Link had just returned from a patrol around Hyrule. He and princess Zelda were walking to a war council meeting when swirling light ambushed them. The hero and princess are teleported from magnificent castle to an ominous fortress. A black serrated thorn on a gloomy island with an atmosphere that's always stormy. Roaring fizzing waves crash upon rocky cliffs.
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The two are comically hurled onto icy stone floor. A dungeon. Link abruptly flourishes his sword and shield. His blue eyes search the environment for danger.
Zelda points to a towering shadow. Flickering torchlight defines a long dark purple cape. The stranger isn't facing them. Link pushes Zelda behind him as the being lifts two greyish hands in the air.
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"Welcome," A thunderous laugh. "To my, the infamous Dark Lord's, fabulous fortress!" The being spun around, his cape dramatically waving. It's Ganon! Murky shadows paint his grin and eyes sinisterly. Ganon is already evil-looking, so they doubt a change of scenery could change that.
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"Yahh!" Link lunges at his longstanding enemy.
Guards disarm the heroes.
"Why'd you capture us?!" Zelda asked. Her sharp glare mirrored Link's.
Ganon fakes hurt. "Why, so rude after I kindly invited you two to tea."
"Invited us for what?!"
Ganon smiled sweetly –or what can be considered a good try. He looked like he had stubbed his toe. The evil lord isn't used to genuine emotion except for when he tortures, sets fires, or is in a battle. "I want to host a tea party."
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"Tea? Party? Are you serious?!" Zelda exchanged a bewildered look with Link. He can't believe it either.
"What? Can't a handsome and powerful king invite his two best friends over?"
"We're…not friends?"
Link nodded.
"Us?" Ganon chuckled. "Of course we are! I've known you two the longest and we've been on so many adventures together."
"Because we were fighting for our lives!"
The hero narrowed his eyes at Ganon. What's the real reason they're here?
Ganon sighed and said, "Okay. I actually…uh, want to be a," he sputtered. The two raise an eyebrow.
"A h…huh," Ganon heaved. His face coils and the two jump in alarm, wondering if he'd puke. "A hero."
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His eyes gleam crestfallenly. "I too want to know what it's like to be on the winning side. To understand how you two feel, what's it called? Empathy? You two are going to show me how to be a good guy."
Link throws his hands up in dismay. We are?
Zelda protested too. She believes people can change, but him?
"Yes!" Lightning and wispy magic smoke cracks from Ganon's hands. The evil man snapped his fingers and the room transformed.
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Dungeon becomes a sophisticated (yet still dreary) dining hall. Stone is swathed in gloomy purple flags, the windows mimicking the faces of monsters baring sharp teeth, and murals painted upon the table portray a bloodthirsty war. The tea set looks like it had been forged by a death god. Tall, thin, ebony, and shaped like skulls. Barbaric yet fashionable.
Magic chairs pull up and the three teleport to the seats. Link sits, unamused and crossed his arms. Zelda sighed, wondering which life choices led her to this moment.
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Attendants dressed in armor hurriedly gift a feast of pastries and poured tea. The sweets look surprisingly delicious and mouth-watering. The tea –dreadful. It's bubbling like a witch's cauldron.
"Now," Ganon clapped his hands. "Shall we –no, no, no." Casting a spell, thorns encased Link and Zelda, fixing them in place. "No escaping. What do you think?"
"That it's poisonous."
"It is not! I had my soldiers kidnap top chefs from Hyrule to prepare this meal! The drink is actually a well-known and popular-"
"Okay! If we drink it will you be quiet?!" Zelda is furious! She's scarier than their enemy, who is sitting across from them, lips pulled up in an arrogant smile. Link was terrified and eyes wide in shock, fearfully leaned away from Zelda. Ganon sipped his tea and said, "Where has your royal manners gone, my dear princess Zelda?"
'My patience is worse than a bokgoblin's right now…'
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"And, you sure that I heard you right? Kindness? Bravery? Such words are bitter on my tongue!"
Zelda's glare didn't wane as she drank her tea. Link rubbed his face, irritated. If this was some new torture, it's working. Princess Zelda had been explaining heroics and what selflessness is to Ganon for hours. The lord questioned it like these were some cursed magic. Ganon's eyebrows jump in astonishment. "You mean you don't pillage, loot, or start any fires?! But it's so fun! Destruction is the spirit of any noble soldier!"
Link nodded. Ganon has a point.
"What? You agree with him?! Outrageous!" Zelda tossed her cup, which flew past Ganon and shattered on the wall.
"Hey, that was my favorite set!"
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Zelda hates the thorns poking her. Hated Ganon's company. Hated how Link didn't even try to break them out of this ugly fortress. He acted unaffected, even! Was this some joke?! She laughed hysterically. Yes, this has to be a joke. Zelda writhed to get out of the thorns. "This is over! Link and I are going back to Hyrule and not spending a second with you or your foolish, laughable excuse for a tea party! You'll never be a hero, Ganon. I-"
One of the bokgoblin guards hit Zelda with a club, knocking her out.
"Is she having a bad day? Was the food too overcooked? Hmm…"
Link shrugged and took a cookie from a serving plate. While chewing on it thoughtfully, he piled up other food. They'd be here a while…