"First order of business!" Melvin smacked a pointer stick on a board, which was only dimly lit in his attic by a single light bulb, since the window is boarded up. The board had hazy, somewhat creepy pictures of random people that lived in Riverford. "Welcome to the 'we-tried-to-beat-up-Jordan-but-then-he-beat-us-up-and-now-we're-friends-with-Jordan club!"

Donny Falcon raised his hand, "We're, like, only three people, we...don't need a club name."

Melvin sighed, "Listen. If Jordan's theory is true, and there is an evil stand user infecting the good stand users of Riverford with bad JuJu, then expect this club to be a lot bigger soon."

Jordan raised his hand, "Hey, I don't think your mom likes me. I think that she put two and two together and figured out that I'm the reason you don't have a window, PC, or games collection anymore."

"I still have games," Melvin said, "Just not a monitor or Nintendo 64 anymore. Who keeps their eggs in one basket?" He shook his head, trying to get back on topic, "Look, we got shit to do! We gotta find these stand users-"

"Bro, who even are those?" Donny exclaimed. He got up, pointing at the pictures, "They look like you never held a camera before!"

Melvin snapped, "It's hard to take pictures when you're being stealthy!" Melvin dug a finger into Donny's chest.

"Hey, hey!" Jordan broke them up, "We can relax. Look, Donny, did you tell anyone about me?"

Donny crossed his arms, "Nope."

"And you only told Donny about me, right, Melvin?" Jordan asked.

"Yeah."

Jordan took a deep breath, "Good. Then we don't even need to worry about it."

Jordan walked back to his chair, leading to confused looks from his two compatriots. Melvin asked, "You sure you don't want to pursue this?"

"What happened to 'I'm gonna beat the shit out of him?'" Donny inquired.

Jordan shrugged, "I don't know...I mean, I got you two to be my friends now. I don't really need more people," He let out a chuckle of self-pity, "I mean, this more than I ever had."

Melvin and Donny just stared at Jordan. Donny sighed and said, "Man, what do we do with you?"

Jordan sighed, "Look, can we just not go after stand users for a week? I get that it's bad and all, and I want to help, I do, but it's bad for my mental health to fight someone new every week!" He got up from his chair, "Can't we just, like, hang out, or something?"

Melvin and Donny recoiled at the suggestion.

"What, like normal people?" Melvin exclaimed.

"Not fighting other people?" Donny complained.

The two looked at each other.

"So yeah, this is pretty much my favorite place to eat," Donny said. They had gone into the Riverford Hotel, which used to be a hotel, but was now a restaurant that was still called a hotel for no conceivable reason.

"It's actually not because of the food," Donny admitted, "But because they say that in this hotel, there was a man who was walking on the ceiling and didn't know why."

"Wait," Jordan rubbed his temple, "Are you telling me that a man was just...walking on the ceiling...and the guy on the ceiling didn't know why."

"Yep," Melvin said, "It's a part of history. The first of the many weird things to happen in Riverford.

A server brought a huge plate of nachos covered in fake cheese and shredded pork and Donny said, "I also like it because I like disgusting food."

Melvin grimaced, "Donathan Falcon, do you expect me to eat that?!"

With cheese dripping from his mouth, Donny said, "Yeah. It's not like you're on a diet."

"I may not have the best health, but I have respect for myself," Melvin said.

Donny smiled, "Someone has to."

Jordan put a hand over his mouth as Melvin fumed, "Oh, if only I were still insane, I would have shot you so many times by now!"

Donny laughed, "Oh, you still want to go?" He pointed a thumb towards a back room, "Because in that arcade room, they have Super Ultra Death Fighters 3."

Melvin stood up from his seat, "You mean the only arcade game that takes into account how hard you press the buttons?!"

Donny leaned forward, "The very same!"

The two of them virtually teleported to the arcade with the speed at which they found themselves in front of the game. In sync, they entered quarters into the machine, and came upon the character selection screen.

"SELECT YOUR SUPER ULTRA DEATH FIGHTER!"

Melvin selected "Dr. Muscle," An evil scientist who's able to convert his brain power into muscle power, going from a superintelligent twig of a man to a barbaric, purple monstrosity in mere seconds. He uses gadgets and strength together to become a deadly fighter.

Donny Falcon chose Andrew Anarchy, a punk rock rebel who uses his skill with spray paint and guitar skillz to defeat his enemies. He came from a rich family, but disavowed his family when he found out they were polluting the environment with their oil business.

"Seriously? Grunk?" Donny asked, "He's just like, pure evil. Not even a fun character."

"No, no!" Melvin shouted, "If you read the comics, you'd know that Dr. Muscle is a deep character that has to balance his more calm, smart side with his savage, angry side. He's not really evil, he's just misunderstood!"

"You lost me at 'If you read the comics,'" Donny grumbled.

Their two characters came on screen. Dr. Muscle entered from the left, transforming from a little man into a large monster. As he did, he shouted, "I'll harvest your organs for research!"

"Oh, just misunderstood, huh?" Donny asked.

Then Andrew Anarchy came on from stage right. He came dropping from the sky, doing the superhero pose, dusting off his leather jacket, and whipping out his guitar. He said to Dr. Muscle, "Your unethical experiments end now!"

"The biggest Gary Stu in the series," Melvin said, "Literally a self-insert character."

"I'll self-insert my dick in your ass in a few seconds."

The battle started. Donny started out with a ranged attack from the guitar, sending a slash forward toward Dr. Muscle. Melvin jumped over it, and once he landed, he pulled a laser gun from nowhere, and shot Donny. Donny responded with a charge attack with his chain, and the two characters clashed.

The clash is the most iconic part of SUDF (Super Ultra Death Fighters, pronounced "Sood've" by the fans). The two players must mash the two buttons next to the joystick with enough speed and power to overpower the other. The advanced system of the game takes into account every aspect of how they're pressing the buttons. Speed is equally as important as power, and it's the most competitive aspect of the game.

Melvin surrounded himself in a green aura, "SHINY TOYS! Win this game for me!"

Donny was mashing the buttons usually, but the toy soldiers all over Melvin's body literally shot the buttons with more power than Donny could make with his hand. The game shouted, "Good! Great! Epic! Fantastic! LEGENDARY!" As Melvin pumped up the power of his stand. The amount of damage done to Donny's character was enough to finish him up in the next combo.

Donny threw his arms up in frustration, "Come on, man, that's not fair!"

Melvin shrugged smugly, "Well, if we were to fight, that's what would happen. You have neither the skateboard nor the hill to get your stand from an E to an A. And because of that, I'd win."

"Oh-ho-ho!" Donny backed up, "I see how it is. Well, if that's truly what we're doing, then I wouldn't even start fighting you without help," He pointed to the only other person in the room, "I choose Jordan as my substitute!"

Jordan was just sipping on his coke watching the show, "Wait, what?" He squinted at Donny, "You want me to play?"

Melvin scoffed, "He probably hasn't even-"

Then Jordan pushed Donny aside. They could see a blinding light of resolve in his glasses as he naturally assumed the controls and flipped the coins into the machine.

"In my old home, I played Sood've 2 at the local arcade by myself. It might have been an old version, and I might have only been fighting AIs, but I think I can take Melvin."

"Heh," Melvin chuckled, "I guess you're becoming more confident with your stand now."

"Not just my stand," Jordan said, "But myself, too."

Jordan chose the character Joe Bootsman, a supersoldier for the American army who went rogue when Baxton (another character in the series) became president of the United States. Joe Bootsman doesn't like bullies, and will always stand up for what's right. He also doesn't like Andrew Anarchy due to the fact he's a punk who doesn't play by the rules.

"Wait, Baxton became president?" Jordan asked.

"Yeah, the lore gets weird," said Melvin.

Joe Bootsman entered from the right out of a helicopter, being lowered down from a rope ladder, and once landed, took out an M-16 with several marks on it, showing it had been through some tough times. Then he said, "Things have changed...and so have I!"

Jordan jumped over the lazer fired by Dr. Muscle, and responded by throwing a grenade behind him that launched him forward into an uppercut. Then Jordan did a lot of uppercuts, consecutively, and Melvin couldn't do anything about it for a while. Once Melvin broke from the stun lock, the two sides clashed.

"Now! SHINY TOYS!"

"CHAMPION!"

"Attack!"

"YATATATATATATATATATATATA!"

The two sides clashed equally for a while, though the presence of Champion caused the screen to become brighter, and pixellated. Still, the game went through the combos, "Good! Great! Epic! Fantastic! LEGENDARY! LEGENDARY! LEGENDARY!"

"Give up now, Jordan!" Melvin shouted, "You can't handle the power of my stand!"

"The power of your Shiny Toys is nothing compared to the speed of my CHAMPION!" Jordan retorted.

"LEGENDARY LEGENDARY LEGENDARY LE-LE-LE-LE-" And the game froze. Then the screen cracked, and they couldn't see anything. The music kept looping, and they only heard the game going "le-le-le-le-le-le" over and over.

Melvin winced, "I think we should leave stands out of playing video games."

Jordan was holding his chest, panting like he ran a mile, "Uh...yeah…"

"Hey Jordan," Melvin said later, "Do you watch Naruto?"

"No," Jordan said, "I mean, it would probably be good, but I get really annoyed when writers put in a bunch of filler at random moments, sometimes after really intense moments, just to give themselves time to figure out what's going to happen next without having to make the audience wait a long time for the next story beat."

"Yeah," Said Melvin, "That is annoying."