Dragon Ball Zedux - The Bardock Saga

by DragonBallZedux

In the first part of an all-new Dragon Ball story, Bardock escapes the destruction of Planet Vegeta and escapes to Planet Earth.

[Author's Note: This is heavily influenced by Team FourStar's version of the DBZ story and characters, as well as MasakoX's What If storylines. I will try not to outright steal scenes or jokes, but it's bound to happen at some point.]

In the vast, empty expanse of space, finding a peaceful corner to live in is a nearly impossible task. Millions of stars and planets paint the galaxy, and among them, the number of planets able to sustain life is only in the thousands. The universe is a deadly, inhospitable place, a plane of existence which is in constant conflict with itself. This conflict, this eternal struggle between those who wish to survive and those forces acting to destroy them, is no stranger to the warrior race known as the Saiyans. Although entirely humanoid apart from their tails, Saiyans possess natural combat abilities beyond that of any other race in the galaxy. The Saiyans are feared by all who know them as ferocious conquerors. The natural ability and viciousness of the Saiyans drew the eye of the Great Warlord, King Cold, who offered them a place in his military in exchange for their total subjugation. In his lust for conquest, King Vegeta I accepted the allure of Cold Force technology in exchange for his people's freedom. For millennia this arrangement was kept, and the Saiyans served King Cold by conquering planets and selling them to the highest bidder.

King Cold was at first a vicious and terrible emperor, leaving the galaxy in unimaginable fear and darkness. However, as the eons passed, and new Kings of Vegeta rose and fell, King Cold became an old, decrepit shell of his former self. Cold's empire was powerful and vast, but without the flame of youth to spur Cold's temper, he failed to live up to the harbinger of terror he once was. Five years ago, King Cold appointed his son, Freeza, to succeed him as Galactic Emperor. Freeza is much the same as his father, with one distinct difference... he is more cold-hearted than his father ever was, and Freeza ruthlessly commands the galaxy with an iron fist.

Somewhere in the vast reaches of the Freeza Empire, a young Saiyan warrior with black, spiky hair and a distinct facial scar is conquering the planet Kanassa along with his compatriots, Selypa, Pumbukin, Toma, and Toteppo. Bardock admires his handiwork, watching the sanguine blood of his enemies drip down his hand and forearm. The satisfaction of having slaughtered an entire planet fills the young Saiyan with a deep intoxication. As Bardock ruminates on the success of his conquest, a native Kanassan, who Bardock thought he had killed, leaps from the ground, and before Bardock can react, strikes him in the back of the neck. A shockwave fills Bardock's body, sending him falling to the ground, unconscious. The Kanassan is easily dispatched by Toma, who goes to ensure that Bardock is alive. Bardock awakens momentarily, uninjured, but the tingle from where he was hit remains. Bardock tries to make sense of this feeling as his friend's voice becomes clearer...

Toma: Bardock, you alright?

Bardock: Yeah, I'm fine. Little shit thought he could get me from behind. Don't know what he was thinking, I mean, doesn't he see what we did to his friends?

[The feeling dissipates, allowing Bardock to clear his mind and take measure of his surroundings. He sees his long-time comrade and friend Toma kneeling beside him, and his other comrade Selypa lands near the two.]

Selypa: Well I think what he did was courageous. Against all odds, making one final attempt to avenge his race? It's kinda heroic if you think about it like that.

Bardock: Oh, don't get all sentimental on us, you killed just as many of them as we did!

Selypa: Hey, I can respect the people whose races I've destroyed. I mean, it's just a job, nothing personal.

Bardock: I guess you're righ- AGH!

[Bardock feels an intense shock as his vision goes white and he abruptly falls to the ground. After several seconds, he begins to see hazy images of a massive spaceship floating above Planet Vegeta. It appears to be Freeza's flagship. The moment he processes the image, however, he wakes up again in a flash of light.]

Selypa: Bardock!

Pumbukin: We should probably head back to Vegeta, Bardock. Might wanna get that looked at.

Bardock: As much as I hate to say it, I think you're right. Annoying prick, even in death he's pissing me off.

[On Planet Vegeta, Bardock sits on a medical table, anxiously waiting. Suddenly, A Saiyan doctor wearing a stark white lab coat walks into the room.]

Saiyan Doctor: Well, your vitals are fine, and you don't seem to have any injuries or illnesses that I could observe. What's happened since you were stricken?

Bardock: Well right after he hit me, I felt this searing pain, and I saw this flash of light, and then I saw what looked like... I don't know, a memory? It definitely wasn't a dream...

Saiyan Doctor: Himm, interesting. A memory of what?

Bardock: I don't remember, it kind of looked like Planet Vegeta, but Freeza's ship was there too, and I can't remember the last time he was here.

Saiyan Doctor: Were you remembering the day of King Cold's Resignation?

Bardock: You mean Freeza Day? Don't remind me. That could be it, but here's the thing, I've never seen that visual before. How can it be a memory if I've never actually seen his ship approach the planet like that?

Saiyan Doctor: Hmm, yes. Well, I do have a theory, but I must warn you, it's not exactly very scientific.

Bardock: At this point I'm open to anything, doc. Hit me.

Saiyan Doctor: Well you see, the Kanassans were known across the galaxy for their ability to see the future. Perhaps, through some stroke of luck or magic, that ability has been passed onto you.

Bardock: Well doc, umm... maybe? I'll file it under maybe.

Saiyan Doctor: Of course, like I said, it's not very scientific.

Bardock: Well the other explanation is that it's a consequence of the hallucinogens from my college years, so I'm actually hoping you're right.

Saiyan Doctor: Oh, you went to college? What was your major?

Bardock: I have a PhD in Chemistry.

Saiyan Doctor: Wow, then you must be a rather brilliant scienti-

Bardock: With a minor in pain.

Saiyan Doctor: Ah yes, of course. Should've figured, you're much more the soldier type then a scientist.

[Bardock scowls at the doctor, who recoils in fear.]

Saiyan Doctor: Not to say that you're not intelligent of course, it's just that-

Bardock: It's okay, I only studied Chemistry so I could make bio-weapons. Of course, as soon as I graduated, the Freeza Force outright banned them. Ironic, Freeza constantly sends us on missions to exterminate entire planets and races but thinks White Phosphorus is inhumane.

Saiyan Doctor: Erm, quite.

Bardock: Anyway, see ya later doc. Thanks for the help.

[Bardock leaves the room in a hurry.]

Saiyan Doctor: Hm, now that I think about it, he said it wasn't a dream, but why did I take that at face value? It was definitely a dream.

[Inside the Freeza Force mothership, Freeza ponders over a map full of white and purple dots as he sips a glass of wine. Freeza keeps his eye on one white dot in particular, which abruptly turns purple. Freeza furrows his brow.]

Zarbon: Lord Freeza, it would seem the invasion of Kanassa was... successful.

[Freeza slams his hand on his chair's armrest.]

Freeza: Impossible! The Kanassans could see the future, they should have been prepared! How did those Saiyans still win?!

Zarbon: It appears that their abilities did not increase their intelligence, your lordship.

Freeza: Apparently not. Well, do you have any good news?

Zarbon: Actually, more bad news sir, the elites we sent to Planet Meat were utterly destroyed. A distress signal was sent out, but no personnel ever returned.

Freeza: Oh, wonderful. My most valuable personnel wasted on suicide missions while the enslaved grunts get all the glory. Sure that will be a wonder for morale.

Dodoria: Lord Freeza, if I may make a suggestion, this particular group of Saiyans has been a thorn in your side for quite some time, not to mention that stupid king and his wannabe prince. On top of this, the Saiyans are starting to get both stronger and more full of themselves, so a revolt seems pretty likely.

Freeza: Get to the point, Dodoria.

Dodoria: It's time we get these Saiyans off our backs. I say you call 'em all back to Vegeta, and just when they least suspect it, you take 'em out.

Freeza: And what about these upstarts? With their penchant for disobeying orders, you think they'll just come right back to Vegeta?

Dodoria: Probably not, but we just found ourselves a Planet that even our best guys can't hack. We send the Saiyans there, they won't make it an hour.

Freeza: Hmm, I suppose that might work. Tell you what, I'll put your plan into action with one minor change. You will go to Planet Meat to ensure that even if the Saiyans succeed, they will be destroyed. Should you succeed, you shall be elevated from Assistant to the Royal Advisor to Co-Advisor along with Zarbon.

Dodoria: Yes sir, it would be my honor to serve you. I'll leave right away.

[Dodoria leaves in a hurry.]

Zarbon: My lord, is it really necessary to destroy the Saiyans? They have been quite useful to the Freeza Force, even managing to pick up the slack of some of our more underperforming squadrons. Surely a few Saiyans getting full of themselves isn't worth losing that kind of asset.

Freeza: You're right, Zarbon, the Saiyans have been quite helpful. But I've planned to destroy them for a while now, and the reason has nothing to do with them making us look bad.

Zarbon: May I be so bold as to ask what your reason is then, my lord?

Freeza: You may, Zarbon, but you are the only one in the Force who will know this information, and I'd like to keep it that way.

Zarbon: Of course, your secrets are safe with me.

Freeza: They had better be. *sigh* Two things have troubled me about the Saiyans ever since I was placed in charge of them, and those are the myths of the Legendary Super Saiyan and Super Saiyan God.

Zarbon: But sir, are those not just folk tales?

Freeza: That is what my father believed, and I have believed it for many years as well. But there's actually enough evidence to almost definitively prove not only that the Super Saiyan God myth is true, but his exact identity as well. Luckily, the transformation apparently requires the Saiyan to be pure-hearted, and given that Saiyans are naturally designed to love murder, that's pretty much out the window.

Zarbon: I see, and what about the Legendary Super Saiyan?

Freeza: Well there's very little evidence that a Super Saiyan has ever existed, but that was believed about the Saiyan God as well. So what if some day in the future it is proven or, God forbid, it actually appears?

Zarbon: But even so, what would be the problem? Are you not the most powerful being in the universe?

[Freeza clenches his fist, shattering the glass in his hands. The dark red liquid seeps down the reddish-pink skin of his hand before dripping onto the floor.]

Zarbon: I'm sorry, Lord Freeza, I didn't mean to-

Freeza: It's fine, Zarbon, the source of my anger was not your question. In fact, that question is the reason that secrecy on this matter is critical. I do not believe that any being in this universe could defeat me, but if word got out that I was trying to prevent the appearance of the Super Saiyan, that would be the idea that came across. You understand the trouble that would cause.

Zarbon: Of course.

Freeza: Now if you don't mind, I'd like to be alone with my thoughts for a while. We will never discuss this again.

Zarbon: Yes, my lord.

[Zarbon leaves the room, and the lights turn off. Freeza sits in the darkness, his only company being the low electric hum and blinking lights of the machines around him. Freeza stares out his window, into the vast expanse of space, thinking. Back on Planet Vegeta, Bardock and his teammates sit at a bar and drink. Pumbukin shovels an entire fistful of bar peanuts into his mouth, leading the bartender to take them away. All five scouters blip, revealing a new notification.]

Bardock: Guess our recovery has been cut short, a new assignment just came in.

Toteppo: Good, I could go for another round of ass kicking.

Bardock: But don't you think it's kind of odd getting two assignments right in a row like that? Shouldn't they be sending a squad that's already on standby?

Selypa: It's definitely unusual, but maybe they're just strapped for manpower at the moment.

Bardock: Then what else would the Freeza Force be that busy with?

Pumbukin: Maybe they've just realized we're the most valuable part of the force! About time!

[Bardock gets a very sudden feeling of dread, and unconsciously his mind drifts to images of Freeza's ship above the planet.]

Bardock: I don't feel too great about this. I'll go, but I'm going to do something first.

[Bardock travels to the Planet Vegeta Nursery, wandering the halls. After walking past several windows, Bardock walks up to one, where an incubator can be seen labeled with the name "Kakarot". As soon as Bardock sees the label, his vision turns white, fading into the same vision of Planet Vegeta as before. This time, however, Freeza is sitting in his floating chair just outside the ship. Freeza gazes down upon the planet as thousands of Saiyan pods land on its surface. All at once, the landings stop. Freeza grins, and forms a small yellow and red ball of Ki at the tip of his finger. Freeza smiles wider and begins to laugh as the ball expands, eventually reaching the size of a small star. With a light flick of his wrist, Freeza launches the ball towards the planet, destroying it near-instantly. Freeza's laughter reaches its peak as the screams of an entire race are muffled by the sound of the dying planet. The sounds of nearby footsteps bring Bardock out of his vision.]

Saiyan Nurse: Oh, hello Mr. Bardock. I'm afraid I'll have to take your son to the outgoing pods, it seems that due to his power level, he has been assigned a low-level extermination mission.

Bardock: That's perfect. Get him there as soon as you can.

Saiyan Nurse: Of course, the sooner they leave, the sooner they return, right?

Bardock: Right, but hopefully he doesn't see me again for a while.

Saiyan Nurse: Oh? Why do you say that?

Bardock: The next time he sees me, we'll probably both be dead.

[Bardock hurries off, sprinting out to the outgoing launch pad. The flight director looks at him with a confused expression.]

Bardock: Where did everyone go?

Saiyan Flight Director: Sorry, Bardock. Looks like your friends dipped without you. Probably took too long wherever you were.

Bardock: Dammit, well at least they can't be too far ahead.

[Bardock hurriedly enters his pod and flies toward Planet Meat. Meanwhile, a Saiyan Pod containing Kakarot enters the launch pad.]

Saiyan Flight Director: Let's see here, looks like this kid is headed for Planet Earth. Wonder what that place is like.

Assistant: I hear it's nice, beautiful trees, lots of water, and an utterly weak population.

Saiyan Flight Director: Good, should be easy pickings for Lord Freeza. Welp, off you go, Kakarot.

[Kakarot's ship flies towards Earth, and crosses paths with his father.]

Bardock: Goodbye, Kakarot. Hopefully I'll see you again one day, but not too soon.

[Bardock falls asleep and enters another vision. The vision depicts Dodoria standing above his friends, who are all dead. The vision ends with Dodoria laughing and Bardock looking down to see blood on his hands. It drips into his eyes from his head, ending the vision with a curtain of blood.]

Bardock: AAAAAAAAAAAGH! (Panting) Holy shit, those are way worse when you're asleep. Wait, shit, that means... they're all going to die. I'm going to die. This really is the end of our race, isn't it? Once we're all gone, there'll be no one strong enough to protect the planet. And the worst part is... I'm gonna get killed by Dodoria.

[On Planet Meat, Bardock's teammates stand amidst destroyed ruins and dead aliens. All four Saiyans are checking their scouters for nearby life forms.]

Selypa: Hey, does anything seem off to you guys?

Toma: Yeah, there are only about 4 life forms on this planet.

Pumbukin: What, that's impossible? Your scouter's gotta be on the fritz!

Toteppo: Nope, mine says the same thing. Can't both be broken.

Pumbukin: Well what the hell else could it be? Dammit, I am not gonna be robbed of this chance to kick twice as much ass as usual in one day!

Selypa: The weird part is, three of those power levels are around 1,000, but one of them is around 25,000!

Toma: Yeah, and they're headed this way.

Pumbukin: Whatever, Dodoria's power level is 25,000, it's probably just him. We can take 'em!

Selypa: Actually, Dodoria is a pretty skilled fighter; there's a reason he's third in command of the Freeza Force. Not sure why he gets such a bad rep.

Toteppo: It's probably because he's fat and ugly.

Pumbukin: Hey, you got somethin' against fat guys?

Toteppo: Nope, but when they're fat and ugly I got a problem.

Pumbukin: You callin' me ugly?

Toteppo: Hey, you said it, not me.

Selypa: Could you two focus for five minutes? We're about to fight a guy three times our average strength.

Pumbukin: Well, all of us are at least 8,000, and there's four of us, so that should be more than enough to take on Dodoria!

Toma: Power levels don't stack like that, buddy. He's basically fighting four five year olds.

Pumbukin: Oh... well power levels are bullshit anyways.

[Dodoria appears over the horizon with several Freeza soldiers]

Dodoria: Well well well, if it isn't some "Elite" Saiyans. Honestly, that's like saying Above-average kittens. Anyway, as you can see, my men and I have taken the liberty of doing your jobs for you. Seems Lord Freeza has decided to replace you little eyesores. I support his decision wholeheartedly, always thought you were a bunch of smelly dirtbags.

Toma: Why are we being replaced?

Dodoria: You no longer serve a purpose. Or at least, the purpose you do serve isn't worth the cost of keeping you around. So Freeza has decided to dispose of you, and I'm more than happy to oblige.

Toma: Ha! You and those wimps? Their power levels average out at only about 1,500. Bet you did all the heavy lifting for them anyway.

Selypa (whispering): Toma, what are you doing?

Toma (whispering): What do you think? I'm stalling until Bardock gets here. Then we'll at least outnumber them.

Dodoria: I'm sick of your back chat, monkeys. Freeza Force, get 'em.

Toma: Okay, plan B it is.

[Three Freeza soldiers rush Toma, Selypa, and Toteppo, leaving only Pumbukin and Dodoria.]

Dodoria: Looks like it's just me and you, fatty.

Pumbukin: Well look who's talking, you look more like a Durian fruit than a man. Wait... Durian, Dodoria, huh. Just got that.

Dodoria: Actually, on my planet, I was average size. You however, are a fatass.

[Pumbukin feels a sudden strike hit his abdomen. Pumbukin looks down to see that Dodoria has thrust his hand through his stomach before the life drains from his eyes. Dodoria casually whips the dead body off of his hand and onto the ground, specks of blood flying from his hand.]

Selypa: Well, those goons went down easy. Wonder how Pumbukin's doi- oh.

[Pumbukin's body lies on the ground, a massive hole through his body. Dodoria stands above his corpse, the blood and guts still dripping from his fist, and smiles.]

Toma: Well, guess it's our turn.

Selypa: What happened to waiting for Bardock?

Toma: That was plan A.

[All three Saiyans charge at Dodoria. Meanwhile, Bardock arrives on the planet with a boom and a crater left by his pod.]

Bardock (running): Dammit, somehow knowing that I'm too late is worse than just figuring it out.

[Bardock sees the pile of his friends' bodies and runs to Toma.]

Toma: Bardock, you're... too... late... Freeza has...

Bardock: Betrayed us, I know. Psychic powers, remember?

Toma: Ha, right. Listen... it's too dangerous... you have to leave... Before Dodoria...

Dodoria: Before I what?

[Toma and Bardock whip their heads around to see Dodoria standing on a nearby hill.]

Dodoria: Go on, I like taking requests.

Bardock: Dodoria! You're gonna pay for what you've done to my friends! And for what Freeza is going to do to my race!

Dodoria: Oh yeah? And are you gonna make me?

Bardock: Yes.

[Dodoria bashes Bardock with his head.]

Bardock: AH GODDAMMIT FUCK!

[Bardock fires a Tyrant Lancer at Dodoria. Dodoria deflects the Tyrant Lancer and smiles before Bardock hits him with a surprise stomach punch. Dodoria flies back, getting his bearings before continuing his backward momentum, repeatedly blasting Bardock with ki attacks. Bardock deflects most of the blasts, dodging a few, and tries to kick Dodoria, who dodges above and kicks Bardock in the spine, sending him down towards the ground. Bardock stops himself halfway before hitting the ground, just managing to block a punch to the head from behind. They clash for several seconds.]

Dodoria: Ya know Bardock, this is exactly why Freeza wants y'all gone.

Bardock: What?

Dodoria: You don't know when to give up.

[Dodoria punches Bardock in the face before grabbing his arm, throwing him into the air, and charging head first into Bardock's back. He throws Bardock into the pile of bodies, and launches a mouth beam in the same direction. Dodoria flies off, leaving Bardock nearly dead. However, a few minutes later, Bardock regains his senses and stumbles to his feet.]

Bardock: Well that was... utterly humiliating. And on top of getting my ass kicked, I've proven that I am incapable of beating Freeza's henchmen, much less the man himself. Fuck! If I can't touch Freeza, am I just supposed to sit here while my race dies? Can I really do nothing?

[Bardock sees a vision, this time of Goku on Namek facing Freeza.]

Bardock: That's it, Kakarot! If I can find him and train him, we can take down Freeza together! It may take years, but we're not doomed yet!

[Bardock enters his pod and flies into space. He checks his navigation computer, and sees the signature of another Saiyan pod nearby.]

Bardock: There it is, Kakarot's pod. Don't worry son, I'm on my way.

[Meanwhile on Freeza's ship, Dodoria arrives and enters the cockpit where Freeza and Zarbon are playing cards.]

Zarbon: My lord, you can't slap unless it's a sandwich or a double!

Freeza: That was a sandwich, and you know that damn well, Zarbon!

Dodoria: Uh... I'm not interrupting, am I?

Freeza: Ahem... no, Dodoria, please, I'm eager to hear your mission report.

Dodoria: Great. Well, the boys and I got a little bored waitin' for Bardock and his buddies, so we decided to take on the mission ourselves. Once we took care of the locals, the Saiyans joined us and made quick work of my comrades, but I bravely persevered and took them all out myself.

Freeza: Excellent, Dodoria. You'll receive a full promotion as promised. Now, were there any other details that I needed to know about?

Dodoria: Well there was one tiny thing, it seems like Bardock has the inside track on us taking out Planet Vegeta. Mentioned it before we fought. Seems like we don't have as tight a lid on this thing as we thought.

Freeza: Damn it, that's impossible! No one discussed that subject with me except the three of you!

[Freeza and Dodoria both turn to Zarbon accusingly.]

Zarbon: Well don't look at me! I haven't even left this ship in weeks, how could I have told anyone?

Freeza: That's... actually a good point. Dodoria, is it possible that you let it slip without remembering?

Dodoria: No, Lord Freeza! In fact, I've been taking extra care to monitor Freeza Force comms chatter in between my missions, and not one soldier has so much as mentioned the operation in front of their scouter. Seems like Bardock found out about this before our own men.

Freeza: There's only one explanation for something like this. Gentlemen, there is a spy in our midst who is feeding information to the Saiyans. You understand what that means, right, gentlemen?

Zarbon: Of course, my lord.

Dodoria: Uh, yeah, I know too... you're still gonna tell us though, right?

Freeza: *sigh*, If someone is feeding information to the Saiyans, that means that they'll be warned about our plans. We must destroy Planet Vegeta immediately.

Zarbon: But sir, if Bardock knows, then wouldn't that mean that they've already been warned?

Freeza: Not necessarily. See, the Saiyans were never a very subtle species, very bad at keeping secrets. If they knew their entire planet and species was about to be destroyed, we would know by now. No, somehow, Bardock and his friends were the only ones who knew about this. Now is our chance to get the drop on Planet Vegeta before our little mole problem gets any worse. It's funny, too, I was actually considering sparing them for the time being, waiting until they made things personal. But now? Things just got fucking personal.

[Several hours later, Kakarot's pod lands on Planet Earth, on a mountain called Mount Paozu. Several more hours pass, and Bardock lands on the opposite side of the mountain, the crash causing enough impact to send Bardock's scouter flying, its screen shattering against the pod wall. Grandpa Gohan is walking along a path on Mount Paozu and finds Kakarot's pod.]

Gohan: Oh my god, a baby! Are you lost, little one? Where did your parents get off to?

[Kakarot stands on all fours and growls at Gohan. It's then that the old man sees Kakarot's tail as it shoots upright.]

Gohan: Easy there, little fella, I'm not gonna hurtcha.

[Gohan inspects the scene more closely, taking note of the child's anger, his tail and full-grown head of hair, as well as the futuristic pod lying in ruins around him.]

Gohan: I see now, you're not from around here, are ya? Don't worry, this place is very kind to strangers. Before this I was... oh, silly me, drifting off into daydream-land again. Come now, little one, let's get you nice and cleaned up.

[As Gohan goes to pick up Kakarot, Kakarot starts to bite at his hand. To the child's surprise, Gohan quickly pulls his hand away before retaliating with a finger-tap to the forehead which knocks him out instantly. Kakarot sleeps peacefully in Gohan's arms. Gohan leaves with the baby, and only a little while later, Bardock would arrive at his son's pod, only to find it empty. Bardock frantically searches Mt. Paozu, until he stumbles upon a small, peaceful house at the end of a dirt road. Inside the house, Gohan is sitting next to a makeshift bed made from a pile of blankets, where a baby Kakarot, now called Goku, is sleeping when he hears a loud knocking at the door. He quickly gets up to answer it before Goku wakes up.]

Gohan: Yes, can I help you?

Bardock: Listen, old man, have you seen a baby anywhere nearby?

[Gohan looks Bardock up and down for a moment, studying him before furrowing his brow.]

Bardock: If you don't answer me right now, you and this whole planet are going to regret it!

Gohan: No, as a matter of fact, I haven't seen any babies recently. If you leave your phone number, I can call you if I see one. Other than that, I would ask that you please leave, as my wife and I are trying to sleep.

Bardock: Ah, fuck you! You're not worth my time!

[Bardock flies away, kicking up dirt and dust in the process. Gohan quickly shuts the door to keep it from getting in, and returns to the room where he is letting Goku sleep.]

Gohan: Now that I get a good look at you, kiddo, the resemblance is pretty remarkable. It's likely that man really was your father. However, I sensed great evil in that man. I sensed that he had caused much pain and suffering, and that he had no remorse in his heart. I could never let a child as innocent as you go with a man like him. No, instead I think you'll be much safer and happier with me. What do you think? Does that sound nice?

[Goku smiles and coos in his sleep.]

Gohan: I think it does, too. Now let's see about building you a proper crib...

[Bardock flies further from the mountain in frustration. Before long, Bardock is far enough away to see the mountain in its entirety.]

Bardock: It's no use! Without my scouter, I can't track for shit, and he's probably already been eaten by some animal! And if he hasn't been, he will be soon, certainly before I can find him.

[Bardock hangs his head in dejection, then notices the lights coming from a nearby city.]

Bardock: Well, if I can't find my son, I can at least see if this backwater rock has some decent alcohol.

[Bardock flies quickly through the city searching for an open bar. Meanwhile, a 4 year old girl with blue hair looks out the window of the Capsule Corporation building while her mother reads her a story.]

Girl: Mommy, what's that flying in the sky?

Mother: It's just an airplane, dear. Don't worry about it.

[Finally, Bardock manages to find a bar that advertises being open late. Upset and sore from his landing, Bardock stumbles through the door. A bald, extremely muscular bartender greets him.]

Bartender: Woah, there, buddy. Looks like you've had one too many as it is. Want me to call you a cab?

Bardock: I'm not drunk, you bastard. I've had a long day.

Bartender: Oh yeah, I can see that, bud. Here, I got some bandages in da back.

Bardock: Don't patronize me, I'll be just fine. People on your planet might get a bandage for every minor scrape, but my people are built for this kinda stuff. Makes us stronger.

Bartender: My planet? Your people? Buddy, you off your meds or somethin'?

[Bardock lifts his tail and gives the bartender a dirty look.]

Bartender: That s'posed to prove somethin'? Buddy, just a few hours ago I watched a full-on ape man walk into this bar and order a Mike's Hard Lemonade. A glued-on tail don't mean shit.

Bardock: Whatever. It's not like my heritage means anything anymore. And with my career with the Freeza Force at an end, I might as well be just like any of you. After all, not much reason to destroy this planet if no one's paying me.

Bartender: Fella, you got some serious screws loose. What's ya name, anyway?

Bardock: Bardock. Once, that name struck fear into the far reaches of the galaxy. But I bet you've never heard it before, have you?

Bartender: Nope, not in my life.

Bardock: Tch, figures. So, what's your name, then?

Bartender: Call me Spopovich. Say, you got a place to stay, Bardock?

Bardock: Don't suppose I do.

Spopovich: Well listen, you may think you're an alien, but other than that you seem to have your head screwed on tight enough. I been lookin' for someone to help me clean this place up, but ain't nobody in this town who wants a decent job that ain't already got one. All the young, able-bodied people in this town fancy themselves "aspiring martial artists". Too good for janitorial work, apparently. *spits* Anyway, you help me keep this place lookin' nice, or at least keep the Board of Health off my back, and you can stay in the spare room of my apartment, and all your food and drinks are on me.

Bardock: You sure? Doesn't sound too good for your business.

Spopovich: Eh, this bar's just a hobby of mine, at the end of the day. I made all my money years ago, been living off it ever since.

Bardock: Oh yeah? What'd you do?

Spopovich: I was a martial artist in my younger days. Won quite a few tournaments in my day. Even won a Tenkaichi Budokai once.

Bardock: Tenkaichi Budokai?

Spopovich: What, ya never heard of it? You really must be from off-planet! The Tenkaichi Budokai is the tournament that decides the Tenkaichi, strongest under the heavens! I'll have to take you to the next one!

Bardock: Nah, I'm sure martial arts on this planet can't be very exciting. But if you're any good at martial arts, you can help me to keep from getting too soft. Though, I suspect I won't stay completely on the ball.

Spopovich: Sure, we could spar every now and then. Though, I dunno how well you could keep up with a former world champ like myself.

Bardock: You'd be surprised.

Spopovich: Ha! Oh, by the way, when my brother Yamu comes to visit, he's gonna want that spare room. You fine with sleeping on a futon?

Bardock: Buddy, I've slept like a baby with nothing but a rock beneath my head.

Spopovich: Now that, I believe.

[Thus, a friendship between Bardock the warrior and Spopovich the bartender was born. As Bardock continued to live with and work for Spopovich, his power would gradually wane until he was weaker than his eldest son, Raditz. Bardock held out a faint hope that he would find his son, but as the years went on and his drinking habit worsened, he would eventually give up hope. It would be another 15 years until Bardock would hear word of his son again after his battle with Piccolo Daimao. Meanwhile, Spopovich's business continued to thrive, and he would eventually hire more employees.]

Bar Worker: Hey boss, there's some more rats in the basement, would ya mind helping me take care of 'em?

Spopovich: C'mon, you know dat's Bardock work. Bardock! We got some rats for ya! You got that rat smasher I bought ya?

[Bardock slams his beer down on the bar and brandishes a wooden bat with barbed wire wrapped around its end.]

Bardock: Sure thing, Spopovich.

Spopovich: C'mon, Bardock, I thought we agreed you'd stop drinkin' on da job.

Bardock: I'll quit drinking when I'm dead.

[Bardock stumbles down a flight of stairs toward the basement. Meanwhile, the television behind the bar suddenly switches from a sports game to an emergency news broadcast.]

King Furry: Citizens of Planet Earth, I must unfortunately inform you that our planet is under siege by the ancient Demon emperor known as Piccolo Daimao. While I vastly regret my inability to-

Piccolo Daimao: Out of my way, mutt! You're taking too long.

[Piccolo Daimao shoves King Furry to the floor. The camera swivels to show Piccolo as he sits on his throne with his children, Piano and Tambourine, at his side.]

Piccolo Daimao: People of Earth, this is your new emperor speaking. That's right, none of that king bullshit anymore, I'm a goddamn emperor. Alright, next on the agenda, May 9th is Piccolo day now. Why? Because I'm the goddamn emperor, that's why. Next up, the lottery. Every country on the planet is going to be entered into a worldwide lottery. Each year, I'll be pulling a number from this lottery box. If I pull your country's number, you get to host that year's annual Piccolo Day festival.

Bar Fly: Hey, that sounds pretty cool!

Piccolo Daimao: The festival will end with the total destruction of the host nation.

Bar Fly: Oh... shit...

King Furry: Why? Why would you do something so pointlessly cruel?

Piccolo Daimao: Well, king flea-bitten, I'm glad you asked.

[Piccolo Daimao walks over to King Furry, lifts him by the fur on his head, and throws him out of the nearest window.]

Piccolo Daimao: Because I'm the goddamn emperor! Hear that, God? I'm the emperor, and I damn your ass!

[Back at the bar, the employees are boarding up the windows and doors to protect against the ensuing riots.]

Bar Worker: Boss, what do you want us to do now?

Spopovich: Nothing. Until the news says it's safe to go out again, we stay in this bar and don't move.

Bar Worker 2: Screw that! I'm going out looting!

Spopovich: Step one foot outside this place, and you are fired!

Bar Worker 2: Fuck you, I hate my job!

[The bar worker breaks a window on his way out, leaving a hole in the bar's defenses. In only a few seconds, rioters begin swarming the bar, accosting and robbing everyone inside. Spopovich manages to fight off a few of them, but is quickly overwhelmed by the sheer number of assailants.]

Spopovich: Bardock! Get your ass back up here!

[Bardock re-emerges from the basement covered in rat blood. A narrow hallway full of thugs stands before him. He simply smiles in anticipation. The first thug lunges at him with a punch. Bardock grabs hold of his wrist and slams him into a wall. Another thug attacks with a baseball bat, which Bardock grabs, breaks over his knee, and throws back at the thug's head. The next thug brandishes a switchblade, but Bardock kicks it out of his hand and catches it with his teeth after it flies through the air, then lunges at him on all fours, managing to stab the thug using only his mouth. Finally, another thug pulls out a pistol and shoots Bardock in the head five times, but each bullet crumples on impact and falls to the ground. Bardock turns around with a devilish smile, picks up the bullets, opens his palm, and blows them back at the thug. All the bullets hit the thug, leaving a wound resembling a shotgun blast in the middle of his chest. The rest of the thugs flee the bar, and Spopovich stands on his own two feet again.]

Spopovich: Thanks, Bardock. I was beginning to think I wasn't gonna make it outta this one.

Bardock: You should really start training seriously, Spopovich. If you did, maybe you could win a tournament every once in a while, instead of just watching.

Spopovich: Heh, maybe you're right, Bardock.

[Over the next several hours, Bardock and Spopovich defend the bar, periodically fighting off more rioters. After enduring seemingly endless waves of would-be robbers, the TV suddenly flares to life again. Bardock and Spopovich rush to see that another emergency broadcast has started.]

King Furry: Gentle citizens! This is your king speaking!

[The rioting slowly comes to a halt as everyone gathers around the nearest television screen.]

King Furry: It is my pleasure to announce that Piccolo Daimao has been eliminated! Just a short while ago, Piccolo Daimao was seen being killed by a young child. This child seems to be Son Goku, two-time runner-up in the Tenkaichi Budokai. Therefore, in celebration of our adolescent savior, I am hereby dedicating May 9th as Goku Day!

Spopovich: Hey, dat kid looks exactly like ya!

Bardock: Yeah, he does...

Spopovich: You don't think that's ya kid, do ya?

Bardock: I mean, he has a tail, my hair, not to mention his face looks identical. And it would make sense that a Saiyan child, even raised by humans, could do pretty well in a martial arts tournament.

Spopovich: So, ya gonna go lookin' for 'im?

Bardock: I don't know, I mean, would he even want to see me? He's grown up without me for 15 years...

Spopovich: Bardock, when I met you, you were the coldest son of a bitch in Metro South, and that's sayin' somethin'. And ya may not be the softest teddy bear out there, but you're a damn better man than ya were back then. Ya son would be damn lucky to have a father like you, and somethin' tells me havin' a kid to take care of would be good fa you too. Might even help you get back on the wagon, eh buddy?

Bardock: Tch, right as always, Spopovich. But what about this place? You sure you can hold down the fort by yourself?

Spopovich: Hey, this ain't about me, Bardock. Besides, I may not be as strong as you, but I can take care of myself, and you know that as well as anybody. Don't let your ol' pal Spopovich weigh ya down.

Bardock: Alright, if you say so, but where would I even start looking?

Spopovich: In the desert to the east of here, there's a witch named Uranai Baba. She's got dis crystal ball which can tell ya just about anything if ya manage to beat all o' her warriors. Most of us Tenkaichi Budokai finalists headed there after the tournament I won, but none of us ever made it to the end. Well, 'cept me of course.

Bardock: So what'd the witch tell you?

Spopovich: Well I asked her where the Dragon Balls were so I could wish for a full head o' hair, but she said she had somethin' more important to tell me. She said my life was shrouded in darkness, and my fate wasn't really mine to choose.

Bardock: Man, that must've been pretty rough.

Spopovich: You're tellin' me, pal. But the one good news, she said, is that one day, I'd meet a hero who had lost his way in life, and that it was my destiny to help him get to where he needed to go. She told me that if I did that, my soul would be redeemed regardless of anything I did later. Course, I never believed a word of what she said. That is, 'til a certain alien warrior came through dat door.

Bardock: So you finally believe me?

Spopovich: I didn't want to, Bardock, I really didn't. But now, I realize I ain't got no choice. And neither do you.

Bardock: Well, I hate to disagree with you, Spopovich, but that witch was wrong.

Spopovich: Why do ya say dat?

Bardock: Because I'm no hero, Spopovich. And there isn't a speck of evil in that oversized swollen heart of yours.

Spopovich: Ha, maybe you're right, Bardock, but she can tell ya where Kakarot is. I guarantee it.

Bardock: Well, if it gives me a chance to find my son, it's at least worth a shot.

Spopovich: So what do ya say? Should I pack ya a bag so ya can head out tomorrow?

Bardock: No need, I can just fly, so travel isn't too much of an issue.

Spopovich: Oh shit, ya can fly, can'tcha? It's been so long since ya did that I had forgotten. Well I'll call up Yamu so he can see ya off tomorrow.

Bardock: I appreciate it. Now, it's been a long day, and I'm about ready to pass out.

Spopovich: Hey, I hear dat, get some rest, you've earned it.

[Bardock heads upstairs to the apartment, and after a nightcap, Spopovich heads up as well. The next morning, Bardock and Spopovich wait outside for Yamu, who is late to their meeting.]

Bardock: You think he's almost here?

Spopovich: Knowin' my brotha, we could be here another half hour.

Bardock: Well, I guess I'm not exactly in a hurry.

[Just then, a car pulls up and parks. Yamu hurriedly steps out.]

Yamu: Hey, my bad, guys, I totally forgot we were meeting today and I slept in this morning.

Spopovich: Look at dis bitch, Bardock, he moves to Metro North for a couple o' years, now he's showin' up late and he's lost his accent!

Bardock: Good to see you as always, Yamu.

Yamu: You too, Bardock.

[Bardock and Yamu share a friendly hug while Spopovich laughs before hugging his brother as well.]

Spopovich: Let's go inside and grab a drink, it's hotta than balls out here.

Yamu: Well Bardock needs to get used to the desert heat!

Spopovich: Well I fuckin' don't!

[All three men laugh as they enter the bar and sit down while Spopovich grabs three beers from behind the bar, placing them on the table before sitting down.]

Yamu: So, you sure you can beat all of Baba's warriors?

Bardock: I'll be honest, I've lost about 90% of my original strength since coming to this planet because of its low gravity and, no offense to you, Spopovich, but a lack of training partners close to my previous level. But assuming these warriors don't have any hidden tricks up their sleeves, I should be more than ready for them.

Yamu: Wow, that's some confidence you've got there.

Spopovich: You've never fought him. He ain't bluffin'.

Yamu: Oh shit, well you're the former world champ, so I trust your judgement.

Bardock: Do you two know anything specific about them?

Spopovich: Well, da first one is a vampire, Dracula Man dey call 'im.

Bardock: That's it? He's just a vampire?

Spopovich: Well yeah, dat's pretty fuckin' scary all on its own, don'tcha think?

Bardock: It would be if I was human and six years old.

Spopovich: Alright, well Invisible Man is fuckin' invisible, so what's ya plan for dat, smartass?

Bardock: Now, that I do not have an answer for. How did you beat him?

Spopovich: Well, I don't wanna toot my own horn, but I pretty quickly figured out dat if I couldn't use my sight, I'd have to use my otha senses. I closed my eyes, and before too long, I could hear, feel, and even smell da guy!

Bardock: Wait, feel him? What do you mean by that?

Spopovich: Well, it's sorta strange. If you focus your energy and try to find someone, you can sorta key into their energy. It's less like feeling and more like sensing.

Bardock: Huh, I've heard of certain species having that ability, usually spiritual guru-types like the Yardratians. Course, Freeza tech made it a lot easier to just put a scouter over your ear. Too bad mine was destroyed when I landed here.

Yamu (whispering): 'ey bro, you got any idea what he's talkin' about?

Spopovich (Whispering): No fuckin' clue. But I got no reason not to believe 'im.

Bardock: Anyway, who's next?

Spopovich: *sigh*... Mummy Man.

Bardock: Lemme guess. He's a fucking mummy?

Spopovich: Yeah.

Bardock: Wonderful.

Spopovich: The next guy is Devil Man, but I honestly don't know if he's an actual devil, or just a blue dude in a costume.

Bardock: Jesus.

Spopovich: Oh, important thing: he has an attack that can instantly kill you if your heart is even slightly impure.

Bardock: Wow, that sounds... incredibly useful. How the hell did you beat that?

Spopovich: Well, you can always dodge it. An attack like that ain't exactly somethin' a guy can just whip out twice in a row.

Yamu: You really couldn't think of a better term than "whip out"?

Spopovich: Shut up, ya scrawny punk.

Bardock: So how many of these guys are there?

Spopovich: Luckily for you, just one more. He ain't got a name, and his identity is secret, but seein' as I'm an acclaimed martial artist an' everything, I'm pretty sure I recognize da guy. He's one o' Roshi's pupils, goes by da name o' Son Gohan.

Yamu: Gohan? He's still alive?

Spopovich: As a matter of fact, he ain't. Baba brings him back from the Other World temporarily so he can fight anyone who challenges Baba's warriors.

Bardock: Gohan, huh? What makes him so special?

Spopovich: Nothin', except for bein' the strongest martial artist west of Metro East. I only managed to beat him because my size gave me an advantage. Without dat, I'm sure he woulda mopped the floor with me.

Bardock: Well, not to belittle your entire species, but I think I'll be just fine.

Spopovich: I wouldn't be so cocky, Bardock. Dis guy ain't just a strong fighter, he's a tried-and-true martial artist. No one's denyin' that you're strong, but if you come into dis fight with an arrogant mind, he's gonna use dat against you.

Bardock: I appreciate the warning, Spopovich, but I think I can handle myself. Anyway, I think I should head out before it gets to be too late. Is my armor still in the safe?

Spopovich: I already grabbed it for ya, it's on da bar.

Bardock: Oh shit, it is! I spent my whole life murdering planets and now I can't even find my own armor right in front of me. I must really be getting old.

[Bardock dons his armor, then his boots, and finally his headband, then his wrist and leg warmers. Bardock stands in the doorway and hugs Spopovich and Yamu goodbye.]

Spopovich: We're gonna miss ya, Bardock. Make sure ya come back and visit. And bring ya son by to say hi!

Yamu: Yeah man, and if you ever find yourself in Metro West, look me up!

Bardock: I'll be sure to do that. Adios.

[Bardock flies into the horizon, creating a shockwave as he goes.]

Yamu: Holy shit, he can fly?

Spopovich: Yeah... he sure can.

Yamu: Well what's got you so upset?

Spopovich: I just don't know if I prepared him well enough. I mean, he can take care of 'imself just fine, but he's still arrogant. I'm just afraid this planet might be more than he expects.

Yamu: What, are you like his dad or something?

Spopovich: No... more like his big brother.

Yamu: Oh... I get that.

[Several hours pass, and evening begins to fall on the desert. Baba's palace is nowhere in sight.]

Bardock: Damn, seems like I'm no closer to finding this place than when I started looking. Guess I may as well make camp for the night.

[Bardock descends towards the ground where he sees an oasis. Using some sticks from a nearby tree, he creates a rudimentary campfire and ignites it using two stones. Bardock sits back and watches the flames roar to life.]

Bardock: Heh, been so long since I've seen fire. Reminds me of the good ol' days.

[Bardock stares into the fire and recalls the planets he has conquered. Suddenly, a cacophony of screams fills Bardock's mind as he remembers the countless deaths he has caused. As he remembers the deaths of his crew from Planet Vegeta, their screams begin to stand out. Then suddenly, a massive gust of wind rushes past Bardock's ear, bringing sand along with it. Bardock turns to see the wind carrying more and more sand until eventually kicking up a sandstorm which only lasts a few seconds. As the sand settles, it reveals that Baba's palace has been near the oasis all along, although invisible from the outside.]

Bardock: Huh. If this magical palace doesn't belong to the desert witch, that'd be a pretty massive coincidence.

[Bardock approaches the entrance of the palace, a simple opening at the front of a building preceding the main palace. As sunbeams pass through the windows while the sun sets, Bardock walks in to see no one home.]

Bardock: Hello? Anyone here?

[Bardock suddenly feels a chill run across the back of his neck as something slinks past him. He jumps back and prepares a ki blast in his hand.]

Bardock: Hey! Quit fucking around! I'm here to see Uranai Baba, and if you have any plans to stop me, I'll blow this palace to smithereens!

[Bardock continues looking around until he notices some form of energy coalescing before him. It swirls into one spot and eventually, out pops a small ghost with a goofy smile and wearing a rice hat.]

Ghost Usher: Hi there! Sorry about the confusion, the only people who've wandered in here for years have been bandits! I've had to make this place seem haunted so they don't steal things! But you're here to challenge Baba's warriors, right?

Bardock: Uh... yeah. Who are you?

Ghost Usher: I'm the Ghost Usher! I was created by Uranai Baba's magic in order to act as, well, an usher!

Bardock: Wait, so Baba brought you to life just to be her manservant? That's the entire purpose of your existence?

Ghost Usher: I try not to think about it! Now wait here, and I'll go retrieve mistress Baba!

[The Ghost Usher rushes through the air, across the bridge and ring, and into the main palace. He ascends the stairs and phases through her bedroom door, where she is sleeping. The Ghost Usher begins to shake her awake.]

Ghost Usher: Mistress Baba! It's past evening, are you still asleep?

Uranai Baba: Ugh, what's it to you? Just let me sleep, I'm an old woman and it's not like we're getting any business around here.

Ghost Usher: Oh, but we are, mistress! A warrior has just arrived!

[Baba leaps out of bed.]

Uranai Baba: Really?! Is he going to pay us?!

Ghost Usher: Um, well...

Uranai Baba: Damn it, how many times have I told you, if a warrior shows up here, we have to charge them to challenge us! Don't you remember that offering free challenges is how we went broke in the first place?!

Ghost Usher: I'm sorry, mistress, please forgive me!

Uranai Baba: Ah, whatever, you've always been useless, it's my fault for being surprised at this point. Tell you what,I'll clean this mess up for you. From now on, Uranai Baba charges 15 million zeni per challenge!

Ghost Usher: Splendid, mistress!

[Baba hops on top of her crystal ball and floats downstairs and out through the door, meeting Bardock at the entrance building.]

Uranai Baba: Hello there, young man! I hear you've come to challenge my mighty warriors!

Bardock: That's right.

Uranai Baba: Fantastic! Now, I'm not sure what you've heard about this place, but recently we've had to start charging 15 million zeni per challenge. Business has been rather... bankrupt recently, I'm afraid.

Bardock: Well, that's a shame. I don't even know anyone with that much money, much less have it myself. Guess I'll have to look elsewhere to find my son.

Uranai Baba: Wait! I knew I recognized you! My crystal ball has shown me visions of a man who looks exactly like Son Goku! I thought he would come to me when he became a man, but that scar! You must be the one I've seen! And did you say Son Goku was your son?

Bardock: Yes, he came to this planet with me as a baby. I lost him, and I tried to look for him, but I gave up the search years ago. After he beat that Piccolo guy, I felt like I should try again.

Uranai Baba: I see. Well, seeing as you are Son Goku's father, I feel that I owe you the favor of allowing you to challenge my warriors. However, I am not one to indulge in frivolous charity. If you fall to one of my fighters, you will not receive your fortune, and you will be 15 million zeni in debt to the great Uranai Baba!

Bardock: You've got yourself a deal.

Uranai Baba (internally): Fantastic! This young sucker is going to line my coffers for the rest of his miserable life!

Bardock (internally): I can't believe it. This old bitch is about to let me walk in here for free and take 15 million zeni right out from under her.

Uranai Baba: Wait right here and I'll go retrieve your first opponent.

[Baba retreats back to the palace, where she enters the quarters where the fighters are sleeping. Without remorse, she turns on the lights and slams the door behind her.]

Uranai Baba: Are you lazy mongrels still sleeping?! It's past sundown!

Devil Man: Agh, what do you care? It's not like anyone is coming to challenge us either way, just let us sleep.

Uranai Baba: Somebody just showed up! Don't you know that's the only reason I ever even bother you lot? Now get your asses up and do what I pay you for!

Dracula Man: Pay? You're paying us now?

Uranai Baba: I pay you in room and board!

Devil Man: Pretty sure they have a word for that, and it was abolished centuries ago.

Uranai Baba: Oh, a slavery joke? Real nice, Devil Man! Dracula Man, get your boxers on and get out there!

[Baba slams the door behind her.]

Devil Man: Pretty sure it's not a joke if she's actually doing it.

[Dracula Man makes his way to the ring as Bardock does the same.]

Bardock: I take it you're Dracula Man. Bit of a dumb name, don'tcha think?

Dracula Man: Well, it's just my stage name. My real name is much better.

Bardock: Oh yeah, what's that?

Dracula Man: Fangs! Fangs the Vampire!

Bardock: *sighs* Alright, let's get this over with.

Uranai Baba: Begin!

[Fangs leaps at Bardock, bearing his teeth and aiming to bite Bardock's neck. Bardock blocks the attack with his forearm just in time, but Fangs still manages to sink his teeth into Bardock's arm.]

Uranai Baba: Ha! It's over! He's going to suck you nearly dry, and then you'll owe me millions! Which, to be fair, will probably be what I pay for your hospital fees after you sue me. Really should've made you sign a waiver.

Bardock: Well I have some good news for you.

[Bardock flexes the muscles in his arm, instantly breaking Fangs' teeth. Fangs starts screaming as blood pours from his mouth.]

Bardock: You won't be getting sued.

[Bardock dashes towards Fangs and kicks him with enough force to send him hurtling into the nearby sand, leaving a massive trail in his wake.]

Bardock: Invisible Man is next, right? Go ahead and fetch him.

Uranai Baba: Are you kidding? You just killed him! Do you have any idea how hard he'll be to replace?

Bardock: Relax, he'll survive. But the fact that your mind went to replacing him before trying to save him is pretty concerning.

[Baba angrily rushes inside while floating on her crystal ball while Bardock picks up Fangs' unconscious body and puts it in the entrance building. Meanwhile, Baba slams the door to the living quarters open.]

Uranai Baba: Where the hell is See-Through?

Mummy Man: You're kidding, right? He's right in front of you!

Uranai Baba: Very funny. Now where is he?

See-through: Uh, hi.

Uranai Baba: Jesus Christ! You scared the shit out of me!

See-through: Oh, I'm sooo sorry, your highness. How about you try being invisible, see how hard life is then?

Uranai Baba: What the hell is wrong with you today? Get the hell out there and kick that guy's ass!

See-through: Fine. Not like I have a choice, anyway.

[See-through and Baba approach the ring.]

Uranai Baba: Get ready for your next opponent, Invisible Man!

Bardock: I assume he's already in the ring?

Uranai Baba: Erm... yes, I believe so.

See-through: Yep, I am.

Bardock: Alright, then let's get this over with.

Uranai Baba: Right, begin!

[Bardock simply stands and waits. See-through looks for an opening to attack.]

See-through (internally): Alright, this guy doesn't look too tough. I bet I could just run straight at him and finish this right now!

[See-through silently sprints at Bardock, who is completely unaware of him since he's barefoot. See-Through leaps forward, reels his fist back, and punches Bardock in the face as hard as he possibly can. Bardock doesn't move an inch, and as See-through pulls his hand away, he sees that Bardock is entirely unaffected.]

See-through (internally): Holy shit! He's not even fazed!

[See-through jumps back, expecting an immediate reprisal. However, he stands back and watches as Bardock looks around the arena, none-the-wiser.]

See-through: You've got to be kidding me! He didn't even feel that? How the hell am I supposed to beat this guy? Well, I still have the advantage of invisibility. Maybe I can somehow bait him into ringing himself out!

[With agile finesse, See-through jumps past Bardock, close enough that he can feel the breeze. Bardock responds by firing a massive ki blast in the direction where he thinks See-through landed, leaving a long wake of destruction in its path.]

Uranai Baba: Friendly reminder that if you kill any of my warriors, you'll be disqualified!

Bardock: You never said that, but alright, I'll play along.

[Bardock readies himself again, and See-through jumps past Bardock once more. Bardock dashes in the direction of where he thinks See-through landed, narrowly missing him. He moves quickly, reaching the edge of the arena in the blink of an eye.]

See-through (internally): Yes! He's finished!

[Bardock stops on a dime just before ringing himself out.]

See-through (internally): GODDDDDDDDD DAMN IT! WHAT THE HELL DO I HAVE TO DO TO BEAT THIS ASSHOLE?! Well, maybe I can't knock *him* out, but I *can* keep myself from getting hit! If I just keep moving in a circle, he won't be able to pin me down!

[See-through continuously leaps to the side in a circle around Bardock, who merely stands in place as he feels the gust of wind created by See-through. Bardock sits down cross-legged and closes his eyes.]

See-through (internally): Okay, what the hell is he doing now? Does he give up? Did I drive him insane? I hope so, because I'm pretty sure that means an automatic victory for me.

[As Bardock sits in meditation, he feels the flow of the wind to help him track See-through's movements. He thinks back to when Spopovich told him to try and sense See-through's energy, and after a few minutes of focus, Bardock visualizes See-through's outline in his mind. Then suddenly, he stands up, leaps forward, and kicks See-through into the sand with vicious force. As Baba recoils in awe, Bardock retrieves See-through's body and hands it to Baba, who uses telekinesis to carry him down into the dormitory.]

Mummy Man: How'd See-through do?

Uranai Baba (tossing See-through on the floor): He's out for the count. Bandages, get to your position.

Mummy Man: I have a better idea, why don't you just get Devil Man out there and end this with a quick Devilmite Beam?

Devil Man: What's the matter, Bandages, too afraid to fight?

Mummy Man: Hell no! All I'm sayin' is, why waste more time and energy on this guy than we need to?

Uranai Baba: I see your point, Bandages, but I have my principles. If you can't defeat Bardock, then he'll earn his way to the fourth warrior. That's just the way things are done around here.

Mummy Man: Alright, fine.

Mummy Man (internally): If I make it out of this alive, I'm kicking Devil Man's ass.

[Baba emerges from her palace and approaches Bardock, who is meditating in the middle of the ring.]

Bardock: Where's my next opponent?

Uranai Baba: He's inside. Your next two combatants will fight you in a special chamber, and your final bout will be back out here.

Bardock: Oh? And why is that?

Uranai Baba: Because the last one will want a fair fight.

[Bardock and Baba enter the palace, where an ornate wooden door leads them into the maw of a demon statue with its tongue outstretched, forming a bridge with the statue opposite to it. Below the bridge is a large pool of bubbling acid, which threatens to eviscerate anyone unlucky enough to fall in. Baba ushers Bardock toward the bridge before floating up to an observation deck running parallel to the bridge. Bandages and Bardock stand in silence for a few moments, sizing each other up.]

Bardock: Lemme guess, Mummy Man, right?

Mummy Man: Officially, yeah, but my friends just call me Bandages. So you can call me Mummy Man.

Bardock: Ah, harsh words from an even harsher face. I've killed plenty of assholes like you, guys who had a lotta shit to talk, but nothing to back it up. I say we speed things up and just skip to the part where I bash your face in and unravel your sorry ass.

Mummy Man: I'll kill you!

Uranai Baba: Ugh, get a room already, you two. Begin!

[Without a moment's hesitation, Bandages launches one of his wraps at Bardock, who easily catches it in his hand. Bardock yanks down hard, causing Bandages to slam face-first into the bridge. Bandages retracts his wrap and instead balls his wrappings around his fist in order to create a hammer-like structure. Bandages leaps into the air and heaves his fist down towards Bardock, but by the time he lands and the dust settles, Bardock is already on the opposite side of the bridge. Bardock jumps toward Bandages while spinning, then kicks Bandages to the right and off the bridge. Bandages uses his wraps to hold onto the bridge and reel himself in so that he is directly underneath Bardock. Bardock notices this, but chooses to say nothing.]

Mummy Man (internally): Alright ya little bitch, time to go for a swim!

[Bandages grabs Bardock by the ankle and forcefully throws him toward the pool of acid. He laughs in sinister celebration until Bardock stops mid-air and stares at Bandages blankly.]

Bardock: Any last words?

Mummy Man: Uh, I got a wife and kids?

Bardock: No you don't.

[Bardock grabs Bandages by the back and rips him from the bridge before casually tossing him into the acid. Bandages screams in fear before he is suddenly stopped and lifted back up by Baba's magic. She places him gently back outside the mouth of the demon statue.]

Uranai Baba: Return to your quarters, I'll be there shortly.

[Mummy Man walks off in a huff. Meanwhile, Devil Man is talking to a masked man in an orange gi.]

Devil Man: Sounds like the fighting is over. I'm assuming Bandages lost, but luckily my Devilmite Beam should end things pretty quickly.

Masked Man: Your attack will fail.

Devil Man: Excuse me?

Masked Man: This is no ordinary opponent. Your precious attack will fail you, and you will be left at his mercy.

Devil Man: Oh yeah? And what makes you so sure?

Masked Man: I have met this man before. His heart is filled with hatred, but there is also much good in him, even if he doesn't use it. His evil is not enough to swallow the enormity of his power, no matter how much you expand it.

Devil Man: Well then, that's tough news for you, isn't it? I mean, he's wiped the floor with all of us so far, so you probably don't stand a chance either.

Masked Man: You and your compatriots have all made the same mistake. You have all tried to match his skill with your own, and you are all hopelessly outmatched. I, however, will use his own strength and arrogance against him.

Devil Man: You sound pretty sure of yourself.

Masked Man: When you are as trained and disciplined as I am, your victory becomes more of an assured fact than a matter of boasting. But if you feel so inclined, then go on ahead and prove me wrong.

[Devil Man remains silent, as he knows that there is truth in the man's words. Just then, Mummy Man storms in, a clear expression of anger across his face.]

Devil Man: You alright, Bandages?

Mummy Man: I don't wanna talk about it. And that's Mummy Man to you, asshole.

[Bandages stomps out of the room and slams the door behind him. Baba gently floats in and ushers for Devil Man to follow her. He does so, and they ascend the stairs awkwardly until Devil Man breaks the silence.]

Devil Man: So, anything I should know about this guy going in?

Uranai Baba: He's extremely powerful, maybe the most powerful person I've ever seen. He's barely used any strength so far. You will almost certainly lose.

Devil Man: Anything I can do to even the odds?

Uranai Baba: Prayer might help, but I doubt it.

Devil Man: Then let me just ask, why even let this guy continue? Why not just kick him out and hand him an invoice for the zeni and be done with it?

Uranai Baba: I may be a shrewd woman, Devil Man, but I am not without my principles. Besides, my crystal ball has shown me visions of him since he arrived, and I believe he may be instrumental in events that will decide the fate of our world. I need to make sure he'll be ready when the time comes.

Devil Man: And that's why you're sending me to my almost certain death?

Uranai Baba: I didn't let him kill Bandages, and I won't let him kill you either. Nor will I let you kill him.

Devil Man: What? So no Devilmite Beam then?

Uranai Baba: Precisely. You don't know what forces are involved here, Devil Man. If you value your wellbeing, you won't stand in his way at all. Let the old man test him.

Devil Man (internally): Fuck that! I'm not sacrificing my pride over some vague prophecy. Time to knock this asshole down a peg.

Uranai Baba: Good, I was hoping you'd feel that way.

[Devil Man enters the chamber, and Baba proceeds to the observation deck. Devil Man and Bardock stand across from one another until Bardock speaks.]

Bardock: Wouldn't it be hilarious if you *weren't* Devil Man?

Devil Man: Ha! Well, to be fair, that isn't my real name.

Bardock: Oh yeah? What is it, then?

Devil Man: In the demon tongue, it would be incomprehensible to your mind, but in mortal tongue, it is Akuman.

Bardock: Akuman? That doesn't sound like mortal tongue.

Devil Man: Well, it's an exact soundalike from demon tongue, just without the part where you go insane.

Bardock: I see, so does it translate?

Devil Man: No...

Bardock: You hesitated there.

Devil Man: Well, it does, but... okay, it's Gerald, alright? It translates to Gerald.

Bardock (stifling laughter): Oh, well that's a fine name, nothing wrong with it.

Devil Man: Don't patronize me, dick. We both know it's a shit name. And now that you know, I have to kill you.

Uranai Baba: So, can I start the match or...

Devil Man and Bardock: Yes!

Uranai Baba: Ok, geez! Begin!

[Bardock dashes toward Devil Man, who flashes a sinister smile before manifesting a trident behind his back and pulling it out before aiming it at Bardock. Just in the nick of time, Bardock puts out his index finger, blocks the point of the trident and allows himself to front flip over Devil Man and land behind him. His finger bleeds slightly, but Bardock licks the blood off and balls his fists again. This time, Devil Man casts down his trident and attacks with only his hands, resulting in a high-speed clash between the two warriors. After the two volleys of attacks collide with one another, Bardock relents, and both fighters stand still in the ring.]

Bardock: That's some pretty impressive technique you've got there. No one's done that well in a one-on-one with me in a long time.

Devil Man: Well, I do learn from the best.

Bardock: Oh? And who is that?

Devil Man: Just the most powerful and wise martial artist known to man, and your final opponent if you manage to squeak out a victory against me. He wears a mask to hide his face, but I know that the true identity of the world's greatest martial artist is... Son Gohan!

Bardock: Oh, yeah, I knew that already.

Devil Man: W- really?

Bardock: Yeah, my buddy Spopovich told me.

Uranai Baba: Wait, Bardock, did you say you know Spopovich?

Bardock: Yeah, why?

Uranai Baba: Oh, what a fine young man he is! It's too bad about his fate, really. Such a waste.

Bardock: So do you know more about it than what you told him?

Uranai Baba: Oh, heavens, no. His future is shrouded in demonic energy, much stronger than your average dark magic. Devil Man, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that, would you?

Devil Man: What, no! Why would I give a shit about some guy who wanted to grow back a full head of hair? If a demon's got a hold of his fate, it isn't me.

Bardock: Alright, well not to spoil the little nostalgia-fest, but, weren't we kinda in the middle of something?

Devil Man: Yes we were! In fact, now that you've given me enough time to charge my signature attack, I'd say we were at the end of something! Get ready for an attack that will be certain to end your life! The Devilmite Beam!

Uranai Baba: Akuman, no!

[Devil Man puts the tips of his index and middle fingers on both hands up to his forehead before surging with ki, then pointing his fingers at Bardock, firing a spiral of purple energy at him. Bardock attempts to dodge, but as he flies away, his foot gets snagged by the beam, pulling him directly into its line of fire. The power of the beam is so strong that Bardock is knocked unconscious within a few seconds of trying to block it. Instantly, Bardock is sent into a dream. From an out-of-body perspective, Bardock sees himself in space above the Earth. In front of him is a group of people, most of which Bardock does not recognize. However, at the front of the crowd between an anthropomorphic insect man and a magical being in the shape of a pink blob, he somehow recognizes Freeza, despite him being in a golden form that Bardock's never seen before. Then, looking to the back of the crowd, Bardock sees the God of Destruction, Beerus. Suddenly, Bardock hears the sound of a crying baby coming from the direction of Earth. Bardock recognizes it as his son's cry, and quickly turns to see him. However, by the time he turns around, the Earth is gone, alongside Freeza and everyone else. Then, as a chill fills the already-freezing void, booming, sinister laughter can be heard from where Bardock was just facing. Bardock turns back around to see a black and green cloud engulfing every star in the sky. As the cloud approaches him, Bardock lets out a silent scream. His fear is amusing. Suddenly, Bardock wakes up while screaming Kakarot's name. He looks to see Devil Man, staring wide-eyed at him, and Baba watching with interest. Bardock shakily stands up and gains his composure, while Devil Man remains perfectly still out of shock.]

Devil Man: A-are you alright?

Bardock: What's it matter to you? We're enemies, right?

Devil Man: Well yeah, but I mean, you were screaming.

Bardock: Aren't you supposed to be a demon or something?

Devil Man: Well right, but the screaming I usually hear is more of, "Ah, you're so terrifying, this fire hurts so much," type of screaming. With you it was just... pure fear. Like you weren't even worried about yourself.

Bardock: Who gives a shit? Let's just finish this fight.

Devil Man: No, Bardock, I think now's the time for me to bow out. The truth is, I'm in way over my head here, and I've got a lot left to learn. I'll let Gohan sort you out, but fair warning, he's probably gonna kick your ass.

[As Bardock puts his guard down, Devil Man walks past him and begins making his way toward the main entrance.]

Uranai Baba: Where the hell are you going?

Devil Man: You said it yourself, let the old man test him. Baba, I have worked for you for a loooong time now. When you summoned me from the Demon World, I thought I'd be a perfect candidate for your rag-tag band here, seeing as no mortal could oppose me. But over the years, I've learned from my tiny little window into the mortal world that there are many things beyond my expectations there. Many people with strength beyond my knowledge. So I'm going to go see what's out there. I may come back, I might not. We'll see. Oh, and as a final goodbye from employee to employer, suck my dick.

[Devil Man exits the palace, stretches out his wings until they appear massive, then flies off into the night, kicking up much sand as he does so. He flies into the horizon, towards Central City.]

Uranai Baba: I never thought he'd actually leave...

Bardock: Alright so uh, do you wanna just move on, or what's goin' on here?

Uranai Baba: Of course, you're right. Meet us out in the ring.

[Baba goes to retrieve Son Gohan, who is sitting on his bed, alone in a dark room.]

Uranai Baba: He's ready for you.

[Gohan sits in silence for another moment.]

Uranai Baba: He's stronger than any warrior I've ever seen. It's almost certain that you will lose.

Son Gohan: ...So then I have already won.

[Gohan rises from the bed and makes his way outside, with Baba following shortly behind. Gohan studies Bardock's face as he is sat in the middle of the ring, meditating. Birds and small creatures have gathered around him.]

Son Gohan (Internally): Yes, as I suspected, it is truly him. The presence I sensed on Mount Paozu all those years ago. The boy looks exactly like him, minus that scar. I could almost confuse the two, especially since he is much weaker than last time we met.

Son Gohan: Young man!

[Bardock opens his eyes and stands up as the animals all scurry away.]

Son Gohan: Our battle begins now.

[Without an announcement from Baba, Gohan immediately enters a fighting stance. Silently, Bardock enters one of his own.]

Bardock: Take off that mask, old-timer. I wanna see what the great Son Gohan really looks like.

[Gohan complies and removes his mask, dropping it onto the ring. Bardock is taken aback in shock.]

Bardock: You... you're the old man from that night!

Son Gohan: You must be speaking of Goku.

Bardock: Yeah, everyone here seems to know him as Son Goku, but his real name is Kakarot

Son Gohan: Interesting, so Kakarot is the name you gave him? I still think Son Goku suits him better.

Bardock: Wait, Son Gohan, Son... Goku... That's your family name! You gave it to Kakarot, didn't you?

[Gohan stands in silence.]

Bardock: YOU'VE HAD HIM ALL THIS TIME, HAVEN'T YOU?!

[Bardock's energy surges, kicking up a massive gust of wind around the arena.]

Son Gohan: You should be thanking me, young man! I am the reason that Son Goku is still alive!

Bardock: Thank you?! By taking him from me, you ruined any chance that Kakarot had at a future!

[Bardock aggressively rushes Gohan, who deftly deflects a direct punch towards his face, side skirting most of the force of the blow.]

Son Gohan: You were too dangerous! You would've made him into a monster!

Bardock: Fuck you, you didn't know me!

Son Gohan: I'm right, though, aren't I?

[Bardock's energy explodes once more as he dashes at Gohan, landing a flurry of all-out punches. However, Gohan is seen standing behind him, and the other Gohan is revealed to have been an afterimage technique.]

Son Gohan: I know all about the Saiyans, Bardock. I have been to the Otherworld, and met many innocent people who were killed by your kind. I know you would have raised him into your murderous, savage ways.

Bardock: Listen, prick! I don't know the last time you checked, but the Saiyans are gone! You think I give a shit about the legacy of our dead race? Hell no! I just want to live a normal life with my son! And of course I don't want him to forget who he is, but that doesn't mean I want him to be like me!

Son Gohan: Like you?

Bardock: *Sigh* Alright, look, I won't lie to you. I was pretty similar to your average Saiyan, and I was pretty damn good at my job. An elite, they said I was. But, Kakarot, he's not like the other Saiyans. He was born with about the same amount of strength as your average human. And when a kid like that is- or was, born on Vegeta, we'd send 'em off to planets like this one. So the king takes my kid from me, and I know my planet is about to be destroyed, so I try to go find him. Only to find out that nobody knows where or how he is, until 15 years later when he kills some fucking demon. Don't you understand? I thought he was out there, dead in some ditch or forest somewhere! Don't you think if I had known that then I would have found him? Don't you think then I wouldn't have been so tormented all those years?

Son Gohan: And what of all the people whose lives you took? DId you ever consider their lives? Even for a moment?

Bardock: That was my job, and it was a long time ago!

Son Gohan: That's it?! That's your excuse for the planets you destroyed?

Bardock: Well what the hell do you want me to say?!

Son Gohan: You will not make it any further. I will defeat you, and you will leave this place. And if I ever find out that you are looking for Son Goku again, I will find a way to stop you.

Bardock: I see, if that's the way it's going to be, I guess I'll just have to kill you right here and now. You see, I'm going to find my son, and I'm going to raise him as I please, because he's my fucking son! And if you intend on standing in my way, then I'll wipe you out like the pathetic trash you are.

[Bardock furiously fires a beam of ki at Gohan, which he manages to reflect by swiping the beam with his fist. Bardock kicks the beams up into the air and rushes at Gohan. Gohan allows Bardock to assault him with a flurry of punches and kicks while he blocks until he is pushed near to the edge of the ring. Then, Gohan slides under Bardock's legs and jumps up, spin-kicking Bardock out of the ring. However, Bardock is able to stop himself mid-air and fly back into the ring, all the while preparing a forceful kick. Gohan grabs Bardock's leg and picks him up before slamming him into the floor of the ring. Gohan then picks him up by the other ankle and spins him in a circle until letting go, tossing Bardock out of the ring once more. Again, Bardock easily flies back into the ring.]

Son Gohan: I see you're familiar with Bukujutsu. Ringing you out won't be such a simple task.

Bardock: Buku- what?

Son Gohan: *Sigh* You can fly.

Bardock: Oh, right. Kinda sucks for you, doesn't it? Because I could just toss your wrinkly old ass into the sun and you'd have no recourse.

Son Gohan: Oh, who said I couldn't fly, my dear boy? I just regret that I'll have to humiliate you in an actual fight.

[Gohan begins floating off the ground, and he and Bardock start clashing in the air. The two combatants routinely hit one another before retreating, flying back, and clashing again. The battle generates a minor sandstorm as they kick up sand around the desert.]

Ghost Usher: Mistress Baba, shouldn't they both be disqualified for going out of bounds?

Uranai Baba: This isn't about the competition anymore. This is man versus man, pride versus conviction.

Ghost Usher: Oh... well he's still gonna pay us, right?

[During one of their clashes, Bardock locks his fingers together and hammers Gohan on the head, sending him hurtling towards the sand. As he falls, however, Gohan begins charging a blue ball of ki in his cupped hands.]

Son Gohan: Ka... me... ha... me... HA!

[Gohan rockets back towards the ring as the beam flies at Bardock, who is only barely able to catch the attack with both hands. As the beam pushes Bardock, he puts his hands together and dives directly into the beam, rocketing through it like a swimmer through water. When Bardock reaches Gohan, the beam dissipates, and Bardock and Gohan lock hands. Bardock lets go with his right hand and tries to punch Gohan in the face, but Gohan easily blocks with his now freed hand. Gohan punches with his other hand, but Bardock abruptly grabs Gohan's wrist and picks him up by it, punching Gohan in the gut and sending him flying toward the desert. Suddenly, Bardock appears behind Gohan and kicks him back towards the ring. As Gohan sails over the ring, he regains control of himself and turns around, kicking Bardock in the face as he flies towards Gohan. As Bardock flips from the hit, he quickly fires a ki blast which Gohan is directly hit by. Gohan falls near the end of the ring, where Bardock lands directly next to him.]

Bardock: You really are pathetic, old man. I've grown pretty tolerant of humans, but I should've just killed you when I had the chance. You're a real piece of shit.

Son Gohan: You have slaughtered millions!

Bardock: Yeah, I'm a monster, that's true! That doesn't make you the fucking good guy! You still took my kid! He doesn't even know who I am!

[Gohan lets his guard down as Bardock begins sobbing.]

Bardock: I have two fucking kids! One of them is God knows where, and one of them is on this shitty backwater planet! I just wanted to be a father to one of them, but no! You just had to take Kakarot because you felt like you were a better father than me! Well, maybe you were! That doesn't give you the right to take the one thing I had left! The one person whose existence still keeps me from throwing my life away!

[Bardock sobs loudly and covers his face with his hands. Gohan sits down next to him and places his hand on Bardock's shoulder.]

Son Gohan: In my time between here and the Otherworld, I've learned many things about the universe. The will of fate is mysterious, and though you may be a good man despite your Saiyan past, I still believe I made the right decision. Goku is a fine young man.

[Bardock balls his fists and opens his eyes, the last tear falling from his eyes as his ki surges.]

Bardock: His name... is Kakarot!

[Son Gohan turns just in time to see Bardock swing his arm around and blast Gohan with his full power. Gohan puts his arms up to block, but swiftly goes flying from the ring. He continues to block, but after a few moments, his guard is broken, and he lands softly in the sand.]

Bardock: See you in hell, you old bastard.

Uranai Baba: Hm. It would seem you've won, Bardock, as expected.

Bardock: You don't sound too thrilled about it.

Uranai Baba: I think you could've learned something from Son Gohan, that's all.

Bardock: That's not my problem. Just tell me where Kakarot is.

Uranai Baba: Very well. I consulted my crystal ball during the match. It seems that the best time for you to meet him will be in 3 years, at the next Tenkaichi Budokai. He will be a contestant.

Bardock: Am I to participate?

Uranai Baba: No, I saw you in the audience. I did not see your son's fate in the tournament.

Bardock: That's fine. Three years, eh? Gives me some time to brush up on my own skills before I start training Kakarot. Well, thanks for everything, I guess.

[Bardock begins to walk away.]

Uranai Baba: Be careful, Bardock. Your son has saved this world from sure destruction before, and I see that he will do so again at the next tournament. A grave danger may await you.

Bardock: I appreciate it, but trust me, if Kakarot can handle it, it won't be an issue for me.

Uranai Baba: That is obviously the case, but this danger is going to endanger innocent people, ones that you may eventually come to care about. You are not used to sparing humans much attention or care, but Bardock, you have to protect these people, no matter the cost.

Bardock: Fine, how strong are they?

Uranai Baba: Some of them will be on par with the weaker opponents you have faced in your past, but about half of them will only be as strong as your average human.

Bardock: So you're telling me I have to carry around a bunch of dead weight during a world-threatening disaster? Great, it'll be just like having Pumbukin around again.

Uranai Baba: You'll have three years before that time comes. How do you intend to prepare?

Bardock: I'm thinking of going to live by myself for a while, sharpen my skills and reconnect with my warrior's instincts. I have to be ready to train Kakarot when I meet him, we have a long way to go before he's ready to help me take down Freeza.

Uranai Baba: I suppose this is goodbye for now, then.

Bardock: Yes, thanks for your help, even though I had to do this weird ass mini-tournament to get it.

[Bardock starts to leave, but stops when he locks eyes with Gohan.]

Bardock: As for you, you're a small, sad, judgemental little man, and frankly, I hope you stay in the afterlife this time. If I do ever see you again, however, don't expect any pleasant conversation. You ripped my family apart, and then you had to be a douche about it. Rot in Hell.

[Bardock takes off, leaving Baba and Gohan by themselves. After a moment, both of them calmly walk inside the palace and retire for the evening. For the next three years, Bardock would train in solitude, picking off large animals and particularly strong bandits passing through his neck of the woods. Over time, Bardock would earn a semi-legendary reputation as "The Green Shadow," a mysterious figure who would protect travelers from danger before disappearing into the shadows of the shady forest. Bardock's intentions were not their protection, rather, he wished to keep himself from slipping into complacency as he had in his years living with Spopovich. At the time of his fight with Son Gohan, Bardock estimated his power level to be about 1,000, and he made it his goal to reach between 1,500 and 2,000 by the time of the 23rd Tenkaichi Budokai. Bardock would live a quiet life in these three years, interrupted only by small moments such as his brief skirmish with another old man in an orange gi who was defending a turtle who had fallen onto its back. Once the three years were over and his training was complete, Bardock made his way to the tournament grounds. Confetti tumbles through the air as contestants and spectators make their way to their seats. As the spectators slowly meander to the stands in between buying snacks and taking pre-emptive bathroom breaks, Bardock spots a head of black, spiky hair in the distance as the man it belongs to enters the facilities where the preliminaries will be happening. Bardock is able to fly up to one of the high windows where the matches can be observed without interference from the Budo temple attendants. As Bardock observes, he quickly notices a pattern. Those wearing orange gis with the "Kame" symbol on them are absolutely dominating the preliminaries. The only notable exceptions were a three-eyed man and his doll-like companion, an older man with robotic components dressed in a "crane" symbol uniform who seems to know the previous two, and finally, a green man in a purple gi who seems to put everyone around him on edge, although they don't recognize him. Bardock does, however, recognize the man as Piccolo, or at least some offspring or reincarnation of him. Bardock assumes that this is the threat Baba referred to, and resolves to keep on guard. After the preliminaries end in a matter of minutes, the roster is predetermined by the drawing of numbers. Bardock watches as Tenshinhan is paired with Tao Pai Pai, an anonymous woman is paired with Son Goku, Krillin is paired with Majunior, and Yamcha is matched with a mysterious old man named Shen, from whom Bardock senses a strange energy. Once the bracket is established, Bardock resolves to meditate until Goku is either eliminated or makes it to the championship round. He is not interested in the other fighters, or a weak son of his. As Bardock takes his place on a shady plain of grass behind the bleachers, the tournament begins.]

Tournament Announcer: Good afternoon, World Martial Arts fans! As always, I am your host for this year's Tenkaichi Budokai! This year will be our 23rd tournament, and folks, let's get real here, the last few years have been absolutely insane. Many of us were lucky to escape with our lives! But good people, let me assure you, this year will be different. After watching the preliminary matches, I can assure everyone in this stadium... that this will be the most intense tournament yet!

[The audience erupts in uproarious applause.]

Tournament Announcer: We've got the return of the Turtle School's star graduate, Son Goku!

[The audience erupts into applause as Goku politely waves and smiles at everyone. The uproar fills Bardock with a sense of pride in knowing that humanity recognizes his son as a remarkable warrior. It's at this point that Bardock makes his way to the stands and begins watching the tournament properly.]

Tournament Announcer: Alongside his compatriots, Krillin and Yamcha, as well as Tenshinhan and Chiaotzu from the Crane School! But that's not all folks! We've also got some newcomers, like our beautiful contestant here who wishes to remain anonymous, a mysterious yet powerful older gentleman named Shen, and finally, another anonymous contestant whose face I think we'll all recognize, he has chosen to go by the name Majunior!

[A picture of Piccolo appears on the jumbotron, causing nearly everyone to recoil in fear.]

Tournament Announcer: Don't worry folks, we've already had discussions with Majunior backstage, and he's agreed to follow the rules of the tournament in exchange for being allowed to enter. Any violation and he'll be disqualified!

[Once again, the audience returns to cheering.]

Tournament Announcer: With all that out of the way, let's make this the best Tenkaichi Budokai of all time!

[As the audience grows louder, the announcer returns backstage where an attendant waits for him.]

Attendant: Wow, sir, that was an incredible speech!

Tournament Announcer: Hey, thanks! I'm hoping it'll soften the blow when that green maniac finally decides to kill us all.

[The announcer sullenly returns to his dressing room. As Yamcha and Shen enter the ring, Bulma, Oolong, Launch, and Master Roshi watch from the stands.]

Oolong: That announcer must be a real knucklehead if he thinks Piccolo is gonna follow any kinda rules, much less those of the tournament. We might as well start diggin' our own graves while the soil is still loose.

Bulma: Don't be such a downer, Oolong, with Goku here we have nothing to be worried about.

Oolong: Right, because nothing bad has ever happened at a tournament when Goku was around!

Launch: Will you two quit yappin'? I'm tryin' to watch Yamcha get his ass kicked!

[Yamcha and Shen take stances.]

Tournament Announcer: Before we get started, let's hear a little bit from our two contestants here.

Yamcha (internally): Alright! Looks like someone's finally acknowledging my stardom!

Tournament Announcer: Mr. Shen, what is it that motivated you to enter this tournament at such an advanced age?

Yamcha (internally): Really?! You're interviewing the geriatric first? Oh, why did I even enter this stupid tournament?

Shen: Well, despite your rather insulting tone, I'll answer your question. I sense that a great evil is about to appear at this tournament, and so I am here to quell that evil.

Tournament Announcer: Amazing! Does your premonition have anything to do with the fact that we just showed the guy's face on the screen a few minutes ago?

Shen: Well... no. I had it a few weeks ago, before the tournament.

Tournament Announcer: Alright, man, sounds legit. How ya doin, Yamcha?

Yamcha (internally): Oh man, now's my chance!

Yamcha: I'm doing great! I-

Tournament Announcer: That's great man, glad you could make it out today. And with that, let the match begin!

[As soon as the announcer's foot steps out of the ring and the gong goes off to signal the start of the match, Shen lunges at Yamcha with a pointed elbow, hoping to catch Yamcha off guard. By the time he gets to the end of the ring and nearly falls off, he turns around to realize that Yamcha jumped over him too quickly to be seen or noticed.]

Yamcha: Aw, c'mon, how much fun can we have if we're fighting in slow motion?

Shen (internally): If only he knew who he was insulting. No matter, I'll simply end this now without too many theatrics.

[Shen firmly bends his arm in a curved motion in order to create a massive gust of wind. Dirt and debris are thrown across the arena, but Yamcha stands perfectly still with his arms crossed.]

Yamcha: What, did your premonition warn you about some evil candles you needed to blow out?

[The audience roars as Shen stares wide-eyed at Yamcha.]

Shen (internally): This is impossible! I am the mighty Kami, this mortal should pale in comparison! Alright, I'll just have to give him a taste of true godly power!

[Shen reels his hand back as it crackles with white lightning. Yamcha sees this and begins to charge a Kamehameha in response. Shen thrusts his hand outwards, shooting a blinding white beam at Yamcha, who just manages to fire his Kamehameha in time to stop the lightning beam. Yamcha pushes the beam back so that they meet in the middle of the ring and hold there.]

Shen (internally): WHAT IN BLAZES IS HAPPENING?!

Yamcha: You're losing, that's what!

Shen: Huh?!

[In shock, Shen loses his grip on the beam and Yamcha's Kamehameha rolls right through it, with Yamcha curving the beam skywards before it hits the stands. Shen looks back at the energy flying through the air while Yamcha stands by with a wide, toothy grin.]

Yamcha: Wow, old-timer, that was actually pretty impressive! Looks like I'll have to put in some decent effort here.

Shen: Wait, just a moment ago, when I asked what was going on, you heard me, right?

Yamcha: Right, what's your point?

Shen: Interesting...

Yamcha: C'mon man, let's get on with the fight!

[The audience cheers in response.]

Shen: Very well.

[Shen leaps at Yamcha with unfathomable speed, but Yamcha is able to intercept his attack by kicking him in the chin, launching him into the air. Yamcha leaps up and begins clashing with Shen in a fast-paced close quarters bout, meanwhile the other Z fighters watch from behind the gate to the ring with enthusiasm.]

Krillin: Wow, that old geezer is something else! Hey Master Roshi, I bet that guy could give you a real run for your money!

[Master Roshi continues watching the match intently, as if he did not hear Krillin speak.]

Krillin (Internally): Weird, I can usually get a rise out of him with jokes like that. There must be something else going on here that I'm not aware of. If it's worse than Piccolo showing up to fight, I'm not sure I should stick around, after all, all of us know how the last tournament ended for me.

[Shen and Yamcha finally reach the ground, settling and taking distance from each other as they do so. After a short moment, both men reel their fists back and charge at one another, their punches colliding in the middle to produce a huge shockwave. All of a sudden, Yamcha closes his eyes and finds himself in a white void. Kami stands in front of him with an urgent look about him.]

Kami: Yamcha, it is I, the god known to your people as Kami.

Yamcha: Wait, so you're the one Goku's been training with? You look exactly like Piccolo!

Kami: Yes, Goku made the same rather racist mistake. Although it's not entirely unfounded, seeing as he is my evil half.

Yamcha: Your... evil half?

Kami: I shall explain in due time. For now, I need your help. I understand that you are intent on making it as far in this tournament as possible, but if you do not forfeit the match, the fate of the world will be in your hands.

Yamcha: Well I'm 100% sure I could handle that, but I think I'll still pass it off to you just to be nice.

Kami: Yes, quite.

Yamcha: I mean be honest, you're doing this because you know you can't beat me, right?

Kami: I am restricted by the mortal body I have possessed, and I am trying to reserve my energy for Piccolo.

Yamcha: That wasn't a no though, was it?

Kami: Do not test your god, boy. You may not like where you end up after this life.

Yamcha: Alright, alright, my bad. But I do have an actual question; if you can't expect to beat me in that body, how do you expect to take down Piccolo? Also, how long have we just been standing here? Won't we both be disqualified?

Kami: Time dilation inside your mind is heavily distorted, especially when communicating telepathically. In real time, we've only been standing here about half a second.

Yamcha: Wow, really? Well we should still probably get back though, so I can go ahead and forfeit.

Kami: Right. Thank you, Yamcha, I know this couldn't have been an easy decision for a proud martial artist like yourself.

Yamcha: Hey, as far as Roshi's pupils go, I know I'm at the back of the pack. I never expected to win anyway.

Kami: How very humble of you. That is a value you should cherish.

[Kami places two fingers on Yamcha's forehead and Yamcha opens his eyes to see the ring once again, as well as Shen standing across from him.]

Tournament Announcer: Alright, folks, our contestants are at a standstill, and it looks to me like we could see this end at any moment!

[Yamcha looks into Shen's eyes, knowing for certain that he can feel Kami's presence in the man. He launches at Shen with a powerful kick that's slow enough for Shen to easily dodge, but for no one in the audience to notice the dive. Yamcha's leg gets wedged inside the stands, resulting in a ring-out.]

Tournament Announcer: Oh my god, and there it is, folks! With one false move, Yamcha is stuck in the stands and contestant Shen stands victorious! I don't care if you're Jackie Chun, that one's gotta hurt! Let's get a quick word from both of our inaugural fighters!

Yamcha: Y'know what? Maybe I should've let the earth be destroyed. I sure as hell feel like dying right now.

[The announcer happily makes his way to Yamcha as some temple associates are trying to free his leg with a pickaxe.]

Tournament Announcer: So Yamcha, how does it feel to have made it through the preliminaries again, only to be the first one eliminated for two tournaments in a row?

Yamcha: Can this not wait until I'm at least dislodged from this wall?

Tournament Announcer: 'Fraid not, Yamcha, gotta keep things movin'.

Yamcha: Fine. To be honest, it doesn't feel all that bad, I mean, I trained consistently for years, and after that all I could do was put my abilities to the test. I can't be mad if I come up short.

Tournament Announcer: Sure, buddy, whatever helps you sleep at night. Alright, with that out of the way, let's get moving to round two!

Krillin (internally): That kick... it was slow as shit! Did Yamcha throw the fight? Okay, something big is clearly going down that no one is telling me about. Oh well, at least I don't have to fight Piccolo since Chiaotzu rigged the brackets.

Tournament Announcer: Aaaaaand our next match is between... Majunior and Krillin!

[The crowd cheers as Krillin stares wide-eyed at Chiaotzu, who softly shrugs.]

Krillin: YOU PALE LITTLE RAT BASTARD!

[Piccolo approaches the ring from the shadows behind the gate, pushing the Z Fighters out of the way and intentionally cracking the pavement beneath his feet. Krillin timidly follows close behind and they stand in the middle, facing one another.]

Piccolo: Ah, so the cue ball's up first, eh? Can't wait to buff my shoes with your skull when this is over.

Krillin: Dude, aren't you like, three years old? How the hell do you know what a cue ball is? I don't even think I know what a cue ball is!

Piccolo: It's the white ball in pool, you moron! Besides, I retained all of my father's memories.

Krillin: Oh, well that's just fantastic. Y-you don't happen to have his other children's memories, do you?

Piccolo: No, of course not.

Krillin: Oh, well that's a relief...

Piccolo: By the way, does anyone else hear that annoying tambourine player?

Krillin: Oh, you lying asshole!

Piccolo: What are you talking about, he's right there!

[Krillin turns to see a man with a tambourine hanging his head in shame.]

Tournament Announcer: Ahem!

[Both fighters see the announcer standing in the ring with his arms folded.]

Tournament Announcer: You two done, or should I just keep standing here?

Piccolo: Hey, you're the guy who starts the fights. If you want it to start, just call it.

Tournament Announcer: Y'know what? You two dicks don't get an interview. Just start the match!

[The gong sounds.]

Krillin: Hey, what did I do?

[Piccolo leaps forward and cracks Krillin across the face with a gut-wrenching punch. He smiles to himself, thinking he broke Krillin's jaw until he sees Krillin backflipping across the ring, having already recovered from the terrible blow.]

Krillin: Well that hurt like a bitch! Kind of a cheap shot though, don'tcha think?

Piccolo: Don't act so cocky.

[Piccolo approaches Krillin with unbelievable speed, causing shock in everyone except Krillin and the other Z Fighters.]

Piccolo: I could crush you like a bug right now.

Krillin: Y'know what? You're right! After all, I'm so short, and look how bald I am...

[As Piccolo looks down at Krillin's bald head, Krillin suddenly leaps up, headbutting Piccolo on the chin before balling his fingers together, flipping forwards, and slamming the top of Piccolo's skull. Instantly, Piccolo crumples to the ground holding his face.]

Krillin: Ever hear the phrase, "size matters not", big guy?

Piccolo: No!

Krillin: You mean your dad never saw Star Wars? I mean I knew he was a deadbeat, but I thought he'd at least have good taste!

[Piccolo uses a small ki blast to rocket up from the ground and uses his other hand along with the momentum to hit Krillin across the face again.]

Krillin: Man, do you have any other moves?

Piccolo: You still have yet to block it.

[Piccolo grabs Krillin by the head and punts him into the air. Piccolo then flies up toward Krillin while flipping himself upside down so as to kick Krillin down toward the ground. From Piccolo's perspective, Krillin speeds toward the ground before suddenly stopping, appearing as if he's been ringed out. However, the audience is still in suspense as Krillin floats in the air just above the grass. Calmly, Krillin floats himself back above the ring before allowing himself to fall and then stand back up.]

Piccolo: Bukujutsu!

Krillin: Hey up there! That the best you got?

[An enraged Piccolo begins rapid-firing ki beams from his mouth down at the ring while Krillin deftly dodges them one by one. After a full minute of beams crashing down and destroying the tournament arena, Krillin is dodging one when Piccolo seemingly teleports to Krillin, grabbing him firmly by the neck and punching him straight in the gut as hard as he can. Krillin wretches and groans as he falls to the ground in agony.]

Tournament Announcer: Alright folks, contestant Krillin is down! I will now begin the countdown! One-

[Before the announcer can count to two, Piccolo stomps Krillin's chest, sending all the wind out of him as his eyes go white and a pool of blood forms around the side of his mouth.]

Piccolo: Ten. Knockout.

Goku: Krillin!

[Goku starts to jump in to help Krillin until the announcer stops him.]

Tournament Announcer: Hold on there, tiger, we've got professionals coming to take him to the infirmary. He should be up and at 'em again by the final match.

Goku: Really? How is that possible? Do you have Senzu beans?

Tournament Announcer: I have no idea what those are, but what we do have is a state-of-the-art healing pod. According to the Galactic Patrol, they're all the rage on alien planets these days.

Goku: Ooooh, cool!

[As nurses come out with a gurney, Piccolo picks up Krillin and tosses his limp body onto it. They then take a few moments to check his vitals.]

Nurse: He's breathing!

Tournament Announcer: Wow folks, after having his gut and ribs absolutely obliterated by Majunior, contestant Krillin has survived! Ironically, that very fact is what makes Piccolo our winner!

[The audience remains completely silent as Piccolo calmly walks back into the shadows. He smiles to himself as he hears Krillin regaining consciousness and screaming as he's placed in the infirmary.]

Tournament Announcer: Alright folks, I know he's a bad guy, but let's try to keep the excitement going just a little bit. Okay, well it's getting pretty late in the afternoon here, and we're gonna need some time to get this ring back in working order, so let's go ahead and call this the end of our first day of festivities! Please feel free and welcome to enjoy the accommodations laid out for you at any hotel in town, as well as our iconic Tenkaichi sports bar and restaurant and the stands selling merchandise outside. Thank you all for coming and I will see you first thing tomorrow!

Piccolo (Internally): That should've been a goddamn cake walk. I'm not sure what these Earthlings have done to make themselves so much stronger, but maybe Humans are tougher than I thought. I'll have to be more careful going forward.

Oolong: Aw, c'mon, they can fix that ring in three hours tops! They just want us to spend our money on overpriced food and t-shirts!

Bulma: Oh, so you won't be eating with us then?

Oolong: Of course I will! I said it was overpriced, I never said it wasn't delicious!

[As the evening rolls in and darkens the sky, Goku and all of his friends sit around a table at the Tenkaichi restaurant. Goku is surrounded by a veritable buffet of food.]

Goku: Mmm, it's been so long since I ate here! I forgot how good this ramen was!

[Suddenly, thunderous booms begin shaking the very foundations of the restaurant. A hulking, dragon-esque monster enters the restaurant. He takes off his coat, revealing that it's Giran, who now looks older and wears glasses.]

Goku: Giran! Good to see you! How's your family?

Giran: They're great Goku, thank you for asking! You've gotten big, I only recognized you by the hair!

Goku: Yeah! It just kinda happened while I was training for a few years with Kami.

Giran: Kami?! My god, dear boy, how far you've come!

[An awkward silence falls over the group as Goku and Giran realize that Goku's friends are terrified by him.]

Bulma: Goku, isn't this the same guy who tried to kill you during the 21st tournament?

Goku: Yeah... oh! I forgot you guys weren't there when Nam and I made friends with his people!

Giran: Yes, I will admit I was once a wicked and evil man, even after meeting Goku. However, my people and I have changed our ways, supporting the poor and exploited villages that we used to terrorize. I realized after my bout with Tambourine that if I had been more powerful, I would have been just like him. Then I decided to change my ways forever.

Krillin: Tambourine killed you too? That guy was the worst!

Giran: I know, right?!

Krillin: Did he get you with the hand thing? Through the stomach?

Giran: Yes! That hurt like a bitch!

Krillin: Yeah, I think that was his finishing way, I was never a fan.

Unknown Voice: May I join you as well?

[The Group turns to see that Nam is greeting them.]

Goku: Nam? Wow, what a blast from the past!

Nam: Yes, truly, it's been too long, Goku. My village is quite well, thanks to you and your friends.

[Nam sits down and for the rest of the night, everyone reminisces over past memories. Meanwhile, Piccolo is meditating on top of the restaurant, able to hear every word in order to learn everything about Goku. After a few hours, everyone except Piccolo retires to a hotel nearby, while the demon prince refuses to sleep, instead sitting on top of the hotel. The auburn sun rises over Papaya Island as music begins blaring, signaling that it's time for the contestants to return to the arena. Piccolo floats his way down, only to realize that the Z Fighters have already arrived, appearing rested and relaxed. The audience members make their way back to the stands, coffees in hand.]

Tournament Announcer: Goooood morning Papaya Island! Thank you all for meeting us here so early in the morning. I know it's a beatdown, but I'm hoping that our complimentary breakfast buffet made up for it. Folks, today we have got so much planned for ya, first off we're gonna go ahead and wrap up the starting matches, then we're gonna hurry it along to the semi-finals, and then we will cap off the most exciting Tenkaichi Budokai yet with a spectacular final match! Now, without further ado, let's introduce our next fighter, Anonymous!

[A woman with a tan and black ninja suit and a headscarf covering her face walks up to the ring and stands next to the announcer.]

Tournament Announcer: So, miss Anonymous, can you tell us why you've chosen to keep your identity a secret?

Anonymous: You see, I'm on a mission for personal revenge. A man who has entered this tournament did me wrong, and now I aim to take him down, no matter the cost.

Tournament Announcer: Ooooh, ominous! I like it! Thank you so much, ma'am, but folks, we all know who we're really here to see. The man who needs no introduction, even from the king of introductions, the one, the only, SON FUCKING GOKU EVERYONE!

[Goku steps into the ring while politely waving at the audience. The cheering is so loud that Piccolo has to remove his ears from his head with his bare hands.]

Piccolo (Mouthing silently): Wow, that is so much better. I just hope I can actually regrow those.

[The cheering dies down after a couple of minutes, allowing the announcer to finally speak.]

Tournament Announcer: Son Goku, you are a fan favorite among our loyal fans, you have been the runner-up of the last two tournaments, and you are a goddamn hero to just about anyone who knows you. I just got one question, how the hell are ya?

Goku: Um, pretty good, I guess. I've been training with Kami for the last couple years, so that's been pretty fun! But seeing my friends has been really good too.

Tournament Announcer:... Did you just say Kami, as in, y'know... God?

Goku: Yeah! He's really nice once you get to know him.

Tournament Announcer: Dude, if you were anybody else, I'd call you a liar straight to your face and tell you to get the hell out. But you're telling me that you are now almost as powerful as God himself?

Goku: Well, physically I'm actually stronger. His god powers are pretty awesome, though.

Tournament Announcer: Wow. Son. Fucking. Goku, everyone.

[The audience bursts out into rapturous applause once again.]

Shen (internally): I'm not even angry, he's entirely correct. I may be God, but that man can bench press Jupiter.

Tournament Announcer: Let the match begin!

[The gong sounds.]

Goku: Hey, you're a lady, right? Do you want me to go easy on you, or are you one of the ones who finds that insulting?

Bulma: Dear god, that boy is hopeless.

[Without a word, Anonymous jumps at Goku and tries to sweep his leg with a kick. Goku responds by jumping so far into the air that he briefly reaches above the stratosphere before falling back down and landing on his feet behind Anonymous.]

Goku: Whoops, I forgot how light gravity is down here!

[Anonymous nearly falls off the ring, but uses her hands to push herself back into the ring with a kick aimed directly at Goku's head. Goku ducks before the hit and lightly lifts his leg in order to tap Anonymous on the back of the head, knocking her upwards so she lands in front of him. Anonymous adjusts her headscarf before readying a martial arts stance.]

Goku: Hey, you could probably fight better without that scarf thingy. I think it's just getting in your way.

Anonymous: Shut up and fight!

[Anonymous jumps forward and launches a flurry of punches, with Goku easily dodging all of them. During one of the punches, Goku manages to grab a loose piece of the scarf and it easily unravels, revealing that the woman has a slender face and black hair in a bun.]

Goku: Hey, Chi-chi!

Chi-chi: Wait, you remember me?

Goku: Of course! I'm really good at remembering people, even when their faces are completely different!

Chi-chi: Well, then why did you never come looking for me? Weren't we supposed to get married when we became adults?

Goku: Yeah, sorry, I kinda forgot about that after a couple years and a bunch of really important stuff happening. And I was busy training with God.

Chi-chi: Right, I'm sorry, this is actually really petty the more I think about it...

Goku: That's okay! It gave me a chance to see how strong you are!

Chi-chi: Strong? I never even touched you.

Goku: Yeah, but if I was off my game, you might have. That's way better than the average person.

Chi-chi: Well, I guess we should go ahead and finish the fight.

Goku: Yep!

[Goku and Chi-chi stand in awkward silence for a moment.]

Chi-chi: So... you gonna knock me out?

Goku: Nah, I don't think I could really hit you.

Chi-chi: Right, because I'm a woman.

Goku: No, I like sparring with women! I used to do it all the time with my grandpa's friends, it's just that my grandpa said you shouldn't hit girls if you really like them.

Chi-chi: You... still like me? After all this time?

Goku: Of course! Why wouldn't I? You're really pretty! And a good fighter, too!

[Chi-chi blushes for a moment before both of them look around and realize the audience is silently waiting.]

Chi-chi: I'll just go ahead and ring myself out now.

Goku: Cool! See ya later!

[Chi-chi gently steps out of the ring and stands with the Z Fighters.]

Tournament Announcer: Well... that was... something. Son Goku, everyone?

[To the announcer's pleasant surprise, the audience cheers with the same thunder as before.]

Tournament Announcer: Okay then, let's keep it goin'! Next up, we have Tenshinhan versus Tao Pai Pai! Here's hoping we get to see an actual fight this time.

[Tenshinhan calmly stands up and walks into the ring. Tao Pai Pai follows close behind him.]

Tournament Announcer: So as I understand it, there's actually some history between you two!

Tao Pai Pai: Yes, we are both students of the illustrious Crane school. However, while I carry on its legacy to this day, he has betrayed our principles!

Tenshinhan: I joined because they advertised themselves as a fighting school. Killing someone instantly is not a fight.

Tao Pai Pai: You shut your whore mouth!

Tournament Announcer: Save it for the fight, gentleman. Now, I do feel the need to remind everyone that killing your opponent in this tournament is strictly forbidden, and will result in immediate disqualification. With that out of the way, though, let's begin!

[The gong sounds. Tao Pai Pai immediately starts the match by firing an eye beam directly at the audience, forcing Tenshinhan to move and deflect it. In that time, Tao Pai Pai approaches Tenshinhan and attempts to grab him by the throat, but Tenshinhan moves his fist too quickly and blocks the attack, Tenshinhan retaliates by jabbing one of the pressure points in his arm with two fingers and makes the arm go limp. Tao Pai Pai uses this opportunity to quickly spin around, using his limp arm and its fist as a sort of wrecking ball. Tenshinhan sees the attack coming from a mile away, grabs his wrist, and throws him hard into the ground. Tao Pai Pai aims his metallic arm upwards at Tenshinhan, his hand turns into a cannon, and he fires a massive Dodonpa. Tenshinhan swiftly dodges by leaning into a side flip, and the Dodonpa forms a huge beam of yellow light that brightens the sky before dissipating. Tao Pai Pai leaps up and turns his hand into a sword.]

Tournament Announcer: Tao Pai Pai! Weapons are strictly forbidden, if you use that sword you'll be disqualified!

Tao Pai Pai: Who gives a shit? I'm an assassin, not a martial artist! This one is for Master Shen!

[Tao Pai Pai stabs at Tenshinhan's heart, but as he leans and out of the way, the blade catches his cheek.]

Yamcha: Hey, we have matching scars now!

[Tao Pai Pai continues slashing Tenshinhan as he pushes him toward the edge of the ring.]

Tao Pai Pai: Careful, Tenshinhan! Your honor may lead you to getting ringed out! You'll move on anyway, but you'll know that you lost this fight fair and square.

[Tao Pai Pai executes a final overhead slash, but Tenshinhan catches the sharp part of the blade in his bare palm. Tenshinhan then grips the blade as hard as he can, causing the blade to crack and then break completely. Tao Pai Pai tries to fire another Dodonpa, but Tenshinhan catches his metal hand before it can transform and throws him onto the ground outside the ring.]

Tournament Announcer: We have a winner! Even though he technically already won!

[The audience cheers for Tenshinhan as he looks down at the pathetic-looking Tao Pai Pai.]

Tenshinhan: I won this fight, Tao. Fair and square, just like you said. And I'd much rather have won this fight fairly than see you dead now.

Tao Pai Pai: Your mother is rolling in her grave.

Tenshinhan (starting to tear up): Love you too, dad.

Tao Pai Pai: I should've never married that cyclops slut!

[Tenshinhan walks away without another word, but with his back turned to his father, a single tear falls down his cheek.]

Tournament Announcer: Alright ladies, gentlemen, and the rest of us, yet another unorthodox match, but this next one should get things back on track. We're now entering the semi-finals, with our first match being between Shen and Majunior! Let's see how the old man fares against the devilish Piccolo! That's right, I said his name, we all know who he is.

[Shen and Piccolo approach the ring next to each other, Shen with a serious expression and Piccolo smiling ear to ear.]

Tournament Announcer: So, Piccolo, anything you want to say to me or the audience regarding your behavior so far?

Piccolo: Nope. But I would like to comment briefly about my opponent here for a moment. You see, this "man" is not actually who he says he is. Instead, my gracious and loving second half, Kami, has possessed this innocent man in order to enter this tournament. He is also not a mortal man at all, but a god! Seems a bit unfair to me, don'tcha think, announcer?

[The audience stares in shocked silence as the announcer looks at Piccolo, completely unimpressed.]

Tournament Announcer: Alright.

Piccolo: Alright what?

Tournament Announcer: Alright, I believe you. I believe every word you just said. And didn't you say he was your second half?

Piccolo: Yes, I did.

Tournament Announcer: Awesome. So what I'm hearing is that you two are actually two halves of the same guy anyway, so we're already playing it pretty fast and loose with what is considered a single combatant anyway. I'm also hearing that even though he's a god, he's in a mortal body, so how about we just let this whole thing play out, huh?

[The audience cheers as the announcer leans into Piccolo's ear.]

Tournament Announcer: Listen buddy, I don't give a fuck if you could kill me right here, right now. You will not ruin this tournament, do you understand?

[Piccolo stands silently as the audience keeps cheering.]

Tournament Announcer: It's not a rhetorical question, motherfucker. If you don't answer me right now, your ass is disqualified. 3...

[Piccolo looks away in defiance.]

Tournament Announcer: 2...

[Piccolo grimaces a bit.]

Tournament Announcer: 1.

Piccolo: Fine. I get it. No more shenanigans. You got a deal.

Tournament Announcer: Good. I'm glad we've come to an understanding, Piccolo. Let the match begin!

[The gong sounds as the announcer walks backwards out of the ring without taking his eyes off of Piccolo.]

Piccolo (in Namekian): Whatever happened to non-interference?

Shen (in Namekian): I made this mess. Now I'm here to clean it.

Piccolo (in Namekian): You can try. I'm not as easy to cover up as the rest of your mistakes.

[Piccolo uses an afterimage technique and dashes around the ring and behind Kami at an imperceptible speed. However, Kami Intercepts the move in a flash and jabs Piccolo in the face while he's moving, knocking him into the grassy area outside the ring where he stands, levitating.]

Piccolo (in Namekian): Wow! A calculated move, old man.

Kami (in Namekian): Can't afford to waste energy. This ends now.

Piccolo (in Namekian): We'll see.

[Shen lunges at Piccolo and tries to hit him with a series of quick jabs, but Piccolo blocks every one of them. Piccolo kicks Shen out of the ring, who reacts by releasing an invisible jet of energy to propel him back in bounds. Shen uppercuts Piccolo into the air. The demon prince stops himself mid-air and fires a Masenko down towards Shen.]

Tournament Annnouncer: No, not this again!

Shen (internally): Perfect! He's right where I want him!

[As the Masenko rains down, Shen sets a small jar on the ground and raises his hands.]

Shen: MAFUUUBAAA!

[From the jar emerges a swirling torrent of green energy. It swallows Piccolo's Masenko and pulls him down slowly, sucking him inside.]

Piccolo: D-damn you! The Mafuba is such a dirty trick!

Tournament Announcer: Excuse me, Mr. Shen sir, but if you continue to use that jar, it will be counted as an assistive item and you will be disqualified.

Shen: I don't give a rat's ass!

Tournament Announcer: Right, right, just letting you know so you can't sue us!

[As the energy swirls towards Piccolo, he swipes at it with his hand, sending it in the opposite direction. The beam speeds back towards Shen, who is caught by surprise and unable to defend himself.]

Piccolo: Fool! Say goodbye forever, Kami!

[Shen grimaces and screams in agony before Kami's soul is removed from his body and sucked into the jar. The real Shen is left standing in the ring, utterly confused.]

Shen: What- where am I?

Tournament Announcer: What do you mean, sir? You're still in the ring.

Piccolo: I told you already, Kami was possessing him. This isn't the same man you've been watching.

Shen: Where is my nephew?

Little Boy: Uncle!

[Shen looks over to see his grandson cheering him on with rapture.]

Little Boy: C'mon Uncle Shen! You got this!

Shen (internally): Alright, I have no idea how we got here, much less how I got into the ring, but if he's impressed with me, I have to try!

[Shen sprints up to Piccolo and launches a flying kick. Piccolo catches Shen's foot, holds him by it, and calmly places him outside the ring.]

Shen (internally): Damn! The kid's probably embarrassed of me...

Little Boy: Uncle!

[To Shen's surprise, his nephew hops over the small fence separating the stands from the ring and runs to hug his uncle.]

Little Boy: Wow, you were amazing! You shot lightning out of your hands! And what was that thing you did with the green energy?

Shen: Well, er... I'll explain to you in time, dear boy. For now, we have to get out of these nice people's way.

Little Boy: Okay!

[Shen and the boy happily walk out of the arena while holding hands.]

Little Boy: Uncle, if I exercise and get strong like you, can I do that stuff too?

Shen: Of course! But only if you use that power for good. Remember, Peter, with great power comes great responsibility.

Little Boy: Why do you always say that, Uncle Shen?

Shen: Same reason I always take you to tournaments where Son Goku is competing. Some day, you may need to remember this lesson, and I may not be around to remind you. I'm old, Peter, and some day you and May will be on your own. When that day comes, she's gonna need you to be strong, brave, and more than anything else, have a good heart. That's what I want you to learn from Son Goku.

Peter: That sounds scary... but I'll try my best, uncle Shen!

Shen: Good, now what do you say we go get some ice cream?

[Meanwhile in the arena, Piccolo picks up the jar containing Kami.]

Tournament Announcer: So you really weren't kidding about that guy being possessed?

Piccolo: Nope.

Tournament Announcer: So you're saying that... God... is in that jar?

Piccolo: Yep.

[Piccolo promptly swallows the jar.]

Tournament Announcer: GAH! DID YOU JUST EAT HIM? SHOULDN'T THAT DESTROY THE UNIVERSE OR SOMETHING?!

Piccolo: Relax, the bottle is intact. I just needed a place to keep it where it wouldn't get broken or stolen.

Tournament Announcer: But you will barf it up after the tournament, right?

Piccolo: Eh, I don't know, I think it'd be more fun to make him come out the other end.

Tournament Announcer: Well, regardless, we definitely need to move on. Next up is Son Goku versus Tenshinhan... I think I need to go lie down.

[Goku and Tenshinhan enter the ring side-by-side.]

Tenshinhan: Now look, Goku, I know it's important for you to save your energy and face off against Piccolo, but I don't plan on going easy on you. If you can't beat me, then the entire Earth was doomed anyway.

Goku: I wouldn't expect anything less, Tenshinhan. Come at me as hard as you'd like.

[Goku and Tenshinhan stand across from one another and bow as the gong sounds. Tenshinhan immediately pulls out a Dodonpa and hits Goku square in the chest, only to realize that he's already used an afterimage. Just then, Goku's leg swings at Tenshinhan's back with a powerful kick, sending him careening towards the stands, and before Tenshinhan can even stop himself, Goku appears in front of him and pushes him back in. Once in the ring, Tenshinhan fires another Dodonpa, but by the time it reaches where Goku was, Goku has already reached Tenshinhan and punched him in the face. Tenshinhan is knocked out cold instantly, and wakes up to the sound of a countdown.]

Tournament Announcer: 8... 9... Oh my goodness, he's up, folks! He's up!

Tenshinhan: Ugh, my head... what was that, something you learned from Kami?

Goku: Nope! Just a punch. I will say though, I didn't mean to make it that hard.

Tenshinhan: You're trying to fuck with me, aren't you? Same reason why you pushed me back into the ring.

Goku: No, I'm not-

[Before Goku can get out another word, Tenshinhan cracks him across the face so that Goku has to lean down, holding his hurt face. Tenshinhan takes the opportunity to rapid-fire attack the pressure points in Goku's back with the index and middle finger on each hand jabbing them with lightning speed. Goku groans and shakes, almost collapsing, but he manages to steady himself and stand up.]

Tenshinhan: You bastard.

Goku: Now, don't take it personal-

[Tenshinhan fires a Kamehameha out of nowhere, prompting Goku to do the same. The beams push the two of them backwards and meet roughly in the middle, although Goku has a slight edge despite clearly making an effort to hold back.]

Tenshinhan: Stop bullshitting me, Goku, show me what you got!

Goku: Fine!

[Without much effort, Goku increases the size of his beam and easily swallows Tenshinhan's, blasting him backwards with tremendous force. Tenshinhan slams into the outer wall of the arena, and although the beam was more than strong enough to break through, Goku managed to dissipate it before it did.]

Tournament Announcer: And there you have it, folks, Goku is our winner, meaning that he and Piccolo will both advance to the final round! It's not exactly an upset, folks, but I think this is the match we've all been waiting to see! Although, wouldn't it technically be a rematch? Either way, folks, this is gonna be one hell of a match! Please enjoy a brief intermission before we get things started.

Launch: If dat guy says da words "folks" one more time, I'm whippin' out the uzi.

Oolong: What're ya talkin' about? That's ridiculous! Save your ammo for when Piccolo finally goes berserk!

[While Launch and Oolong bicker, the Z Fighters approach their group in the stands.]

Bulma: Hey guys! Come to talk game plan before the big match?

Yamcha: Actually, yeah. We're trying to give Goku some advice, but he's not exactly receptive. We need as many opinions on this as we can get.

Goku: Oh, come on guys, can you just let this go?

Tenshinhan: No, Goku, we can't with so much at stake.

Bulma: Well what's the problem?

Tenshinhan: Goku doesn't want to kill Piccolo.

[Everyone outside of the Z Fighters gasp.]

Goku: Okay fine, so what? It's not like I've never spared an enemy before.

Oolong: Goku, that green guy is nothin' but trouble, ya hear me? If you don't vaporize him as soon as possible, I swear to Kami I will get myself killed twice just so the ghost of my ghost can haunt your ghost for eternity!

Launch: I gotta agree with the pig on this one. If it was me out there, I'd turn that son of a bitch into swiss cheese without a second thought.

Goku: Oooo, how do you turn someone into swiss cheese?

Bulma: Nevermind that, Goku, that's not the point! The important thing here is that Piccolo is too dangerous to be left alive!

Goku: What about you, Master Roshi? You're the one who taught me that I should never use my strength to hurt people unless it was absolutely necessary.

Master Roshi: That's true, Goku, but I also told you not to hesitate if you saw someone hurting others. Remember, you have just as much obligation to defeat the wicked as you do to protect the innocent. Why do you want to spare him, even though you did what needed to be done to his father?

Goku: I don't know, this just feels different! He's evil, but it's like, cartoon evil, like he doesn't really know what he's talking about. I think he just doesn't know any better.

Krillin: Right, because if anyone can judge who knows better, it's you, Goku. We've been friends for years, man, but I think even you have to know that your judgment isn't always the most sound.

Goku: It's not just my judgment though, Krillin! It's like the universe is speaking to me.

Tenshinhan: Yeah, I'm just gonna say what we're all thinking, that's total bullshit. Kill Piccolo or we'll do it for you.

[Tenshinhan leads the Z Fighters back to their place behind the gate.]

Goku: Well he's in a mood.

Bulma: I hate to break this to you, Goku, but he's right. You need to do this, and you need to do it now.

[Everyone walks away from Goku, who looks down at the ground, unsure of himself. After some time, preparations are finished and the final match is set to begin.]

Tournament Announcer: Alright everyone, please make your way back to the arena at this time! The final match between Son Goku and Majunior will begin in five minutes!

Bardock: Good, seems like he made it.

[Bardock stands up and walks into the arena, shuffling his way to the front of the crowd where he unknowingly stands next to Bulma and Goku's other friends.]

Bardock: So, that's Son Goku all grown up, huh? The resemblance is uncanny, I'll say that much.

Bulma: Hey, did you just say Goku? Do you know him?

[Bardock turns to see Bulma looking at him with interest.]

Bardock: Uh, yeah, I'm a huge fan. I even do my hair like his.

Bulma: Oh, how sweet! I would've pegged you for a family member. Well, in case ya don't know, I'm the one responsible for getting Goku to where he is today.

Bardock: Really?

Bulma: Yeah, totally! I introduced him to Master Roshi, who turned him into the strongest guy in the world!

Oolong: Hey, would you pipe down, Bulma? The match is about to start!

Bulma: What? Oh! Hey Goku, win this one for me, 'kay?

Launch: Yeah, kick his ass, Goku!

[Behind the gate leading into the tournament arena, Krillin, Yamcha, Tenshinhan, and Chi-chi watch as the preparations for the final round get underway.]

Tenshinhan (Talking to himself): Piccolo Daimao... what an ordeal that was. Goku had better take this seriously, since we know the Mafuba is out of the question.

Chi-chi: Hey, Krillin, be honest, Goku is strong enough to win, right?

Krillin: I wouldn't worry about it, Goku's by far the strongest guy I've ever met! Piccolo hasn't gotten that much stronger, but Goku is leaps and bounds ahead of where he was before!

Chi-chi: Oh, okay, that's quite reassuring then!

Yamcha: If you want a second opinion, You should ask Tenshinhan, he was actually there when Goku and Piccolo fought.

[Chi-chi looks over to Tenshinhan, who is nervously eyeing Piccolo and sweating.]

Chi-chi: That can't be good...

[In the ring, Piccolo and Goku stand across from each other, ready to begin. Piccolo simply stares menacingly at Goku, while Goku does some light stretches to prepare.]

Piccolo: So, Son Goku, are you prepared for your death at the hands of the Mazoku?

Goku: Nah, I mean, I beat you once before, and I've been training with Kami since then, so I'm not worried, I'm just excited!

Piccolo: What do you mean, you're excited?

Goku: It's not every day I get to fight someone as strong as you. Honestly, I was worried this tournament would be boring because I was so far ahead of everyone else. But now that I've seen you fight, I can tell this is gonna be interesting.

Piccolo: Ha! You're one insane bastard, you know that? You realize that when you lose, I'm going to take over the world and bring on an era of unending darkness, right?

Goku: Yeah, but I'm going to win, so it's not a problem.

[Piccolo grumbles angrily.]

Tournament Announcer: Alright, contestants Son Goku and Majunior, are you ready?

Piccolo: Yes.

Goku: Yep!

Tournament Announcer: Alright, then let the final match of the 23rd annual Tenkaichi Budokai... Begin!

[Instantly, Piccolo and Goku leap towards each other. Goku punches, but Piccolo blocks with an open palm. The two are locked in a struggle for a moment before Piccolo unleashes a kick, which Goku just barely manages to block before getting free. The two clash at high speeds for several seconds.]

Master Roshi: That Piccolo's quick as lightning! Hopefully his training with Kami was enough for Goku to keep up.

Bardock: Excuse me, sir, but are you Master Roshi?

Master Roshi: What? Of course I am! Don't you recognize the god of martial arts when you see him? You should know my face, especially since you're such a fan of my pupil!

Bardock: Right, sorry, sir.

Master Roshi: Ah, I'm just pulling your leg! Yes, I am indeed Master Roshi, the man who taught Goku everything he knows!

Bardock: Well it's very good to meet you, sir.

Master Roshi: Likewise. What's your name, young man?

Bardock: Bardock.

Master Roshi: Burdock? Like the root?

Bardock: No sir, Bardock.

Master Roshi: Oh, silly me! At my age, my hearing isn't so great!

[Goku and Piccolo emerge from their high-speed duel, both men panting.]

Piccolo: Y'know, even though I have an unending desire to kill you and avenge my father, I gotta admit that your skills are pretty impressive.

Goku: Same to you, Piccolo. In fact, if you weren't the son of Piccolo Daimao, I would ask you to be my training partner.

Piccolo: Ha! Fat chance.

[Piccolo extends his arm to reach Goku, who grabs it before Piccolo can land a punch. Goku bends Piccolo's arm and throws Piccolo into the air and jumps up, preparing a follow-up attack. However, Piccolo suddenly looks down and fires a powerful Ki blast at Goku, sending him hurtling into the ring. The impact leaves a large crater around Goku's body as he lies on the ground, seemingly unconscious.]

Tournament Announcer: It seems that contestant Goku is down! I will now begin the countdown! One... Two... Three...

Krillin: Is Goku really out for the count?

Yamcha: No, that can't be it, right?

Tenshinhan (internally): Come on Goku, you can't have lost already! I told you to take this fight seriously!

Bulma: Oh no, Goku!

Bardock (Internally): Is that it? He's pathetic! I can't believe I spent all those years waiting for this! Oh well, guess I should have seen this coming...

Tournament Announcer: Five... Six...

Piccolo: Goku! Enough with the theatrics! Get the hell up and fight me! I know you're faking it!

[Goku sighs before leaping to his feet. His clothes are in tatters, but he himself is unscathed.]

Goku: Sorry, I was strategizing down there. But you're right, the warm up's over.

[A gasp fills the tournament arena, followed by tremendous cheering.]

Tenshinhan: So they were just warming up that whole time?! Those guys are insane!

Bulma: Woohoo, alright Goku!

Bardock (Internally): Huh, maybe he's not so bad after all. Might as well watch to the end.

[Both combatants assume a fighting stance, and begin staring each other down. The staring match is quickly broken by Goku, who dashes forward and attempts to sweep out Piccolo's legs with a punch. Piccolo dodges by jumping into the air, and counters by firing a Ki blast down at Goku. Goku deflects the blast into the ground, leaving a small crater in the tournament ring. Goku then jumps up to where Piccolo is, clashing with him in the air. After several seconds, the two fighters fall back down to the ring.]

Piccolo: Pretty impressive. I can see how you were able to defeat my father, but I'll make sure his death becomes your biggest regret.

Goku: I think you're the one who'll regret challenging me, Piccolo.

Piccolo: I know everything you're capable of, Goku. My father passed on his memories of you to me, and I have to say, not impressed.

[Goku holds the bottoms of his palms together and puts them slightly behind him as a blue ball of energy appears between his hands.]

Goku: Ka... me... ha... me...

Piccolo: Ha! The Kamehameha, huh? Allow me to show you a technique that puts it to shame! Masenko...

[Piccolo crosses the back of his hands in his forehead as a yellow Ki blast forms in his hands.]

Goku: Ha!

Piccolo: Ha!

[Goku and Piccolo fire their attacks, which meet in the middle and clash with energy, emanating a pressure which pushes members of the audience away from the blasts. It takes everything they have for the spectators not to fly away.]

Bardock (Internally): Christ, he's this powerful with human training alone? If I'd raised him on Vegeta, he might have even surpassed the Prince! And maybe even the king...

[Bardock imagines a world in which Goku defeats King Vegeta, and Bardock takes the throne. Bardock grows a beard and dons the royal armor, while Goku takes his place as the Prince. Just as Bardock contemplates this thought, the beam struggle ends, with Goku's Super Kamehameha overcoming the Masenko with an explosive flourish. After the dust clears, Piccolo is seen standing across from Goku, his forearms crossed in order to block the blast. Piccolo's arms fall to his sides as he exhales, completely exhausted. His purple gi is torn to shreds.]

Goku: Ha! Impressed now, Piccolo?

Piccolo: Is that... all you got?

Goku: What? You've gotta be kidding me!

Piccolo: You seriously thought that I would be overtaken that easily? Do you have any idea who you're talking to?! I am Piccolo Daimao, King of the Demons and harbinger of chaos! There is nothing you can-

[Piccolo is interrupted by a punch to the face which sends him flying. Piccolo just manages to stop himself above the grass of the arena and carefully float back inside.]

Piccolo: Piece of dog shit, you're dead!

[Piccolo flies towards Goku, preparing to land a powerful kick. Just as Goku goes to block, however, Piccolo suddenly reaches out and grabs Goku by the neck.]

Piccolo: Hahahahaha! What do you have to say, now that you're helpless to stop my assault?

Goku: You... talk... too much...

[Goku starts flailing his legs which Piccolo manages to block with his other hand as he makes his way to the edge of the ring.]

Piccolo: I was just going to kill you, Goku, regardless of this pathetic tournament. But now I think I'll take the title and your life!

[Goku throws his legs back, pointing his feet into the air and charging a Kamehameha with his feet.]

Goku: Kamehameha!

[A blast of blue Ki launches from Goku's feet, hurtling him head-first into Piccolo's face and knocking him back.]

Goku: Owowowow, that one hurt my skull!

Piccolo: You should see my teeth, you motherfucker! That's it, this fight ends, now!

[Piccolo surges with dark and powerful energy, then slowly transforms into a giant version of himself, his stance covering half the ring.]

Oolong: Holy mackerel, he's roiding out like Goku used to!

Master Roshi: Yeah, maybe having his tail cut off wasn't the best idea...

Bardock: You cut off his what?

Bulma: Oh sorry, you must be so confused! Goku used to have a tail, but it was removed by Kami.

[As Bardock attempts to keep his composure, Master Roshi notices something writhing in the back of Bardock's pants.]

Master Roshi: Well that looks familiar, in fact it looks a lot like...

[Master Roshi slowly pulls back Bardock's pants, causing his tail to immediately expose itself. Bardock stares at the sky with shock, while Bulma looks on in abject horror.]

Bulma: Master Roshi... I've never known you to act this inappropriately...

Master Roshi: No, it's not what you think, I was looking for tail!

Bulma: Ugh, you pervert!

Master Roshi: No, I mean his tail! He's like Goku!

Bulma: Huh? Well, now that you mention it, that is kind of alarming. Tell me, have you ever turned into a giant ape under the light of the full moon?

Bardock: What? No, of course not! Not if I didn't look at it anyway...

Puar: W-What was that last part?

Bardock: Listen, it's true that I'm like him, but I have it under control. Even if I do become an ape, I'm cognisant enough to control my actions. I wouldn't hurt anyone. I just wanted to see how he was doing.

Bulma: Can we ask how you know him? Are you related?

Bardock: Sorry, I don't know how well I can trust you folks just yet. Just let me watch this to the end, and then I'll be on my way. You don't have to worry about me, that much I can promise you.

Piccolo: So what do you think, Goku? Ready to surrender your life yet?

Goku: Eh, not really. Now, if you were, say, twice as big, then I'd really be shaking in my boots!

Piccolo: Oh yeah? Well I think I can manage that.

Goku: W-what?!

Piccolo: That's right, you thought this was as big as I could get? Watch this!

[Piccolo doubles his size, now towering over even the mountains of Papaya Island.]

Piccolo: Bwahahahahaha! So, am I terrifying enough for you now?

Goku: You're... you're...

Piccolo: Ahahahahaha!

Goku: Wide open!

Piccolo: What?

[Goku suddenly leaps into the air, charges a Kamehameha, fires it backwards, and launches himself into Piccolo's mouth. Piccolo hacks and coughs for several minutes before Goku emerges, holding a small white bottle. Goku throws the bottle to Master Roshi, who fumbles with it before it lands in Bardock's open hands.]

Goku: You! Random guy who looks like me! Open that bottle!

Bardock: What? Oh!

[Bardock sees the bottle in his hands and instantly opens it, allowing Kami to exit the bottle.]

Bulma: Oh no! That bottle summoned another Piccolo!

Master Roshi: No Bulma, it's just Kami! Eh, you are Kami, right?

Kami: As much as I wish I wasn't right now, I am Kami.

Master Roshi: Goku just risked his life to save you!

Kami: He did?

[Kami looks around at his surroundings and sees Bardock.]

Kami: Goku, what are you doing out here? Is Piccolo gone?

Bardock: Sorry, I'm not Goku.

Kami: Really? How strange. Ah, but I see, with that hair and your strength, you must also be-

[Bardock stares daggers at Kami.]

Kami: Nevermind, that's not important. What matters now is that you help us defeat Piccolo.

Bardock: No can do, "Kami". I'm just here to watch the fight.

Kami: What a tremendous waste, don't you realize the entire world is at stake?

Bardock: Eh, it's just one world. Galaxy's full of 'em.

[Meanwhile in the ring, Piccolo is swinging wildly at Goku, attempting to crush him like an insect. Goku, for the most part, is able to dodge the onslaught due to Piccolo's diminished speed. After having to narrowly block a few punches from his opponent's giant fist, Goku eventually manages to maneuver on top of one of Piccolo's fists, run up his arm, and blast Piccolo in the face with a Ki blast. Piccolo stumbles and begins to lean back, which Goku takes as an opportunity to headbutt him directly in the chest, causing him to begin falling out of the ring. However, just before Piccolo falls, he regains his normal size and lands safely inside the ring. Piccolo stands back up immediately.]

Piccolo: So, you're not as dumb as you look.

Goku: Uh, thanks?

Piccolo: Unfortunately, you still have to die.

[Piccolo dashes at Goku.]

Goku: Aw, but why?

[Goku adeptly blocks Piccolo's punch, which he returns with an attempted blow to Piccolo's abdomen. Piccolo intercepts the strike with his other hand, and the two begin rapidly clashing in a flurry of punches and blocks. The clash eventually ends with Piccolo kicking Goku in the face, knocking him across the ring. Piccolo dashes to meet him and assumes a fighting stance, causing Goku to recover and assume an offensive stance to match. Piccolo smirks as he reveals a ball of yellow Ki which he releases and detonates while simultaneously pushing himself back and upwards into the sky. The blast destroys one fourth of the ring, leaving only a cloud of smoke where Goku once stood. Piccolo stands, victorious but clearly exhausted. His fight is over. Once the dust clears, however, Goku is seen with his knees bent, his toes barely managing to hang onto the remainder of the ring.]

Piccolo: What the hell? You're one resilient son of a bitch!

Bardock (Internally): This is it, Kakarot. Make your father, your race, your family... proud!

Goku: Kame...

[A blue ball of energy appears beneath the soles of Goku's feet.]

Goku: Hame...

[The blue light begins to produce a jet stream, launching Goku forward by his feet.]

Goku: HA!

[A Kamehameha wave from Goku's feet launches Goku head first into Piccolo's abdomen, a strike so powerful it knocks both fighters out instantly and causes them both to freefall towards the ring. Their bodies leave sizable craters.]

Tournament Announcer: Amazing! The final match of the 23rd Tenkaichi Budokai ends in a double knockout!

[Both fighters awaken and slowly rise to their feet.]

Tournament Announcer: My word! Despite having taken numerous injuries, both contestants are still standing!

[The audience lets out a deafening cheer. Piccolo suddenly keels over in pain.]

Piccolo: AAAAAAAAGH! SHUT UP, YOU DAMNED HUMANS! OR I'LL DESTROY YOU ALL RIGHT HERE!

[Piccolo fires a Ki blast that nearly misses the audience, causing everyone to run for their lives. Before long, the only ones left are Goku's friends and the announcer.]

Piccolo: Finally, some peace and quiet! Now then, Goku, I think we've all had quite the time here, but it's time to end this.

[Piccolo clenches his fists and begins charging his Ki, creating a yellow aura around him. After a few seconds, Goku panics.]

Goku: Everyone, you have to leave, now! Hurry!

Launch: Huh? What's Goku talking about?

Bardock: Piccolo is charging an attack that will destroy this entire island.

[Bardock fires a Ki blast at the ground, leaving a sizable square crater.]

Bardock: If you don't all take cover in that hole, it's going to kill you all as well.

Launch: Wait a minute, who the hell said you got to tell us what to do?

Goku: No, Launch, he's right! Quickly, he's about to unleash it!

Oolong: I don't care if you jerks wanna die, I'm jumping in!

[Oolong jumps in the hole, shortly followed by everyone else, except for Bardock.]

Launch: Hey, aren't you gonna get in too?

Bardock: I'll be fine, just trust me. I need to stay out here and watch.

[Before anyone can respond, the sound of a massive explosion is heard, and everything goes white. After several seconds, the explosion dissipates, and Krillin crawls out of the hole. He looks around to see Bardock, still standing cross-armed, and Piccolo looking at the sky with a look of satisfaction.]

Krillin: No... Goku!

[Piccolo laughs maniacally as Krillin keeps looking, when suddenly he spots Goku in mid-air, still holding his blocking position. His wristbands slump off of his wrists.]

Krillin: Goku!

Piccolo: What? That's impossible! You should have been vaporized by that attack!

Goku: Sorry to disappoint, but it looks like that won't be quite enough to take me down.

[Everyone cheers for Goku while Bardock simply smirks.]

Goku: And now that you're all out of Ki, it's my turn!

[Goku launches himself at Piccolo, elbowing him in the face before unleashing a flurry of blows before knocking him to the ground. As Piccolo lies, defeated, Goku jumps into the air and charges a Kamehameha. It fires, leaving Piccolo in a massive crater, nearly buried in sand.]

Goku: Woohoo, alright! Hey, announcer guy! Do you wanna start the count now?

Tournament Announcer: I... don't even know what to say at this point... are you sure he's not dead?

Goku: Oh no, he's alive, just barely. If he dies, so does Kami, and look!

[Everyone looks over to see Kami still alive.]

Kami: It's true. As long as Piccolo lives in this world, so will I.

Tournament Announcer: Um... Ok... One, two, three, four...

Yamcha: Five!

Krillin: Six!

Tenshinhan: Seven!

Roshi: Eight!

Chi-chi: Nine!

[Out of nowhere, Piccolo shoots up and fires a Ki blast directly through Goku's chest. Goku falls to the ground, screaming in agonizing pain, while Piccolo slowly stands up and limps out of the crater.]

Chi-Chi: No! Goku! Goku, please! Goku!

Piccolo: Don't worry, your fiance isn't dead yet. First I have to break all of his limbs so that the mistakes of my father can be erased!

[Piccolo points two fingers at Goku's arm and fires a beam, causing Goku to scream again. Piccolo continues breaking each limb before flying into the air.]

Piccolo: And now, say goodbye, Son Goku!

[Piccolo fires a Ki blast at Goku, creating another blinding explosion. When the dust settles, an empty crater sits where Goku once was.]

Piccolo: Hmph, just as I thought, entirely vaporized!

Chi-Chi: NO! NO! THIS CAN'T BE HAPPENING! GOKU!

Krillin: Goku!

Chi-Chi: GOKUUUUUUUUUUUUUU!

Krillin: No, Chi-chi, look, it's Goku!

[Chi-chi looks up through tear-stained eyes to see Goku descending head-first towards Piccolo.]

Chi-Chi: Goku...

Piccolo: Oh my God, you have got to be shitting me!

Kami: I assure you, this is entirely real!

[Piccolo's arms fall to his sides, and Goku crashes into him hard. Both men lay battered and broken on the ground. Just then, a rocket car pulls up and Yajirobe hops out.]

Yajirobe: Here, Goku, hurry! You gotta eat this before your blood fills your lungs.

Goku: Right... Thanks, Yajirobe.

[Goku weakly chews the Senzu Bean before his wounds are healed and he jumps to his feet. Chi-chi sprints over to him and hugs him, squealing with relief and happiness. Kami repairs Goku's clothes, and all of Goku's friends gather around him, except for Kami, who walks over to the near-dead Piccolo.]

Piccolo: So... I guess this is the end for both of us...

Kami: I guess it is, old friend.

Piccolo: Damn it, and I was so close, too...

[Kami raises his hand and brings it down to finish Piccolo, but the hand is instantly caught by Goku.]

Kami: What? Goku, what are you doing?

Goku: Can't you see he's defenseless, Kami? What kind of God are you?

Kami: If he is left alive, he will kill everyone you know and love! And then everyone else!

Goku: Sure, he'll try. But I'll stop him time and time again, because I'm stronger.

Kami:...

Goku: And besides, I know you've been lying to us this whole time. You tell me that Shenron can bring you back if you die, but you taught me how the Dragon Balls work a long time ago. If you go, they go with you. And what fun would the world be without Dragon Balls?

Kami: I was hoping you hadn't remembered that. You're right, Goku... I'm sorry. I've been a terrible Kami, allowing my other half to ravage the world, intervening in mortal affairs, and now lying to you... if only I could kill myself, maybe this planet would get a decent guardian.

Master Roshi: And yet it's thanks to you that we're all here!

Kami: What?

Master Roshi: Without you creating the Dragon Balls, none of us ever would have met, or become as strong as we are today! You brought Goku into the path of our lives, and none of us can thank you enough.

[Kami looks at all of Goku's friends, who smile warmly at him. He smiles too, a single tear rolling down his face.]

Oolong: I think I coulda gone without meeting Goku. Probably could've avoided a lot of life-threatening situations.

[Launch punches Oolong on the head and everyone laughs.]

Goku: Hey, Yajirobe, could you hand me another Senzu?

Yajirobe: Wow Goku, I knew you were a hungry dude, but that's twenty days worth of food!

[Yajirobe tosses a Senzu Bean to Goku, who leans down and puts it in Piccolo's mouth. Instantly, he bites down, stands up, and takes his distance.]

Yamcha: GOKU, WHAT THE HELL DID YOU JUST DO?!

Piccolo: I'd be lying if I said I wasn't asking the same question. You know this means I'm going to kill you, right?

Goku: We;ve already proven that I can beat you. You pose no threat to the Earth anymore, as long as I'm around. I'm letting you go, Piccolo. While you're gone, really think hard about why I'm doing this.

Piccolo: I hate to admit it, but you're right. Don't let it go to your head though, because next time we see each other, I will kill you, and the Mazoku will rule again!

[Piccolo flies above the clouds and into the horizon, disappearing.]

Krillin: Wait, so why did you let him go again?

Goku: Isn't it obvious? I need somebody strong to fight so I can keep up my motivation to train! And did you see that guy? He was amazingly strong! I can't wait to fight him again!

[Everyone groans, but then laughs with Goku. Bulma looks to her side to see that Bardock is leaving. While she still can, she places a hand on his shoulder. Bardock turns around.]

Bulma: Hey, I don't need to hear your secrets, because I'm pretty sure I can tell what's going on here myself. I like to think I'm pretty smart.

Bardock: I, uh...

Bulma: Hey, it's okay! Look, all I wanted to do was give you this.

[Bulma hands Bardock a piece of paper with a list of coordinates on it.]

Bulma: Those are the exact coordinates of where I met Goku. If you ever need to find him again, he'll definitely be somewhere around there.

[Bardock stares in stunned silence, nods weakly, and leaves the area.]

Master Roshi: Kind of an odd fellow, don't you think?

Bulma: I like him. He... reminds me of someone I know.

Master Roshi: Who?

[Nearly six months have passed since the battle with Piccolo. Chi-chi and Goku were married soon after the tournament and are now living in his old home on Mount Paozu. Bulma and Yamcha moved back to the city together, and rented an apartment for nearly a year before breaking up due to rampant fighting. It was a mutual decision, but Yamcha has yet to recover. Krillin and Master Roshi returned to Kame House, where Krillin honed his Martial Arts training while Master Roshi spent most days getting high in the living room with Oolong. Tenshinhan and Chiaotzu returned to their home in the mountains, monitoring any further activity from Master Crane or Tao Pai Pai. Kami, safely unharmed due to Piccolo's survival, returned to the lookout, satisfied with his job for the first time. Bardock now seeks to find Goku, and tell him about his origins.]

[Bardock searches for Goku around Mount Paozu.]

Chi-chi: Goku, lunch is ready! Quit your training before it gets cold!

Goku: Oh boy, lunch! But the training was just getting good... but on the other hand, lunch!

[Goku feels Bardock's energy and turns around to face towards it.]

Chi-chi: Goku, what's wrong? Aren't you going to come inside?

Goku: Chi-chi, get inside now.

Chi-chi: Why? What's wrong?

Goku: I feel an amazing level of power headed this way.

Chi-chi: Are you sure? Maybe it's just a big animal or something, you shouldn't worry so much.

Goku: No Chi-chi, this is the real deal. You should get inside now.

Chi-chi: Goku, when a pregnant woman makes you lunch, then goddamn it, you're about to eat!

Goku: Pregnant? What's that mean?

[Bardock arrives, and Goku enters a fighting stance before immediately releasing it.]

Goku: Woah, you're that guy from the tournament who looks like me! I bet that power was coming from you, wasn't it?

Bardock: Yep, that's me. Should've guessed you'd sense me coming.

Goku: You came here to fight me and take my Dragon Ball, didn't you? (Whispering) Please say yes please say yes please say yes!

Bardock: No.

Chi-chi: Well then what are you here for, and make it quick!

Bardock: I'm here to talk to Goku. We have a lot to discuss.

Chi-chi: Then cut to the chase, are you with the government? The bank? Master Roshi?

Bardock: I'm his father.

Chi-chi: What? Goku, I thought your parents weren't around anymore?

Goku: Sorry, I zoned out for a second. What'd ya say?

Bardock: Just come inside, Goku. You're gonna need to be sitting down for this.

Chi-chi: Well, normally I would be apologizing for questioning you, but since you came here uninvited and interrupted our personal time, I'd say we're even! Now, will you be staying for dinner, Mr...

Bardock: Bardock.

Chi-chi: Bardock, of course! I'll go get an extra bed made for you.

Bardock: Huh. She seems rather... submissive.

Chi-chi: I heard that! I'll have you know I can be quite assertive. I just happen to like having a nice house is all.

Goku: And that's why I married her!

Bardock: The assertiveness or the house making?

Goku: I dunno, I wasn't really paying much attention. So, what'd you wanna talk about, gruff-looking me?

Bardock: I'm your father.

Goku: Woah... for real?

Bardock: Yes. And that's the least shocking thing I'm going to tell you, so I'm sorry if it sounds like a bit much. I just need you to listen and take everything I say at face value. Can you do that?

Goku: Sure, I can try!

Bardock: Please do. Okay then, here goes. We are part of an alien warrior race called the Saiyans. Our homeworld was destroyed by an evil space tyrant named Freeza about 18 years ago, so I sent you to this planet and followed later. I lost you until you grew up, and now I want to help you train. Any questions?

Goku: Just one. Why now? Why not find me sooner? You could've helped me find the Dragon Balls, or beat Piccolo Daimao, or fight the Red Ribbon Army, or beat Piccolo Junior...

Bardock: Well first off, I couldn't find you until now. And the reason I chose to find you now is because now that you're an adult, it's only a matter of time before your older brother comes looking.

Goku: My brother?!

Bardock: Oh yeah, you have a brother. His name is Raditz, and he's more than twice as strong as you, and more than half as strong as both of us combined.

Goku: Wow, is he nice?

Bardock: By human standards, no. By Saiyan standards, also no.

Goku: So are we gonna have to fight him?

Bardock: Definitely. It's gonna take him a couple of years to find you, but once he arrives, he's gonna be looking for a fight.

Goku: Awesome! I can't wait!

Bardock: You're excited? Kakarot, I just told you, he's twice as strong as you, and he's EVIL. Meaning that when he gets here, he's going to kill everyone you love in order to get what he wants, which will probably be you.

Goku: I know! I'm getting pumped thinking about it! You're gonna wanna train, right?

Bardock: We're going to have to, yes. I'm glad you're ready to train, Kakarot, but I'm a bit worried that you're not taking this very seriously.

Goku: Oh, I am, I know that Raditz is a massive threat and could probably wipe out everyone on Earth, considering Piccolo Daimao almost did, and this Raditz is much stronger. But I've always figured, if I have to fight regardless, why not enjoy it?

Bardock: You know, I thought I would be able to connect with you as your father, but you're nothing like I expected, Kakarot.

Goku: Thanks! But why do you keep calling me that?

Bardock: Calling you what?

Goku: Kakarot. At first you called me Goku, which is my name, but then you started calling me Kakarot. Why?

Bardock: Oh, right, sorry. Kakarot is the name I gave you, so that's still how I think of you. I can try to call you Goku if you want, but I'll probably never get used to it.

Goku: Well I've always been Goku, but I don't care if you call me Kakarot. I'm okay with being Kakarot to you and Goku to my other friends. It'll be like our own little inside joke!

Bardock: I... guess you could call it that. Anyway, we should get to training as soon as we can.

Goku: Right! How about we get started now?

[Chi-Chi bursts out from the room next door.]

Chi-Chi: Oh no you don't, Goku! Your lunch is still waiting for you on the table.

Goku: Aww, but Chi-Chi, I wanna know how strong my dad is!

Bardock: Kakarot, it's not polite to ignore a meal that someone prepared for you. Particularly if that person is your wife.

Chi-Chi: What? You mean, you're actually well-mannered?

Bardock: What, didn't expect a Saiyan to have manners?

Chi-Chi: Well, Goku hasn't exactly been a shining example. Would you like something to eat?

Bardock: Oh, I couldn't. Thank you, though.

Chi-Chi: Well then, I'm sure you'll change your mind around dinner time.

Goku: Oh great, now two people are gonna be nagging me about stupid stuff like hygiene, posture, and book-smarts. Oh well, at least I have a new training partner!

[After lunch, Goku and Bardock are standing in a clearing, with Goku in his battle stance.]

Bardock: Alright Kakarot, on the count of three, I want you to hit me as hard and fast as you can. Ready?

Goku: Ready!

Bardock: One... two...

[Goku leaps forward and tries to punch Bardock in the stomach, but Bardock blocks with one hand.]

Bardock: Was... that supposed to catch me off guard?

Goku: Yeah...?

Bardock (twisting Goku's wrist): *sigh* This is what I was afraid of. That was the slowest attack I've ever seen. You'll never even touch Raditz with speed like that.

[Bardock lets Goku go as he rubs his wrist.]

Goku: So you knew I'd attack you before the three count?

Bardock: Of course I did. I would've done the same thing. But the real fight starts now.

[Before Goku can react, Bardock sweeps Goku's legs out from under him and uses the same leg to kick him into a nearby tree. Bardock launches into a follow-up attack, but Goku uses his feet to fire a Kamehameha which lifts him into the air, and then instantly back down again in order to headbutt Bardock. Goku hits Bardock, and as he flies back, Goku follows up with an elbow in the chest, and finishes with a kick with both feet, and backflips until he is standing again. Bardock stands at a distance, looking impressed.]

Bardock: Not bad, Goku, but let's see how you do in the air!

[Bardock flies into the air while firing Ki blasts rapidly, which Goku barely dodges without flying.]

Goku: Woah, you can fly without a Kinto-Un?!

Bardock: Wha- you mean you can't fly? And what the hell's a Kinto-Un?

Goku: Here, I'll show you. Kinto-Un!

[Goku jumps onto Kinto-Un as it flies in, and once atop the cloud, Goku brandishes his Nyoibou, ready to strike. Bardock looks incredibly bewildered and caught off-guard. Goku swipes at Bardock with the Nyoibou which he easily dodges, until it begins to extend, creating distance between Goku and Bardock. Once the Nyoibou has grown to a considerable length, Goku throws it into Bardock's stomach like a javelin, and while Bardock recoils, Goku flies swiftly behind him and lands a heavy blow to the back of Bardock's head.]

Goku: Pretty cool, huh dad?

Bardock:...

Goku: Dad?

Bardock: Kakarot, what the FUCK was THAT? You think that's fighting? Using stupid gimmicks like flying clouds and magic sticks? Well maybe that's worked up until now, but if you pull this shit when we fight Raditz, he will laugh in your face, snap your extendo-twig in half, and proceed to murder this ENTIRE PLANET. Because that is what Saiyans do, Kakarot. They murder planets. And if you're not planning on taking a threat like that seriously, then I think it'd be best if you left Raditz to me.

[Bardock flies off into the mountains.]

Goku: Dad, wait! Come back! Damn, and it was just getting good!

[Goku returns home, where Chi-chi is sitting on the couch, reading.]

Chi-chi: Oh, you're done already? Where's Bardock?

Goku: He took off. He got mad at me because I used my Kinto-Un and Nyoibou, and then he just flew away! Said that if I wasn't going to take this seriously, he might as well train on his own.

Chi-chi: Well, do you think he meant that?

Goku: I don't know, I guess. I hope he comes back, it'd be a shame if I only got to spar with him once and then never saw him again. Ah well, easy come easy go, I guess.

Chi-chi: Goku, can you take me to him?

Goku: Of course, but why?

Chi-chi: I feel like I might have a bit more luck talking to him than you would.

Goku: What's that supposed to mean?

[Goku is carrying Chi-chi on his back while he flies on the Kinto-Un towards Bardock's location.]

Goku: You alright back there Chi-chi? Usually our Kinto-Un rides involve a lot more screaming!

Chi-chi: I'm just thinking about what to say to your father. I have no idea how to talk to a Saiyan, seeing as you're the only one I've ever met, and you are nothing like Bardock.

Goku: C'mon Chi-chi, I'm sure he's just blowing off steam. Y'know, like you do after we argue! Except I don't know if he has that same buzzy thingy. Do you think he'd wanna borrow it?

Chi-chi: GOKU! HOW DO YOU EVEN KNOW ABOUT THAT?!

Goku: Are you kidding me? I can hear it from the living room! What is it, like a back massager, or...

Chi-chi: Yes. It massages my back. And nothing else.

Goku: Well yeah, that's what a back massager does, silly! Anyway, we're here, so I guess I'll see you later!

Chi-chi: Bye Goku, don't forget to do your chores while I'm gone!

[Chi-chi sees Bardock, who appears to be meditating, from a distance and begins to approach him.]

Chi-chi (gently): Hello? Bardock?

[The birds and animals resting on Bardock's body scurry as Bardock looks up, appearing surprised.]

Bardock: Oh, hello. Didn't see you there.

Chi-chi: I'm sorry, were you napping?

Bardock: No, I was meditating. There's a difference.

Chi-chi: Right, anyway, about Goku...

Bardock: Look, I love my son as much as the next guy, but he is immature, unbearable, and a total danger to his friends and family.

Chi-chi: All of that is true. BUT, that doesn't change the fact that Goku is your son. If he needs anyone in his life to make him straighten up and fly right, it'll be you. Kami knows I've tried, but he hardly listens to a word I say! He's only interested in what strong people like you have to say. But besides that, you said yourself that a grave threat is coming to this planet, and if you're going to stop it, you're gonna need to work together.

Bardock: So Kakarot told you everything, eh? You're right, whether I like it or not, fighting Raditz is a two person job.

Chi-chi: I'm glad you agree.

Bardock: But what about you?

Chi-chi: I'm sorry?

Bardock: My son only listens to strong people, and yet he married you, who he doesn't listen to, by your own admission, because you're weak. What gives?

Chi-chi: Well I'm not Saiyan strong, but I am much stronger than the average person on Earth.

Bardock: Oh really? Show me then.

Chi-chi: What? Oh no, I couldn't.

Bardock: C'mon, you got this.

[Bardock enters a fighting stance and waits for Chi-chi to strike. Chi-chi looks confused at first, but then steals herself, knowing she'll have to play along if she wants to keep Bardock's attention. She launches at Bardock, punching him square in the jaw. Bardock is impressed, smiling at her.]

Bardock: So you don't know how to fly either, huh? Neither does your husband.

Chi-chi: I'm afraid humans can't fly on their own. I'm sorry to disappoint.

Bardock: Nonsense, all it takes is basic Ki control. Don't need to be a Saiyan for that.

Chi-chi: Ki?

Bardock: Yes, Ki. As in, the energy which allows you to increase your speed, focus your attacks, and fly. Surely you've used it before?

Chi-chi: Oh, that's what Goku must use. I always wondered how he was able to do such strange and amazing things. But you're saying normal people can too? Humans, I mean.

Bardock: Yes. You see, every living creature has a hidden well of power inside them called Ki. When a person is focused, they can draw from this well in an amount equal to their physical strength.

Chi-chi: You mean like this?

[Chi-chi's eyes are closed, and she is surrounded by a red Ki aura.]

Bardock: Why yes, quite impressive.

Chi-chi: Oh please, you don't get to be the Ox King's daughter without having good mental discipline.

Bardock: You are the daughter of a King?

Chi-chi: Why yes!

Bardock: My apologies, my Lady. I was not aware that you were of royal blood. My people have a great respect for monarchy, and if I had known better, I would have addressed you accordingly. Please forgive my ignorance.

Chi-chi: Oh, please, you embarrass me! Yes, I am royal, but my father only ruled over Fire Mountain.

Bardock: I see. Then why do you not live with the King in his palace?

Chi-chi: Master Roshi destroyed it.

Bardock: Figures. Anyways, My Lady-

Chi-chi: Just Chi-chi is fine.

Bardock: Sorry, Chi-chi. Do you think you could use your energy to fly?

Chi-chi: Well, now that I've got a handle on it, let's see...

[Chi-chi begins to float, which leads to her fully flying around the vicinity.]

Chi-chi: Oh my! That's pretty exciting!

Bardock: Fantastic! If I could teach you that, maybe you could replace Kakarot!

[Bardock looks at Chi-chi with an expression of hope, but Chi-chi sighs.]

Chi-chi: Look, Bardock. I'm flattered, but I'm not the one you're looking for. I haven't seriously trained in years; my potential isn't that great. And besides, I can't be training while I'm pregnant, it might hurt the baby.

Bardock: You're right, I'm so sorry. I could never ask that of you. Congratulations.

Chi-chi: Thank you! And hey, if you could teach even someone like me to fly, you can teach Goku anything.

Bardock: You're right. Thank you, Chi-chi.

Chi-chi: You're more than welcome.

[Bardock and Chi-chi return home, where Goku is eagerly waiting on the couch. Chi-chi enters first.]

Goku: So, how'd it go?

Chi-chi: It went well! Your father even offered to train me.

Goku: And you said no? Why?

Chi-chi: Because I'm pregnant with our child, Goku.

Goku: What with our what now?

[Bardock enters, conveniently ending the conversation.]

And so, the journey towards confronting Raditz begins. Over the next three years, Goku will train rigorously with Bardock in order to protect the planet and his home. At some point on this path, Chi-chi and Bardock face a daunting challenge: teaching Goku where babies come from. Goku is able to understand after many hours spent with educational videos and pictures. Bardock regards it as a wonderful memory he thought he missed a chance to have with his son. Chi-chi does not. Several months later, Goku asks why they simply do not wish Gohan out with the Dragon Balls. Chi-chi and Bardock cannot refute this logic, and Gohan is wished out of Chi-chi's womb on the day of delivery. Three years later, Roshi sends out an invitation to the Son family to join him and their other friends on his island for a reunion. The Son family is just preparing to leave on the day of the party when Bardock feels a foreboding presence arriving from space...

[END OF THE BARDOCK SAGA]