Chapter Summary

In the aftermath of Umbara Rex finds himself in need of support.

Ahsoka brought her fighter into the hanger along with the rest of the gold squadron. The battle had been exhausting, but they had successfully defeated the Umbaran Air Force and General Kenobi along with the 212th had taken the capital.

They had won and should be celebrating but she couldn't shake the awful feeling that something was wrong... she hadn't heard from any of her men in two days which was definitely not normal on this kind of campaign. She knew from her bond that Rex was still alive but all she could feel coming from him was darkness with occasional flashes of anger and betrayal. Her number one priority was finding her captain and figuring out what the kriff happened on the ground.

As she disembarked she could see groups of clones huddled together muttering, a somber mood hung over the hanger like a cloud. Hastening to the bridge she overheard Commander Cody talking about General Krells body and some thing about Dogmas arrest but that didn't make any sense. Stopping for a moment and remembering her training she took a deep breath and reached out through the force to try and find her friend. Finally she tracked the waves of anger coming off of him to his quarters by the barracks.

Instead of knocking once she arrived, Ahsoka walked in and was met with the sight of him perched on the edge of his bed sitting perfectly still with his helmet in place. Maybe this was a mistake and she should have talked to someone first to have an idea of how to help...

Well it was too late for that now so closing the door behind her she slowly approached and gently lifted the helmet off his head, he didn't react and just stared at the ground as tears poured down his face.

Impulsively she threw her arms around him as she was overwhelmed by the despair leaking through their bond.

Embarrassed that she had crossed a boundary she began to pull back. Rex was not a touchy-feely person and aside from sparring or emergencies it almost seemed like he went out of his way to avoid her contact. She was stopped however when he wrapped his arms around her waist with a strength that surprised her and rested his head against her shoulders shaking silently. She resumed her embrace and began running her fingers through his cropped hair while projecting comfort and security through the force as best she could

"Rex, I want to be here for you but I don't know what you need or even what happened. Do you want to talk about it, be distracted or just be left alone for a while?"

She barely caught his choked whisper of

"Please don't leave me" but after he spoke it was as if a damn had broken and the whole horrific story poured out.

bHe spared no details and told her all about his conflict about following orders, about his shock when Krell ordered the execution of Fives and Jessie and his desperate attempts to stop the fighting when he sensed something was wrong, culminating in when he decided to execute the traitor.

He finally released her as he wiped the tears from his face

"I couldn't do it. Ahsoka I failed them all! So many good men died because I refused to question bad orders and even once I did I still couldn't save Hardcase, Waxer or even Dogma. It was my call to execute that monster and I froze like a coward! I couldn't stop thinking of everything I had to lose if I pulled that trigger. I'm a clone, I was made to be a soldier, I shouldn't have anything I care about more than the mission but I couldn't bear to never see..."

He trailed off for a bit looking afraid, after a beat he shook his head and continued

"and now my brother is taking the fall for my inaction."

Sitting next to him on the bed she took his hand and squeezed as she said

"Rex, look at me, you are the best and bravest man I know"

He began to protest, citing Generals Skywalker and Kenobi but she cut him off

"Yes they do amazing things but it's more recklessness and overconfidence, not the the true courage that you possess. Removing your armor and running into blaster fire to save your men is nothing short of heroic. I am so sorry that you all had to suffer so much and I can't change what happened but I won't let you blame yourself for that villains actions."

"I... I know technically that you're right but I don't know how to actually accept it. I don't know if I can move on from this."

"Honestly, it probably will take a while, you've been through something incredibly traumatic and unfortunately it is going to leave a permanent mark on you. So I think the best course of action isn't to try and forget about it to just move on, but to accept the lessons it can teach you and carry them forward. You may never shake the nightmares but I promise you that you never have to face this alone."

He stared at their clasped hands as he took in her words. As much as he wanted to pretend that this whole nightmare had never happened, to shove all the doubts and fears deep into a little box, he knew she was right. Planting something that corrosive in his soul would surely bear poison fruit.

That realization did nothing to alleviate the bitterness coursing through him now though. Although the soft circles she was drawing with her thumb certainly were helping distract him from the negativity... Stiffening his shoulders he drew his hands from her grasp. Relying on her comfort was inappropriate and unsustainable. After clearing his throat he attempted to speak with his usual tone.

"In any case Commander, I'm really sorry about dumping this on you, you probably just came down to pick up the report and here I've just embarrassed myself and wasted your time."

He hung his head in shame and missed the expressions crossing her face in rapid succession.

"Rex, when you comforted me after our mission to the citadel, did you think less of me? Did you feel like I had wasted your time because I should have been tougher?"

Shocked he looked up at her

"Of course not! If anything your compassion made me appreciate you more"

"Then how can you possibly think that I would feel any different about you right now?"

His heart stuttered as he took in the intensity of her gaze. It was all too much right now, he was not accustomed to dealing with so many conflicting, powerful emotions at once. As if she could sense his reservations she said

"I know that it's much easier said than done to release those feelings but I'd like to try something with you when you're ready."

When he hesitated she elaborated

"I know you're processing a lot right now, maybe this would be too much. I'll go and you can come find me later if you're still interested."

She rose and began towards the door but was stopped by his hand around her wrist.

"I am a bit overwhelmed if I'm being honest but I trust you and if you think this would help than I'm happy to do it."

What he didn't feel the need to verbalize was the terror that seized him at the thought of being alone right now. She looked appraisingly at him,

"Well if you're sure then alright, come mirror me, we're going to try meditating and I'll walk you through how to release your feelings to the force. How much do you actually know about the force?"

"Not much"

He admitted

"I know it gives you Jedi superhuman abilities and that power comes with a lot of rules, beyond that I don't know, it wasn't something they bothered to teach us about on Kamino."

"Alright well Obi-wan described it as an energy field created by all living things. It surrounds us and penetrates us. It binds the galaxy together. Those of us that are force sensitive can, with training, channel that energy into our own purposes and as you get to know the force the force also comes to know you and can guide a life towards balance. Please close your eyes and try to match my breathing. When you're ready tell me what you feel."

Ahsoka expected to sit in silence for a few minutes, even with her suspicions she figured it could take a while to find the force but almost immediately he said

"Well I can feel you and your compassion and concern, Denal and Jessie are both close and they're angry, Tup seems conflicted between feeling proud and sad. Wait now you're alarmed did I do something wrong?"

He eyes flew open and searched her face. She looked conflicted for a moment but said

"Definitely not you just surprised me, let's try again but this time try to look past the individuals and reach for the energy that flows like a river between us all. Do you have it?"

He nodded and then remembering that her eyes were closed said

"I think so, what do I do with it?"

"Take your guilt and let the river carry it away. Let the energy you feel cleanse your mind and soul. If you feel up to it you can even try to draw some of that power into yourself."

He gasped as he felt the glowing energy that surrounded them flow into his body creating almost a thrumming sensation that made him want to leap tall buildings. Is this what caused General Skywalker to be so reckless?

Wait, this was dangerous. He was a clone and a good soldier, he shouldn't be able to compare himself to a Jedi.

"Commander"

His voice was level but carried a hard edge

"Why are you showing me this? How can I even feel this? Are you sharing your abilities somehow?"

She looked conflicted but under his unrelenting stare she dropped her gaze and said in a quiet voice,

"Rex I haven't been sure how to tell you this but I'm convinced that you are force sensitive. I've suspected since we returned from the citadel but I didn't want to say anything until I was positive. But based on how quickly you've been able to connect to the force you're more than just sensitive and you would have the potential to become a powerful Jedi master if not for this kriffing war."

Rex sat in stunned silence for quite some time, his mind trying to furiously process everything she had said. His emotions were ranging from disbelief to fear to excitement. Deciding to err on the side of caution he said

"It should be impossible for a clone to connect with the force are you sure you're not imagining things?"

"Any being with a soul is connected through the force, those fools who don't consider clones as individual beings wouldn't think it was possible but you and I both know that they are dead wrong. I looked it up and I actually found a record that showed you're not the first force sensitive clone."

He looked up in amazement but she continued darkly

"Don't get too excited they were all considered defective which is why I've been so loathe to tell you about this. The more people that know the more danger you are in."

"Oh... wait then why are you telling me now?"

"Because I'm convinced that you used the force to catch on to what Krell was doing, I think you used that extra sense to save your brothers and I'm hoping that learning to hone in that ability will give you more confidence in yourself and keep you safe. Plus if I'm being totally honest it's been exhausting to try and keep something like this from you. I tell you everything and trying to keep my distance so that you wouldn't sense,"

She trailed off looking thoughtful.

"Wouldn't sense what Commander?"

There was a note of fear in his voice, and maybe something else, was that anticipation?

"We'll if we're being honest I may as well lay it all on the table"

Was she blushing? What could she possibly admit that would cause her to be nervous like this

"I think we have a force bond."

What.

"A force bond?"

Ugh get it together you're sounding like Echo he thought to himself

"We are connected through the force, like I am with Anakin and he is with Obi-wan. It means that we can potentially sense each other and our thoughts and emotions even across great distances."

He looked thunderstruck but gestured for her to continue

"I've known that you were especially astute for ages like being able to dodge bullets in battle and sense where people were but I really was sure when we connected in the force in the hospital wing. After I broke the connection I could still feel you in my mind. I couldn't do that with anyone else I had shared energy with. I'm not sure if it was because you were force sensitive or because of how much you mean to me. But either way the link has been forged."

When he didn't respond she continued nervously

"It's a blessing and a curse at least from my point of view. In our current positions it does put you at risk of punishment but I was very grateful the last few days to know that you were alive. If you're uncomfortable having a this inappropriate connection with me I understand and we can sever it, I just couldn't bring myself to break it without talking to you first."

Having said her piece she leaned back and looked around his quarters, unwilling to make eye contact with him.

He studied her, she had changed so much from the awkward kid he had first met on Christofsis. Her lekku and montrals were almost twice as long as they had been a few years ago and her face had lost some of its youthful roundness. Now her white markings accented her strong cheekbones and defined jawline. She was so beautiful and good yet she was here focused on him because she cared. He knew it wasn't in the same way he cared about her but that didn't matter, all that mattered was that she wanted to stay bonded to him.

He knew it was dangerous, foolish, and if he were to do what he knew the Kaminoans would expect him to do he would march up to the command deck and request a transfer so that he would never see her or be tempted again, but in this battle between the man and the soldier, the soldier didn't stand a chance.

With a weak smile he said

"Technically Commander, as far as I know there is no official rule against a clone having a force bond with anyone. So I don't see why we can't keep it"

She laughed and threw her arms back around him.

"Oh thank goodness! I was worried that you'd hate me for putting you in the position."

Speaking of positions she realized how inappropriate this would look if someone walked in and pulled back quickly, trying to cover her awkwardness with a nervous cough she bravely continued

"Well Rexter, if we're going to keep this, the more you know the safer you'll be so let's get started."

He smiled back at her, feeling lighter than he had been in days. Naturally he still felt all the betrayal and heartbreak of the events on Umbara but the knowledge that as long as they were alive he would never have to face these things alone made all the difference in the world.