After Elliot led them to the middle of the dance floor, he put one arm loosely but confidently around her waist and grabbed her hand with his free one, as she followed his lead, putting her free arm around his shoulders. He began to move them smoothly, making sure she was comfortable with his actions. Olivia liked to see him take charge, while still respecting her pace. Their heads were close to each other, and both looked at no particular spot over their partner's shoulder, enjoying the moment.
Olivia thought to herself that it felt really good to be dancing with him. It felt light and fun. It also felt safe. And that emotion stayed in her mind as she let him lead them into a slow rhythm. She let herself enjoy the sensation of being in his arms. She trusted him to lead. That thought made her realize that maybe they were working towards repairing their partnership, after all. It had been a long process for her to be able to trust him again. Even though there was still a long way to go, she realized that she was ready to let him in more.
He had met Noah, quickly, on the street at Mother's Day. That was something. Lately, she found herself thinking more and more about the next encounter between her boy and her partner. She wanted them to be able to meet, talk, learn about each other. But Olivia knew there was a big milestone that needed to happen before that. And tonight, in his arms, she found herself ready to take that step.
When she spoke, it was mostly to herself, she wasn't even sure he would hear her.
"I want to tell you…" she said quietly.
"Hm?" he turned his face closer to her hair.
She swallowed her fears. It was time.
"The things you've missed…what happened to me while you were gone." she continued.
Elliot moved his head so he could see her face better. He met her eyes and noticed they were fearful.
"I'm ready." He answered softly.
Olivia looked at him, trying to assess how ready he was to hear about her darkest stories.
"I'm not going anywhere, Liv." He affirmed, wanting to reassure her.
She nodded but he knew she wasn't fully trusting his words yet. She wanted to, but something was still stopping her from trusting him completely.
"I'm ready to hear whatever you want to tell me. I'm ready for the guilt to overcome me, because I know this is what you're afraid of the most." He shared. "That I'm gonna disappear again because of that guilt. But I'm not, I promise." He spoke in a small yet assertive voice.
Olivia shifted into his arms slightly. She fought against her instincts to pull back. She also felt his arms become stronger around her, solid without being forceful. Her eyes filled with water at the idea that the conversation they would have about Lewis might change everything for them.
"Hey." Elliot felt her panic but didn't want her to run away. "Stay with me."
Olivia closed her eyes a moment to gather her emotions.
"I don't want to hurt you..." She finally spoke, her gaze over his shoulder refusing to hold his. She knew the stories would break him into pieces and that the guilt would be overwhelming to him. She didn't want to pile on after the last year he had.
Elliot frowned.
"You don't want to hurt me?! That's the most Benson thing you could have said, Liv." He teased gently.
It worked because she laughed at the absurdity of her comment. They both knew she was protecting herself as much as protecting him, maybe even more. Her eyes returned to his then.
"Fine…I don't want it to hurt us." She admitted, revealing more than she intended about their whatever-this-is-relationship.
But Elliot didn't want to make it about that.
"It won't. You know why?" he waited a bit before continuing. "Because I will be here, no matter what. I will listen to your stories. I will laugh at the funny stuff. I will be proud at the amazing stuff you've accomplished. And I will hurt about the hard stuff. But I'll be here, with you, I promise."
Olivia tried to take it all in, to appreciate what he was saying, but there was still a part of her holding back, trying desperately to protect herself, still.
"Elliot, you need to understand-"
"Liv-"
"Please." She cut him off. "Some of these stories are traumatic. They still give me nightmares almost a decade after. And I know how you'll react when you'll learn about them. I can't…I don't want it to affect what we're building now…I don't want to go backward, because of this."
Elliot heard her fears. And he knew without the full story, he couldn't guarantee that it wouldn't affect their relationship. He did know something else though, that might encourage her to go through with it.
"I understand. And I don't want to assume anything. All I can do is tell you my intentions, that I'm here to stay." He let that hang between them for a moment. "Also, I get that talking about it might affect us, but maybe it won't take us backward. Instead, it might move us forward. And I suspect that's why a part of you wants to talk about it."
Olivia sighed, knowing he was right.
"I guess…also, my therapist kind of suggested it was inevitable." She tried to lighten the conversation.
Elliot smiled.
"Well then, for once, I agree with the shrink." He joked.
She rolled her eyes and seemed to relax once more in his arms. They were still moving on the dance floor, even though they were oblivious to the rest of the room. Elliot continued to hold her, showing his support in every way possible.
Olivia thought back of when she saw him enter the party earlier. He had a confident, mission-focused look about him. She knew he had shown up just for her. She felt him wanting, trying to get back in her life while still being respectful of her boundaries. She had felt seen, heard and supported tonight. The next step was to take that conversation, she was sure of it.
"Get me home, Detective." She said in a breathy voice.
Elliot looked at her, assessing if she was certain about this. He smiled.
"On one condition."
"What?" she frowned.
"We stand here for a minute, just enjoying this, without thinking about that conversation yet. Enjoying the night, just being here, right now."
Elliot didn't want them to remember this moment for the big conversation ahead. He wanted them to remember this dance, this proximity, this familiarity, this intimacy, they shared while dancing.
"Okay." Olivia agreed.
Their eyes locked on each other's and a new, silent conversation started between them. Olivia lost herself in the blue of his eyes, diving in deep as if they were the sea, leaving her life buoy behind. She let herself see the Elliot in front of her. Let herself believe he was really here, he was back, he was solid and by her side again.
Elliot saw her walls crumble little by little. He saw the vulnerability and the effort it took to let him see her, really see her. He tried to convey how much he cared, and how much he was taking this seriously. As seconds ticked by, he felt her letting him in more and more.
Words would never have been enough for this conversation. It was all feelings, all breathing, finding each other back after a decade of broken promises, hurt and missing their partner.
Halfway though their exchange, they both started to smile. Their eyes never faltered from one another and their smiles just continued to grow as the silent conversation flowed. To the other guests, they probably looked like perfect idiots, swaying gently in the middle of the floor, looking at each other with big goofy smiles, for no particular reason. But only Elliot and Olivia knew what this meant, what this felt like, how much of a turning point in their relationship this was.
They let their smiles reached their full potential and the air around them culminated to a peaceful, loving and promising atmosphere.
"Hi." Elliot spoke first, seeing her as if for the first time in a decade.
"Hi." She replied, exhaling her response.
Benson and Stabler were back, united in all ways possible.
They continued to sway and smile for a moment. They were breathing in unison, connected to one another. Taking a long breath together, Elliot gently brought them back to reality.
"Let's get you home."
Hope you liked it! Please review :)
musical-Aven
September 2022