Liverpool, Lime Street Station, 9 April

The ninth of April was no different from my other Liverpool days. With one exception - it was necessary to gather in Southampton. Titanic leaving port tomorrow at 12 pm.

Lime Street Station, which survived almost unchanged into the twenty-first century, towered over the square like an arch that covered the Chornobyl nuclear power plant. It did not fit into the Gothic-Roman architecture of the surroundings.

In front of the entrance, covering part of the station facade, a three-story filthy hotel building with the proud name Royal stuck to it. At the beginning of the twentieth century, loud catchy names were loved. I smiled.

-Why are you smiling, dad? - Jenny asked holding my hand.

-Nothing special. Just remembered one farce. You know, there is such a big top circus with endless performances. One ends and another immediately begins. And so, eternity. Some spectators die, others take their place.

-Sounds scary, -the daughter replied seriously.

- Why say such things to a child, sir, - the nanny asked me in a half whisper.

-Let them get used to it. There are many oddities in the world. The sooner children understand this, the easier it will be for them to live.

Inside the station was very bright and spacious. I especially liked the covered platforms. It is convenient to board the train in the rain or snow. Lanterns hung from the ceiling on steel cables. Original design solution. Who said that industrial style came into fashion in the early 1960s?

I expected more from steam locomotives. I imagined them as huge smoking colossus, like in the movies. Instead, a small train from a children's book arrived with neat maroon passenger cars surrounded by a golden stripe. One word - Europe. I wonder if it will be able to drag the train to London?

I didn't get on the train right away. I'd rather stay with the kids. The closer the departure was, the sadder they were.

- Dad, when you will take us with you to Southampton to see Titanic? - Harry asked.

-Next time you'll come with me. I'll show you everything: engine room, boiler rooms, beautiful halls. For now, you can't. There will be a lot of journalists and I have a lot of work in front of the first trip. I can't make time for you.

- We-e-el…

- Harry, don't start.

Jane was in tears.

- You never have time for us.

- Jenny, you will soon be twelve, no need for whims. You know very well that I have to work. If I am with you around the clock, we will simply have nothing to eat and nothing to pay the bills with. Calm down, - I wiped a tear from her cheek.

God, it's hard to have a family. Everyone wants something from you. It is better to take a dog from a shelter. At least dog is silent.

The crowd got bigger. Children were crying. Jenny hung around my neck, nestled against the shoulder strap of uniform coat, Arnold roared uncontrollably, Nancy also cried, although not so loudly.

- I'll be back in two weeks. Everything will be fine. What to bring for you from New York?

They were still crying. I don't know how to calm the children. Well, I never had them. It was a mistake to let them walk me to the station.

I take Nancy and Arnold in my arms. Wiping my tears, I understand that I need to quickly get into the passenger car.

- That's it, that's it, see you soon - with difficulty tearing the children away from me, told the nanny to take them away, quickly jumping into the passenger car.

Outside the window, on the platform, a crowd of seeing off waved to train passengers. Mrs. Beckner and the children waved at me, standing lonely on the platform. Train picked up speed.

The mood was lousy. Maybe this Titanic should go to hell? I'll get off at the next station and go back home. Let them fire me, no big deal. I'll get a job in Cunard or even move to America. I went to the exit of the passenger car and stopped in front of the door. No, No I'm not a hero. This is not my story. But…What are the 1500 people doomed to death guilty of? If there is at least one chance to change the future, I must fight for it. In a past life, I helped people in trouble. What happened to me now? Cowardly pretend that nothing happened? And when notifications of the death will go through the cities of Britain and the USA, how can I justify my own cowardice?

I didn't get off at the next station.