Chapter 4: Transitions

After Galadriel provided the stunning explanation of the elleth's history, she, Elrond, and Mithrandir spent some time pondering what to do with the new elf. Mithrandir consulted the Valar, as the Istari may do, but they had nothing more to say than that it was Eru's own will that brought her to live as an elf in Valinor, so she must be welcomed here. After some discussion, Elrond and Celebrian agreed to take the newly named Lossrilleth into their house and raise her as if she were their own daughter.

There was much that Lossrilleth needed to learn: her body had no muscle memory, so although she could remember eating with utensils, or walking, or even speaking, she had to learn all these things anew. Teaching her reminded Elrond of a farmer he treated once at Rivendell, who had suffered from apoplexy. They found her a determined student, but – like a child – she suffered sometimes from impatience and frustration at her lack of ability.

Indeed, Elrond and Celebrian found her somewhat willful at times. After indicating several times that she was irritated by the length of her hair and receiving no help (because her long tresses were quite fashionable, which they thought she would come to appreciate), they arrived in her room one morning to find that she had stolen a knife from the dinner table and roughly chopped her hair off. After Celebrian ruefully trimmed everything even, Lossrilleth's mane of pure white hair barely passed her shoulder blades, and she never let it grow past her waist again.

While her clumsiness made it tempting to treat the elleth as an unusually large infant, it was clear early on that she had a strong and clever mind. Within a week of her arrival, Galadriel could no longer read Lossrilleth's thoughts or feelings without the new elf's cooperation. Galadriel then tutored Lossrilleth, who quickly picked up the trick of reading thoughts and feelings and projecting directly mind to mind. Her frustration lessened considerably once she could communicate – first with only feelings and images, but soon in Quenya and Sindarin. In fact, she learned language quickly once she could touch the minds of others. She developed a habit of scanning other's thoughts for a word or idea she was looking for, as though they were all living dictionaries. She called this "Googling" and seemed to think that was a hilarious joke, to everyone's bafflement.

Elrond and Celebrian resolved to teach Lossrilleth how to live as a proper elf maid and she was generally an obliging student. She seemed to enjoy learning skills of art and music. She was delighted one evening after hearing a performance of the hammer dulcimer and then insisted on learning the instrument herself. As she grew in skill, the elves found her compositions complex and sometimes a little dark, but fascinating (1). Elrond also finds his new charge to be a studious, scholarly person who seemed to find joy in learning the elven languages and stories.

Oddly, there were some things that they found she already knew, over which many curious looks were exchanged. She found Gandalf and Elrond playing chess one day and commented on a move – after which they each challenged her to a game and found her an able player (although much to her rue she could not best either of them). During the course of her lessons in the history of the elves, Elrond was especially surprised to find her already familiar with certain tales, particularly the stories regarding the war of the one ring at the end of the third age. He and Gandalf discussed the connection between Lossrilleth's old world and this one with some concern, but were never able to make any conclusions.

As she became more acculturated, Elrond and Celebrian began introducing her to a few choice elves and teaching her their social customs. By agreement they all kept the details of her history a secret from the general population, instead telling only a vague story of her arrival and Legolas's discovery of her on the shores of Valinor. They decide not even to tell Legolas of Lossrilleth's history. He pushed to see her, but Elrond told him simply that she had much healing to undergo still, so Legolas would have to wait to connect with the mystery elleth he saved from the waves.

So, in many ways, all seemed well. But Gandalf kept a close eye on Lossrilleth, and there were moments that the stress and strangeness of her situation seemed to take a toll on her. He came upon her one day looking at her own reflection in a mirror strangely, wearing a new dress that Celebrian had chosen for her.

You look lovely, my lady, Gandalf said kindly.

It is a beautiful dress, and beautiful body to fill it, isn't it? She replied, appraising herself coolly. It hardly seems real. This face could have been carved out of marble it looks that perfect. Even after all this time it sometimes doesn't feel like my own. And grey eyes…

What color were your eyes before, my lady? Gandalf asked thoughtfully, feeling concerned for her.

They were mostly green, sir. My mother used to say they looked like the skin of a trout – green with brown speckles. Lossrilleth sighed and leaned away from the mirror, I have searched everything in my memory and in myself to try to understand who I am now. I have lived this life in Valinor longer now than I lived as a human. I am not who I was before, but I do not feel like a normal elf. I look in myself for something enduring that ties one being to the other, but I can find nothing.

Gandalf pondered this reflection seriously, thinking about the implications of her memories of her human mother and how disassociated she seemed to feel from her body. Perhaps you are not one thing or another. Perhaps you do not need to be. I have known you now for many years - you are clever and kind, and you are finding your way here admirably. Take your lessons from your first life and keep them, but do not let those memories keep you from accepting this gift you have been given, Gandalf said kindly. It is your soul that endures, and a soul, perhaps, is neither human nor elven.

Even my soul is changed by this new life, Mithrandir, the elleth replied, looking at him with a small smile that seemed both thoughtful and a little sad.

As she walked away to one of many intimate dinners in which Elrond and Celebrian taught her the ways of the elves, Mithrandir determined to keep an eye on Lossrilleth, and to help her find happiness in this life.

In her 99th year in Valinor, Celebrian declared that her charge was ready to move more freely among the elves. Elrond and Celebrian suggested a celebration in the tradition of a coming-of-age ceremony. Although she was never a true elfling, she had learned much in 100 years, just as an elf child would. The elves were generally thrilled – who could say no to the juiciest gossip to be found in Valinor in centuries and, to boot, a good party?

Footnotes:

(1) See: Woodsong Wanderlust, by Joshua Messick