Chapter Three:

Friday May 19, 2000

Today was the last day of school. I felt like the hole in my chest got a little smaller.

I had five more years until I was free. I just had to stick it out.

Today, we went even earlier. Mama Sandy handed us boxed lunches, gave Amelia some money for the robes, and said she would be back at 2PM to see us walk. Then we could go out to an early dinner and a movie.

Amelia said it would probably be Road to El Dorado because they had seen everything else. I tried to stop the sting of jealousy that crept up my throat. They went to the movies as a family almost every week, sometimes taking me with them, sometimes leaving me behind.

I tried not to feel left out. I really did. But they were the only real family I had, with Renee and Phil ignoring my existence even when I was home. Or not even being home. I had spent three days without Renee around until Mama Sandy let me stay with her for the rest of the week.

We were still too early to wait in the halls. There were a few people waiting outside on the benches. We found our usual spot under an almost naked tree and sat down.

"Are you okay, Bella?" Amelia asked.

"I don't know," I said. "Renee didn't say anything… I don't even know if she knows what today is."

Amelia sighed. "She does. Mama called her and—it went badly."

I tried not to roll my eyes out my ears. There was something almost humiliating about the way Mama Sandy tried to get Renee to care. I was used to it, but it still gave me a little spark of shame.

"How did that go?"

"Again, badly… Something went—I am not sure what to say really. I just know it ended badly and Mama went into the office and—She called someone, shouting…" Amelia said. She leaned back against the worn plastic of the bench.

I tried to keep the coil of fear out of my bones. But deep down, I knew something was wrong. I wondered if Renee had been extra cruel because of that.

"When did she call?" I asked.

"Last week," Amelia said. "I should have told you… But I thought it would stress you out."

"No shit, Sherlock," I said. I could feel something in me snap. "Why does she have to make things worse?"

"Mama didn't make things worse," Amelia said. She sounded defensive. "Your MOM doesn't care. Mine does."

I stood up, hoisting my bag over my shoulder. "I need—" I didn't finish before I walked off.

I didn't talk to Amelia until the doors opened and we headed to the office together.

We were supposed to sign in when we arrived.

Mrs Anderson, the head secretary, asked to talk to me.

"You have a small balance due," she said. "You can't walk if you have the balance."

Amelia pulled out her wallet and asked how much it was. "My mom said to pay off whatever she needed."

I owed $30 for textbooks Renee had destroyed while drunk. It was a common theme, Renee destroying books when she was mad.

Amelia paid for the robes and we headed towards the classroom.

It was still empty when we arrived, minus Mrs Miller who was organizing something at the front desk.

"Renee destroyed the book," I told Amelia.

"Which book?" Amelia said.

"Harry Potter," I said. "She ripped it up when I yelled at her for… spilling beer on it."

Amelia froze for a second. "Bella…" She looked upset for a moment before she controlled her face. "It's okay."

"Stop doing that," I said. "Stop just forgiving me for shit."

"I—I'm not mad at you," Amelia said. But her tone was guarded.

"You are."

"What do you want me to say, Bella? I am pissed off your mom is—" Amelia would not look me in the eye when she talked. "It isn't your fault."

"I know but—" I tried to finish my sentence, but Amelia held up her hand.

"I need you to stop making everything about you," Amelia said. "Everything is about Renee, about… I just want to be normal sometimes. So just… can we talk about anything but what your stupid mom did?"

I blinked. "I didn't realize…"

"Drop… it… now…" Amelia said slowly. "I am gonna scream."

I nodded. "Okay."

"Did Bethany Miller sign your yearbook? Cause she wrote 'signed the crack' in mine… on the crack…" Amelia said.

"She wrote homestar forever and I am not sure what that is…" I said.

"Better than what she wrote for Daniel…" Amelia said. "She said, and I quote… Have my babies in 2010."

We talked about where we were going for dinner and what movie we would be seeing. Then people started trickling in.

I was excited to have a day without drama. Renee wouldn't take this from me, too.

I didn't end up going out to eat with Mama Sandy and her family.

Phil showed up to my graduation at 3:15 PM, just in time to hear the last speech given by the principal about how smart and amazing our class was. We all cheered, threw our borrowed hats into the air, and then filed off.

I saw him, standing near the exit door, looking pissed in his workout uniform. He had left baseball practice early to come here. By the look on his face and the way he gestured at me, he was not here to cheer me on. Something was wrong.

In the room, we took off our robes and gathered our things. People were talking about their summer plans, exchanging numbers, writing little yearbook messages in whatever space was left.

"Did you see Phil?" I asked.

"Your stepdad came?" Amelia said. She looked surprised. "Wow. That is a first."

"He probably is here to take me home," I said.

"Oh," Amelia said. She didn't sound sad. "That's a shame."

"What do you know?" I asked.

"I don't know," Amelia said. But she did. I knew her. Had known her for 4 years. She was the only person who never lied to me. And yet…

"You know," I said.

I tried to hand my yearbook to her, but she shook her head. "Take it. You will need it."

I felt a knot grow in my throat. Amelia always took my yearbooks, so Renee couldn't ruin them. I always picked them up at her house when it was safe.

"Why not?"

"Trust me," Amelia said, "You are gonna wanna take it."

At this point, I said goodbye to my classmates. Phil was standing outside the classroom when I exited, angry.

"We have to go," Phil said. He went to grab my arm, but I stepped backward.

"I can walk," I said.

He gestured towards the exit, ushering me into the parking lot.

I knew better than to keep him waiting. I was jogging after him at this point, trying not to get into a screaming match with him. He wasn't one to fight in public, but he seemed angry enough to do it right now.

"Bye Bella!" someone shouted.

I waved back. "Bye, Cindy," I screamed.

"Don't worry about that," Phil said. "You can talk to them later."

"I know," I said, slightly out of breath.

"Your mom needs to talk to you."

Phil didn't wait for me to close the door before he was backing out of the space. I slammed it shut, whipped on my seat belt, and tried not to feel sick.

"Is something wrong?"

"Everything is perfect," Phil said.

Renee was drunk when I got home.

She was sitting on the couch giggling at Divine Island, a weird Christian reality show that she loved watching.

"Ba-by," Renee said, "How… was… school?"

The weight of her big fucking head tilted her sideways.

"You didn't come to my graduation ceremony," I said. "Then I had to come home? Why?"

"So-r-r-y," she said.

"I am sure you are," I said.

Phil helped her sit up straight. Renee became enamoured with the screen again, as a scantily clad man walked across a milky white beach.

"Whatever, baby," Renee said. She sank back into the couch, mouth hanging open.

I didn't bother waiting for an answer.

In my head, her voice was different, her expression clear, her body language filled with regret.

I was never going to have that mother. The one who gave a shit.

"Why did I have to come home early?" I asked Phil. "Amelia was going to the movies with me and…"

"We have to talk about your visit with your dad," Phil said.

Reality pulled me out of my pity party.

"That's not until June," I said.

"No. It's now," Phil said. "You're going to see your dad for the whole summer."

Renee giggled, like this was the funniest shit she had ever heard. "All year!" she said loudly. "All years… All the years."

Phil pointed towards the hallway. There was a pile of boxes, tape, and markers, a neat little stack right beside my bedroom door.

"You're kicking me out?" I said. "I'm thirteen!"

I felt drunk or insane.

"Yes." Renee was laughing. "It's not kicking you out if you go live with Charlie."

Phil was the only one who seemed to care that I looked ready to drop.

"Look, your dad is driving up to get you. He has a truck. He is going to move you to Forks with him. You'll start high school there."

"I could stay with Mama Sandy," I said.

"We talked to her," Phil said. "And she thinks it is best you move in with your dad… with everything going on here."

Phil said. "Your Mom and I are going to Vegas for two weeks."

"When are you guys leaving?" I asked.

"Tomorrow morning."

I wrinkled my nose. "I don't believe you, about Mama Sandy. She loves me."

"You aren't her kid," Phil said. "Your dad wants you."

"I'm gonna call her, I'm gonna ask her. She didn't say that. She told me I am her kid. Like her kid."

"It is what it is," Phil said. "You aren't her child. And your dad wants you."

I kept my face so tight part of me cracked.

"Great."

Phil nodded. "Smart kid."

I went into my room. I shut the door. I waited until Phil and Renee turned up the TV. Then, with shaking hands, I called Mama Sandy.

Please leave a message…

I waited an hour and called again.

Please leave a message…

It was four hours before anyone answered. It was Amelia.

I asked to speak with Mama Sandy. Amelia said she was in the bathroom. I felt the words spilling out of me. I told Amelia what had happened and what Phil said.

Amelia sighed. "Look, I know. We had a family meeting about it. And… Here is mom."

When Mama Sandy answered the phone, she sounded tired. The kind of tired you get when someone you love is about to die. "Belly Button, your mother told you?"

"Phil told me, Renee is drunk," I said. Slowly. "My Dad is coming up to get me."

"Love, this is for the best," Mama Sandy said. "You need to get away from your mother."

"You… you are my mother," I said.

"I wish I was," Mama Sandy said. "But you have a father who wants to help you. I can't take you away from them."

I hung up. She didn't call back.