AN: I hear what you're saying about short chapters. They're technically scene/POV shifts. But you get a LOT of them in rapid succession, so hopefully that makes it a bit better. I live for reviews 3

She understood better than most. She watched him. His icy blue eyes looked even colder as he clenched his jaw. He looked over at her and she didn't look away.

"I could use another drink."

His expression softened. "Is that why you asked me up to your room?"

"You have to tip a bartender, and I'm on a budget these days."

He pulled his hands from the pockets of his jacket and went back inside. She stared out over the black silhouettes of the tree branches against the dark night sky for a moment. The sound of iron scraping against the stone balcony pulled her from her reverie.

"Penny for your thoughts," he said, setting her drink on the little table and sat down.

She sat down across from him and leaned back, taking her drink. Despite his darker mood, she knew that she had to choose her words carefully. Steve's darkness was downright cheerful in contrast to her own. She ran her fingers over the latticed ironwork of the table while she gathered her thoughts.

"We carry the war with us while the rest of the world does everything it can to forget." She looked up at him. "And 'move on.' They don't realize the war is never over."

"For them it is."

She shook her head sadly. "The tide goes out, and for a few moments, the ocean is gone. But it always comes back."

"'Peace in our time.'"

She laughed mirthlessly. "I had so many justifications and rationalizations for doing what I did. I was great at coming up with reasons. But the truth is that even if I didn't choose this life, I like it. I don't know who I am without it."

"We're going to have to figure that out for ourselves."

"I've been doing a lot of thinking lately." She took a small sip from her glass and swallowed. "I did a lot of things because that's what I had to do. Or at least, that's what I told myself. After Clint… well, I thought SHIELD was a place I could really make a home for myself. And I did for a long time. I trusted Nick. I believed in his ideas and I confused the organization and the man."

He nodded. "I can understand that."

She swallowed. "Anyway, you know the rest of that story. After Lagos, I overcompensated. Since I couldn't trust my instincts, I figured I should trust what the world was telling us."

"Natasha, your instincts have always been right."

She stared at him.

"You make decisions based on the information you have. That's all any of us can do."

"I have more information than most. I'm a spy, Steve."

"Which makes it that much more complicated. It's easy for me. I don't have all of the inconvenient details. You do."

"That's nice of you to say."

"It's the truth."

"I was fooled."

"So was I." He shrugged. "It's what you do when you realize you were playing for the wrong team that matters. You didn't double down. You made the hard choices and you did what was right."

"I like these motivational speeches."

He sighed and sat back.