One Last Time

by Castlefan6

Authors Note: This is AU; Kate's mom is alive, still happily married to Jim. The experiment of Kate and Rick living together, happily ever after is killed when she takes the Fed job only 7 months into their coupling. Only to return to New York 13 months later, BUT Rick isn't there.

I don't own Castle; I only use the characters for amusement purposes, except the ones I create.

Also, we take liberties with the timeline from Canon and use events to make this a more believable fiction, thanks. A different outcome from Watershed, at least for now. No Guarantee this will be Caskett Ending, but leaning that way now.

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Chapter 4

Beckett's Apartment

Later That Night

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Kate was still reeling from the meeting with Alexis, a total shocker for sure. She thought for sure she would still be in England, then again, she thought Rick would be at the loft, not Texas, for God's sake. She had just finished her ready prep dinner of something to do with Chicken, she didn't bother to look, they all tasted the same to her when her phone rang with her mom's ring tone.

"Katie, how did it go? I just wanted to let you know I've already received several emails praising your presentation skills as well as your knowledge of the material, without reading directly from the text." Johanna said in her tone knowing her daughter was going to go after her for not telling her the size of the class.

"Mother, you know damn well how it went, WHY didn't you tell me it was a lecture for over a hundred students in the auditorium, I had to wear a microphone for God's sake. I thought the nerdy IT Support kid was nuts and trying to cop a feel when he attached my microphone, then made me do sound checks." She heard Johanna laugh,

"Katie, for a Detective, you need to look closer, Kevin is gay, and probably found touching you as disgusting as you did, if I had told you the class size would you have gone through with the deal?" Johanna asked, her lawyer skills in place,

"Well, let's put it out, here and now if you ever mention Jimmy again, I'll tell Dad where you and Margie Fortis went when you said you were going to that Women's retreat from the church, and Mom, I got pictures so think before you answer," Kate said, she heard her mother start to move, meaning her Dad was in his chair, and she didn't want him to hear this part of the conversation.

"Katie, I don't know what you mean, that was quite some time ago, and there were no pictures," Johanna tried to call Kate's bluff,

"I knew you would say that Mom, go to Facebook, I sent you an instant message, don't worry, only you can see it unless you want to show daddy," she said, as she heard Johanna gasp,

"Where did you get this? I mean, it was Vegas, a girl's weekend, we let our hair down some, what's wrong with that?" she pleaded with her daughter.

"Someone told me when I was a little girl, if you have to lie about something, it probably isn't something you should be doing" Kate threw her Mom's lectures back at her, as she heard her mom shift the phone,

"OK, OK, I get it Katie, where the hell did you get those pictures, I'm going to kill somebody," Johanna said, "I'll back off, you're making your point and decisions in life, even if I disagree with them, I'll leave you alone. I'm afraid you've already made the biggest mistake of your life, but,"

"I have to go, mother, I'll call you later this week" as she clicked off. She wasn't in the mood to hear how badly she had screwed up her relationship with Rick, which wasn't new to her, no one knew better than she did.

She put her phone on the charger, took a glass of wine, and what the hell, one last read of Terminated Heat to the hot bath waiting for her. She thought it was a clever play on words, that it was the end of their, well Rook, and Nikki's relationship, then the assassination or murder of Rook when he was outed by a crooked CIA operative. She couldn't help but think of Agent Stack when that character was introduced.

Because it wasn't an official exercise, it took negotiations from the U.S. State Department just to retrieve his remains. Even in the saddest of stories, Rick usually had a flair for keeping things as light as he could, but this work was the darkest work of his she had ever read. She had cried every time she read it, and this would be the fifth time. She settled into the bath, trying to forget the day and more.

The meeting with Alexis should've allowed her to move on, or so she thought. It did the opposite. It brought his memory, the real memory of how he was and is today from what she knew into sharper focus. Rather than providing comfort to her by knowing, it illuminated the loss she had caused.

It shouldn't be like this, nor feel as sad as she does, not now, not after three years. …but it does. The dull ache throbs even have intensified and aches more often painfully inside her chest, sometimes where she can almost stop breathing.

Her thoughts turned to her phone, she could try calling him, but she had deleted his contact information. She almost laughed at that, as if she hadn't remembered his number at least ten times each day. What would she say, especially after three years, Hey Rick it's me, next time you're in the neighborhood stop by we can catch up.

What the hell did she think he was doing all the time she was in DC screwing other men? She had no illusion that he hadn't found a way for his own bodily release, hell he was a very sexually active man, and without anyone dedicated partner was free to try them all. A rich, kind man who was also handsome and generous would be like fresh meat to a tiger's den when he went back on the market, good job Kate, she chastised herself.

She had almost talked herself into putting the fictional Rick down, retrieving her phone, and trying once again to talk to the real Rook, the one she made feel like he was being executed. Then she remembered very clearly their last words to each other, well she still wasn't sure if he was waving goodbye or giving her the talk to the hand sign, both hurt in either case.

She can't call him. She won't. Not like this, not after three years, not for an awkward, stilted conversation that will have no chance of going anywhere. She had tried to call him once from DC, but she was a little drunk, well a lot drunk, and with another man, so she left a voice mail, and still doesn't remember what she said. She was pretty sure she cursed him out for not answering, and telling him, no problem he was already replaced in her new bed.

Many men would have returned the call just to vent, but Rick wasn't just any man. He knew that letting her try to figure out what she said would equate to her trying to solve a jigsaw puzzle with a few missing pieces. It would drive her as crazy as she became on some cases at the murder board when nothing was fitting. No, she couldn't call, it wouldn't help, she needed to think more about how to try to fix this.

She glanced at her fingers, all wrinkled from being in the water so long, the hot water was at best now tepid, and dropping quickly so it was time to get out, and continue her reading in bed. She toweled off, put on a plush thick robe, to go to her bedroom, and dress in her comfortable sleep clothes. She knew they looked hideous to anyone else but they were warm, in more ways than one, and allowed her the comfort to fall asleep some nights.

First the leggings, then the sweatshirt she had taken when she left Rick's loft. It had the markings of Harvard University; she never knew if he ever attended the school and if this was a souvenir or if he just bought the shirt because he liked it, she never got the chance to ask. She started to lie down and resume reading, but then she heard the voice, his voice, prodding her into making herself a cup of tea first.

This is why she can't call him, caught in what most people would call a madman's world, this limbo between her love for him, and WHY it wasn't enough to stop her from the defining event in her life, one that even therapy hasn't helped her conquer. Could he have done more to keep her from making the mistake? She only needed a millisecond to answer her own question with an emphatic Hell No.

He tried, well as much as she let him in on the facts of the new job, but how can he stop something from happening when he had no idea, she was reverting to her My Life, My Rules, My Decision scenario without him even knowing the full story? The lie started after her conversation with Agent Stack, and each succeeding lie got easier to say until she was standing in the outer office of the Attorney General, waiting for what she thought would be the break of her life, her winning lottery ticket so to speak. What a fool, she concluded and returned to her book, reading an especially tough scene between Rook and Nikki that could have been recorded from some of their conversations after the Vaughn incident.

The knot of emotions inside her concerning Richard Castle was and remains a complex, tightly woven, and inextricable part of her. If people thought her walls were tough to penetrate before Richard Castle, they hadn't begun to test the thorny situation left behind by the ruins of a beautiful relationship that she destroyed. Even to the end, he kept trying until he couldn't try anymore, she understood now, she didn't then, but being away from him, made her eyes open wide to who was at fault.

If only she could fix herself. She's broken, and never going to get better, even Doctor Burke told her you don't FIX her condition, you treat it until it becomes manageable by you on your own. He had tried trace therapy, trying to see if one catastrophic event could have changed her behavior, and the way she justified ends justifies the means in her personal life.

It had taken her several sessions with Doctor Burke to share that Maddie had cheated with her one serious high school boyfriend, having sex with him less than 24 hours after he was refused by her. She had to relive how she ostracized them both from her life and went on alone, completely alone until Jimmy.

Then she had to relive the dates, all 5 of them, then the night Jimmy was shot and how he practically died in her arms. That was, up until the first night she realized Rick was gone for good the worst night of her life. She still had nightmares about both Jimmy's and Rick's last night with her, but wouldn't disclose that to the doctor, at least not yet.

The trace therapy revealed nothing unordinary about her and the treatment of others, so that was a bust to try and figure out WHY she acted as she did. She read more, and cried as she could see the pain between the pages Rick had poured his heart out in this book, she felt every hurt, every doubt, the sting of every lie.

She woke two hours later with her pillow soaked, the book on the same page, and her feeling of hopelessness. She placed the marker in her book, placed her wine glass, empty a long time ago on the dresser, turned off the lights, and prayed if the dreams returned tonight, she would get at least a few hours of sleep, she was so exhausted.

Sleep came, and she was able to rest until the next morning when the sun was blasting through the window where she had failed to close her curtain the night before. No use trying to sleep now, she rose, went for her run, now her course took her directly past the Loft, and then stopped for the two cups of coffee, one going and one to bring home from the Java Huts on each leg of her run.

She showered, dried her hair, and almost forgot that today was Saturday, and her day off, those never mattered anymore it seemed. She was glancing through the paper when her phone rang, "Oh No, Karpowski is on call, please let it be something else as she answered, "Kate Beckett"

"Hi, Kate?" The warm and melodious tone is unexpected.

"Jenny?"

"Are you busy? Am I interrupting something?" She asked,

"No, no it's fine. I was just…reading the paper and finishing my coffee from my run this morning ." She said, trying to cheer up,

"Well, Kevin and I have brought KJ into the city for a day out, we're taking advantage of the good weather. We're not far from your place. Want to join us for ice cream or something?"

"Sure. Name a place and give me 20 minutes to get ready?" She smiled at the phone.

XxX

Honey Hut Ice Cream

Twenty Minutes later

Kevin Javier Ryan, who had earned the nickname of KJ to avoid confusion with two Kevins in the same house smiled wide when he first saw Kate. He had inherited his father's sunny disposition and a wide smile, and his mother's blonde hair. He loved his Aunt Kate, and could hardly be contained when he spotted her. Nothing would satisfy him until he got to sit in Auntie's lap, as she made goo-goo eyes at him and played silly games. His laugh, well giggle was almost infectious

He sat happily on her lap as they visited in a nonwork environment, the last social Kate had attended was at the Haunt, shortly before, well. She kept him busy playing with the brightly colored pair of spoons his mother has given him when his little fingers weren't entwined with Auntie Kate's hair. It was debatable who was enjoying the visit more, the Auntie, or KJ,

"Kate, thanks for sending Kev home on time most days. You don't know what a big help it is and I appreciate it." Jenny flashes a smile at her husband as she speaks, who blushes a little.

"No problem, Jenny, Javi helps out when he can, so it's a team effort and we know this little guy can be a handful.

Ghost-Castle voice chimes in "just like Cosmo, do you remember?" Of course, she's learned that she's the only one that can hear his voice, but it did bring back memories of the baby from one of their cases he had named Cosmo.

She kissed the top of KJ's head before she left, he was already almost asleep and this would be the only time that she could leave and him not throw a fit. She pushed down the feelings that had raced from her stomach to her throat and tried to quash any internal regrets about how nice it felt to have him in her arms, in her lap for the last hour or so.

Just another reminder of what else she had thrown away, the chance for her own little Ricks, and the words from the song came rushing to her mind, Regrets…she has a few, hell she has a house full of them, she sighed as she watched the happy couple plus one fade out of sight.

XxX

Newport Way, The Castle

Huntsville Texas

Same Time Frame

Rick was thoroughly enjoying his stint as a Critical Writing Professor at Sam Houston College, a short drive from his home. His students were those who planned on making writing their career, all planning to be the next James Patterson, or at least Richard Castle. Little did they know that Professor Rogers was the same.

It was a combination of events, just as it had been to find the location in Texas from a diverted flight, from London to get him on the staff at the college. He was sitting in his first-class seat on the flight from London when the announcement came that they were being diverted, suddenly he felt an arm gripping his tightly in fear. He turned to look at an attractive lady perhaps about 7 years younger, but very pretty, her eyes reminded him of, well she had gorgeous eyes.

FLASHBACK TO THE FLIGHT DIVERSION

"Ladies and gentlemen, good evening, this is Captain Pearson, I have some bad news for all of you expecting to land in New York at JFK airport. We are being diverted to Huntsville Texas as a matter of precaution. Some readings from our instrumentation panel can't be verified, and we have been ordered to divert for safety reasons.

"We apologize for this inconvenience and assure you at present we are in no danger. We will be beginning our initial descent for our landing; Flight Attendants prepare the cabin for landing CODE 4. Once again, we apologize for this inconvenience, we hope to be back in the air as soon as possible. Thank you."

He looked into the eyes of one very frightened lady, almost shaking with fear. "Hey I'm Rick, it's just a safety precaution, nothing to worry about," he tried to assure the beautiful lady who was now more in his seat than she was hers.

The Flight Attendant came down the aisle, and said to her, "Mam, it's OK, but you need to buckle your seat belt and sit in your seat, your husband needs to be sitting on his own, I'm sorry. This is just for safety and nothing to worry about." She said, not convincing Rick, but he wasn't about to contradict her.

"Hey, I'll be right here, you can hold on just as tightly as you like, OK? Rick said as she started to hyperventilate. Rick grabbed the barf bag and had her breathe in and out of it for several minutes until her breathing slowed to normal.

They landed less than five minutes later and she just laid her head on his shoulder, letting out a deep sigh. After a few minutes of navigating down the runway, she must have realized what she had done.

"Oh my God, you must think I'm some kind of whack job or worse," she said her face now a bright shade of red from embarrassment.

"No, I don't, I just think this beautiful lady sitting next to me had a bout of fear, that turned into a panic attack, it happens to people like me from time to time even as much as I've flown." He said just as the cabin lights came on; he could see how beautiful she really was.

"Thanks, Rick, my name is Cathy Clad, and I'm so very sorry for making a fool out of myself. She turned and looked and said, "Oh my God, it is you isn't it Mr. Castle?" Her face became even redder,

"Hey, it's Rick, and yes, I've been lucky a few times, so what took you to London, work or pleasure? I took my 17-year-old daughter to Oxford and hung around until she almost hired henchmen to toss me out, she's really grown, but how could that happen so fast?"

"You can't have a daughter age 17 unless you became a father at the age of 16" she smiled, it was a real smile and a beautiful sight to him,

"I'm afraid I do, and I'm ancient, I was 22 when she was born, so you can do the math, and not make me say the number out loud" he laughed, her eyes twinkling, so bright, and inviting.

"Well, I took my 17-year-old son to enter college as well, God they may even be in classes together," She smiled,

"Well, not unless your son is into philosophy, and the study of human nature, I think Alexis is striving to become someone in the human services field. She may go on and get her doctor's degree in psychology, she's had years of practice being my shrink, her words, not mine" He smiled, for the first time in a long time the smile was real.

Cathy laughed, almost like a schoolgirl laugh, complete with a giggle that made Rick laugh, "No he's going into English Literature, God knows why, I don't know what he's going to do once he graduates." She said,

"Well, I'm sure that you and his father will give him great guidance, so don't worry." He smiled,

"Nice way to ask, but no, I'm not married, engaged, attached in any form, and haven't been since Jay was 5 years old." She laughed, "So how about you Rick, anyone special in your life?" she asked gently

"Not anymore, it's a long story, if you want to grab some dinner we can talk about it, I hope that wasn't too forward," he said, suddenly becoming shy,

"You want to know if that was too forward to the lady that was in your lap and squeezed your arm so hard, I know you will have a bruise, besides the Air Line Attendant already has us married" she smiled again. "I would love to have dinner with you Rick and thank you for being so sweet when I had my episode, I suffer from PTSD, and well, not many people know, or know what to do when I do have an episode," she said,

So it began, Rick and Cathy spent the entire two days waiting to return to New York together, although in separate rooms. She was with him when he got lost and found what was to become The Castle, his second home. It was she who explained, "Rick, you have a home in the Hamptons, so when you close it down for the winter, just come to Texas the temperatures will be bearable by then, and you can avoid a cold New York winter."

"That's a great idea, but just one question Cathy, do you think you would fly, even on my private plane to see me every once in a while?" He asked,

"Of course, Rick, and you could visit me when you're in the Hamptons, or I could come to you, I don't want to rush this or throw myself at you, I mean."

"I know Cathy, we'll take it slow, for now, I have a new best friend, we'll build from there, OK?"

She leaned in and kissed his lips gently, "OK" was all that was said.

That's when he called Lisa with the offer to buy the property,

TBC

A/N: Many comments about the sex lives of both, just because I don't describe them doing the deed, doesn't mean that both are seeking normal companionship. I want the fic to be more about life events than trysts in beds. Also, about Texas as a location, I explained about the Blue Lagoon, (NF) being a fan of diving, this seemed like a good alternative to Los Angeles, especially since he's gone a different direction than a movie mogul with the Heat Franchise. Rick's POV for the next few chapters will be mostly from a FLASHBACK position, Real-Time experiences will be spelled out.