if we can make it through tonight we'll see the sun

Sirius/Remus, Sirius/Remus/James

In the midst of the war and the bloodshed and the death, they find each other. Soldier!AU (undefined war)

Written for the CaloreMeYours fest on AO3 / Discord.

Prompts used:

Quote: I kept your secret

Character: Sirius Black

AU: Soldier/Guard!AU

Trait: Loyal

Sirius isn't used to early mornings. When the alarm rings loudly, echoing through the large barracks, he almost falls out of his bed in his haste.

"Fuck," he mutters. He had arrived late and had taken what might've been the last bed. Others had been sleeping and he isn't sure where he'd put his belongings.

"Sorry, those are mine," a man says, reaching past Sirius and taking the items that Sirius was about to grab.

Sirius rubs the sleep from his eyes and glances around, pausing at the sight of brilliant amber. Even half-asleep, Sirius can't miss something so utterly beautiful.

The man smiles, seemingly unaware of the effect that he's having on Sirius.

"Maybe these are your clothes?" the man offers, helpfully, gesturing to another bundle. "They look a bit short. I don't think they'd fit me." Sirius would be offended, but the man has an adorable smile and the shy teasing is precious.

"Not my fault that you're a tree," Sirius responds, making sure his own voice echoes the tone. A tree he'd very much like to climb.

The man laughs softly, and someone else approaches, throwing their arms around both of their shoulders.

"Remus, new guy, we can laugh and joke later. We better get a move on if we want to have a proper wash. I heard Sergeant Moody is one of the worst ones to get stuck with, and…" He nods towards the man pacing the barracks.

"Yeah, a shower sounds great," Sirius admits. He'd ran away from home recently, with no idea what to do with himself so he'd signed up here. Food and showers mean everything to him. But he clings to the other name. Remus... His beautiful bunkmate is Remus.

"Great. Let's go. Peter, you coming?" The man turns back, hazel eyes moving between the pair of them. He towers over Sirius a little, but not as much as Remus does.

"James Potter," he offers, holding out his hand to Sirius. "You weren't here yesterday. There was a meet and greet. We did each other's hair and told secrets."

Sirius can't help but let his eyes dance over the man. He's not sure of the rules here, but as long as he's careful…

"Sirius Black," he responds. He turns to amber-eyes expectantly, and the guy reaches up, fingers dancing through honeyed curls.

"Remus Lupin," he says.

James glances over his shoulder. "And that's Peter," he says, gesturing to a man who is gathering up his stuff. "He's pretty cool. Dad said it's good to make friends, to find people we can trust. People who'll have our backs, and who we can look out for in return."

Sirius likes the sound of that. He nods his head. "Yeah. So… this is the start of something?"

"New friends," Remus murmurs, looking oh so eager with his soft, captivating smile. But when Sirius looks back at James, he notices the other man's eyes fixed on the same beautiful sight.

Their eyes meet and Remus obliviously turns to gather the rest of his stuff. Sirius expects to see a challenge there or some hostility because it's clear they've both noticed that Remus Lupin is someone special.

"Remus is a cool guy," James whispers. "He likes chocolate and nerdy stuff. Good luck." He claps Sirius on the shoulder and gives him a grin before leading the way to the showers. Sirius strides after him, a little thrown by him. By everything.

Sirius struggles during the training. James looks built for this, his muscles flexing as he lifts weights with ease. Remus doesn't struggle either. Sirius wants to keep up with the others, he wants to prove himself.

They don't let him drop behind. He expects them to, because everyone in his life has done so when they're done with him, but James helps with the weights, forcing Sirius to stop when Sirius tries to overdo it. Remus runs with Sirius, talking about anything and everything to help Sirius focus.

He's rewarded in the afternoons by the sight of James stripping down to his boxers, not noticing - or perhaps not caring - that Sirius' eyes are drawn to that revealed expanse of skin.

And when Sirius strips down himself, he's almost sure he feels eyes on him. But when he looks towards Remus or James, neither is glancing his way.

Maybe he's just being hopeful?

They're shipped out. Sooner than Sirius thought they would be, but it happens, and for the first time, he doesn't see that happy-go-lucky look on James' face. He doesn't feel the calm radiating from Remus. Two things that he's grown to need over the last few months.

The war can't get enough bodies. Soon, they'll be drafting people for this war, and that scares Sirius because his brother is of age. He doesn't want Regulus to face a war, with a gun in his hand. He has to help this war end before they reach that point.

There are so many sleepless nights with the sounds of explosions around them. Guns. Screams. Blood.

The enemy has fallen back, for now. Back to training.

They've all taken lives now. They're not the same people they once were.

It's a combination of everything. The attraction that has been building for so long, but also the war. They desperately need to feel something real. They need to feel alive in all of this death.

Lips trail over heated skin and knees hit the floor. Fingers pull at hair, and there's a thud as a head falls back against the wall, soft, desperate cries falling from lips.

The door opens suddenly, and Sirius' heart stops, as James' eyes move between the pair, bodies shaking in desire and need, and he slowly closes it again, unable to hide the longing from his expression.

It's dark once more. In the dark, they can continue this.

And when no warning comes from having a forbidden relationship, Sirius realizes that he was right to trust James.

Everything happens too fast in the war. People who you've been speaking to mere minutes ago, drop to the ground, never to get up again. Who knows which breath is your last?

They've gotten good at watching each other's backs, trusting each other with their lives.

But even a team as close as theirs isn't infallible because it just takes one bullet. One single bullet. One person to see the gun. To throw himself at Sirius, the original target.

To hit the ground, his hip ripped open from where the bullet went through his body.

Peter runs for help before anyone can stop him, and James lifts his weapon with fury in his eyes, one shot taking out the man who may have killed Remus.

Sirius is frozen.

"Remember the fucking training," James roars. "He's breathing, Sirius. Patch him up."

Sirius scrambles for their supplies. His fingers fumble and he drops the med-kit twice. Three times. Four. But he somehow manages to get it over to Remus.

"Hold on, Moony," Sirius says, pulling at Remus' uniform. Blood stains Sirius' fingers. It's warm. It's Moony's blood and he feels sick.

His hands shake harder as he reveals the wound from where the bullet went straight through. He's trembling.

"A lot of blood," Sirius announces, his voice shaking. "James?"

"If anyone can steady him, it's you," James calls back, eyes not moving, even for a second. "I can't help you, Sirius. Because if I move, you could be next. I can't let you be next. I can't lose you! You know… you know how I feel about you both. You must know."

"But Remus needs you."

"Save him," James insists, as though it's that easy. "Do your best, Sirius."

"And if I fail?" He's trying to remember his training. Trying to reduce the flow of blood. He's terrified.

"Then you fail knowing that you did everything you could," James tells him. "Is he conscious?"

"Moony?" Sirius tries. "Come on, wake up for me. It's me…" He applies pressure to the wound, and Remus lets out a choked cry of pain, eyes flickering slightly before they close again. What if he never sees that beautiful amber again?

What if he never hears Remus read aloud from one of the books, or gets to see this farm Remus has talked about so much? What if… what if he loses…

"I'll tell you what," Sirius says, and fuck - these aren't tears on his cheeks. It's the wind causing his eyes to sting, that's all! "That fucking white-picket-fence life you mentioned… the future you want. Well, you make it through this, and that's what'll happen. You have my word on that, Moonpie. You and me, white picket fence. Fuck what the world thinks. I love you, that's what matters. So… Now you can't die. Because you've got to say it back."

"Is there space in that white-picket-fence life for three?" James asks hopefully, his voice cracking. He fires a shot, and Sirius flinches at the sound, his eyes returning to Remus.

Remus, who deserves all of the love in the world.

"I can't speak for Remus," he murmurs softly. "But…" he swallows heavily. "I can't imagine it without you." The love confession is on his lips, because he loves James too. But right now, it's about Remus.

There's a hint of a smile on James' lips, but it fades quickly, his eyes scouring the battlefield.

"I think we're clear for the moment. We've got to move him."

"Quickly," Sirius says, weighing the risks in his head. "I'll try and carry him. You need to cover us."

Sirius' feet slip in the wet mud, and rain pelts down from the sky, leaving him feeling dirty and cold. But with each step, he reminds himself that they're getting one step closer to help. Hopefully, it's not too late.

And finally… finally, they hear Peter's voice calling their names. Familiar soldiers take Remus away, and James has to hold Sirius back to stop him from running after the medics and their fallen friend.

"Let them tend to him," James insists, though he looks like he wants to run over too. "They're Remus' best hope of surviving now."

Sirius stretches out in his chair, his shoulder aching as he shifts positions. It's not been the same since the war, two years ago. But he reminds himself that things could have been worse.

Some people never got to walk away from the war.

He glances at James who is sipping his drink in the next chair.

Wars change people. James doesn't smile as much as he once did, but he's slowly learning to be a little more carefree. But it's taking time for him to become that person again.

Out of habit, Sirius glances towards the empty chair at the table, and James follows his gaze. He bites his lip as he looks at it. "Should we…" he starts.

Sirius shakes his head. "No, it's fine," he says, reaching across the table for James' hand.

Seconds pass. Minutes. They sit in silence until the sound of the third chair being pulled out draws them from their musings.

Remus sets the walking stick aside and gingerly lowers himself into the free chair, wincing slightly as he does. Sirius resists the urge to run around and help Remus - because Remus values his independence.

"You're getting faster," James observes.

Remus smiles, glancing toward the stick. "I am," he agrees. "It'll still be a long time before I can walk without my stick though." He hesitates. "You both don't… you know you… you don't…"

Sirius reaches for Remus' hand with his other, bringing it to his lips and placing a kiss on the back of it.

"Luv," he says, meeting hazel eyes, before they both meet amber. "There's nowhere we'd both rather be, and no one we'd rather be with. This whole farm and white picket fence wasn't my dream a couple of years ago, but it is now."

"And we're glad that we're sharing this dream with you," James adds.