Guided by the projected light of some mid-80s teen rom-com, Josie stumbled down the theatre aisle in the flickering dark, bucket of popcorn in her hands.
She plopped herself down on a random folding seat next to some stranger.
"...Suitcase in your hand, wave goodbye to Mom and Dad…"
Josie felt a rise of comforting nostalgia.
"….Never thought I would see the back of you…"
Nick Cage, waaaaaay before "Looking Glass", and a cherub-faced Deborah Foreman in a Victorian inspired lace top kissed, danced, and walked across the screen, whooping it up at parties that would have made Cleo de Nile wet her pants in envy when they weren't chatting in garishly lit diners at two in the morning over coffee.
Only the music, the music was all wrong - Barnes Courtney wouldn't have even been born when this was released!
"...Mixtapes wearing down, crystal ships are sailing out, now the doors are opening for you…"
Josie started on her popcorn, eyes tracking the action on the screen, still, Courtney's unique tenor voice and acoustic guitar worked. Maybe this was some sort of revival she'd blundered into? Something artsy? Enjoying what was going on above her on the screen, she felt herself melting into the flow of Hollywood fantasy on a river of light.
"….I wanna swim, swim out into the dark night, I wanna melt you down into the stars!"
"Mph." The stranger next to her said. Annoyed at her vibe being shattered, Josie turned to whoever it was that sat beside her in the echoing womb of the near-empty theatre to let them know she didn't appreciate her movie trance being interfered with, and froze mid annoyance.
It ws Blondie.
"...I wanna crumble, tumble like a landslide, I wanna live, die wherever you are…"
The girl from the house where Josie once found herself eating pumpkin muffins and black coffee casually lounged in the theater seat, square-jawed resting bitch face a mask, the gold hoop in one ear glittering in the dark, her long legs and incongruously large boots propped rudely on the back of the seat in front of her.
"Just you and I, I, I, I, I…"
Blondie cracked her gum, hard eyes watching the movie in a dreamy haze of randomly drifting feathers.
"Just you and I, I, I, I, I…"
The action on the screen above them both forgotten, Josie reached over to touch her mirror, her reflection, but caught herself, considering the consequences – Blondie wasn't in the least fragile, but something about her was like cinnamon. Harmless in small quantities, scorching in large.
"Just you and I, just you and I…"
A single, silent tear slid down the cinnamon girl's stone-faced façade in a trail of liquid silver as up in the dark, on the screen as Barnes Courtney sang with silent thunder and Nicholas Cage pursued the girl of his dreams—
This time Josie didn't sit up gasping from a sound sleep.
Mind still half in Silver Screen Land, the rest focusing on the rain that pattered against the little window in her attic room, she wandered groggily downstairs in search of coffee.
Was it Saturday morning already?
Puck slouched in grumpy silence through the high-end Mall stores with Aunt Raina.
Puck then slouched in grumpy silence through the lower-end Mall stores - especially Target.
Ew.
Every time Raina held something up, Puck would mutter an excuse, hands deep in the pockets of Uncle Mike's ragged Carhart work jacket, staring down at her worn Doc Martins with the toes cut out to accommodate her cat's feet, complete with doodles on the sides and knotted laces.
Josie, on the other hand found some genuinely nice pieces for both herself and her shopping companions, always ending with yet another sullen "No!" from Puck.
At least nobody recognizes us as Mike's family, thank you Mr. Tepes for doing what you could to keep who was involved in the shooting out of the limelight, Raina thought to herself as she grabbed something randomly off of a rack at Black and White, saying, "How about this?"
Puck turned away, barely looking at the mini-dress with its tiers of white lace, mumbling. "Ketchup."
Raina sighed. Puck had a point. Now that she had an almost all-organic body, Puck seemingly lived off of tater tots drowning in ketchup.
"How about this?" Raina asked a few minutes later in Hot Topic, holding up a cropped hoodie with a PS4 logo.
"No."
"Well, I like it!" Josie said with guarded enthusiasm, "Aunty Raina, can I buy it? It's on double clearance and there's a coupon for it on my phone!"
Raina sighed, Josie had been acting weird lately and Raina didn't know what to make of it, "All right, JoJo, I hope you can find your size." So far Raina's birthday hadn't gone as planned, starting with Maggie having to join them later because she had to cover breakfast shift at Daisy's last minute. Instead of being delighted by a shopping trip to the mall followed by an all family lunch at the Dragon Kitchen Chinese All You Can Eat Buffet and Ice Cream Bar, Puck was being a miserable wet blanket, while Josie walked around like she was in a minefield wearing Ronald McDonald's best shoes while being too careful with money even if it was Raina's treat.
"This?" Raina asked a few minutes later, waving a pair of pre-ripped jeans like a matador tempting a colorblind bull in Forever 21.
"No." Puck said, "If I want ripped jeans, I'll rip 'em myself!"
Josie agreed.
Cautiously
"Ummmmm… this?" This was in Justice. Raina held up a pair of black leggings that could be altered to accommodate Puck's tail and a matching sparkly aquamarine lace top near the front of the store.
It had a sloth hanging upside down on the front.
Wearing sunglasses.
And hot pink high heels.
On all four feet.
"NO!" Mother and daughter exclaimed in unison with matching expressions of fear and disgust, "Do we look six?"
"Guys, it's my birthday and Puck needs new clothing; we can afford for me two treat you two. So, please, PLEASE, JUST PICK SOMETHING OUT!" Frustrated, Raina dragged her nieces into the locally owned skater store across from Forever 21, Justice, and Hot Topic, with Puck, eyeing her warily, saying. "This ain't too expensive, right?" after the heavily tattooed clerk bagged up Puck's choice, a pair of baggy shapeless cargo shorts from the clearance rack on their way out fifteen minutes later. Either Puck had very selective taste, or like Josie, she'd inherited her Uncle Mike's frugality.
Crap, not the cheapskate gene!
Few things in the world were as parsimonious as Mike Schmidt, who owned exactly one pair of cutoffs plus the faded Marine Corps t-shirt he wore to mow the Stein's lawn in, a pair of pants, (Carhart), underwear and socks that needed burning, a pair of work boots that had seen better days held together with duct tape, and the stained second-hand Carhart work jacket with patched elbows one of the Wolf brothers gave him as partial payment for some off the books contracting.
Also held together with duct tape
That, and his work uniforms: the Salem Police Department, Domino's, Costco, Little Ceasar's, McDonald's, Merston High's Athletic Department, Merston High's Janitorial Crew, and the ratty t-shirt and stained painter's whites he wore whenever he did day labor for Wolf Brother's on the weekends.
In other words, if it wasn't provided by whatever employer Mike Schmidt was working for, it didn't exist.
Even if it came from Goodwill.
Goodwill…
"OF COURSE!" Raina yelled loud enough to make Puck and Josie jump backwards and sideways like a cat on TikTok when confronted by a cucumber. "Why didn't I think of THAT?"
Mean.
Mean.
Mean.
Why was Uncle Mike so mean? And selfishly cheap? Maggie hadn't known she was spending that much! He'd given her cash at the beginning of the school year to add to what she earned along with Josie at Daisy's to buy school clothes - anyway, Charlie, who owned all of them except Josie, didn't know where they were, right?
And she could use social media, right?
Right? RIGHT?
Maggie fought back her rising fear and embarrassment, trying hard not to play victim like she been taught before meeting Raina who'd told her 'if you fuck up, you admit it and drive on!' but…. Uncle Mike, you big ol' cheapskate!
The Mall was supposed to be a temple of pleasure, not a place where every store Maggie set foot in with a glowering Uncle Mike on the heels of her Jimmy Choos, was one humiliating goodbye after another to her precious clothes – clothes that let her forget what she really was.
Oh sure, Maggie could keep whatever couldn't be returned, but that wasn't good enough.
Stupid, stupid Uncle Mike, who'd counted and re-counted the money under the paver and kept coming up $1,000 or more short and was waiting for her with a face like thunder when she got home from work excited to join the rest of the women of the house at the Mall for Aunt Raina's fantastic girl's day out birthday extravaganza.
All because stupid, stupid PUCK blamed her for the missing money over the phone when Maggie was the one who kept a running total!
Puck, how could you! You're my TWIN. TWINS look out for each other!
Trying not to cry, (because crying isn't Gucci and ruins your mascara) Maggie eyeballed with lust a pretty white dress with pink frills and a red lace top with a price tag that would have given her uncle a heart attack had he not been running on batteries and looked away when he glowered down at her.
And why, oh WHY, WHY did Uncle Mike have to wear his cop's uniform? It wasn't like she'd shoplifted all this fabulousness! The crowd she ran with wouldn't have stood something as TRASHY as STEALING – if you can't flash cash, why bother?
Worse, someone might recognize him as the cop who kept the two guys from shooting up the rest of the school, and Mr. Tepes had been very, very firm that they needed to downplay what had happened… oooooooh! Anyway, half of the stuff had been gifted or thrifted, meaning the only thing she was getting out of this other than humiliation was getting her daily steps in – all because the amount she'd recorded on the family balance sheet didn't match the amount of money in the waterproof plastic pouch!
At least she got to keep the iPhone 12 Pro Draculaura gave her for a birthday present - even if it meant she had to promise no more TikToks facing the camera and to leave out anything that could possibly identify the family and where they were.
Maggie's usually easygoing Uncle Mike after Puck's betrayal had marched her straight to the Tepes house up the street. Freshly shaven, he'd stood ramrod straight behind her in his uniform, face blank as Draculaura's Uncle Nosferatu explained that there was no need to worry, the phone was part of a family package deal– the bill was covered for the next two years, such a deal! And the clothes with the Paris and Tokyo labels were also gifts – would Maggie like to come with the family the next time they went on a shopping trip to Milan? Or Israel? There were deals to be made in Israel, he had friends in the garment trade! Would they like to come in? What harm can a bissel fruit cakeleh? He'd just taken some out of the oven… no? Not even little glass of tea? Is least I can do after you save the children at the school from those two... meshuggener, oy yoi yoi! It was just, just, just, mazel tov!
Bald Uncle Nozzy then gave Uncle Mike a huge, tearful hug, slapping him on the back with his big, taloned hands, urging him into the Tepes house.
New human-style ears blushing red, Uncle Mike, disentangled himself from funny old Uncle Nozzy, thanking him for clearing this up while ushering Maggie into the Stein's borrowed SUV, the back seat piled high with clothes and shoes, most of them still in their original boxes from when friends swapped with her.
The makeup, like many of the dresses, was unreturnable, but a deal was made; Maggie had to share with the other women of the house. Which she was already doing.
Frankie who'd unintentionally walked in on the row over stolen family money, blushingly admitted that perhaps she was to blame? She had her own baby-sitting money and it had been so much fun spending money she'd earned herself that maybe, just MAYBE, she'd encouraged Maggie to overspend… and were they REALLY that bad off? She'd be happy to lend Mags some Ben Franks to help make up the diff…? That'd be VOLTAGE – anything for a friend! Anyway, she was really, really sorry for the trouble – how could she ever make up for it?
The stop at the Wolf house was almost as bad – Clawdeen, standing between her parents, her pack of siblings milling around behind her, proudly explained that the clothes from her didn't even come from a store but were originals she'd made herself from stuff from the Jo-Anne's Fabric's clearance rack and Goodwill– they'd looked great on the sketch pad and her tailor's dummy but awful on Clawdeen.
So, she'd given the ones that looked good on Mags and Josie, to Mags and Josie. As for the weaves and other hair goodies, those were gifts from their last sleepover- Josie's hair had been an absolute disgrace to the black community and needed Cantu Leave-In Moisture Creme STAT! while her mother thanked Uncle Mike at the same time for saving the children at Merston from those two damned Normie RACISTS!
Uncle Mike's ears flushed even darker at this.
In front of Ramses deNile, a lot of staring cats, and the house servants, Cleo dismissively admitted that she'd given Maggie some of the clothes and shoes without tags because they simply didn't suit her. Returning things was dead common and therefore, beneath her.
Besides, it was time she gave back through charity, starting with the Schmidts'. They clearly needed it.
"And now I will express my gratitude for your service." (That was Mr. de Nile. He tried to give Uncle Mike a big wad of cash, but Uncle Mike said "No thank you. People won't understand." and handed it right back like it was on fire or something!)
Too bad he didn't. It would have spared her the mortification of the next hour or so at the Mall.
Melody Carver's family (thank GOD!) wasn't even home, having gone down to L.A. for the weekend to visit family and shop.
It had all been very, VERY humiliating!
So humiliating that Maggie wanted to delete all her social accounts, including her Instagram, which was just starting to gain traction from her photography work! Still, Uncle Mike did say she could continue, that they'd probably be safe as long as she didn't give away any personal, traceable information.
So Maggie did a quick TikTok, complaining about how boring Salem's mall was, while Uncle Mike nursed a cup of cheap McDonald's coffee (Would it have killed him to spare her the embarrassment and AT LEAST pour it into a Starbucks cup?) in the café court at different tables while they waited for Aunt Raina, Josie and her traitorous bitch of a twin sister to get back from the Goodwill (Oh god, the GOODWILL, of all places!)
Oh, God, even if the Goodwill store wasn't involved, she'd still have to face EVERYONE come Monday. The humiliation!
…
…
…maybe she could just run away to live with James Charles or the Kardashians'?
If she started running now, she'd be there by next week.
Goodwill was a slick move on Raina's part – Puck immediately relaxed in the stale sweat and antiseptic-smelling garishly lit second-hand superstore the second she stepped through the arthritic automatic sliding doors.
Truth be told, Raina was more comfortable here, too.
Being the youngest of seven raised on a Navy paycheck, Goodwill had been more a part of her life than anybody who'd seen Top Gun or Officer and a Gentleman would ever guess. Yeah, Dad had been a hot shot Navy fighter pilot and then a Top Gun flight instructor, but even an officer's scratch only got you so far despite Tricare, BX shopping, and Base housing to help cover the tab with seven mouths to feed, house, and clothe.
Between Goodwill, and hand-me-downs from her brothers and wealthier parts of the family, she'd looked pretty good – you just had to be fussy about what you bought so that nobody'd ever guess you were wearing last year's top and shoes.
Anyway, nobody ever went hungry. Eventually her father rose high enough up the totem pole at Top Gun to warrant one of the coveted houses overlooking the Pacific, so it all worked out.
"How much can I spend?" Ignoring the staring clerk behind the register: you just didn't see RADS in the Goodwill, Puck added, "I mean, a little or a lot?"
"Sorry kid, $100 is all we can afford if you want that new iPhone. Even with me working full time, we don't make that much if we're ever gonna buy ourselves from Charlie."
Merston High was in one of the richest school districts in Salem. Time to move out of the Stein's guest house and transfer to a different school district. A poorer school district might not be as RAD friendly, but the pressure to show up every day looking like a Vogue cover model wouldn't be as intense.
"$100? Awesome!"
Raina blinked in surprise. The kid's resemblance to Mike was uncanny, even with the cat-ears and whiskers. Laughing, Raina waved her hands expansively, "Welcome to the world's most exclusive boutique – anybody can shop here!" she quipped, borrowing the line from her father. Dad found every visit embarassing, but what the Hell was he supposed to do on a government paycheck? Raina dug around in her flight jacket pocket and handed Puck her phone with the default calculator app opened, "Here, keep a running total so you don't overspend."
"Can I use part of this to get Uncle Mike's blood out of my leather bomber jacket?" The cat-girl looked warily up at Raina who was six foot six in her bare feet.
"City of Salem's covering it. Go spend like never before. I'll be in the Men's department."
Raina was looking for XXXL shirts when she realized that Puck was beside her, moving in that silent way of hers.
Creepy.
"Find what you want?" she said, recovering herself.
"Mmmmmmm." Puck shrugged – the little shopping cart she was pushing was half full.
"Okay, what is it?" Raina pulled out a blue and white striped chambray shirt that still had the store tags on it. Chaps? Only three bucks? Nice!
"I got a job."
"Yes, you do." It was a very nice shirt.
"I want to use most of this money to help buy a motor scooter so I don't have to ride the school bus with the little kids which smells like pee."
"Yes, I know that." The shirt matched Mike's eyes. With the money she was making teaching toddlers ballet, on top piloting for the air ambulance service and private helicopter work for Tepes, she could buy this one as a surprise.
"But if I don't buy the scooter and put all my money into buying our freedom from Charlie, we'd be free faster. Right?"
"Who's Charlie?" Josie asked from two aisles over where she was looking through winter coats.
Regretfully, Raina put the shirt back on the rack; three bucks was three bucks. That, and it was missing a button.
Raina stared at Puck before saying, "Well. Yes. Yes we would. And you could also use the scooter to get to and from work on your own, right?"
"Yeah." Puck said thoughtfully, "Didn't think of that. I found one on Craigslist this morning. It looks almost new. The owner is moving out of state and doesn't want to haul it with him."
"I see." Lost in thought, Raina studied the shirt. Josie knew how to sew, she could replace the missing button. It would be lovely to go somewhere nice or have company over, or any other reason to dress up a bit. Mike was a very, very handsome man; he couldn't always wear his old Corps t-shirt with the sleeves torn off and a pair of baggy Carharts with the knees patched. Anyway, they'd been invited to one of the Wolf brother's wedding in two weeks– but getting Mike into even a Goodwill suit and tie, if they could find one that fit his broad-chested seven-foot frame, would be a battle because that too, cost money. And let's not talk about dress shoes!
Shoes aside, getting the bitch off their backs for good AND paying off the Steins for all their medical expenses was worth sacrificing for… isn't it funny when you find yourself having to make the same sacrifices as an adult that your old man made when you were a chi— "I'm sorry, Puck, did you say something?" Raina shook her head, coming back to Earth.
"I SAID, do you think Uncle Mike would look at it with me this evening so I don't get ripped off? If I decide I want it?" Puck held out her hand for Raina's used iPhone 8, "Let me show you the picture – I hope he hasn't sold it yet 'cause it's really cool!"
Raina let Puck take the phone and made a decision: the shirt was going home with them. Mike would wear it when they had people over, period. She dropped it into Puck's shopping cart along with a solid blue one – it was yellow tag day; she'd get two nice shirts for the price of one. Puck showed her the scooter on the little screen.
It was nice, hopefully not stolen – but Mike could look into that. With this in mind, Raina hemmed and hawed before saying, "Tell you what, we'll all go over there this evening IF the guy's in and IF it hasn't sold yet, and look it over for you. If it's the real deal, you can ride it home – but you gotta pay in cash like we always do, right?"
"Right, thanks!" Puck gave Raina a restrained hug, the first one she'd ever gotten from her niece.
"Aunt Raina? Aunt Raina, look at this!" Raina turned and looked down at Josie who'd joined them, "I look like Officer Abbaccio in these!"
Josie was wearing a pair of large wrap-around mirrored sunglasses that took up most of her face. Raina stifled a laugh, her niece was right, they might as well have been taken off of Leo's face!
Funny enough, it almost looked good on her, like she was supposed to have a covered face….
What the hell was Raina thinking, they looked ridiculous!
"Ummmmm, Clawdine wanted me to come over and hang before the weekend was over."
"Does Clawdine's mom know?"
"Yeah, ummmm, can I use the money you gave me," Josie held up a bright pink winter coat with contrasting white fur on the cuffs and collar, "To get these? There's a yellow tag, so… half off? Which means I can still afford the really cool set of space-themed dreadlock rings for my new dreads, and both of these earrings in the jewelry section – it has a yellow tag on it – I can buy both sets for the price of one!"
The wheels in Raina's head turned as she tried to work out what dreadlock rings were, before saying, "Sounds like a deal to me. But that looks like enough stuff to put in your hair for two!"
"The other set's for Clawdeen, she's always giving me stuff!" Josie exclaimed as Puck wandered over towards a rack clothing that a clerk had just rolled out of the back, "I want to give her something!" Josie looked away, "Anyway, they offered me an extra shift this week at Daisy's. I'll still have plenty saved for whoever Charlie is."
"Wait, you have a job?" Puck asked, prairie dogging over the rack.
Josie nodded proudly, distracted from the next question, which would have been 'Who's Charlie?' "I work at Daisy's Dairy Delights, remember?"
Raina watched Puck mouth to herself, 'How did I not know that?' and then shake her head, frowning.
Inside, Josie braced herself, she'd let down her guard.
Mama was gonna explode.
Any second now.
As in, "Boom."
But they were in front of Aunt Raina.
And in public.
So Mama didn't.