"This Play Is Very Realistic, Like They're Actually Getting Back Together"
Last time we left everyone, Claudia's ex-boyfriend had been cast as Carmine. Gee, how convenient. It's the day of the play and Claudia is pacing around her dressing room with Shannon calmly sitting down reading the script.
Claudia: Are you positive that there's no way to get another Carmine?
Shannon: No there isn't! We have 10 minutes until the play starts, so calm down and read your script.
Claudia: (sits on a chair and pouts) But I have to make out with him at the end.
(there's a knock on the door. It's Mark)
Mark: Hey, are you girls decent?
Claudia: No we're not!
Shannon: (glares at Claudia) Yes we are Mark, what do you want?
(Mark walks in looking [drop dead] gorgeous and Claudia stares at him for a minute and snaps out of it)
Mark: I just wanted to wish you girls good luck, you know all your lines?
Claudia: (in a sarcastic tone) Yes we do, do you know yours?
Mark: I didn't come here to be a bad guy, I came here to wish you luck.
Shannon: Thank you Mark, and good luck to you too.
(Mrs. Richardson walks in)
Mrs. R: Girls, it's show time! Break a leg.
Claudia: (under her breath) I hope Mark breaks both.
Mrs. R: What was that Claudia?
Claudia: Nothing, we'll be right out.
(Act one, at the Pizza Bowl and in Carmine's apartment goes well. Now Claudia is dragged on stage by Shannon [you remember that part] and stands next to Mark.)
Claudia: Would you listen to me? Just let me explain. Just calm down. Alright. Carmine and I have an understanding.
(the scene goes on and not to bore you, we skip to the party scene)
(at the Pizza Bowl, the home ec teacher (as Edna) Shannon (as Laverne) and Claudia (as Shirley) are standing at the fake counter)
Teacher: Shirley, where's Carmine?
Claudia: I don't know. Not my night to watch him.
Teacher: What's wrong with her?
Shannon: It's not my fault I swear. Carmine and her had a big fight and they broke up.
Teacher: Oh Shirley, I'm so sorry.
Claudia: Oh don't be Mrs. Babish. And don't bother saving any pizza for Carmine because tonight he's gonna be eating his heart out.
Shannon: Don't you love it when she's mean?
(the teacher nods her head and walks away. Mark (as Carmine) walks in with a tall girl named Arlene on his arm)
Mark: Everybody, Bubbles Schneck.
(he walks and sits at a table with her and Claudia starts talking)
Claudia: Well would you look at him? I mean, just look at him.
Shannon: I will as soon as I can stop looking at her. Now I know who God gave the rest of my body to.
(Mark looks at Claudia with his big blue eyes and she looks back. Shannon nudges her and she doesn't budge. Then the guys playing Ernie and Eraserhead walk in and the crowd starts laughing)
Shannon: Woohoo, boy, am I thristy, why don't you go get a beer and make it a double and get a pizza too with everything on it and wait for it get in there!
(she shoves Claudia in the mock kitchen and Shannon walks over to Ernie and Eraserhead)
(while Shannon speaks her lines, Claudia paces around out of the audience's view and thinks about her and Mark's current situation. The thing is she was so deep in thought she missed her cue to return back. So Shannon was just walking around and smacking the counter shouting "Where's the pizza Shirl?". After about five of those Claudia ran out and put the pizza on the table.)
Shannon: Shirl, you know what your date's gonna love about you? Your great smile, show me your smile.
(Claudia smiles and sees Eraserhead behind Shannon)
Shannon: Here's the funny part, you're date is
Claudia: Eraserhead!
(now we skip part to the part where Shirley is waiting for Carmine to see where he is. Mark pokes his head in, Claudia puts a lamp shade on her head and Shannon dances half asleep around the apartment set with the moraccas.)
Shannon: He wanted to get back together with you.
Claudia: I didn't hear him say that.
Shannon: How could you? You had a lampshade on your head. Well I don't need this.
(she opens the stage door and shouts into it)
Shannon: Carmine, get in here! (Mark walks in looking very angrily) Close the door so the neighbors don't get a free show.
(Mark and Claudia stand together)
Shannon: Now look at each other. Look at each other. (smacks Claudia on the back of the head with the morracas) Look at him.
(they look at each other and then look away)
Shannon: Well I did it I got you back together. I don't need this I'm going to sleep.
(she walks in to the bedroom and then peeks her head out)
Shannon: Well talk to each other, I gotta do everything.
(Mark walks over to the prop box)
Mark: What are you doin' with all this stuff?
Claudia: Just getting rid of some old memories, that's all.
Mark: This is the stuff I won for you at the carnival. The cupie doll remember that.
(he hands it to her.)
Mark: And the pinwheel. And the hat. (he puts it on her head then takes out the sunglasses and puts it on her.) Yellow was always your color. Ahh.
(takes out the big cigar)
Mark & Claudia: A big cigar. (he puts it in her mouth and look like a total idiot.) I'll always remember you like this.
(he walks around and she takes off all the stuff and holds the cupie doll.)
Mark: Look Shirl, I wish I knew what to do about us. We can say we won't see anybody except each other, but if we do that before we're ready, we could be miserable the rest of our lives.
Claudia: That's a very wise observation Carmine, I mean that's a very smart thing to say.
Mark: Sure you think it's a smart thing, you gave me the exact same speech two years ago.
Claudia: Well it sounded a lot better coming from you.
Mark: Can we go back to seeing each other?
Claudia: Yeah, I'd like that. I mean, why should we let two rotten days spoil to wonderful years? Especially when you're crazy about somebody.
Mark: (he walks over to her and holds her hand) Are you crazy about me?
Claudia: No, that's not what I meant to say, what I meant to say was
Mark: I'm crazy about you too Claud.
(the crowd gasps and some people in the back clap and yell)
(they start kissing and the curtain goes down. Shannon walks out and sees them. She takes her watch and times them. After a few minutes she slaps Mark upside the head and drags Claudia to the middle of the stage for the cast bow. After wards Mark and Claudia go to the dressing room and Shannon hears them talking about going to the movies, if Shannon can get a date. "I think I'll check out that prop boy" she thinks to herself.)
Laverne and Shirley work in mysterious ways, don't they?