"Asgore, you need to wake up."
Spade sat at the edge of their shared bed in the Royal Castle. He heard Asgore's deep sigh as he breathed into life; he felt Asgore's knees rouse against his back.
"There you are…" Asgore's voice was gravelly and his tone was happy. Spade bitterly smiled at the pretty glint in his eyes.
His consciousness made the room suddenly feel smaller, for Spade, and the sudden closeness was almost enough to ground Asgore and make his liminal surrender feel real. "G'morning."
Spade handed Asgore a slice of pie. Asgore's gaze lingered longer on Spade's face before drifting to see what was being presented. It playfully lured him to sit upright.
"For me…?" Asgore questioned with an innocent expression. "You're so sweet," He softly smiled, almost forgetting the previous day's events. His fingers brushed against Spade's as he took the plate. He took a bite of the pie. "Extra sweet." He said, his face upturned. "Breakfast in bed, as if I don't get enough to eat."
"Oh, hush," Spade's face broke out into a smile. He couldn't help it. He averted his gaze and mentally admonished his second smile. As he looked to the side, he swayed, delighted to listen to his partner's enjoyment. His heart felt half-eaten.
"Thanks for having me back," Asgore said sincerely. Spade looked back with a more nervous and amused expression and gazed at such a vulnerable, bashful face… and then saw the now-empty plate. He was unhappy as he took it. He bent over to set it on the ground next to the full cup of water. "But I don't think I'm here only for you to feed me," Asgore caressed Spade's back as he sat up.
Spade would be blind not to notice the suggestive look he was giving him.
Spade felt punched with nausea, even though he so badly wanted to enjoy his intimacy. He kept from reeling back and composed himself.
Spade passed Asgore the water and he accepted it.
"You're right." Spade grimly admitted. Asgore nodded and smiled. "We need to talk."
Asgore's head slightly pivoted in confusion, his eyelashes fluttered. He stayed silent and let Spade, in an unusual and unreadable manner, begin.
—
Asgore walked alone in the light world.
It was profusely raining. He hadn't known ahead of time, and as the weather would have it, he and his few belongings were soaked. He sighed. Waves of inordinate contemplation flooded him and he barely had the mind to walk in a straight line.
From not too far he barely noticed one of his young neighbors, monster kid, enthralled with the rain, skipping and jumping in puddles.
Maybe on a different day, such peacefulness would feel nice and his capacity for solitude would feel serene, but today it felt defeating.
In a bout of delirium, the middle of a rather large body of water looked enticing enough to drown in.
There'd be a terrible desire to weep from the embrace. An exasperated silence, fearful solitude, and bewildered anxiety to flee as he'd feel his throat filling up with grief until he could no longer ignore the air leaving his body; And yet stay forever, listening to the low glacial rumbling, honey-mouthed insinuations to let it in. Death would feel like a hug.
Legs frantic, they were both struck with a sinking feeling.
Asgore snapped back into reality and he ran and jumped in. He scooped what was almost monster kid's entire struggling body with the palm of his hand and heard the kiddo's wet asthma. The pleasant hug of the buttery and cool water seemed displaced. He swam back to shore and felt the bustle of rain scattering from the surface hit his face, making him wince.
Asgore gripped the ground and hauled the kiddo over and then heaved himself out, then helped the coughing kiddo stand up. He had barely enough mind to process what had happened, that he had rescued monster kid.
"I thought I was a goner! I was so caught up in the moment that I thought it was just a giant puddle. Thanks for jumping in, Mr. Asgore!"
"Drastic times call for drastic measures!" Asgore beamed back, equally grateful the kiddo was alright.
Everything was becoming increasingly brighter, as if a dark cloud had passed. Their surroundings noticeably glowed with happiness.
Asgore remembered how disoriented he felt moments prior and his visceral urge to walk into the ocean, never to be seen again, and would have if not for monster kid's happy bout inadvertently saving him.
Monster kid bowed and Asgore bashfully chuckled and said "Oh, it feels like I needed that, too. Thank you, too."
They both smiled, although the kiddo didn't notice the heaviness of his words. Monster kid started to run in place, still clearly excited about the weather, and didn't let that moment deter such momentum.
Monster kid went in a separate direction and they both felt better than fine.
It was only then Asgore realized how close he was to his house, though it seems he subconsciously avoided it, having walked all the way up to the ocean. The Sun dangled high in the middle of the cloudy sky and the rich yellow smear of trees leading up to his house was beautiful. They were huge and plentiful, filling up almost his entire view as he watched Monster kid prance away. The trunks were large enough to hold onto. So large, in fact, that if he tried, he'd be unable to wrap his arms around them and touch both of his hands.
As he walked past them, he thought about how Kris and Asriel would play. Not in these trees, perhaps, but Asriel made a point to never climb them, his fear of heights prevented it; whereas, Kris could only climb them… climb higher, better than last time… and then jump. Asriel would be at the bottom, bracing himself impact, catching Kris. They'd topple over and they'd roll on the ground and Asriel would always help them up. He could still hear their laughter.
Asgore made it to his house and noticed a wilted potted plant sitting in the trunk of his truck.
—
The hood of his truck acted as a canvas to a coalesce: from needles speckled across to a hypnotic entropy of slamming; the poking he heard turned into a pitter-patter, steadily becoming a thudding of massive sheets.
Nearly out of a trance, he slowly noticed that the initial "poking" sound from outside his car, knocking on his roof, was rain, and it was only now registering to him that it was still raining.
He found himself tucked away in his car, now parked facing his flower shop with a view to the fabulous botany display inside. He didn't dare enter.
The flowers inside were as content as they were potted; safe and thriving, in a place where logic would have them be.
However, one potted plant was accidentally left out in the rain and had developed root rot. Fatal. No amount of beheading or careful pruning can reverse the effects. Was it by fate, chance, or logic that these flowers stayed in there, while the other slept out there?
Asgore remembered that before he retreated to his truck, he was on his knees praying.
A small, well-intentioned though desperate, and ultimately useless pile of leaf clippings was discarded next to the languid and mushy poor thing.
Something special died due to his negligence, and he was praying his goodbyes.
"You taught me a lot. I will not make the same mistake again. Others won't be treated as I have with you. Thank you." He paused, composing himself, then with genuine remorse, "I'm sorry."
He gathered everything, picked himself up from the mud, and headed outback.
It was pitch black.
By sense, he dug into a faraway area of damp dirt with his trowel.
"Thank you, I'm sorry."
He buried him.
With half-lidded eyes, he drifted back into a trance.
He watched and watched….
And imagined that the radio was on, with its low hum, talking about him:
"imagine... you are a plant. you never lose the ability of being a spectator to your own life. what does that mean to you? it bothers me to think of this grief-stricken plant: by fate, he was helplessly left to rot while his neighbors thrived...
It will simply adapt in its own little way, in death. It lost everything and will become something else. Maybe a host for mushrooms, and for that, types of yeast.
POWERLESS FOOL! That's what happens when you allow yourself to be swallowed by doom!
his vitality is like wafting wads of dust… something dead that in another life was chosen to amount to something…. alluding to how even acts of agency are part of a better deal with fate, gifted by random chance...i think...
It's not him causing the suffering to himself, it's the world!!!!!!!
Taking another step back, doesn't that prove that fate can be altered by those that are proactive in small and steady ways?
oh…………………"
In the dim light, like a splotch of ink in water, a seed of stillness blossomed.
Reality came into focus. From the lack of rain, birds sprung out and began to caw into the night.
"Hm." He said emphatically.
He looked to the side and only now noticed the open window of his truck, having mindlessly kept it down and let in about as much rain as possible. His feet were fully submerged in an accidental muddy puddle, the warping sensation reminding him of what it felt like to save monster kid earlier. He's been soaked ever since, he realized. He was too out of touch to be acutely aware of his body's state until now.
He opened the door and waves of it came pooling out with him like an ankle-length water slide, then slammed it shut. Almost feebly, he opened it again to enter and shut the window, then closed it again.
Crossing the junction of where he was parked and his flower shop, he glanced at the ocean making vague gestures from the wind, and he briefly thought about his makeshift funeral audience. They sounded like a family.
—
"Alone."
Asgore's hand reflexively tensed around the cup. "Spade?" He moved the hand from his back to palm his lover's head. It was cold. Hot. So hot his blush initially felt cold. "Golly, you're burning up!" Spade maneuvered to tenderly hold both Asgore's hands. "Are you alright?" Asgore immediately questioned. Spade scoffed.
"Barely." He gruffly managed, gluing his eyes at the cup of water they held between their hands.
"What's on your mind? Do you want to talk?" Asgore forced himself not to hesitate between words and was careful not to sound overly urgent. It wasn't too long ago that Spade seemingly cruelly kicked Asgore out. It was only for a day, but he was not told the duration of his banishment beforehand, and in that span of time he wandered aimlessly, saddled with a yearning that made the vastness of skies feel horrifying. He would not get this wrong.
Spade's face scrunched into a grimace as if to say 'Nonsense! I'm not doing that.' Spade continued gripping Asgore's hands, as if trying to anchor the both of them as he internally spiraled.
"Yes, we are alone," Asgore said.
He chuckled and decided he'd be the first to open up.
"Well, yesterday was uneventful. The best part of it was when it ended, in the middle of the night, when I heard a knock at the door and someone asking if I 'missed His Majesty.'" He smiled at his Kingy and he stiffened. Asgore's eyes already began to glisten with unshed tears. "You know the ocean next to Flower King?" Through his eyelashes, he saw Spade nod. "Well, I figured I'd drown in it. Walk in, step by step, and sink. I felt like part of me had died." He paused and sighed, the world-shaking pain and loss of being denied his affection and connection still stung. "It was because I missed you."
Spade nodded in understanding. "Figured you'd travel abroad without me, hm?"
Asgore breathlessly laughed in astonishment, the joke totally catching him off guard. "Spade…!"
"Maybe settle down and meet a good man."
"Give me a break, you!" Spade could hear the smile in Asgore's voice.
"This is your chance to leave. I'm making it easy for you." Spade urged. Asgore wordlessly shook his head.
Spade relaxed and smiled. They enjoyed the silence. He attempted to lower himself into vulnerability, "I didn't mean to cast such despair upon you. I missed you too…and I…" He cast his head down and in a low tone, almost like he was talking to himself, "It was cowardly."
"What was cowardly?" Asgore leaned in with concern. He internally appreciated that he was missed, too.
Spade recoiled at the thought of answering and being even more vulnerable than he already has, but Asgore was back and deserved to know. "I was scared and sad," he hated how the words felt in his mouth, "of the possibility of you abandoning me. It's not you, but… it feels inevitable and I refuse to be surprised for when it happens." Spade internally wrestled with how safe he felt admitting this. Whether he could honestly say he was no longer concerned about this was blurry at best.
"I will never abandon you." Asgore promised, and he really meant it, prompting Spade to look away. Asgore patiently smiled, shifting to be in Spade's peripheral vision. "Hey. That takes a lot of strength to admit. I get it, this is new territory for both of us. You wanted to test the waters, there's no shame in that." Spade looked back and furrowed his brow. "No pun intended." Spade guffawed and Asgore smiled with ease. "We can take things slow."
"I will never forsake you." Spade finally admitted with a shaky breath. He had such a vulnerable expression: it wasn't very soft nor rigid with seriousness, it mostly appears to have the customary swelling around the eyes and nose of one who had been crying, though his face was dry. He didn't have any of the redness to go along with his blush as Asgore had, now kissed with a happy pink blush, but Asgore could feel his radiating warmth. He sighed and managed to continue, "I needed time and space to decide if I was ready to admit that, to the both of us."
"Thank you. It's a shared honor and privilege. Cheers to that!" Asgore happily smiled and toasted his cup, lifting his hand from Spade's grasp. Spade couldn't bear to not hold his hand.
He gently took Asgore's hand, bringing the palm to his face and nuzzling it.
He turned his cheek into it and Asgore felt a vast, subcutaneous softness. He enjoyed how he could feel the flex of certain muscles beneath such a pillow-like face; how below the surface of his powder blue skin stored great power. The fibers of his strange and soft fur were flat and even, having it run like water in his hands. He was completely relaxed and he felt softer and more fragile than ever, coveting gentle handling from Asgore.
Spade felt large, strong, and purposefully delicate hands caress him, his thumb rubbing into his cheek, inching higher and closer to his dark orbital slope. He was soothed by the touch and felt an all-too-familiar inner pull to kiss him. Spade could tell Asgore wanted to explore further, but he still needed to answer for himself. He curled his fingers around Asgore's to cease movement.
"I apologize," He said pitifully. "Might I explain my behavior?" Of course, Asgore said yes. "I didn't want you to feel trapped. I needed to know if you would be happier without me, or if you at all wanted to leave me, even if only for a day. You're in a whole new world, and I know how…disquiet that can feel." Spade stuck his tongue out in embarrassment. He was laying bare part of himself in a way he planned on but was only barely ready for.
"How strange. Before moving in with you, I must've left out and forgotten one of my indoor plants, and so for who knows how long, it was sat outside drinking up way more than it could body. Last night…it died, lonely, and I gave it a proper burial. Doing so, it felt like I had buried myself. It reminded me so much of myself without you."
Asgore pulled his hand away. He didn't know why. Spade's head jolted upward and he saw Asgore now placing both his hands on his half-full cup. Again with that damned cup! Heartsick, Spade reached over and plucked it, chugging the half-empty beast, ignoring how it dripped.
"I resent that." Spade discarded it.
Asgore cupped his face, now with both hands, gazing into his dark, deep-set, and hooded eyes. Spade's lip quivered. His face was partially wet now, and he looked tormented.
Spade's eyes closed with Asgore's caress in a beautiful offer of trust.
Touching him like this brought him some joy, but he wanted more…
In two heartbeats, Asgore pulled forward his lover's head and brought his lips to his eyes, one at a time, pecking his delicate eyelids. Carefully, as to not apply too much pressure to the thin muscles.
The delicate intimacy and unexpected placement made Spade wobble slightly, and he couldn't control the sharp intake of breath.
Spade's eyes opened, considering, and he opened his mouth into an "o", only to close it again. He huffed.
"Can I kiss you here?" He boldly asked, much to Asgore's relief, raising his hand to caress Asgore's lips with his thumb.
"Yes, please." Asgore immediately replied, a subconscious tension was lifted that he didn't notice was there. Oh, how he wanted this man. Could he actually have learned to stop loving him during the time he was sent away? Really? What if the time spent was longer? He thought about the endless rain, how it fell and how the birds would caw with freedom when it passed. Nature takes its course and always finds a way.
They lean forward and kiss. Asgore continues to cup the sides of his face as he deepens it.
Asgore should have been grateful for having been given the mercy of their time together. But part of him almost wanted to lash out at how Spade wanted him as much as he did. Why the whole banishment when the feelings are clearly mutual? Was all this really necessary? With vengeful tyranny, Asgore overpowered Spade, pushing his back into the bed, and straddled his lap. Spade gasped. Asgore smiled as he mercilessly tortured him with sweet caresses and strokes.
"This is for banishing me," Asgore breathily kissed him, teasing the corners of his mouth, "And this," he lavished his neck and chest, "And this!" He slinked downward and planted a devastating kiss on his second mouth. It reciprocated.
Spade, all the while, felt ready to pass out, turning more and more into a warm and squishy puddle as he immensely enjoyed this. Here he was, stretched out on their shared bed. Every touch resonated through his whole body. He felt them as if they were pulses, as if there was a warmth, like from sunlight, but coming from inside his body and touching each part of him intensely. He felt as if Asgore had simply reached in and turned on a faucet, letting it pour liquid love. His hands went limp and they grazed the floral comforter that had been kicked to the edge and was now mostly touching the ground.
Asgore was giddy as he sprung up and admired his work, taking in how disheveled his lover looked. Spade stuck his tongue out in contentment, happy at how eagerly Asgore was taking control and enjoying himself.
Eventually, the attention he was receiving made Spade squirm. Asgore, now looming over him, laughed at what he accomplished. Spade, being as he is, struggled and failed for control.
"Unhand me, ruthless man," He playfully demanded.
"That would be a no." Asgore grinned and continued to bomb him with kisses.
Suddenly, he felt a knee press his flank, trying to push him off. Dumbfounded, he looked at him and saw that he was serious. Then, in a brilliant act of submission, allowed himself to be rolled over, Spade following suit. Spade laughed and kissed him again as he secured his legs on his hips.
"You look so nice," Spade cooed, his words taking a moment for Asgore to process. Asgore's eyes fluttered, his breathing was unfocused and light and he felt like he was floating. Spade wanted to leaf through all of Asgore's beauties, certain he'd find something new to adore. Everything felt so slow. "I love you," Spade confessed to his touch-starved lover, his second mouth taking the liberty to lick him with the sharp tip of its tongue. Asgore shuddered. Spade could see the gears turning in Asgore's head and he quickly scrambled upright to hug Spade when it finally hit him.
"I love you too!" He exclaimed.
Spade was back in a sitting position, no longer straddling his lap. He considered how utterly short-lived his previous placement was. He laughed, it was infectious, and it ungraciously devolved into a yawn.
"All this excitement… Alas, I have been relegated to a sleepy man."
"Ohoho, you...!" Asgore's heart lurched and he drummed his back in reassurance.
Asgore lied back down, anchoring Spade down with him, making a soft thud against the mattress. They cuddled and adored each other, both marveling at how they got so lucky.
Notes:
abandonment issues or hubby fo today -Spade
The layout of the bedroom is that there isn't one LOL
In my head, the mattress is unceremoniously laid next to Spade's throne. obviously, this is different from how you envisioned him having his own private quarters, but. sorry.
A gigantic THANK YOU if you read this! A lot of love and nervous energy was put into it. The gorgeously-described maturity of your work is so lovely, super cool, ty for posting it!