirked.

Nesta hesitated, unsure who the male was talking to. Was she just supposed to leave? She was not sure her letter would actually get delivered. How could she trust these males that were basically asking to be kicked where the sun doesn't shine?

The female disappeared.

Nesta blinked, stood still for a few moments, then took two steps towards the door.

"All done!" came the female's voice.

Nesta nodded her thanks to the female and quickly exited the building, pretending not to feel the female's eyes trailing her receding figure or hear the males' mocking voices.

At work on thursday, the female who had given Nesta the information about the healer stopped by the boutique. This time, the female wore a large hat that hid her hair, ears, and most of her forehead. Instead of shopping, she just stopped by, exchanged a few words with Brielle, and left, giving Nesta a half-smile of acknowledgement when she saw her.

At the end of the day, Nesta enquired "How do you know that female? The one that wore the hat?"

Brielle looked up from her accounting notebook. "Oh, you mean Khoniya? She's one of few people I can call a friend. We met- well, it's a bit complicated, but basically I used to live with my aunt's family down in the southwest of the Night Court, not too far from the border with the Day Court. Well, I say not far, but I mean it would still take us a few days to reach the border- but anyway, as I was saying, I lived there as a child after my parents died. After everything with Amarantha was over, I returned there and stayed during the war with Hybern and all that. About a year and a half ago, my aunt started considering opening a new shop. Velaris is the dream, of course, and after everything that happened, she decided to just go for it. I also decided to go for it." Brielle paused.

"I love my family, and I can never thank my aunt enough for taking me and my brother in when we were kids. But my brother already left before everything happened, and I stayed behind and I realized how long it's been. This was my chance to finally live, you know? But I didn't know Velaris very well when I first arrived so I didn't…"

Brielle bit her lip.

Nesta hesitantly offered, "You don't have to continue if you don't want to."

Brielle shook her head. "No, no. Nothing happened, really. I just had this idealized image of Velaris in my head. It's hard not to, right? It's the City of Dreams. But, well, I wanted to go for a walk at night to see the stars. I ran into some, ah, people who said some rather unpleasant things. Some of them were inebriated, some not. I was just trying to get home after that, but I kind of lost my way, and I didn't want anyone else to, um, talk to me, so I was looking down and literally bumped into Khoniya. I didn't realize it, but I guess I was crying. Khoniya took me to her place and let me stay the night. She and Elian helped me alot after that. So, yeah, that's how we became friends." Brielle laughed suddenly. "Sorry my story got so long."

"No, no, thank you for telling me," Nesta replied quickly.

Brielle smiled. Her eyes sparkled suddenly. "Actually, Nesta, I was thinking of having Khoniya over for dinner on Saturday. Not this coming weekend, the one after that weekend. If you're comfortable, I'd love to have you over as well."

Nesta started. "I wouldn't want to impose," she replied.

"I'd really love to have you, and I think Khoniya would want to get to know you," Brielle assured. Still, in typical Brielle fashion, she gave Nesta a way out, saying, "Although I'm sure you're busy and tired so I understand if you'd rather spend some time relaxing."

Nesta surprised herself by saying, "I'd love to go, actually, if you're sure." Brielle smiled back at her.

Friday and Saturday blurred together as work progressed in typical fashion. Nesta suggested that they get another mannequin, because whatever clothing items they placed on the mannequin did well. After viewing Nesta's notes of what they'd placed on the mannequin on different days and comparing them with Brielle's notes of how much of each item had sold on different days, Brielle had agreed.

Then came Sunday, the day Nesta had dreadfully awaited.

She ate some soothing food in the morning and silently asked her baby to please not make her vomit that day. At 2 pm, she decided to leave the house even though she wasn't supposed to meet Cassian until 3 and Lucynthia's was only a 25 minute walk from her house. As she exited her house, she saw a letter lying in front of the door. Her stomach suddenly filled with dread at the letter that was most likely from Feyre. She really was not in the mood right now for her sister to berate her under the guise of concern. She needed to be calm, she couldn't deal with this. Nesta's muscles tensed, yet the envelope in her hand was shaking. She realized that a slight tremor ran through her arm. Nesta was about to shove the letter into her house, when she noticed the return address. It was from the healer she'd been trying to contact. Nesta shakily took a deep breath to calm her nerves, then another, and one last one. Then she opened the envelope, and began walking as she read the letter that was inside.

Nesta Archeron,

Hello. Thank you for contacting me regarding your pregnancy.

I do indeed have a vacancy next week during the hours you mentioned.

Please come on Wednesday, at 3 in the afternoon.

You mentioned in your letter that you are around 14-15 weeks pregnant due to the conception date. You did not mention whether you are planning on keeping the child, but I will assume so, since you wrote that you need a healer throughout your pregnancy. Please let me know if my assumption was incorrect.

If you do want to keep the baby, I will perform some magic in order to sense the state of your child (age, health, position in womb, etc.) The sex of the child cannot be detected until at least 20 weeks.

You also mentioned briefly that there may potentially be some complications due to your health. I will ask you to elaborate on that during the appointment and I may need to perform some examinations to check your health as well.

Please let me know if all of this is to your satisfaction.

I will happily cater to your needs. Please feel free to bring your significant other(s), family or friend(s) to the appointment. However, I will ask you not to spread the word to too many people. I have a policy of confidentiality between myself and the patient. While some other healers practice this, most feel obligated to divulge information to people in positions of power (High Lords, Priestesses, etc.) I do not want to come into conflict with such people because I want to continue healing in the Night Court. I will explain that to whomever accompanies you, but I wanted you to know that that is my request. If you have any questions or concerns, please let me know. If there is someone else who requires a discrete healer, you may give that person my information, but please use your judgment wisely.

If my policies make you uncomfortable, and you do not wish to continue as my patient, please let me know. I will completely understand. If you agree to the terms, let me know as well.

I have enclosed a sheet of paper that is linked to a paper in my possession. Anything you write will instantly appear on my paper. Please write back immediately or as soon as possible. Thank you.

Sincerely, Healer S. Galen

Nesta arrived at Lucynthia's thirty minutes early. The medium-sized cafe was a more casual version of the sort of place Nesta and Elain dreamed of going to as kids. It had a small garden out front, with carefully trimmed, flower-filled vines framing the windows. Inside, there were a few hanging plants. The place was bright, and was filled with the delectable aroma of tea and pastries. Nesta explained to the waiter that she was going to wait for someone who wouldn't arrive for at least the next 30 minutes, but she still wanted a table for two. After being seated, Nesta extracted the blank paper the healer had sent her and wrote a few sentences confirming her agreement and that she was in fact keeping the baby.

A few minutes later, Nesta's words disappeared, and were replaced by the healer's.

Nesta Archeron,

I'm looking forward to seeing you!

As I wrote before, the appointment will be at 3 pm on Wednesday.

Please come to the address:

1203 Errapel Lane

Elysium River Valley, Velaris, Night Court

If you need assistance with transportation, please let me know.

- Healer S. Galen

Nesta glanced at the clock: she still had over 15 minutes left.

Putting away the paper, she extracted a book from her bag. Instead of the pregnancy books she had been reading lately, this was a novel. The main characters were twin orphans: a girl, who was turned into a siren, and a boy, who became an artisan. He fell in love with the prince of a foreign kingdom, where the land was cursed to never rain and fresh water was used as currency. Nesta had reached the part where the boy, who decided to reunite with his lover, was sailing the seas as a stowaway on a trade ship when a storm appeared. Harmonious voices filled the air, and suddenly men began jumping off the ship. Once the captain had jumped, it was only a matter of time before the ship crashed into the rocks, sending all of its contents into the deep sea. The girl had encountered the unconscious body of her brother and was struggling to remember why he looked so familiar when Nesta looked up at the sound of the door opening. A sideways glance at the clock informed her that it was exactly 3 pm. Cassian was right on time.

He sat down across the small, round table.

"Hello sweetheart," he grinned, in his deep rumbling voice.

Nesta regretfully placed her book in her bag.

His melodious voice continued, "As much as I enjoy being asked to secret rendez-vous with beautiful females, I'd love to know what prompted this particular one. 'Cause you know, if you just wanted to hang out with me, you don't need to plan it ahead of time," he winked suggestively. Still, his eyes showed that past his facade of lighthearted flirting, he was generally uncertain and maybe even slightly nervous.

"Thank you for coming," she said stiffly. She hesitated for a moment, debating whether or not to look him in the eye. Everything in her screamed at her to look anywhere except those hazel eyes, to not let him see too much. Still, rationally, she knew that she had to let him in and let him see the importance of her request.

Nesta licked her lips. Fuck. Why hadn't she practiced this? Nesta had never been eloquent in speech. She had none of Elain's sweet grace or Feyre's inspiring, powerful tone. Her words came out too cold, too sharp, too brutal, a mixture of the raging storm inside and her unmovable placid mask. She didn't know how to be soft or even just open and raw. The walls she'd built as a shield felt more and more like a prison. She had no idea how to escape even now.

"Cassian," she began before pausing to swallow the lump in her throat. She was not nervous. She couldn't be nervous because she didn't care how Cassian would react. Because she and the baby would be just fine without him. It didn't matter what he chose, it didn't matter if he thought his family with the Inner Circle was more important. Nesta didn't care at all.

No matter how many times she told herself this, her pulse wouldn't slow down.

"I-" she forced herself to meet his eyes. His face was curious, confused and slightly worried most likely due to her tone. Nesta never hesitated when she spoke. Her words were swords she wielded with precision. Cassian brow creased slightly.

Nesta tilted her chin upwards imperceptibly. It was a trick she'd taught herself as a child to stop herself from crying or screaming. It was how she'd faced everyday after her mother had fallen ill. It was how she got through her father's ruin and her mother's death and her sister's kidnapping and how she had faced death without breaking.

She spoke with the courage she'd gathered, the one that got her through everything, even though a million voices were yelling at her that she would sound too needy or too cold or too manipulative, that she was such a b*tch, unloveable, a monster.

"I need to tell you something," she declared, looking him in the eye. "It's really important. And I think you need to know. You deserve," she blinked while saying the word deserve in order to avoid looking him in the eye for that one embarrassing word that revealed how she viewed him, "to know."

Cassian's face was uncharacteristically serious.

She continued after a breath, "I want to tell you. No matter what you decide, I want you to know. But first, I need you to- I mean you-"

Her eyes darted across the room before meeting his once more.

"I need you to promise me not to tell anyone," Nesta proclaimed.

Cassian opened his mouth once, closed it again. Nesta felt something in her clench painfully.

"I promise," Cassian replied in a low voice. Perhaps sensing her hesitation, he added, "Nesta, you can tell me anything. I will keep it in absolute confidence as you requested."

Nesta glanced down at the table. What she really wanted to do was close her eyes. Somehow, she was simultaneously filled with adrenaline and extremely exhausted by this meeting.

You say that now but once you find out what it is you'll hate me, she thought to herself, unable to voice it.

"I need you to swear," is what she decided to say instead. "I need you to swear not to tell anyone for at least one year. Not Feyre, not Rhysand, not Morrigan, not Azriel. No one. You can't tell Elain or Amren either." She let her words sink in before repeating, "I need you to swear it."

His eyes were as serious as that day that felt like centuries ago yet sometimes haunted her like it was yesterday. As his lips uttered the words, "I swear it, Nesta Archeron" , she was reminded of the promise he had made that day, when they were both willing to die.

Ignoring the tiny devil on her shoulder that whispered that Cassian had not really kept that promise, Nesta observed him.

Cassian was usually one of two extremes: a carefree, bright and flirtatious male or a ruthless Commander known most commonly as the Lord of Bloodshed. She had no idea whether both of those represented some part of him or whether one of them felt like a facade. The male before her had the seriousness of the General of the Night Court's armies, yet the caring look in his eyes made it impossible to forget his kindness.

She didn't want that to disappear from his eyes. She didn't want him to look at her with betrayal. Just the thought made Nesta want to vomit.

He sat still, a hand on his heart, giving her time. He didn't pressure her and for some reason that made Nesta want to cry.

"Okay," she breathed, her shoulders slumping. She took a moment to compose herself before straightening, wearing her rigid, perfect posture like armor.

Staring right into his eyes, she announced, "I'm pregnant."

Cassian froze. A million emotions seemed to pass through his eyes. His lips parted slightly.

Unable to resist it any longer, Nesta shifted her eyes slightly, so that they rested on the male's face but were no longer witness to the tumult in his eyes.

The two sat utterly still, as if suspended in time. Then, after a minute, or perhaps an hour, Cassian tilted his head slightly.

Nesta did not want to consider how she knew exactly what Cassian was thinking, but she addressed his concern by blurting out, "It's yours, of course. The baby I mean."

Cassian swallowed loudly. His gaze trailed her figure, perhaps to see if he could detect any changes.

He was so uncharacteristically quiet that Nesta just wanted to throw something and beg him to say something, although part of her also preferred his silence to a negative reaction.

Finally, she heard his voice gruffly say, "You're pregnant with my baby."

Nesta gave a single nod.

Cassian let out a loud breath. "And do you- are you keeping it?"

Nesta ignored how Cassian's voice shook with suppressed emotion. She gave a single nod once more.

Cassian shut his eyes for a moment.

Unsure whether she should let Cassian talk, she hesitated for a few moments before asserting, "I just wanted you to know. You can do whatever you want about… it. You can decide how much you want to be involved. Just… don't tell them." She paused for a few moments before adding a word she rarely used. "Please."

If Cassian had been surprised before, Nesta's plea only shocked him further. Still, the additional astonishment seemed to jar him from his shell-shocked state.

He coughed slightly as if clearing his throat. "I was a bastard. I'm not doing that to my child."

Nesta's eyes widened. Speaking slowly, she inquired, "You want to get married?" She didn't know how she felt about that, but it was certainly not what she had been expecting.

"What?" Cassian's whole body jerked, surprised. His eyes were wild and darted across the room before looking at her. "No, I-" he paused, considering her question for the first time. "I mean," he vacillated, "if that's what you what…"

Nesta only frowned slightly in response. "I thought you just said you didn't want your child to be a bastard?"

"Oh," he ran a hand over his hair, "I meant that I want to be involved. Fully."

"Okay," Nesta intoned. Her face and voice did not reveal even a hint of emotion. Which was probably for the best because Nesta had no idea how to deal with the huge wave of relief and panic that threatened to submerge her.

"Are you- have you seen a healer?"

Nesta, who had thought that her emotions were successfully locked away, risked meeting his eyes once more, only to be overwhelmed by the emotion that shone in his eyes: the warmth and concern and — was that hope? Too much. Way. Too. Much.

"Not yet." Somehow her voice came out steady. Still, the concern in his eyes increased ten-fold. Could he see past her facade? Nesta never knew.

"Do you want Madja to-"

"I have an appointment," she interrupted. "It's next Wednesday."

Cassian hesitated for a moment, then nodded. He asked softly, "Would you be comfortable with me attending the appointment?"

"You don't have to."

"I'd… like to go. But it's fine if you'd rather I didn't-"

"You can if you want," she answered in a nonchalant tone.

Cassian grinned tentatively.

"It's at 3 in the afternoon," she informed him. "I can write down the address for you but don't share it."

"Where is it?"

"1203 Errapel Lane, Elysium River Valley, Velaris," she recalled.

Cassian's forehead wrinkled slightly. "That's pretty far from here."

"It's in Velaris, isn't it?"

"Yeah, but it's on the outskirts. How are you planning on getting there?"

"I was planning on walking," she admitted.

"It would take at least an hour from here," he said.

Meaning it would take her about an hour and a half from her house. Each way.

"I could take you," he offered.

She tilted her head, "You can winnow?"

"What? No. I meant flying. It would only take a little over 10 minutes from here."

She paused, considering. On the one hand, she didn't really want to be in Cassian's arms for 10 whole minutes. Flying was also terrifying. As a child, she had occasionally wondered what it would be like to fly, but Rhysand's initiation had proven how wrong her naive fantasies had been. On the other hand, she really had no other way to get there and exhausting herself in her current state was not a good idea. "Alright," she conceded.

Cassian shot her his trademark bright smile, but it felt a little less flashy than usual. It was the look in his eyes, however, that led her to allow the corners of her lips to turn upwards very slightly.

Author's Note:

Thanks for reading! Don't forget to review, follow and fav!