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They had been sitting in the waiting room for three hours. Maggie had been giving them sporadic updates, something Will would normally do but unfortunately he became a victim in this mess.
Jay had been taken to surgery for his back not long after they arrived. Apparently knowing what to expect, Ethan had called in a plastic surgeon and both were waiting at the doors to the ER. Confident he would be able to minimize the scarring, Dr. Carson whisked Jay away as soon as he was stable.
He was beyond lucky there was no structural trauma to his wrists and ankles. They were cut up and punctured, especially his left ankle, which took internal and external stitches but that was the extent. If the barbs were longer, there would've been a different outcome. Oddly enough, securing Jay's extremities so tightly to the pallet, the Turner's probably saved him from career ending injuries.
All in all, there was no life threatening damage, just enough to cause a tremendous amount of pain…Physically, Jay would eventually be okay.
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After a brief visit with an unconscious Jay, confirming he was alive and would eventually be well, Ethan gently kicked the unit out. He assured them he would call as soon as Jay was ready for visitors, but in the mean time thought it was best if Jay woke up to only him in the room. Saddened by the fact the doctor was speaking from experience, they said their silent goodbyes to Jay, respected the doctor's wishes and went home.
X
Off work and waiting for Jay to come back to the waking world, Ethan sat at his bedside in jeans and a button down, alternating between watching his friend sleep and fiddling with his phone.
Jay was laying on his right side, so Ethan could see his face clearly. Beside the bruises, the white bandages over stitched cuts and butterfly bandages over lesser cuts, his splinted fingers and wrapped wrists were the only visual proof of his injuries. He had a concussion and the light sheet covering his torso hid bruises and first and second degree burns. His back was stitched up and there was no significant deep tissue damage. In time the scars would fade. Most to be camouflaged in his freckles.
Jay would be in pain but he would get better. The physical injuries didn't worry Ethan. It was the mental and emotional healing to come that had him anxious for his friend.
He knew the Turner's got to almost all of the methods of torture in the AAR and was glad they didn't know what was left out.
Staring at his friend's bruised face, Ethan shook his head at the thought swirling in it, two sides of a coin that Mouse and he had talked about a number of times; fear and sadness over what Jay had gone through on one side and awe in how he handled it on the other.
For lack of a better word, Jay had a very healthy attitude in regard to his torture.
Torture is torture nothing more nothing less.
A lesser man wouldn't have seen it that way and probably would've been destroyed by what they kept out of the AAR.
Jay was not a lesser man. Torture is Torture.
Ethan was still in awe of his friend, who he was then and the man he had become.
He would be okay…they would make sure of it…Jay would make sure of it.
As soon as Jay started to stir, Ethan pocketed his phone and stepped closer to the bed but not too close. He wasn't sure what continent Jay would wake up in.
"Hey Jay…"
Jay's answer was a groan…then scream…screams.
X
'Jackson! Jackson. Come on man…talk to me'
Quiet…quieting himself, his pounding heart, listening for anything from the kid
Drip drip drip
'Jackson!'
Drip drip drip
A cough, anything
Drip drip drip
The steady drip and pulses of pain put him to sleep
The rattle of chains wakes him…grateful that the kid is still with him, but then watches as the Taliban drag Jackson out by his ankles leaving a bloody trail
When they come for him again, he fights and they toss him on what felt like a bed of thorns
He screams
and screams again when they tie him down with wire
He passes out
A reprieve
Coming to, he can't hear or see
The panic rolls through him causing him to shift on the barbaric surface
He screams…screams…screams…
Electricity he didn't know was coming had him arching his back off the torture he was laying on…
His screams are charged with anguish
Jackson…he failed the kid…he deserves it…every ounce of pain to come
X
"Jackson!"
It came out of his mouth as nothing more than a desperate whisper, voice hoarse from screaming.
"Jay…Jay!"
He jerked to the waking world with a gasp, still arching away from the phantom electricity, tears rolled unhindered from his eyes. There was no relief in it being just a nightmare…it was a memory…more than a memory. He was there.
When he first came back from the war, that was what the night brought…over and over and over, but it had faded with time. As years passed only shadowed remnants came through when he revisited that cell in his sleep…
…but he had passed out in the ER and returned to the desert…to that pain…to his failure.
Jackson
Ethan saw the confusion in Jay's eyes when he finally blinked them open and it broke his heart…then crushed it when desolation swept in to take its place.
Jaw clenched to contain the sobs that were sure to come, "Ethan…"
A sob escaped and the doctor put a hand to the side of Jay's face and leaned down in front of him, eye to eye.
"It's gunna be okay man…"
Jay tilted his head into his friend's palm trying to shake the brutal fragments of the night terror.
The sobs came full force then, hoarse and anguished bringing tears to Ethan's eyes.
"I got ya Jay. You're gunna get through this okay? I'll make sure of it."
He wanted to hug his friend, but the injuries wouldn't allow it, so he settled for running his hand through Jay's hair and wiping his tears.
"I got ya…"
Jay's eyes started to flutter closed, pain meds doing their thing but he forced them open, fear radiating from his being, he didn't want to go back…couldn't handle going back…couldn't fail Jackson again.
He sobbed harder, hurting himself as his body trembled, tipping his head back and groaning through a clenched jaw.
"Ethan…" he groaned in an anguished rasp, "Ethan please…"
"I got ya bud. Go to sleep, your safe…"
Powerless to comfort his friend, Ethan let his own tears flow. He didn't know if Jay believed he was safe or not, the pain took him under. Hopefully to a healing slumber and not back to the darkness of that day in Afghanistan.
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They had visited for the first time on day two. The brief moments Jay was awake he said nothing, and for the most part stared right through them. It worried them but they told themselves and each other that it was early in Jay's recovery He was in pain and on a high dose of meds. They told themselves he would be okay…
…but still hadn't been able to fully convince themselves of that sentiment.
So they inundated Ethan with questions, looking for direction on how to support Jay without hurting him emotionally, but the doctor didn't have any answers other than they should follow Jay's lead and it would take time.
And they didn't want to hear that.
X
In the early morning of Jay's fifth day in the hospital, the team found his room empty and his nurse puzzled by that fact, he wasn't scheduled for any tests and really shouldn't be walking unattended yet with his injuries.
Needless to say, given what Jay had just gone through for the second time in his life, they were worried. He was quiet when they visited, barely there with them and they knew from Ethan he had been having nightmares.
They were just about to call Dr. Choi when Adam voiced his fear, their fear, in form of a possible location for Jay…'the roof,' two words that caused a terror fueled mad scramble.
Their fears were allayed when they found Jay where they feared but sitting calmly in a lawn chair, back to the corner of the wall so he had a view of the entire roof and door…so he had a view of the entire roof and door…the kid was scared.
His eyes were cast down and he must have been oblivious to everything outside his thoughts because there was no grace in how they went through that door.
Elbows on knees, arms dangling and head down, he was barefoot and wearing baggy sweats and a hoody. One leg of his sweatpants had rode up, revealing the bruising peeking out from the pink tinged bandage circling his ankle, he had probably popped stitches walking up there. Although hidden by his clothes, they knew his other ankle and wrists sported the same bandages and bruising and probably more popped stitches.
Finally realizing they were there, Jay's head lifted and tipped to the side, bruised eyes showing confusion. When it dawned on him why they were out of breath and radiating with anxiety, his confusion morphed into sadness.
He gave them a timid smile, "Sorry guys…I…" He looked away from them then, face tilted toward the sun, eyes closed. He took a breath and faced them again, "I just needed to…needed some air."
On top of looking sad, they knew he was in pain, crinkled brows giving it away. Somehow, with three splinted fingers on his left hand and two on the right, he had unhooked his morphine pump, the remnants of it still taped to his hand, ready to be hooked back up when he went to his room, but until then he would be feeling the pain of his injuries.
"That's okay kid. I guess we're all a little on edge."
Al ushered everyone else off the roof and Voight joined Jay, sitting on the edge of the chair next to him.
Voight didn't say anything, he didn't need to. He just wanted the kid to know that if he needed to talk, he was there.
Jay understood the unit's rush to find him. His thoughts had been dark and growing darker the last few days. He worried this time he wouldn't make it through and it was probably easy to pick up on.
As much as he didn't want to, he knew he would have to ask for help this time. Last time, Ethan and Mouse gave him no choice. He had been determined to work through it alone and they didn't leave when he tried to push them away. And even though this time wasn't as bad physically, the pain inflicted on him was revenge not war and that spun a sticky web of renewed guilt for failing Jackson.
Closing his eyes when his body started to vibrate with pain and anxiety, Jay took a few minutes to breathe. Asking for help didn't come easy for him.
Voight shifted in his chair when the kid started to take slow steady breaths, pain obvious in the tremble of his body and the twist of his face.
Forcing the words out in a whisper before he could lock them down forever, Jay asked for what he needed but didn't want.
"I'm gunna need help Sarge…I don't think…"
"We gotcha kid. Whatever you need, no pressure…just let us know and we'll be there."
Jay nodded his head and cleared his throat. "Do you know…is Ethan working? … Could you check?"
"Sure kid."
Pulling out his phone, Voight got to his feet but the kid started talking again, so he crouched down in front of him.
"Ethan… he was there. He was there when they brought me in…the first time. He knows what happened…" He hesitated for a long moment, "…all of what happened…some of it we could keep out of the medical report. It didn't have anything to do with national security. So he kept it out for me."
Voight didn't know what to say to that. He felt like he knew what the kid was talking about, but if it's not said out loud…it was like ghosts, until you actually see one, you can still choose to believe they don't exist. Jay didn't say it out loud so Voight could choose to believe his suspicions weren't fact.
"Can you ask Ethan to come up here?"
"You got it kid."
They made eye contact briefly, Jay nodded then tilted his head back, eyes closed to the sun, leaving Voight to find who Jay needed right now.
X
A while later, Ethan brought Jay back to his room in a wheelchair. He was leaning forward to save his back some pain but his face was twisted in agony. When he saw the team in his room he tipped his head down in embarrassment. They thought he was going to kill himself.
They all stayed for a moment, Voight and Hailey helping the doctor get Jay back into bed and onto his right side.
Ethan quickly hooked up the morphine pump and silently asked Jay's permission to administer a dose.
Permission granted, the doctor pushed the button on the PCA, then put it in Jay's hand so he could control the meds.
Blinking to stay awake just a little longer, he wanted to take away their fear, "I'm okay guys…"
Seeing that they didn't believe him as far as they could throw him. Jay briefly closed his eyes and when he opened them again made eye contact with his Sergeant.
Whispering, he tried again, "I'm okay now boss…really…" his eyes scanned the room and even though they landed on Voight, his statement was for everyone, "I'll be okay…"
He allowed the meds to take him before he could register any disbelief on their faces. He was tired, soul tired and even though he was afraid of where he would go when he slept, he was in pain and wanted to escape his current reality even if he was risking a return to the desert.
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Thanks for reading peeps. I think I have one more chapter, but then again, this story was only supposed to be 4, so guess I'm not running the show, leaving that to my muse.
Speaking of my muse, she's really twisting up the last chapter and even though I have been trying to post on Mondays and Thursdays, I work a lot for the next four days so there might be a bit of a delay on that last chapter.
Stay safe!