Note: I originally wrote this during 2021 in March since I had come across Duncney stories at the time. I loved that ship when I was younger and remember being so upset when Duncan cheated on Courtney. I left this alone to come back to this now (after coming across Duncney stories, again) and decided to finish it. This was just my take on how Courtney would deal with the affair once they were adults.
Recommended Fics: "Before the Fall" and "All The Reasons Why" by lavenderslotus are both amazing fics that I would recommend. These are actually what inspired me to rewrite this one-shot to have a slightly less bitter ending. I really liked these two stories since they show both characters being mature and actually talking through their issues. If you like stuff like that, I would 100% recommend reading these two. (I don't remember this completely, but I think there's some mature themes, just a warning.)
Summary: His voice is deep and husky, no longer that of a child. And it's all it takes to bring her back to the moment they had betrayed her right after putting her trust in them. So she basks in the moon, her only companion in the dead of night, as she cries away her sorrows. [Short Angst]
Warnings: Mentions of Drinking/Alcohol
It burned through her skin and left her lips open and dry, but she didn't really care. Slurred words played upon her tongue, she felt bitterness, not all of which was because of her drink. No, the vodka was spicier than it was bitter as it eased down her throat. The increasing bitterness had little if anything to do with the aforementioned drink. In fact, it was an emotion she had been used to for years now. But maybe the alcohol tasted just a tad more bitter with her emotions on the high today.
She was never fond of it (neither was she a heavy drinker) to begin with so she had no idea why she grabbed it from the shelf during a late-night trip to the grocery store. Courtney had always been the definition of a high-class lady, and she grew into the role of one as well. If she wanted a drink, she could have pulled out one of the many expensive wines she uses to treat guests over. Though when she had run into the store in a frenzy and saw the clear bottle shaped like a skull, it had seemed to call out to her. Drawing her near and putting her in a trance as she placed it in her cart. Deep inside, she knew she couldn't care to play the sophisticated lady with a bottle of wine. She had no poise left inside today to frankly care. That and she wanted something a tad bit stronger than the watered-down drinks she had on her.
So she sat herself out on her balcony with a cup, her alcoholic drink, some snacks, and a fuzzy throw-on blanket to keep her bare legs warm from the winter night. A sight that would be odd for anyone who knew of sophisticated and grown-up Courtney. The grown-up Courtney who seemed to be too mature for whirlwind emotions like her younger teenage self. But now she wasn't anything but an empty shell of a girl protected by the night sky with only the moon as a companion as she sat out in silence.
It couldn't have been past nine o'clock, having left her internship at seven-thirty, but it had felt like an eternity. Listening to his voice had left her heart in tatters again. It was deep and husky, like an ocean wave in the morning, and it had left her stomach swirling in emotions. It had ceased to pitch up in high cracks due to puberty and instead settled into a deep and spine-tingling baritone. One that made her heart hurt a little too much.
And that terrified her. The possibility, the slight hope that seemed to lighten her heart when seeing him again, even if it was on a TV screen. They had been young, and they had been dumb. Mistakes had been taken due to the stupid youthfulness they had years ago. The incident and old behaviors had long been accounted for being under the bridge. Not forgotten but pushed aside and subsequently forgiven. It was never mentioned but it had hung in the air, not too potent since it had been hiding in the closet for far too many years, but still there. They had forgiven, or at least she knows she did. For the young and dumb stupidity spurned on by blindfold youth. But that didn't mean the memories didn't hurt, maybe not as much as they used to, but they still hurt.
She knows it's petty, but a small part of her had hoped he hadn't been as good-looking as he had been the last time, she had seen him when they were kids. Then maybe there'd be less of a reason for her heart going haywire. She had only caught a small glimpse of him from the TV and although it was blurry, it was him. He had long since left the green mohawk behind and instead had kept his natural black hair in a short roguish cut. Though what was familiar was his piercing teal eyes and smirk. It was then that all the buried emotions hit her at once.
Memories flooded her mind at once and she had to fight the urge to turn off the TV abruptly (as other coworkers were watching). But she had averted her eyes, trying to not steal glances at the screen to see if he'd come back on. He didn't. She didn't have classes till the afternoon the next day, so she decided to screw it and had promptly drove to the store after she ended her shift. Which then led to where she is now.
She sighed as she leaned her head against the cold brick wall behind her. Taking in a deep breath and closing her eyes as she exhaled. The night was quiet with the exception of some night critters moving, or the distant sound of traffic. It was cold, but it helped her relax. Even with goosebumps crawling up her arms, Courtney enjoyed the quiet.
She slowly opened her eyes as she stared at the moon in silence, taking a little sip of her drink. It was a calm night, with the moon shining its soft light down. She could recall often sitting here during the beginning of her college life and grieving over everything that happened. Often, the moon was out whenever she was having a rough day. And before she knew it, it had become this comfort to see the moon out whenever she was feeling down. It felt a little silly for her to say this, the logical Courtney Satella, but she felt like the moon would keep her secret, that out of all things, she could at least trust the moon. So she let her thoughts run loose.
It has gotten better. Her way of coping with her emotions, that is.
No longer did she snap into an adolescent-spurred rage and neither did she hold onto vengeful thoughts. She could still hold a grudge from time to time, but she had been in the process of letting stuff go. She had matured only after she had left the show and got time to actually have peace and quiet. To be around better people and a better environment without all the stress of competition.
She had never been a violent girl, so looking back on the show had made her cringe. The show had changed her. It had changed everyone. And not for the better. It had brought out the worst in all of them. Including her. She noticed that she often let the perfectionist in her take the lead, and her competitiveness was only amped up by the extreme conditions of that terrible reality show. It embarrassed her to look back at the past and see how she acted. It stung to relive the aftermath of everything, especially to relive the incident all over again, and her imagination would run wild with thoughts of the past.
It had destroyed her. It made her sick to think just before she ran into his arms, and hugged him tight with apologies, he had just been swapping spit with another girl. A girl who she thought was her friend or at least becoming one at the time.
She could admit it now, and then, that it had hurt. It hurt her badly. The first emotion she had felt was rage. Rage for the absolute absurdity she was listening to when Tyler confessed what happened in front of everyone. That the two had kissed. That Duncan cheated on her. That Gwen kissed him back. That they had betrayed her in the worst way possible. Her blood boiled and she couldn't see anything but red for hours. Though soon, shock and sadness consumed her once they had gotten back onto the plane. The humiliation she felt after putting her trust in the two seemed to burn her skin. She had thought things between her and him were just starting to get better. They were starting to talk more openly about their problems and then the next thing she knew he went behind her back and broke her heart. And the person she thought was starting to be her friend just stole her boyfriend. Surprisingly, the only one who offered her any comfort was Heather, out of all people. Not even her own boyfriend comforted her, or even tried to talk to her.
It confirmed the fears her insecurities pushed. Maybe they really had been too different to be together. He was a bad boy; she should have known what she was getting herself into. The question of his love still haunts her some days, if he had ever really loved her. Or was it just fun because she was different from him, if he only stayed because of their fights? They were so different, but it had felt so right. There seemed to be no logic in their relationship, and it had scared her. And her insecurities had only seemed to grow after their messy break-up.
It took her years to pick herself up and move on and try to mend her heart. To leave it in the past but it had forever left an emotional scar on her. Because how could she ever forget her first love? She had put her heart out in the line only for it to be trampled upon.
Her eyes began to burn so she tilted her head up higher against the wall. Trying to take slow breaths but choked on an incoming sob. The moon became a little blurry as she bit her lips.
Maybe it was silly, but she thought they would last. She became all sick and lovey when with him. She even had gotten that stupid identical tattoo with him. She thinks she would have done anything for him at one point, it was scary. Maybe that's why things went wrong, she had often thought to herself in the beginning. She was terrified, but the more she tried to control her fear, to make sure it didn't get out of hand, the more out of control their relationship got. They would constantly get into fights. Not little flirting arguments, but actual yelling and screaming. They would constantly get together and be off again. It left her drained. She couldn't do it anymore, her heart was hurting, but she wanted to try. Because she loved him.
And then one day, it just hit the breaking point.
She closed her eyes slowly as a tear escaped, letting out a hollow laugh. She felt like a fool to fall for him, for someone who could never love her as she loved him. She opened her glistening eyes to stare at the moon for answers, for answers to questions that would always wrack her brain for closure.
But the moon stayed silent, so she only continued to drink away the memories and pain. Even if it was only for a brief moment, the moon was her only companion through these lonesome nights.
Note: Here Courtney hasn't graduated from her undergraduate yet, but I thought of her reconciling with Duncan and then trying again. Though I don't really have the drive to write that, so again, I would recommend lavenderslotus's stories if you want a story like that, especially "All The Reasons Why".
~writingamongstars