The Brief History of Everything - OR - Recipe for Plastic Spoon
Chapter 5
Octoberary 20st, 1999
By: Wuckfad

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Chapter 5 - Not quite as smelly.

"This is by far not as smelly as the previous two chapters."
- Me (Just now)

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Recipe for Plastic Spoon
1. 17 compressed zebra farts
2. 2 pieces McWinches
3. A blade of grass

The cream white '67 Eldorado convertable came to a screeching fishtaling halt making a nice set of tire tracks in the grass. Oof hopped out of the car and adjusted his hair. Green tried the same and ended up tripping on the door and bending his beak. Oof snickered.
"What the hell is so funny Fartboy?" The green chicken yelled.
"Nothing." Oof bit his tongue.
"Well?!?!" Green said getting flustered.
"Your beak is on crooked." Oof said with a semi-straight face. Green Chicken adjusted his beak and he got down to business.
"Okay, here's the deal. We have to find a blade of grass." Chicken finally said walking out into the field. Oof stood there with a stupid look on his face.
"Look around us Green. LOOK AROUND US!" Oof yelled with sarcasm in his voice.
"Shut up wad. This is a special piece of grass." Green shouted back burying his head and his magnifying glass into the thick grass.
"This is stupid! Look at this!" Oof yelled, "Here's one! Oh! Here's another one! Found another!" He continued ripping up tufts of the long grass and throwing them up into the air.
"Stop it! Any one of those could have been it." Chicken replied trying to remain calm.
"Grrf. This is insane. Call me when you find it." Oof said happily as he plunked himself into the backseat of the car lengthwise and put his feet up.
"If you don't get back here, I will rip off your ears so you cannot hear me call you." Green explained in a detached voice.
"Sheeat." Oof moaned as he jumped out of the back seat and got down on all fours.
"What are we looking for?" Oof asked.
"A blade of grass." Green replied holding a piece of grass under a magnifying glass.
A Week Later...
Chicken came walking out of a tent with several computer printouts and a single blade of grass in his hand. He had several days of stubble on his chin and was molting his lime green feathers.
"Damn!" he said as the threw away the blade of grass.
"I HAVE SEARCHED THIS ENTIRE FIELD FOR A BLADE OF GRASS!" Green Chicken screamed. Oof was startled out of his deep sleep.
"God Damnit! Don't yell!" Oof shouted.
"Ah.I'm sorry, it's just that I have searched the entire field for a piece of grass and I have failed to come up with any sort of results." Chicken sighed.
"Have you searched the ENTIRE... field?" Oof said as he cocked his head.
"Yes!" Chicken replied sarcastically and slightly angered.
"Have you checked under the car?" Oof replied with a hint of intellegence in his voice.
"Egad's! The car!" Chicken gasped as he dove under the car banging his head on the door. After shaking out the cobwebs he stuck his head under the car and look around frantically. Then, staring him in the face was a piece of purple grass.
"This is it! This is the grass!" Green exclaimed as he pulled out a pair of tweezers and plucked the purple grass out by the roots and carefully placed it in a ziploc and zipped up the bag.
"Now come on, lets pack up shop and get the hell out of this cesspool." Chicken said happily as he place the baggy in the trunk. Oof responded with an enthusiastic salute.

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Questions? Comments?
Wuckfad
wuckfad@hotmail.com
-or-
wuckfad@bolt.com

Rip Farts, Not War.
Just Speef it.

Reefers for the legalization of Marijuana.
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