On the terrace of a villa, somewhere along the Italian coast sat a lonely woman in the dark. The only sound heard was the gently rolling of the waves and the occasional screech of a nocturnal bird. The moon cast its silver magic over everything her light could touch. Peaceful and as quiet as a mouse.
She loathed it; Tomorrow she would send her ladies packing and move to somewhere, anywhere else, with sound again. Perhaps Cap Martin would be good this time of year.
The quiet here did nothing to stop the ghosts of the past thundering around in her head. Children's faces, a younger husband when he was less emperor and still hers, that same husband, older now the empire and his mother had taken him away from her. The vile hag herself was present too, as was her father, both still arguing with each other. Names and faces, all demanding something of her, screaming at her from the shadows. She shook her head as if to lose the memories but all she could see was the face of a crying little boy she should have comforted, but in the end had not. Could not, and had so failed him miserably. "I am so sorry Rudolph" she whispered into the darkness.
Once she had believed her youth and beauty would bring life to Vienna but instead Vienna had brought Death to her. Her mouth hardened into a thin line. Her sometimes friend, sometimes enemy, who in the end, had deserted her too. Rejected, stabbed in the back and left to rot in this husk of a body that once was famous for its beauty.
She sighed, her ladies were sleeping and for a second she considered walking to the beach, alone. How easy it would be to give herself to the waves and surrender herself to Lethe. She would see him again, or perhaps not. Thoughts like that had stopped invoking him a long time ago. Still, she wished to see him, but her hopes were slim, after their last encounter he had been clear, he was not interested anymore. Not like this, he had shouted at her. He would probably send one of his angels to help the empress of Austria to the other side. Faded beauty did that to a woman, old, discarded, unneeded and unwanted, even by Death.
She sat there for a while, trying her best not to think of anything much at all, tasting the salt in the air and the beginning crisp of the autumn air. It was colder than she thought it would be and she shivered when a gust of wind blew her warm comforter from her shoulders, she bent to pick it up, but her back protested, she couldn't reach that far anymore. She moved to stand up, but a warm hand on her back stopped her.
She smelled lilies and green moss and closed her eyes.
"Have you changed your mind then, my old friend?" A shiver ran down her spine and all the little hairs in her neck stood up. His scent engulfed her as he wrapped her comforter snugly around her shoulders and traced her jawline with a gloved hand. He said nothing as she sighed and leaned into him, her head resting against him just for a second before she remembered herself and who she was, who he was and what he had not done.
She stood up and turned around, but he was not there.
"Not long now Elisabeth… but not tonight" the wind whispered through the branches of the weeping willow that overshadowed her terrace.
"Have you come to mock me then, tempting me with a gift you seem reluctant to give to me?" It came out with a slight sob that she did not intend to be there.
Something flashed in the corner of her eye and when she turned around again she saw him, sitting on the chair she had just vacated, his legs crossed, seemingly relaxed but his eyes flashing. That was never a good sign. He, of course was beautiful, and it made her feel her own age even more.
"I came because your soul called out to mine and I came because it seems we are in need in a conversation that is long overdue" He said not unfriendly. "It is not in my nature to care what your thoughts are in this entire tangle of emotions that seem to be running wild between us, but yet, here I am. When it comes to you it seems that my reason and the very nature of my existence are taking a backseat, and before you give me a piece of your very sharp mind, with your even sharper tongue, my dear empress" he hissed, continuing when she spluttered an undignified response "Know this: I do care, more than I understand and far more than I should be able to. However, you know who and what I am. I am Death and as such my experience with emotions of this nature are extremely…confusing." He stood up, pouring two glasses of wine, offering one to her. He took a large gulp, looking directly at her, as if willing her to answer, but the fight had left the empress after hearing in his own words that he cared.
She sighed and sat down "I am confused too my friend, I am just so tired, tired of our games and tired of all of this" She whispered. If you have feelings on this whole matter as you claim, why did you not me take when I cried out for your help? I needed you then. Now? I am not sure if I have the courage or the desperation to go with you"
He said nothing for a while, took a sip of wine and walked towards the balustrade, staring into the darkness for a while and decidedly not look looking at her.
"No more games then, my dear Elisabeth, I will explain, but you might not like what you hear, you see, when I left you in Mayerling it was purely for my own benefit" He looked thoughtful for a minute. "I pride myself in how I perform my task, I take those who are mine and most come willingly. Some come running, some are a little more hesitant and need a little nudge "he smirked into the darkness. She could not see it, but heard it in his voice.
"Of those that come running into my arms, they are so eager to forget, they have no to time to linger. A kiss and they float trough the veil like smoke and are gone, moving on. This is where you come into the equation: If I would have taken you that night, you would have flown right through me and I'm not sure if I.. " He did not finish the sentence, but she understood, at least she thought she did.
He cared. His reasons may have been selfish, but he still cared.
She walked up to him and tentatively put her hand on his back, she felt him tense but he did not stop her, finally he exhaled.
"Is that what happened to my son, running headfirst into the abyss?" she asked softly.
"No" He said, turning around and looking her in the eyes. His eyes had a mischievous glint. "And thank you for comparing what I do as running headfirst into the abyss" He took her hand, serious again. "Rudolph was losing his mind when I took him, his death was not an easy one, but he lingered with me for several days before he gave himself to my sister Lethe and moved on, he was at peace then."
She nodded, giving his hand a small squeeze. "Was he your lover?" She asked before she could stop herself. She needed to know. He laughed then, and touched her face. "Would it bother you if he was?" She turned away from him, yes it would bother her, but not because she begrudged her son a few last moments of utter joy with this beautiful creature, but because she was jealous and disgusted with herself for feeling so.
She felt his arms wrap around her and he held her close, kissing the back of her head gently. "I am not above taking the occasional lover Elisabeth, it does get lonely sometimes. He could have been, I would have gladly accepted, had he offered. But he did not. Instead he chose to manifest himself as a 9 year old boy after I took him beyond the veil, so I held him while he slept, crying for things he had no name for anymore. I chased his demons away and he moved on in peace"
" Thank you for loving him, when I could not, or not enough" she whispered. She wanted to move away from him, dammit he could not see her cry, but he knew, of course and held her, his gloved hands gently wiping her hair from her face while she collected herself. She could not speak for a while grieving for everything she had lost, that had never truly been hers. Her heart ached for the boy that had found consolation in the arms of death instead of hers. Her need for freedom so great, it had prevented her from truly giving herself, even to her children. She deserved every stone that life had thrown at her.
"Elisabeth.." he whispered in her hair. "Don't be too hard on yourself, you and him were so much alike. Two beautiful birds that do not belong in a cage. I opened his and he is free now, You will soon follow, when your time has come" He kissed her hair, nuzzling her ear.
"You know what scares me the most now?" She said when she had found her voice again.
He made noncommittal sound, guided her to the chaise and sat down next to her, taking a sip of wine and waiting until she found the strength to speak again. "Half my family is mad, my world is collapsing, yet I am so scared…"
"I will not take you tonight if that is any comfort to you" he interrupted her gently.
"I don't know if that is any comfort Death, I think it is more of a comfort to you. I long for your kiss, I long for the blackness of nothing, of not remembering a thing of my cursed life, it is not YOU I am afraid of, It's you who is afraid, you said so yourself" She was not being fair and she knew it, but she hurt so much.
"Please do not ask this of me Elisabeth, not tonight" he whispered.
"Fine, not tonight then, but soon" she said with typical Habsburg stubbornness.
"Why the rush, what is it, that scares you so" he asked.
She was quiet for a while, thinking through if and what she would confide in him.
"Death? She asked after a while. He looked at her, his eyes inviting her to continue. "Please promise me one thing? Please don't let me go mad. I don't want to end up like my sister. Locked away in a madhouse, counting spiders on the wall… end it, before then… Even if my courage fails, end it.."
"Murder?" he said, arching his eyebrow.
"If the situation calls for it"
His method was seduction, his weapon a kiss, given in compassion to end ones suffering. With her it was always going to be different. He had hoped for her to come running, not desperate for oblivion, but for him. He loved her, wanted her, but glimpsing her near future he knew that it was going to take a lot more pain and suffering for her to reach the safe harbor of his arms willingly. Madness was just around the corner. He would help her, he realized, and end her suffering before her time was up. The risks involved were obvious. He sighed. No matter, he knew a man who would suffice for this task, it would be done.
Would he be able to let her go? He had no real choice here, he loved her and would release her, even from him if she so desired. He nodded once and moved himself in a reclining position on the chaise. "Soon Elisabeth, I will orchestrate something, but only if you make me a promise in return" He could at least try he thought.
"Obviously you are not mine to keep, and I will set you free, even from me if you wish it, but please, try to stay for short while. Come with me, nothing definitive, not forever, just.. stay with me a while" He sounded too desperate for his own liking.
She nodded, "I will try, " she answered.
It was enough, for now. Not what he had wanted to hear, but enough.
In a move that was either incredibly stupid or incredibly brave but probably a bit of both she settled in between his legs, reclining her back against his chest. If he was shocked by her behavior, he did not let her notice, rather, he made himself comfortable, his hand resting on her stomach, trailing circles with his fingers on her much too tight corset. "Breathe Elisabeth" he whispered into her neck, and if it was because the cords of her corset loosening a bit seemingly of their own accord, or the pact they had just made, but for the first time in years, she felt she could actually breathe.
"I do love you, you know?" she said softly, placing her hand on his. "I will stay, for a while" At first she thought he had not heard her but the tightening of his arms around her and the kiss on top of her head said differently.
It was enough, for now.
Nothing more was said as they watched the sunrise together, at peace for the first time.
In the first hours of morning she nodded off for a short while. When she woke up again he was gone. The two empty glasses and a black raven's feather, the only reminder of the pact they had made.
She would see him soon,
She looked forward to him.