They had just finished changing Katie's bed when Lisa mentioned that she wished Lou had told her Jack would be there.
Teary eyed, Lisa mentioned that she misses Jack, a lot.
"What happened?"
"France happened."
"But I thought you guys had a good time?"
"I had a great time, Jack didn't. I shouldn't have forced him to go."
"You didn't force him to go, he chose to go."
Lisa abruptly ran out of the room to the bathroom. Lou followed with Katie in her arms.
"Lisa, are you ok?"
Lisa wiped her mouth with a tissue she found in her pocket. "I'll be fine, I'm gonna go. We'll talk later?"
"Sure, go get some rest. Feel better."
Lou watched as Lisa drove away. She felt terrible for what Jack and Lisa were going through. She knew they loved each other and were meant to be together. If only there was something she could do.
"Grandpa, what's going on? You love Lisa, was your time in France that horrible? Lisa had a great time with you. She finally got a chance to share with you something that she loves. Instead of always doing what you like."
"She bought a place in France, Lou. She knows I don't like her jet set lifestyle and she wants to take a break. What am I supposed to do? I can't force her to stay and I'm sure not moving to France"
oooooooooooooooooooo
Lisa returned home to Fairfield and plopped down on her sofa, she was really feeling lousy, had been for a few days. The stress of their fight certainly didn't help anything. A swirl of emotions ran through her. She knew Jack loved her, or at least she thought he did. So why was he so afraid to make a commitment to her? Her heart was breaking, she didn't want to leave Hudson or him, but now, not knowing what was going on with their relationship, France seemed like the perfect place to go to forget. She can't stay, and have daily reminders that "whatever this is" didn't work.
oooooooooooooooooooo
The next few days were quite busy after a fire at Peter and Lou's house. Lisa put her feelings for Jack aside so she could be there to support the family. Lou was overwhelmed with everything going on, but not so overwhelmed to take notice of what was going on around her. One afternoon as Lisa was packing up her stuff to leave the ranch. Lou asked if they could talk, alone. This would be the last chance Lou had, as Lisa was scheduled to fly to France the next day. They went in to put Katie down for her nap and Lou closed the door behind them.
"Did you say goodbye to grandpa yet?"
"I know what you're going to say Lou, but I can't stay, I can't do it, I can't be here and not be with him. It would be too hard." Lisa sniffled.
Lou looked closely at Lisa, she could see all the emotions running through her. "How far are you?"
Lisa looked at Lou confused, "I'm sorry?"
"You're pregnant, Lisa, I can tell. How far along?"
Lisa hadn't told anyone, hadn't even said the word out loud. She had just found out she was pregnant, and she was shocked. Here she was in her late 40's and pregnant with Jack's baby. Not a situation she ever expected to be in. He couldn't commit to her, and she was not about to force him to commit to her and a baby.
Lisa sat in the glider, face in her hands as tears streamed down her face. "Oh Lou, what am I gonna do?"
Lou put Katie down in her crib and put her arms around Lisa. "Have you been to the doctor, did they tell you how far along you are?"
"Yes, I'm about 8 weeks." She laughs, one more thing for Jack to hate about France."
"You are going to tell him before you leave, right?"
"No, I can't, I don't want him to hate me."
"He can't hate you, you didn't do this alone."
"Weren't you guys careful, wow, this is backwards, but surely you're on something or we're on something?"
"No, I wasn't on anything. Jack and I rarely had the opportunity to be intimate like that, and Dan and I had trouble getting pregnant so Jack and I figured getting pregnant would be a long shot. But I guess being alone, just the two of us, every day, we used our time alone to our advantage, and it had been amazing. I thought we had connected in ways we never had before, but obvious to me now, I was the only one feeling that way."
"Lisa, it's not right, it's his baby too, he has a right to know. Besides, he does love you, I know he does. What he's being so pig-headed about, I don't know, but you have to tell him… Unless, are you not going to have it?"
"Oh, of course, I could never. I mean, I never dreamed I'd be here, but it's too late now. Lou, he can't even commit to being with just me, how's he gonna feel if I tell him I'm having his baby. No, no it's better this way. If I'm in France he won't be able to figure it out. I'll tell him at some point, I promise. I'm still coming to grips with it myself. Oh, god Lou, you can't tell him, please."
Lisa got her stuff together and walked out to her car, meeting Jack along the way.
"You're leaving already?"
"I have to go home and finish packing for France."
"So soon?"
"I take possession of the new house. I know France isn't your thing, but it would really be nice to see your face at my door." This felt so final to her. She never would have guessed she would be standing in Jack's driveway saying goodbye to him.
"I'll try, I really will."
Lisa could feel the tears welling up in her eyes. Silently she wondered. "Where did we go wrong Jack? I don't want to leave this way, please say we can get past this. I need you, we need you." She looked up at him. "Well, goodbye."
"No, not goodbye, just see you later."
"Right, see you later." She turned to go to her car, without so much as a hug. The well of tears in her eyes blurred her vision, slowly they started to drip from her eyes. She needed to leave before she completely lost control.
oooooooooooooooooooo
The next weeks went by with Lisa living in France. She had found a doctor and had regular visits to check on the baby. The morning sickness, she was lucky, was starting to subside. She was enjoying being pregnant. Everyday as she was getting dressed, she marveled at the firm round bump her belly was becoming. Due to her age they performed an amniocentesis, just to rule out anything major. Lou called from time to time to see how everything was going, but things had been crazy at Heartland. They were preparing for Georgie's birthday, dealing with her brother's visit and possibly losing Phoenix. Until that one fateful night.
"Lisa!"
"Lou, what's the matter?"
"Grandpa had a heart attack."
Lisa's world started to crash around her, she couldn't catch her breath. No, she can't lose him, she never got the chance to talk to him, to tell him she was sorry, that she loves him and misses him more than anything. That whatever they were fighting about didn't matter. The only thing that mattered was them being together. Lisa collapsed to the floor, knowing she couldn't imagine a life without Jack, even if they weren't together, she knew he'd always be there.
She packed her bags and booked the first flight she possibly could. Sitting in her seat on the plane to Calgary, memories flooded her mind. Their first kiss, the first time he told her he loved her, the way his arms felt around her, supporting her when she was having a rough time. She had missed him terribly, so much so, that after many attempts at communication, she finally wrote him a letter. Mailing it had been another struggle. Was he missing her as much as she missed him, or had he moved on? It was a question she did and didn't want an answer to. She was praying that she would get to have more time with him. That's all she ever really wanted, she wished she had just told him that. Maybe they would not have been separated these past few months.
Lou was the one to meet Lisa at the airport. As Lisa approached her, Lou noticed how truly radiant Lisa looked. Pregnancy agreed with her. The two women hugged, Lou was barely able to tell Lisa was pregnant. If she didn't already know, she would have never suspected.
"You are positively glowing."
Lisa undid her coat and lifted her baggy sweater revealing a small baby bump. Lisa rubbed her growing belly, a big smile on her face. She was enjoying being pregnant. An opportunity she never thought she'd have.
"Awe, Lisa. You look amazing. Don't worry, no one will suspect anything."
"If they do, I could always say I ate my way through my emotions." Lisa slightly laughed. "How's Jack?"
"He's improving, I'm glad you came, I really think it will help him."
"Oh my, of course. I couldn't get here fast enough." She looked down at her feet. "I still love him, Lou. Even if I can't be with him, I want the best for him." Lisa hoped, maybe there was still a chance for her and Jack.
oooooooooooooooooooo
Lisa had managed to successfully keep everyone from noticing her growing belly. Luckily it was the dead of winter and heavier clothes were worn. It had been a bit harder to keep from Jack, but with him being in the hospital, there weren't too many opportunities for physical contact besides the standard hug, which Lisa usually tried to position herself in a way so Jack wouldn't notice. But Jack was coming home and planning a trip to Arizona to continue to heal. He chose somewhere warmer to get away from the harshness of winter, he also invited Lisa to go with him. There they could talk, really talk, and she knew she would have to tell him the truth, and she prayed it didn't ruin their chances of a reunion for good.
oooooooooooooooooooo
"Send it back."
"Are you sure you don't want to just give it a try?"
"I don't need to try it, I'm perfectly comfortable in my own bed."
"Ok, but I think, maybe, give it a chance. The mattress is a lovely memory foam, it's adjustable…"
"I said send it back!"
"Ok. Fine. Why do you have to fight me on everything? I'm trying to… just, I'm trying to take care of you."
"I don't need you to be my nurse."
Lisa sighs, "you had a heart attack, we can't just pretend that you're ok. If you don't want me to take care of you, ok. I get that. I just don't know what I'm supposed to be doing, you don't tell me how you feel, or what you need. I came back from France to be here for you. It just feels like it's obviously not working."
"You know what…maybe we shouldn't go to Arizona together."
Devastation written all over her face. "Ok, maybe you're right." Lisa clearly having a hard time controlling her emotions. "I'm gonna go, you take care of yourself." She quickly heads out the door before she breaks down in front of him.
oooooooooooooooooooo
Feverishly she packed her bags, she berated herself for getting her hopes up. She never gave up hope that her and Jack could work something out. They loved each other. Having her heart broken again, she didn't know how she was going to survive it, but she had to. She stopped all of a sudden when she felt the faintest little flutter in her belly. It was a sensation she hadn't felt before. That was the reminder that she had to go on, for the little life growing inside of her. Feeling her baby move inside her for the first time brought on a new set of tears. She zipped up her bags and carried them to the front door, her cab would soon be arriving. She couldn't wait to get back to France.
Lou showing up at her doorstep was completely unexpected.
"Lisa, you can't give up, he loves you and you love him."
"That may be true, I do absolutely love him, I never stopped. I don't think I ever will. But he keeps pushing me away Lou, what else can I do? I can't keep having my heart broken."
"It hurts too much." Lisa turns to walk back into the house.
"Will you please stay in touch? I want to know about the baby."
"I will! I'm still Katie's godmother. I won't forget that." The two women hug, Lou pulls away and rubs Lisa's belly.
"I'm gonna miss this." Lou turns and walks back to her car.
oooooooooooooooooooo
Lisa thought being back in France would help clear her mind. Help her to stop reliving the memories of her and Jack. She needed to move on, unfortunately without the love of her life. She had a feeling that very first date. There was just something about the way they interacted with each other. There was a level of comfort between them that Lisa had never experienced with anyone else. They talked about anything and everything and she couldn't get enough of his stories. Everything about him turned her on, his stories and wisdom turned on her mind, his strong rugged appearance turned on her body and his soft gentle way turned on her heart. "We could always talk for hours Jack, so why can't we talk now. Why can't I just tell you everything my heart feels and why can't you tell me why you can't commit to me. Maybe you can't give me your heart because you already gave it away."
Feeling exhausted Lisa decided to turn in early. She just couldn't settle her mind though. Her dreams were flooded with times she and Jack shared. She tossed and turned most of the night. She got up to get a bottle of water and as she was returning to the bedroom she was struck with a gut wrenching pain. So severe she dropped her water bottle. She held onto the table trying to breath through the pain. The pain eventually subsided and she was able to clean up the mess. A few minutes later she laid back down in bed only to have the pain come again. She felt wetness between her legs, when she threw back the covers she saw blood. "Oh god, no, please don't let this be happening." She got her phone and quickly called her friend, Brenda to take her to the hospital. She didn't think she could wait for an ambulance.
The room was dark and cold and Lisa was alone. She was groggy, but her baby was on the forefront of her mind. She felt her belly. It was still round and distended just like earlier, she was relieved. That's a good sign," she thought to herself, but she needed a definite answer. She had to know what happened. She found her call button and rang for the nurse.
"Oh, good, you're awake. How do you feel," the nurse asked, "are you in much pain?"
"My baby?" Lisa asked tearfully.
"The doctor will be with you in a few minutes." The nurse responded.
"Please, how's my baby?" Lisa needed to hear that her baby was ok. She already lost Jack, this baby was the only part of him she had left.
Taking pity on her. "I'm sorry Ms. Stillman, they weren't able to save your baby. The doctor will be by to tell you everything."
The only thing Lisa heard was I'm sorry, her mind went numb after that. How could she possibly go on, she lost Jack, now she lost their baby. She felt like she had no reason to go on. She wanted Jack by her side now more than ever, but he didn't even know about the baby.
oooooooooooooooooooo
Some time had passed, things were slowly returning to normal, though it was a new normal. Lisa wondered if she would ever feel like herself again. She had wonderful friends in France who tried their best to help her through her loss, but they weren't Jack, nor could they bring her baby back.
One afternoon her phone rang, she saw it was a call from Lou. She had been avoiding talking to her. She still couldn't talk about what happened. This was a call she was dreading. Once they were done chatting about Jack and how well he was doing, Lisa knew she couldn't delay any longer. The loss was still so fresh and painful to talk about. Lou could sense the change in Lisa's demeanor.
"What's wrong?" Lou asked.
It took a moment, Lisa couldn't speak as she was overcome with emotion. As tears fell, eventually the words came out.
"I lost the baby."
"What?" Lou asked shocked.
"Lisa, when, what happened, how could you not tell me, are you ok,? Are you coming home?"
"Lou, this is my home now. I'm putting Fairfield on the market. I can't go back there. I'm building my business here, my life is here now."
"Lisa I really wish you'd reconsider, you and grandpa can work things out."
"Lou, he made it clear that he's not interested. I'm trying to move on."
"Well I'm leaving on a book tour, when I get back can we make a plan for you to see Katie, she is getting so big so fast, and… and I would love to see you."
"Call me when you plan to come back, I'll make arrangements and we can get together."
oooooooooooooooooooo
Lisa had all her paperwork together for the realtor, they confirmed the price to list Fairfield for and what Lisa considered reasonable offers. She put out feelers for buyers of her horses, everything that could be done for the day was. Tomorrow when the offices in Calgary were open she would fax everything back with her signature. It was late, Lisa turned off the light in her office and headed to bed.
She dreamt of their first fishing trip, the fun they had laughing at her expense. She tried to fool him that she could fly fish, but he quickly figured it out when she caught a tree. She remembered how having his arms around her made her feel as he showed her the proper way to cast the line. She remembered the expression on his face as he talked about Lyndy. She remembered how she felt hearing Jack talk so lovingly about his late wife. Lisa woke up with the words "whatever this is" going through her head, she thought for a moment, "this has to be a sign." This was her last chance, once she sold Fairfield she wouldn't return to Hudson. She booked the next flight she could, packed her bags and messaged the appropriate offices that she would return the paperwork in person.
oooooooooooooooooooo
"Hi Lisa."
Hi, you look great, a lot better than the last time I saw you."
"I thought you were in France?"
"I was, I was, I'm here now." She laughs nervously.
"I see that, how long have you been here?"
"Ah, a few days a week, I guess."
"Is that right?"
"I'm selling my place, property and horses, everything must go."
"Well, I guess that was always the plan, wasn't it?"
"Yeah, yeah, I guess it was."
Lisa knew she would see Jack at some point but hoped she'd be better prepared when she did. Just seeing him brought back a swirl of feelings, now she wasn't so sure this was a good idea. She wanted to run into his arms and tell him she was sorry, that all she ever wanted was to spend time with him. That she loved him and always would. But did he want that too, or did he move on?
"I should go, I have a lot to do. It was so nice to see you."
"Nice to see you."
"K, bye!"
"Bye." Jack says half under his breath, watching her walk away. Wishing he knew how to make things right. He needed her back in his life. They have something worth fighting for, but he lost his chance, she's selling Fairfield and moving to France permanently.
oooooooooooooooooooo
Jack arrived just before 7:30 to meet the man about the cows. He patiently waited outside his truck when off in the distance he spotted a familiar horse and rider. Lisa! Tim had set him up.
"What did Tim put you up to this?"
"Well good morning to you too, ah, yeah, I guess Tim did put me up to this."
"Well he told me he had a friend who was selling off some cattle."
"Huh, well, I can't imagine your disappointment."
"That's not what I meant."
"What would you and I have to talk about anyway? Your vacation to Arizona?"
"Believe me, the last thing I want to talk about is Arizona."
"Well at least it's not France."
"There's no point in bringing up the past Lise, bringing up old arguments. Clinging to the past, we crossed that bridge a while ago."
"Yes, yes, we sure did! It was Tim, I should have known."
"We both should have known."
"Well look, something we can agree on."
Lisa gets on her horse and rides away. Disappointed that she got her hopes up yet again. Why does she do this to herself. Clearly he has no interest in getting back together with her.
Jack returns home to find the coffee pot empty. After having words with Amy and Georgie he retreats to the living room. Georgie goes out to work with the horses while Amy makes coffee for Jack. Taking him a fresh cup when it's done brewing.
"You want to tell me what's wrong grandpa?"
"Your father, he told me to meet him about purchasing some cattle, but instead I met Lisa."
"And no cattle, you must have been so disappointed."
"That's what Lisa said."
"Grandpa, I'm so sorry. Since I heard she was back in town, I hoped you could figure something out."
"Yeah, me too"
"You don't have to let it end this way grandpa. Lisa loved you and you loved her. Don't give up, and don't let dad screw it up." Amy leaves to go out with Georgie and work with the horses.
Jack remembers the cattle drive, when Lisa told him she loved him. Amy is right. He can't give up, so he calls Lisa and invites her for coffee.
Lisa's phone rings, she sees Jack's number on the caller id. "Oh no, what now," she thinks. Feeling that swirl of excitement run through her. "Coffee, dare I get my hopes up again, only to have them crushed." She confirms to Jack that she will be there, her heart wouldn't let her say no.
After chatting with Amy and Georgie for a few minutes, Lisa drives down to the house. She stands at the front door a moment, composing herself, before knocking. She was nervous and excited yet pensive. It was hard to not get her hopes up again.
Jack heard Lisa's knock as he fiddled with where to put the creamer and sugar.
"Come on in Lise."
Jack walks over to greet her at the door. "Hi"
"Hi" Lisa's emotions were written all over her face.
"I'm really glad you were able to make it." Jack was trying to hide his nerves as well.
"Well you know what they say, third times the charm." Lisa in the back of her mind really hoped this was true.
Jack gestures to take Lisa's coat. "I.. I made coffee."
Lisa looks at the table and sees the effort he made. "You went all out, you must feel badly."
"Well I'm trying to impress you." He helps her with her coat, putting his hands on her arms and gently squeezing. "And I'm trying to say I'm sorry for this morning."
The feelings that stir in her when he squeezes her arm. She has longed for his touch. Longed to be close with him again.
He leans closer, "I am sorry about this morning."
Lisa turns around to look at him, smiling. "It didn't quite go as I had hoped, but then I didn't have to be tricked into seeing you again."
"Kinda made me wonder why I came back to Hudson at all."
"I assume it's to sell off your place, isn't that what you told me?"
"Ummhmm, that's what I told myself, but I could have done it all from France. So I guess the truth is… I miss this, sitting in your kitchen, drinking your coffee, and chatting with you about anything and everything. Even if it's our relationship."
"Or whatever this is." Jack noticed the sadness behind her eyes. He is hoping to change that. Her eyes were amazing when they sparkled, and he wanted to put the sparkle back in them.
Katie started to cry. Hearing her godchild cry, Lisa asked to see her. Maybe she could get the child who was missing her mother back to sleep. Jack stood outside the door of Katie's room for a moment observing Lisa. She had a natural ease that made Katie immediately climb onto Lisa's lap. Katie was still young, he was sure she didn't remember Lisa. It had been many months since she left. As he watched Lisa read Katie her favorite book, he had a feeling that if she had had the opportunity, Lisa would have been a wonderful mother. She was so patient and kind and loving. His heart ached for what they had. He needed to fix things.
Jack, Georgie and Peter were standing in the hallway when Lisa silently left Katie's room.
"Nothing to it."
Lisa starts to offer her opinion, but looks at Jack.
"Don't let me stop you, you never have before."
"Well I don't have kids of my own, but I certainly know what it's like to miss someone so much it colors your whole world. I think it's simply that she misses Lou."
As Jack walked Lisa to her car, he mentioned that they didn't get to talk much. He suggested that if Amy is done working with her horse that maybe they take him together to her buyer.
"Nothing like being stuck in a truck for a few hours to figure things out."
"I would love to be stuck with you for a few hours," Lisa thinks to herself. "You know what, that kinda sounds like a date."
"So we're on then?"
"Yes, we're on, but we're taking the Fairfield truck and trailer, because it doesn't break down every time you get in it."
Jack agrees, as long as he can drive.
oooooooooooooooooooo
The trip started out quietly. Neither knowing what to say. Lisa wanted Jack to take the first step. He was the one after all who had told her to leave. She needed to hear him say that he still wanted her. She needed him to tell her how he felt. Hearing that she got an offer on Fairfield gave him something to think about. Luckily for him, she lost her signal was unable to respond.
Due to the lack of signal in the mountains the gps was not reliable. The couple found themselves out of gas on a remote road. Jack offered to walk up to the main road till he found a signal on Lisa's phone, but she insisted that she and Cinders were going with him.
After traversing through the woods, Jack finally admitted that they were lost. Lisa teased him that he was recalculating. The teasing of Jack stopped however when he mentioned that they would have to set up camp for the night. Lisa hated camping. Hated it so much, she sold a lot of cookies as a girl guide when she was younger to get out of it. Teasing aside they set out to find a suitable spot for an overnight accommodation.
Jack was just about finished with the lean-to when Lisa came back with some wood and kindling for a fire.
"Just a few more things and it's all yours, Lise."
"What do you mean, where are you gonna sleep?"
"I'll be just fine by the fire."
Always the gentleman Lisa thinks, or does he not have feelings for me anymore. She watches him finish up. Please talk to me Jack, tell me what's on your mind. I hope it's the same as what's on mine. I miss you!
They sit by the fire Jack had built, to warm up for a few minutes before Jack decided to check on Cinders for the night. As he does Lisa remembers the night of Caleb and Ashley's wedding. Their first fight about France. Lisa had been feeling insecure about their relationship and she knew Jack had been missing Lyndy. Jack and Amy sang one of Lyndy's songs, afterward Lisa asked if there was a bridge they could cross, like in the song. Lisa asked if Jack missed Lyndy. Which he said he did, sometimes. But he loved her all the time. She watched him with Cinders. "Do you still love me Jack?" She thought to herself. He came and took his place by the fire, getting ready to settle for the night.
"That's just silly, there's plenty of room in there for the both of us."
They see a bolt of lightning and hear thunder.
"And a storm is coming." She stands taking his hand.
At first Jack had trouble falling asleep. Laying close to Lisa, he wants to pull her into his arms. He wants to feel her body against his. He wants the closeness they once had back.
Lisa hears Jack breathing softly next to her. Being so close to him, but not knowing where their relationship stood was torture. She wanted to fall asleep in his arms. At this rate she'd be lucky if she got any sleep at all. They had been together all day and had yet to talk about their relationship. She needed to know where she stood with him, she wanted him back in her life so badly.
oooooooooooooooooooo
Morning came and brought new problems. Jack woke first and quickly noticed Cinders had broken free and was gone. Lisa sensed Jack was no longer next to her and woke up shortly thereafter.
"Hi!"
"Cinders is missing."
"What, oh no. This trip is turning out to be one disaster after another."
They walked quite a ways from where they set up camp, crossed a creek and soon found Cinders stuck in a gully. They had no way to get him out. The sides were too steep and there were rocks and logs blocking any kind of path. After much deliberation and some protest from Lisa, the decision came for Jack to take Lisa's phone to hike higher up till he can pick up a signal and call for help.
Lisa had no way of telling how long Jack had been gone. He had her phone, she didn't have a watch and it was a cloudy overcast day. Lisa passed the time by talking to Cinders. Rubbing his head and neck was as much for her comfort as it was for his. Pet therapy of sorts, Cinders was a welcome confidant. She could share her thoughts and feelings and he wouldn't tell anyone. She was so relieved to finally hear Jack call her name. She quickly climbed out of the gully, running over to hug him. Happy he made it back safely. She basked in the feel of his arms around her, neither wanting to break the connection, but Jack eventually pulled back to inform Lisa that he was indeed able to get Ty and Amy and they were on their way. Excited at the news, she threw her arms around him again.
Jack was standing off to the side, willing his heart rate to calm back down. Hiking up the mountain was not the best idea, he had felt shaky, his heart rate increased and his breathing had been a bit labored. Hiking on an empty stomach probably didn't help matters, but he was feeling better now.
Lisa looked over at Jack, he had been quiet since he returned.
"You ok?"
"Yeah, I'm fine."
Lisa softly stroked Cinder's neck, thinking to herself, "well there's no time like the present. Here goes nothing."
"You know what I thought a lot about when I heard you had your heart attack?"
"Just how much time we spent arguing about trips to France and vacation homes… it just all seemed so unimportant and silly, when all I wanted to do was just spend time with you."
"I was so happy when you came back last winter."
"You were?" Lisa asks, surprised. Events of that time replayed in both their minds.
"Why wouldn't you let me help you?"
"I know you might not understand this but…I kept picturing us ten years down the road, and I didn't like what I saw."
"What did you see?"
"Me, in that bed, with you spoon feeding me mashed potatoes."
"Jack, you can't predict the future, who's to say in ten years, I won't need you to spoon feed me mashed potatoes?"
"You're much younger than me, Lise."
Lisa moves closer to Jack. "Is that what all of this has always been about, you trying to save me from a life of taking care of you."
"It honorable, but it's damn stupid." Jack looks up to meet her gaze. "Don't you get it, I was all in. I was all in because I love you, not because I felt sorry for you." Jack saw the sincerity and devotion in her eyes. He knew that, always had, he let his own fear push her away.
"But that's all just water under the bridge, because if loving each other was enough, we'd still be together. Wouldn't we?" Not really expecting an answer, Lisa went back to petting Cinders.
How could he tell her he was sorry, it was his fault, his own fear that allowed him to push her away. He had never regretted anything more. Would she understand?
"For what it's worth, Arizona wasn't all it's cracked up to be."
"Yeah, too hot?"
"No, too lonely. I spent my whole time there wishing you were with me. I was too damn stubborn to pick up the phone, too damn stubborn to say I'm sorry."
They hear Ty call Jack's name. Both are happy yet disappointed. Jack was finally starting to open up and say how he felt. The conversation they so desperately needed to have was being cut short. It took so long to get to this point, Lisa wondered if they would be able to finish it before it was too late.
oooooooooooooooooooo
The cab of the Fairfield truck was filled with silence. So much had been said, but there was still so much left to say. Lisa knew getting Jack to talk about what he wanted could be hard, but she needed him to open up to her. She needed him to say that he needed and wanted her, that what they had was worth having.
"Stop the truck."
"Why, what's wrong."
"I just…ah, finally have a signal, I hope I'm not too late to accept that offer on Fairfield." Lisa loses the signal and gets out of the truck to see if she can find it again.
"Lisa, this is crazy." Jack gets out of the truck as well. "Just wait till we get back to town."
"Ah, there we go, it's ringing."
Jack walks over and takes the phone out of her hand.
"What are you doing?"
"This is my last chance," Jack thinks. "I can't screw this up."
"I don't want you to sell."
"Just hear me out." He pleaded
"Maybe it is enough."
"What is?" Lisa asks
"Earlier you said that loving each other wasn't enough, but you're wrong. It is enough Lisa. I still love you and I think you still love me. We just have to figure out how our lives fit together. I'm not sure how that will work, all I know is that I want it to, and I hope you do too. So will you please just …stay?"
Lisa is struck by his honesty and sincerity. Gazing into his eyes she sees that he is genuinely pouring his heart out to her. This is what she has waited so long to hear. Now that he has told her how he feels, she needs to be sure she wants to accept the risk and change all her plans, only to possibly have her heart broken again. She tells him she does indeed still love him, that she never stopped, but she needs time to consider everything. She doesn't want to change all her plans only to have her heart broken again. She asks for time to think about it.
The rest of the ride to Heartland was in comfortable silence. Both knowing their lives were about to change, but not sure for better or worse.
Jack quickly gathered his things from Lisa's truck, she was anxious to get Cinders back to Fairfield for a healthy meal and some much needed water. Just as she was about to climb into the driver's seat, Jack stopped her and pulled her into a hug.
"So you'll let me know?"
She knew he wanted an answer, and she wished she had one for him. Her heart wanted to leap into his arms, but her head told her to be careful.
"I promise, I will let you know as soon as I've made my decision." She gave his hand a reassuring squeeze.
oooooooooooooooooooo
Jack showered and started a fresh pot of coffee. So now he had to wait, and hope. Hope that Lisa would decide in his favor. He understood her hesitation. He just hoped he got an answer sooner than later. Tim decided to take Georgie and Jade to Maggie's to give Jack some space. Amy and Ty were off celebrating Ty's birthday.
Once Lisa got home, she quickly showered and ate something. She had phone calls to make. She never really had to make a decision, she would always choose Jack, that she knew, no matter how many times her heart was broken, she loved him and needed him and she would always risk heartbreak to be with him.
Jack was sitting on the porch drinking his coffee when Lisa started down the driveway. She felt the nervous butterflies in her stomach. "I hope I'm making the right decision."
Jack put his coffee cup down and walked down to meet her. He knew in the next few minutes she would either make him the happiest or the saddest man ever. Unable to read her expression, he walked to her car.
"Hi"
"Hi"
"So I thought I would come by and tell you that,…um… I'm keeping Cinders, and I've taken Fairfield off the market…for now."
Complete happiness washing over him, he takes off his hat and pulls her in for a long awaited kiss. She has waited so long to feel his lips on hers, she kisses him back.
"You won't regret it."
Lisa looks up at him, full of smiles. Happy with her decision.
oooooooooooooooooooo
Lisa's mind wandered as she stared into the fire, Jack sat down next to her with two glasses of wine.
"I've missed this." Jack leans over and plants another kiss on her lips.
"Me too." She leans in to deepen the kiss.
Lisa pulls away, taking a sip of wine. Jack sees the happy expression leave her face.
"There's something I have to tell you, and I'm not sure how you are going to take it."
Thinking he knows what she is about to say, but not wanting to hear it, he stops her.
"Lise, listen, while we were apart, what you did is your business. I would never expect you to…"
"Jack."
He sees her eyes fill with tears as one escapes and rolls down her cheek.
"It's not what you're thinking. I was never with anyone else. It's only ever been you that I want to be with." She puts her wine glass down and starts to rub her hands on her legs. Something Jack knows she does when she is nervous.
"Lise, whatever it is. I just got you back, I'm not about to let you go now."
She looks up into his face, wishing she had told him at the beginning.
"When we went to France, we had a lot of time together."
"I told you Lise, that was the best part of the trip, I was with you."
"Time alone together, Jack."
"Ok…just say whatever it is Lisa."
"Something happened during our time there. Something I never expected to happen, but wasn't entirely upset that it did. I got pregnant!"
Jack sat back on the sofa, processing what Lisa had just told him.
"And you didn't tell me."
He stands up to walk around.
"That's something that I had a right to know, Lise, how could you keep that from me?"
Lisa gets up to stand with Jack and takes his hand, " I'm sorry, we had just decided to take a break when I found out. I didn't think you wanted to commit to me and I didn't want to force you into something because I was pregnant with your child. I'm sorry Jack."
He pulls his hand back and walks away from her.
"Wait, you were here after my heart attack, you were pregnant?"
"Yes"
"How did no one know, surely we would have seen or I would have noticed."
"I was just starting to show, and it was winter. Thanks to heavier winter clothes, no, no one knew."
"But you're... not… pregnant now?" Jack starts to realize the timing. "Did you…"
"I lost the baby, Jack. Shortly after our argument… about that stupid bed I ordered for you."
"I was going to tell you, really I was. But then after I lost the baby I figured what was the point. We weren't getting back together and you had already lost so much in your life. I thought you would be better off not knowing, it wasn't going to change anything and there was no benefit to you knowing."
"I don't know what to say Lise. I can't believe you would keep something like that from me."
"Damn Lisa, that wasn't your right."
Seeing that Jack was angry, Lisa thought it would be best if she left and let him work through his emotions. He had every right to be angry with her. What was she thinking, she never should have kept it from him.
"I'll go, clearly you need time. I get that, I am sorry Jack."
Just as she was about to walk out the door, Jack stopped her.
"Lise, don't go. Yes, I'm upset, but I know you, I'm sure it was not an easy decision for you. This is something we should have gone through together." He wraps his arms around her. Jack would never for a minute doubt that whatever Lisa did, she thought was in his best interest.
They sat on the sofa for hours talking about her being pregnant, her being scared that she was alone. How much she loved her baby bump, being scared about the amniocentesis. The first time she felt the baby move. Lisa talked the entire time with tears in her eyes. She never planned on having kids after divorcing Dan. This just happened and she wasn't upset that it did. Even though she didn't have him in her life anymore, she would always have a part of him with her.
Lisa would have been a great mother, Jack knew that. "Lise, I'm sorry this happened to you, but I'm more sorry that I couldn't be there for you. You never should have been alone to go through something like this." He put his hand under her chin to shift her lips closer to his. He kissed her softly. "This changes nothing between us. You are a selfless person and I know everything you did was to protect me."
"Oh Jack". She put her arms around his neck and kissed him deeply, tears still streaming down her cheeks. It was a weight that had been lifted, she had been carrying this secret around and she was relieved to finally tell him.
He stood up and took her hand. He led her to his bedroom. They had been apart far too long and gone through so much, alone. He hoped to change that soon. He wanted to always be there when Lisa needed him and he wanted her always by his side. But tonight he wanted to show her just how much he missed her, how much he needed her and how good they are together.
ooooooooooooooooooo
He was like a kid in a candy store. He was a little more selective when picking out his shirt, he put on a little extra cologne. Lisa was back from France and they were having lunch. He couldn't wait to see her. They had been apart longer before, but this time was different. They had just reconciled and he hadn't been ready to see her off so soon.. He hadn't had enough time to put his plan in motion. But he was ready. He took the salmon colored velvet box out of his drawer, the one that held his grandmother's antique wedding ring. It wasn't platinum or fancy, But he knew Lisa would love it more than a new ring. She would appreciate the sentimentality. He closed the box and tucked it back away in his drawer. Now he just had to find the perfect time to give it to her. Finding any time alone at Heartland was a difficult task, and he wanted this moment to be just for them.
oooooooooooooooooooo
"Turkey and Swiss, or turkey and Swiss?"
"Turkey and Swiss," Jack chuckled.
"Ah, so you remember our first picnic, actually you could call that our first date couldn't ya? Remember you agreed to come and see those horses with me?"
"Yes I do remember, I also remember we didn't make it to that sale."
"We didn't. Boy, that seems like a long time ago."
"That's because it was a long time ago, we are still enjoying our time together, aren't we?"
"Yeah, and our time apart."
Jack hands Lisa a glass of wine. "To you and me." They clink glasses, gazing into each other's eyes.
"You know what, I bet that's what makes us work."
"What's that?"
"I bet if we spent all of our time together we'd kill each other."
"I would bet the opposite."
"Oh, you would, would you? Alright, let's put that bet to a test. How about tomorrow you come and spend a few days at my place?"
"Your place." Jack smirks
"Ummhmm, see who wins this bet, if you survive that is."
"You're on."
"Ya!" Lisa meets Jack as he leans over the table to seal the bet with a kiss.
oooooooooooooooooooo
Lisa had cleared her schedule to allow time to spend with Jack. He would be spending a few days with her and she was beyond excited. Having him all to herself, she couldn't quite imagine. There were so many things to catch up on, a little of this and a whole lot of that. She tried to make sure everything was perfect before she left to pick him up. She showered and dressed, putting some extra effort into doing her hair and makeup, though she knew she didn't have to, Jack loved her just the way she was. Just thinking about having him back in her life put a huge smile on her face. After everything over the last year, she was finally feeling like her old self, and she really liked the feeling.
Jack gathered his overnight case and packed up his clothes. Lisa would be picking him up soon. He purposely waited till the last minute. He was trying to avoid everyone. He wanted to get out of the house with as few questions as possible. He was already nervous and getting bombarded with questions wouldn't help. He had a very special box in his bag and very special plans for the contents of that box. He wasn't nervous about asking Lisa for her hand, he was pretty sure she would say yes. He just wanted everything to be perfect.
oooooooooooooooooooo
Lisa was tossing the salad for dinner when Jack came up behind her and wrapped his arms around her. He moved her hair aside and kissed her neck. Whispering in her ear.
"I am so happy to be here with you."
Lisa leaned back against his strong body. Closing her eyes and breathing in the clean scent of Jack's cologne. So many nights she longed to feel his arms around her, supporting her. She turned around in his arms and leaned up to kiss him, drowning in the pleasurable feelings the kiss created.
Taking a deep breath. "I'm happy to be here with you too, cowboy, but if you keep doing what you're doing, dinner is going to burn." She teases him.
"We could always eat later." Jack suggests
"Jack, we have all night, I want to relax and enjoy our time together. I want to sit by the fire and hold your hand, I want to curl up next to you while you tell me what went on while I was away. I want to drink wine and "fool around" on the sofa. I want to do all the things we missed while we were apart, then later we can celebrate with what I had missed the most."
oooooooooooooooooooo
Lisa woke up to find Jack reading next to her in bed.
"Morning handsome, how long have you been up?"
Jack took off his reading glasses and put them and his magazine on the bedside table. "I've been awake for a little while, some of us don't sleep in like you." He leaned down to give her a kiss good morning.
"Well I'm sorry, but I guess a certain someone wore me out last night." She playfully mentioned with a hint of desire in her eyes.
Jack laid back down in the bed, throwing the covers over them. They were apart too long and there was a lot of catching up to do, Jack didn't want to waste another minute. That was until they heard the familiar sound of a vacuum cleaner. Lisa sat up in bed, throwing the covers back.
"Crap, I knew I forgot something. My housekeeper is here today."
Jack rolled onto his back and laughed, "well there's always the dude ranch."
"I like your quick thinking cowboy." She leaned over to kiss him before getting out of bed.
oooooooooooooooooooo
"You know the entire time that Lou and I ran the place together, I didn't spend one night here…it's so much nicer without guests."
"Well at least we don't have to listen to your cleaning lady's vacuum roaring."
"I thought you brought me here to be romantic, not just to escape my cleaning lady."
Jack yawns. "I'm sorry."
"You didn't sleep well at all last night, did you?"
"You know, strange house, strange noises. That furnace of yours makes some crazy noises going off and on."
"It does, I've never noticed that. But how was the company, was the company good?"
"Yes, the company was very good," Jack says, still yawning.
"You know Lise, I was worried about something, that was part of the reason I couldn't sleep."
"What were you worried about?" She asks, comfortably seated in his lap.
"You do know, I would have been there for you, with the baby and all. I mean, we didn't plan for it, or anything like that, but we would have worked it out. Maybe it would have been the push to get us back to each other."
"I know, Jack. I just didn't want the baby to be the reason we stayed together. I didn't want you to think I was just trying to force you to stay with me."
"Lise, I would never think that. We had been together for a lot of years."
"You know, I do remember thinking how beautiful you looked when you came back when I had my heart attack. I assumed it was because I had missed you so much, but now I know. I wish I knew then. I would have liked to have shared that with you. You would be an amazing mother, Lisa. I see how you are with Amy and Lou, and Katie. You are so generous and kind to the girls, and so patient with Katie."
"Jack, please." She asked, eyes filled with tears. "I'm sorry, but it still hurts. It's funny how attached I became to something I never even knew I wanted. I did want our baby Jack, I wanted it more than anything. It was a part of you, the only part I thought I would have. But it wasn't meant to be."
Jack thought to himself. "But we are Lise, we are meant to be. This might not be the right time, but it will come. I should have asked you long ago, you never should have had to guess how I felt about you."
oooooooooooooooooooo
Giggles and laughter are heard as Jack and Lisa sneak in.
"Why did we even come back here, we could have toughed it out at the dude ranch."
"Well you're tougher than me, that place was freezing my butt off."
"Ok, ok, let's just go back to my house." Lisa really didn't want their time alone to end.
"I haven't slept more than ten minutes, I just want to sleep in my own bed."
You know what this is about, this is about you not wanting me to win the bet."
Peter, Lou and Georgie all come from bed to see what the commotion is.
Jack and Lisa apologize for the disturbance and send them all back to bed.
Lisa is sitting by the fire as Jack brings over some hot toddy's.
"So…ah… couple of pretty crazy nights, at least we didn't kill each other. Despite everything, we are still laughing.
Lisa chuckles and clinks her mug with Jack's, smiling at him.
"Here's the thing, maybe I can't live at Fairfield, maybe you can't live here. You won't give up your place in France and I sure as heck won't give up this place. But really who cares, we've been down all those roads and back again and we still feel the way we do. It's a pretty good feeling."
"Pretty great feeling." Lisa agrees
"Here's the bottom line, we are two adults who love each other, am I right?"
"Yes, you are right." Lisa wonders where he's going with this.
"So then there should be no problems, only solutions."
"What are those solutions?" Lisa asks.
Jack takes the drink off of Lisa. He will need her hand free for what he wants to give her. "I let you slip through my fingers once before and I am not about to do it again." He reaches into the pocket of his jeans. "Now this was my grandmother's wedding ring, and I want you to have it."
Lisa looks at Jack wide eyed, thinking she knows what he is saying, but she can't believe it.
"I've been meaning to say this the right way for a very long time. Lisa Stillman, will you do me the honor of marrying me."
"Surprised and elated, Lisa is almost speechless. "What?"
"Will you marry me, yes or no?"
"I, yes, I will. Lord knows how we are gonna make it work, but Jack Bartlett, I will marry you."
Jack had been waiting for the perfect moment to ask Lisa, and finally he thought, here in front of the fire, where they end their evenings, talk about anything and everything, and celebrate special moments with family. This is the perfect time. Lisa was completely surprised and he wasn't done yet.
oooooooooooooooooooo
As Jack and Lisa said goodbye the next morning, Jack told Lisa he would make all the preparations. He would tell her when to be ready and a car would pick her up. They finished their goodbyes as Lou walked in the room.
Jack started on the phone calls as soon as Lisa left. There was a lot to be done, starting with the preacher. Once everything was arranged he grabbed a shower and dressed. He would change into his suit later, away from prying eyes. He grabbed the keys to the dude ranch and headed out the door.
Lisa stood in her closet, going through her dresses. She had a plethora of clothes, thanks to the wonderful Paris sales she was often able to attend. Then she spotted a lovely white tank dress, she hadn't even worn yet. It would be perfect with her white winter coat. Just then Jack rang her and told her what time her chariot would arrive. Lisa flopped down on her big king sized bed. Feelings of excitement swirled through her. She couldn't quite describe what she was feeling, she wasn't nervous, she was never more sure of any decision in her life. She was happy, she loved Jack more than life itself. She was the happiest person in the world right now. Realizing the time, Lisa jumped up to get ready. The car to pick her up would be arriving soon.
oooooooooooooooooooo
As the car pulled around, Lisa's eyes lit up in wonder. The dude ranch cabins were all lit in white lights. It was absolutely breathtaking against the darkening sky and snowy ground. Jack met her at the car and extended his hand to her. Telling her how beautiful she looked. Her eyes twinkled against the lights . The smile on her face was as big as the mountains as she looked lovingly at the man about to become her husband. The man she loved with every fiber of her being.
They stood hand in hand about to profess their love to each other, when the sound of tires on the stones appeared out of nowhere. They turned around to see Tim had figured out their secret and crashed their private party. They agreed to let him be the witness and carried on with the ceremony.
"I now pronounce you husband and wife, Jack you may kiss your bride."
Jack pulled Lisa close for their first kiss as a married couple.
Giddy with excitement, "we did it," Lisa announced.
Tim looked on as the couple locked lips again, lost in the emotion of the moment.
oooooooooooooooooooo
The newlyweds looked out over the lake. It was a beautiful night filled with stars and a reflection of the moon on the water.
"Penny for your thoughts." Jack offered.
Lisa leaned against his chest looking up at him as he wrapped his arms around her. She reached to touch his cheek, but he took her hand to his lips for a soft kiss.
"I'm just thinking how hard the last year has been. How terribly I needed you and wanted you. How I thought we were really over for good when I came back after your heart attack…but as bad as that was, is as good as this is. I am so happy to be your wife and share our lives together."
He lifted her, so their lips could meet. Jack was not a man of words, he couldn't come up with fancy ways to say things. But he knew how to say I Love You and mean it and more importantly he knew how to show her he loved her.
He led her back to the cabin and opened the door, surprising her again he scooped her up and carried her across the threshold. He placed her down by the fire, so he could close the door, close the door on their old life, so they could together begin their new one as husband and wife.