Chapter 2
The night before Emma's funeral, Regina tossed and turned, unable to calm her mind long enough to fall asleep. Henry had crawled into bed with her sometime around midnight, curling up in her arms, while he cried himself to sleep. Every time she closed her eyes, all she could see was Emma's face, smiling back at her. By the time the alarm went off at seven o'clock, her eyes were already bloodshot from sleep deprivation. Gently waking Henry, she urged him towards the shower, before making her way downstairs to start the much needed coffee, adding extra grinds, hoping the extra caffeine would help her through the difficult day ahead. She distracted herself by making Henry breakfast, before retreating back upstairs to take a shower herself, stopping momentarily in front of Henry's closed bedroom door.
"Henry?" Regina asked, knocking lightly on the door.
"Yeah." Henry asked quietly from behind the door.
"I made you some breakfast. It's on the stove when you're ready. I'm going to take a shower. I should be down in plenty of time." Regina said, waiting for a response.
"Ok." Henry finally said, in a voice barely above a whisper. Upon receiving Henry's one word response, she quickly made her way to the master bathroom, shedding her robe and tossing it on the bed as she walked by.
As soon as she stepped under the warm spray of the shower, she immediately began to weep uncontrollably. Ever since Emma's passing a few days prior, Regina has not been able to think of anything else but the younger woman, grief and sorrow crashing over her in waves. She was generally able to keep her composure when around other people, but when she was alone, she would break down, weeping for the loss of her friend.
Regina went through the motions of drying and styling her hair, opting for a light and modest makeup application, before stepping into the conservative black dress she purchased for the occasion. By the time she made it back downstairs, she found Henry seated at the island in the kitchen, picking at his half eaten plate of scrambled eggs, not lifting his head when she walked past him towards the coffee pot.
"I couldn't get the tie right." Henry said sadly, a stray tear falling from his eye.
"It's ok. I'll fix it." She said, making her way to her son, fixing his awkwardly tied tie.
"Thanks, Mom." Henry said, looking at Regina in the eyes, not even looking at the state of his tie.
"Of course. That's what I'm here for." Regina said, making one final adjustment.
"No, not for the tie. I mean, yeah, thanks for helping me with my tie. But more, thank you for…everything." Henry said, tears filling his eyes.
"You never have to thank me, Henry. I'm your mother. I would do anything for you, my Little Prince." Regina said, holding the sides of Henry's face, kissing him lightly on the forehead.
"I'm scared, Mom." Henry said, tears falling down his cheeks.
"Scared of what?" Regina asked, taking a sip of her coffee, looking at Henry with concern.
"I'm scared to say goodbye to her." Henry said finally, sobbing once.
"Then don't say goodbye." Regina said, causing Henry to look at her with confusion. "Tell her something else. Tell her…" Regina thought quickly. "Tell her that you'll see her later. Much much later." Regina said, causing Henry to stop frowning.
"Yeah. I'll tell her 'See you later'" Henry said, wiping the tears from his eyes.
"And just because she's not with us physically, she'll always keep living within us. Within all of us. She'll continue to live in our hearts and in our minds." Regina said, tears forming in her eyes. "And just because you can't see her, or feel her, or hear her, doesn't mean you can't talk to her. I want to believe that wherever Emma is now, she can hear us. Don't ever stop talking to her. She will always be your mother." Regina said, as the tears escaped her eyes and fell onto her lap.
"Thanks, Mom." Henry choked out, as they fell into each other's arms, crying together.
"We better get going. We don't want to be late." Regina said after a few minutes, pulling away from Henry's grip, quickly finishing her coffee before clearing Henry's breakfast plate, piling all the dishes in the sink to be cleaned later. Henry sighed, as she slid off the stool, grabbing his suit jacket, and followed his mother out to the car.
In reality the drive to the funeral home took only a few minutes, but felt like an eternity. Pulling up next to David's truck, Regina quickly climbed out of the car, waiting patiently for Henry to join her, before walking into the small funeral home to say their final goodbyes to Emma Swan. Knowing that a very large number of people would want to attend Emma's funeral, David and Snow decided to hold the funeral services at the gravesite, so that more people would be able to attend. The funeral home arranged for a private viewing for the family, before transporting Emma to her final resting place in the Storybrooke cemetery. Holding onto Henry tightly, Regina led him into the small viewing room, where Snow and David were already standing next to the open coffin, Snow cries filling the room. Henry froze in place when he spotted the top of Emma's head just over Snow's shoulder.
"I can't do this, Mom." He said quietly, sobbing.
"Yes you can. I'll be right here next to you if you need me." Regina said, holding him tighter.
"Henry." Snow said, when their voices announced their presence. "Come here." Snow said, stepping out of Charming's embrace, moving towards Henry and Regina, pulling Henry into a tight hug, as they both cried together. "Come on. Let's go see your mom." She whispered, leading Henry over to Emma's coffin. Standing between Snow and Charming, Henry stood tall, staring down at the remains of his mother, his shoulders shaking as he cried with his grandparents. Regina stood off to the side, giving Henry time with his grandparents, adjusting her position so she could see Emma's face, trying to memorize what little details she could.
"Excuse me folks." The funeral director said, stepping into the room slowly a little while later. "I'm sorry to say this, but we must be heading out soon, and we have a few last minute preparations to make before Sheriff Swan will be ready for burial." He said. "It's time to say your final goodbye." Snow shrieked slightly at these words, as Charming nodded, taking a step towards Emma.
"Good bye, Emma." He whispered, as he leaned down and kissed Emma's forehead, before stepping away, giving way for Snow to approach the coffin.
"Good bye, my sweet Emma." Snow whispered, kissing the same spot on Emma's forehead that Charming had kissed moments before, turning to fall directly into her Husband's arms.
"We'll give you a moment." Charming said, leading Snow out of the room, leaving Regina alone with her son.
"Mom!" Henry said, fear in his voice, as he turned towards Regina.
"I'm here." She said, rushing towards his side, walking with him to Emma's coffin. They had put great thought into deciding what Emma would be wearing when she is buried. Instead of putting her in a simple dress, Henry insisted she be dressed in clothes she would have worn when she was alive. Inside her coffin, Emma was dressed in a pair of her usual skinny jeans, paired with a simple black button-down shirt. Covering everything, was Emma's signature red leather jacket, complete with her Sheriff badge pinned to her belt around her hips. Even though she couldn't see it, Regina knew that she was wearing her favorite calf high boots, very similar to the ones she chose to wear today, being purchased to mimic Emma's.
"I Love You, Mom." Henry whispered, as he bent over to kiss her sweetly on the forehead, as his grandparents had done moments ago. "I'll see you later." He added, as tears fell from his eyes, landing in Emma's long blonde hair. "Grandma wants me to ride with them to the cemetery. Is that ok?" Henry asked, turning around to face Regina.
"Of course, Henry. I'll meet you guys there." Regina said, hugging Henry. As soon as they parted, Henry walked out of the room to meet his grandparents outside, to make their way to the cemetery, leaving Regina alone once again with Emma.
Regina took a moment to stare down at Emma one last time, having already said her final goodbyes to her days earlier, alone in her vault, before the funeral home retrieved Emma's body.
"Watch over him." She whispered, as she once again felt compelled to kiss Emma's lips. "Rest now, Miss Swan. I'll see you later." She added, kissing Emma's lips one last time, before turning and making her way out of the funeral home and towards the cemetery to attend Emma Swan's funeral.
Emma was laid to rest at ten o'clock that morning, in the Storybrooke Cemetery, just a few yards away from Regina's vault. The service was beautiful, attended by most of the residents of the town. Including baby Neal, who would never get to know his amazing older sister, wrapped in Granny's arms. Henry delivered the most amazing eulogy, speaking so eloquently, it brought more tears to Regina's eyes than she already had. Emma had only been in Storybrooke for four short years, but in that short time, she had touched and protected nearly every resident, made evident by the amount of roses piled on top of the coffin. As Regina watched them lower Emma into the ground in her pristine white coffin, it felt like a vice grip squeezing her heart, making it physically difficult to breathe, causing Regina to gasp for breath. She could no longer hold back her emotions, weeping as she held her son in her arms.
After the service was over, Regina hung back under the guise she needed to check something in her vault, watching as Henry walked away with Snow and Charming, making their way over to Granny's for the small celebration Granny was holding for close friends and family of Emma Swan. Leaning against the doors of her vault, Regina weeped uncontrollably as she watched the cemetery crew throw dirt into the hole containing Emma's coffin, the realization she will never see the blonde woman again causing her heart to physically hurt. She didn't understand her reaction, as she physically detested the woman for the first year she was in her life. Somewhere along the way, Emma and Regina had become allies and eventually friends. And now she was gone.
By the time Regina made it to Granny's, the dinner was filled with Emma's closest friends. Henry was seated in a booth with Snow and Charming, Neal bouncing on Charming's lap, blissfully unaware of the tragedy that surrounded him. Regina kept her distance, waving slightly to Henry to let him know she was there, choosing to take a seat at the far end of the counter, a little self conscious of her publicly emotional breakdown a little while ago. She ordered a cup of coffee, her stomach still in knots. Silently, she watched as small groups of people stood around, talking quietly to themselves, as the atmosphere in the small diner remained a somber one.
"Excuse me, everyone. Can I have your attention for a moment." Charming said after a while, standing in the center of the room. "Snow and I would like to take this opportunity to thank you for joining us as we celebrate the short life of our daughter, Emma Swan. At this time, I would like to take a moment of silence in Emma's memory." He said, as everyone stopped what they were doing, and collectively bowed their heads in silent memory of Emma. After a long pause, Charming turned and reached behind him to grab his beer, holding it high in the air. "To Emma." He said, quieter than Regina thought his voice was capable of being. As one, everyone in the diner lifted their drinks in the air, chanting "To Emma." In unison. Tears welled in Regina's eyes as she raised her cup of coffee, now cold, whispering "To Emma".
"Hey Mom. You ok?" Henry said, startling Regina out of her thoughts, resting his hand on her shoulder.
"Oh, Yes I'm fine, Henry. How are you guys doing?" She asked, fixing Henry's tie, noticing Snow standing next to her son.
"We're doing as well as can be expected." Snow answered. "David and I are getting ready to leave. Neal is getting fussy and needs a nap. We could all use some quiet time. We are planning to have a family dinner tonight. Nothing special, burgers and fries, Emma's favorite. One last celebration of her life. We would like it very much if you would join us as well, Regina. We know you and Emma had your differences over the years, but we also know Emma would want you there as well." Snow said, tears filling her green eyes.
"Thank you, Snow. I appreciate the offer, but perhaps another time. I have a bit of paperwork to catch up on." Regina answered, knowing full well there was no work that needed to be done right away.
"Are you sure?" Snow asked, disappointment in her voice.
"Yes, unfortunately. The Mayor's work is never done." She smiled. "I'll take you home so you can change your clothes, then I'll give you a ride back to the loft whenever you're ready." She said to Henry, knowing he would want to spend more time with his grandparents.
"Thanks, Mom." Henry said, attempting to smile, hugging her tightly, before they walked out of the diner, saying goodbye to people as they walked by.
Regina walked back into the house a few hours later, her body aching with exhaustion. She had suggested that Henry lay down and try to get a little sleep before going back to his grandparent's house, falling fast asleep as soon as his head hit the pillow. Regina spent the time meticulously cleaning the kitchen, scrubbing all surfaces until her fingers bled. Now that Henry was back with his grandparents, Regina found herself alone once again. As soon as the front door was closed, Regina broke down once again, this time falling to the floor, eventually curling into a tight ball, her tears pooling under her head. Her chest hurt, and every gasp for breath felt like a knife was stabbing her straight in the heart. The last time she felt this much emotional pain was when she was forced to send Henry away with Emma, reversing her Dark Curse, sending everyone back to The Enchanted Forest, knowing she would never see her son again, the only thing that stopped the pain in her chest was ripping out her own heart.
Laying on the floor in the foyer, Regina reached into her own chest, taking hold of her own heart, pulling rapidly, until her glowing heart was outside of her body, pulsating in her hand. The pain in her chest immediately disappeared as soon as her heart was gone from her body, but the deep sorrow she felt for her friend's passing still remained. Taking a few minutes to adjust to the numb feeling associated with having one's heart removed from their chest, Regina pulled herself up with a heavy sigh, making her way into the kitchen, conjuring a small wooden box from her vault, placing her heart inside to keep it safe. Suddenly realizing she had not eaten anything all day, she made her way to the refrigerator, pulling out bread and cheese and the butter, making herself a grilled cheese sandwich, something she would never indulge in.
"You really did eat like a child." She said, out loud, as she stood at the island, eating her sandwich, a tear running down her cheek. After she cleaned up the kitchen for a second time that day, she made her way into the den, pouring herself a generous glass of whisky, setting it down on the table next to her heart box. Taking a long sip, her hand started to shake as she placed the glass back on the table, feeling the familiar burn of the liquor, numbing her even more.
The silence in the house was deafening.
Regina slammed the empty glass onto the table, stopping herself from filling it a third time, pulling the wooden box housing her heart towards her. Flipping open the lid, she stared for a long time at the heart inside. The heart that had gone through so much pain in her life. The once blackened heart of The Evil Queen, corrupted by anger and vengeance. The heart that had, for a short time, been good and pure again, after separating herself from The Evil Queen, taking with it the Darkness. Now, as it lay in the wooden box, bands of Darkness swirled around, reminding her of her sacrifice to save her angry counterpart. Cradling the delicate organ in her hands, she swiftly plunged it back into her chest, the alcohol numbing her sense enough to endure the sorrow she felt as her body quickly readjusted to having her heart back. A stray tear fell from her eye as she sat back on the couch, her mind racing.
"Why do I feel like this?" She asked out loud to the empty room. "Why does it feel like I am slowly dying inside?" She gave into the temptation, filling her glass for a third time with whiskey, feeling the familiar burn as she swallowed a large gulp.
Regina's head buzzed as she finished her fourth glass of whiskey, knowing she would surely regret her decision in the morning. Expecting Henry home at any moment, she retreated upstairs to get ready for bed, the events of the past few days, coupled with the alcohol making it impossible to stay awake for much longer. Even after four very large glasses of whiskey, she could still feel the grief and sorrow flow through her, still not understanding why the death of Emma Swan was affecting her on such a deep level.
Her head was spinning by the time she reached her bedroom, the effects of the alcohol finally fully hitting her senses, causing her to fall heavily onto the bed, passing out instantly.
"Mom…Mom…Hey Mom, wake up! Mom?" Regina heard, as she felt someone attempt to shake her awake.
"Hen…Henry?" Regina asked, snapping awake suddenly. "What? What time is it?"
"It's around 12:30. Grandpa dropped me off around 8:00 and you were already asleep, so I just went right to bed. I tried to wake you to say goodnight, but you just grumbled something so I decided to just let you sleep." Henry said, ignoring the fact that he could still smell the whiskey on her breath.
"I'm sorry, Henry." She said, suddenly noticing she was still dressed in the same dress she wore earlier to Emma's funeral. "Did you need something?" She asked, realizing that Henry had woken her up.
"You were crying. You must have been having a really bad dream, because I could hear you crying all the way in my room." Henry said, shifting closer to Regina on the bed. "What were you dreaming about?" He asked.
"I…I don't remember." Regina lied, as the emptiness and pain returned to her chest. Regina Mills had been dreaming of Emma Swan.
"Can I sleep with you again tonight?" Henry asked, timidly.
"Of course. Just let me change my clothes and I'll be right back." Regina said, climbing out of bed and making her way to the master bathroom, closing the door just before she broke down again. Staring at her reflection in the mirror, she watched the tears run down her face, as she continued to weep over the loss of Emma Swan.
"Why am I like this?" She whispered out loud, before quickly changing into pajamas and brushing her teeth, returning to a sound asleep Henry, throwing her dress in the corner, never to be worn again.
Regina dreamed of Emma each and every single night following her funeral. Almost every night, she would be shaken awake by Henry, her loud cries could be heard at the end of the hallway during the quiet early morning hours. Henry never asked what (or who) she was dreaming about, instead curling up next to her, oftentimes with his arm around her waist, his head nuzzled under her chin. In turn, Regina never asked why Henry ended up sleeping with her most nights he was at home. She didn't need him to tell her. She knew he was keeping her close, afraid of losing another mother.
In the weeks following Emma's funeral, Henry would spend most of his afternoons with his grandparents and baby Uncle, finding extra comfort with them as they all grieved together, returning to Regina after dinner. She never complained, as she knew her son was grieving, not wanting to stand in the way of his healing. The time alone allowed Regina to continue to grieve privately, the pain in her chest never ceasing, instead growing more and more intense as the weeks passed, an emptiness creeping in, as intense emotions washed over her at random intervals throughout the day. She found herself being forced to remove her heart several times during the day, just to be able to function and get through the work day, without completely breaking down, which usually resulted in her collapsing onto the ground and shaking as she cried uncontrollably.
Six weeks after Emma's death, Regina found herself alone for the entire weekend, Henry away with Snow and Charming on a camping and fishing trip, the large home feeling extra empty on that particular Saturday morning. Regina sat in the den, nursing a cup of tea when her mind once again began to be bombarded with thoughts of Emma Swan. But today was different. Suddenly, her thoughts filled with the notion that perhaps there was something Regina could do, to bring the woman back. Somehow. Someway. There had to be something she could do. There had to be a way to…
Save Emma.
A/N: I hope you guys are enjoying this so far. Let me know what you think :D