Steve isn't spiraling about his potential bisexual crisis. He's absolutely not. In fact, he's not even thinking about it. He pushes the thought deep down during the day, only allowing it to surface late at night when he can't sleep. If he's going to be awake anyway he might as well be semi-productive he muses.

So he's not letting it distract him, solely focused on work and that's it. That's why he's more than a little surprised to find Robin glaring at him as he turns to collect another tape for shelving from the cart. He frowns, looking about himself to check that he's not missed something but nope, there's no one else around she's definitely glaring at him.

"Why are you looking at me like that?" He asks a little tentative, worried she's about to tell him something like she's changed the method of organization again and he's going to have to start over because he's done them all wrong.

"You've been extra helpful this week." She says suspiciously instead.

"So it's a problem when I do the job I'm paid for now?" He speaks slowly, certain he's missing something he just can't figure out what.

"You're only this good at your job when you're trying to distract yourself. Don't think I don't know that you've been giving the kids more lifts than usual. What are you avoiding, is it nightmares? You're supposed to tell me if it's nightmares." She accuses.

That's the problem with having a platonic with a capital P soulmate, Steve thinks, is that they know you so well they can see right through you. Sometimes it's a blessing when he can't find the words he needs or when Robin gets caught up in a ramble so big because she can't actually say what's on her mind. Other times, like now, when he's purposively ignoring shit, it's a little irritating. Not that it's Robin's fault, she's merely showing she cares. But the fact she's noticed and not said anything before now means she's given up waiting for him to tell her and is all out of patience so she won't be accepting any of his bullshit right now.

"It's not nightmares." He starts, pushing the cart of returns back towards Robin so they can get this conversation over with.

"So you're not having nightmares?" She asks pointedly.

Steve rolls his eyes, "No more so than usual. Not enough to be bothering me."

It's true. His nightmares haven't been his issue this week. He can barely get to sleep to have any nightmares with his insomnia wreaking havoc at the moment. But he had plenty to occupy himself with that it hadn't been any more than its usual nuisance. That was the price of surviving this shit he supposed.

She gestures with her hand for him to get to the point, "So? What is it then?" All out of patience indeed.

He hops onto the counter legs swinging towards Robin as he considers his words. He doesn't know how to phrase what he's been thinking, doesn't know exactly what it is that he's been thinking let alone how to put it into words.

"How am I supposed to know if I'm not straight? I've never had a crush on a guy, never even considered it."

Robin's face softens, a mix of surprise and understanding passing over her features as she comes to lean on the counter next to him.

"I didn't think you'd give what I said much thought. Why didn't you say anything?"

Steve shrugs, uncomfortable with having it acknowledged out loud just how much it's been playing on his mind.

"I don't really know what I'm thinking, so there's been nothing to say."

It's partially true at least. He isn't entirely sure where his head is at it, his thoughts have been so cyclic that he hasn't been able to make heads or tails of them. Some days the concept of him being bisexual makes more sense than anything else. And other days he's so certain that it couldn't be further from the truth. It's confusing and more than a little irritating to feel so out of depth with himself.

"Look I can't tell you what it's like to be attracted to guys because I've never experienced it but also because I can't tell you what you're feeling. But," She pauses considering her words for a moment, "I can tell you that generally, people don't call the same sex hot, or at least they don't admit it, it makes them uncomfortable. Trust me." Robin lets out a bitter laugh at that.

Steve reaches out to squeeze her shoulder, offering what little comfort he can for something he's not experienced. But her words ring true in a way that helps clear some of the fog of confusion that's settled over his thoughts. He'd not really considered it until this point with Robin once again pointing it out to him but he's never shared when he thought a guy was attractive, knowing instinctively that it wouldn't end well. Insults and derogatory comments had been thrown around by the adults - particularly his father - and older students in his life long before he even understood what they were talking about.

Steve has spent much of his life pushing down his less desirable traits, forcing himself to pretend to be someone else that might finally be appealing to his parents and friends. He'd always fallen short of being what everyone else wanted him to be but after being confronted with the reality that monsters were real in the Byers' living room he'd stopped trying. He'd abandoned his masks and his false throne as a king to try and figure out who Steve was instead of the character he'd been parading around as. Was it possible that he hadn't entirely stopped pretending and had been lying to himself about this the whole time?

"And it's not necessarily that you can't find someone of the sex you're not attracted to good looking, but that it's more aesthetically based. Like the way you would find an object appealing or think a shirt looks nice, it's not sexual or romantic attraction. That is the difference." Steve nods along to show he understands as Robin once again pauses. "I don't know what else to tell you to help because I'm not attracted to guys or more than just girls. But I understand how you could go without having that 'oh shit guys are hot' moment when you're also attracted to girls and - particularly in Hawkins - that's the safer option. Sometimes it's just a same-sex friend that you're closer to for reasons you can't always rationalize. I just know that typically from experience people don't talk about finding the same sex attractive." She shrugs then, stepping away.

Her comment about friends brings the image of Tommy H to the forefront of his mind so instinctively that he doesn't even want to acknowledge it. But he's always had a hard time trying to rationalize why he'd stayed by his childhood friend's side even as he grew crueler and more distant from the little boy Steve had known in elementary school. He'd had an attachment to him that in hindsight went beyond just long-term friends and he really doesn't want to unpack that right now.

Her words spark another thought though, something that solves one of his earlier problems. He might not know any other queer people other than Robin but he does know people who are attracted to guys that might be able to help him figure out if he is too. And one particular person springs to mind, someone who's never shied away from commenting on the attractiveness of either sex.

"So I should probably talk to someone who's attracted to guys. See if we're on the same wavelength." He muses aloud.

Robin shoots a curious look, brows furrowed, "Yeah, I guess that would help. Why? Do you have someone in mind?"

"Nancy."

Robin's brows shot up at that, "Your ex-girlfriend Nancy?"

Steve rolls his eyes, "Yes my friend Nancy. Do you know any other Nancys? And my only other option is Max, I'm not asking a fourteen-year-old about guys."

"What about El? Not that I'm saying you should but only that-"

Steve waves off her ramble understanding what she was getting at, "She didn't know what a friend was until Mike Wheeler told her, I don't think she'll be able to help with this."

Robin pulls a face, "Point taken, that kid is emotionally constipated, El's got enough to contend with."

He nods sagely in response, "Exactly."

-x-

That's how Steve finds himself in his ex-girlfriend-now-end-of-the-world-friend's bedroom laid on her bed staring at the ceiling as he thinks about the best way to broach the topic while she flits around him, busy as always. They haven't spoken much except for the perfunctory check-ins since everything but that wasn't unusual for them, they were both usually busy with their own lives that they didn't have time for much more than that, it didn't bother him in a way that it had when things had first ended between them.

So really the last proper conversation they'd had was beside Steve's bedside.

Nancy looked nervous when Steve woke though he couldn't understand why, the doctors had told him he would be fine. Well, that was granted that they didn't find any Upside Down disease from the bites late on, that is.

"Hey, Nance." Steve's voice was croaky from disuse when he spoke, Nancy's head shot up at the sound of it. "You okay?"

Nancy let out a bitter laugh, "I should be asking you that."

Steve shrugged, "I know you'll have already talked to the doctors and know there's nothing to worry about. So what's bothering you?"

She was worrying her bottom lip between her teeth in a way that was customary for when she was worried about the way her words might be taken. On his other side, Robin was beginning to rouse from sleep with a groan from where she'd fallen asleep curled up in the uncomfortable hospital chairs.

"Do you remember what you said in the woods before we went into the Creel house?" She started.

Steve's brow furrowed at that, he wasn't sure where this was going or why what he'd said had her worried.

"Yeah?"

"Well Jonathan's back and we talked things through and I just didn't want you to get the wrong idea."

"That's good, I'm happy for you both but I don't understand how they're related?"

Nancy looked blankly at him the way she did when she thought he was being stupid.

"I don't want us to get back together." She started slowly.

Steve nodded back in agreement, still confused, "Yeah, me neither. No offense but we're better off as friends Nance."

Nancy's brow furrowed, frustrated that he wasn't on the same page as her and confused about how to get him there.

"You told me about your dream for the future."

"Yeah?"

"And you told me you saw me in it." She raised her brows pointedly.

"Yeah?" He was even more confused now, frustration starting to build towards himself that he still wasn't understanding.

"Oh, you dingus." Robin laughed from his other side, the sound suddenly muffled when she dropped her head into her hands.

"What? What did I do?" Steve looked between the two women in confusion.

"She thinks you want her to be the mother to your six nuggets dream for the future. That's why she's telling you she doesn't want to get back together and that she's with Jonathan." Robin explained amused as she gestured emphatically.

"Oh," Steve said as realization suddenly dawned on him about how his words had been misinterpreted.

He turned to look back at Nancy who was frowning self-consciously at the laughing Robin. Her gaze flickered back to his at his response though. He could see how she might have gotten to that conclusion, he never was any good with words but he hadn't realized how they might have been taken by someone not privy to his thoughts.

"I meant as a friend. We were about to maybe die and I wanted you to know that I still see you being in my life but as a friend. I'm grateful to you for the wake-up call you gave me but that's it. Maybe once I thought I wanted that but I've realized you would have been miserable in that nuclear family white picket fence life and we're better off as friends anyway."

Nancy let out a sigh of relief, "Good. I want you in my life as a friend too, we never really worked as more, and I was worried that I was leading you on while things were messy with Jonathan."

Steve waved her off with a smile, "We were both unclear."

That last conversation hadn't been the cause of any distance between them though, the air was clear now. Hence he was lying on her bed horizontally staring at the ceiling contemplating his words so as to avoid further misunderstandings. Maybe he should just come out and say it instead of complicating things by overthinking.

"Hey, Nance remember when we used to watch movies together and comment on which characters we thought were good-looking?" He carefully doesn't mention that it was when they were dating because it's not relevant right now and he doesn't want Nancy to get the wrong idea again.

"Yeah? And you thought Han Solo was better than Luke which you were just wrong about."

"Yeah, and you think Sigourney Weaver is hotter than Phoebe Cates but we can both agree on Princess Leia."

Nancy dropped the notes she'd been trying to organize for the school paper's next article in her lap, to shoot Steve an inquisitive look that's only faintly amused.

"Do you have a point here Steve or…?"

"I'm getting there." He reassures her, he's just trying to work himself up to it is all.

He's not sure there's a right way to do this but there's definitely a wrong way and that's enough to make him tentative even without the reminder of their latest misunderstanding weighing on his mind.

"What's the difference do you think?" He starts, "Between a guy that you're attracted to and just a girl you find good-looking?"

Nancy's brows furrow in thought as she considers his words. It's one of the things he likes about her, that she takes her time to think things over instead of just blurting out the first thing that comes to mind, Steve's never been any good at that.

"Do they need to be different? A guy is attractive in a way that you want to be with them, and a girl is attractive in a way that you appreciate and maybe envy."

"Okay but what if there are times that you think you envy or appreciate an attractive girl but actually you want to be with them?"

"Steve what are you getting at?" She looks confused but also a little scared and Steve can feel all the thoughts that have been bubbling beneath the surface only to be acknowledged under the safety of darkness that night provides, come rushing out at that expression.

"I was talking to-" He almost says Robin's name before he freezes and switches tracks, "Someone and they told me sometimes you can like both. And sometimes you don't even realize it because it's easier to not acknowledge but sometimes things slip through like a friend who's more than a friend that you can't let go of. And it made me think. And I remembered how we'd talk about celebrity crushes without judgment and I thought if anyone could help me figure out if I liked guys at the very least you wouldn't judge me." He couldn't look at her while he spoke but he turns tentatively now, wary of her reaction.

Nancy looks a little like how he imagines he probably looked when Robin had first suggested he was bisexual, shocked and scared but like the pieces are finally falling into place.

"Oh." It's little more than a breath when she speaks. "Oh." She says again but stronger now.

Steve gnaws on the corner of his bottom lip as Nancy collapses backward against her desk like a puppet with its strings cut. She's not looking at him; staring into nothing as she becomes lost in thought. He's not sure if he should say anything or just let her process. She comes back to herself a moment later though, meeting his gaze again and some of the shock has passed, understanding taking its place.

She looks a little overwhelmed when she says, "Oh," again. "I was always closer to Barb than I could really explain and I just thought it was because she was my best friend, even more than Stacy but maybe…" She drops his gaze for a moment as she shrugs half-heartedly, "Maybe it's because it was more." Inexplicably brave as always she drags her eyes up to meet his again as she confesses.

Steve shoots her a wobbly smile that's parts reassuring and scared, "I think it was the same with Tommy." He admits softly and somewhat guiltily. Tommy was never the nicest to Nancy when they were dating and while he and Nancy are good now the same cannot be said of Tommy for either of them.

"Tommy?" Nancy blurts surprised but then it looks as though she's working something over as her eyes slide away from his and the expression clears. "Actually that makes so much sense."

Steve chuckles bitterly, "Yeah, tell me about it." He runs a hand through his hair anxiously. "I could never explain why I stayed friends with him when he was such an asshole and then it just clicked."

Nancy gives him a weak smile, "This isn't where I thought we'd be back then but I'm glad we are."

Steve gives her a soft smile in return, "Me too."

-x-

It's a couple of days later before he broaches the topic again with Robin. He's been re-evaluating things; all those times he hadn't seemed as repulsed by kissing a boy in a drinking game as the others, all those quiet moments of admiration he'd brushed off as nothing more, and all those celebrity crushes. Heck, he's beginning to think he was just as jealous of Nancy as he was of Jonathan when they first got together, that maybe it wasn't just envy he felt towards her that she got to be happy and in love while he was heartbroken but maybe also a little bit that he wanted to be her too.

He's staring a little too intently at Tom Cruise in the movie that's playing while they halfheartedly work and maybe he can admit that yeah he's good-looking and wouldn't be opposed to kissing him but theory and reality are very different.

"Would you kiss Tom Cruise?" He asks arms crossed over his chest as he stares at the screen from his perch on the counter.

"Ew no. Would you?" Comes Robin's immediate response.

Steve shrugs, "I'm not opposed to the thought but how do I know it's not just because I like kissing?"

There's no immediate response from Robin this time. Actually, the silence seems to be dragging on so he finally drops his gaze from the screen to look at her inquisitively. She's staring at him with a slight furrow between her brows as if she's never seen him before.

"I don't think I was anywhere near this complicated when I was figuring stuff out." She says at last.

Steve rolls his eyes, uncrossing his arms to throw them in the air in exasperation, "Well how am I supposed to know Robin? It's not like there's a guidebook." He grumbles sliding off of the counter.

"No there isn't but it would certainly make things easier, 'a guide to being queer for the questioning'."

"You should write it." He encourages moving to lean his arms against the counter he'd just vacated.

Robin hums in thought for a moment, "I think I'd need to help three people figure it out first before I can start writing publishable advice. And I'm currently at one as you're proving to be a stubborn one."

"You should try Vickie." He receives a wack on the shoulder for that one, "Rude. How's that going by the way? You two looked cozy the last time I saw you."

Robin hopped onto the counter beside him, "Her and Dan are still broken up and we talked more in school now but I don't know."

"You need to hang out with her outside of school."

"I know." Robin groans, "I just don't know how to bring it up without making a fool of myself."

"So make a fool of yourself." Steve shrugs.

Robin shot him a deadpan look, "Thanks you're so helpful."

"What? She might find it endearing that you still asked her even though it made you nervous."

"Maybe we could go to a gay bar. That way we can hang out and you can solve your little boy dilemma." Robin suggests only half sarcastic.

"Not funny Rob." He straightens, pushing away from the counter enough so he can cross his arms over his chest again. "You always run off while drunk and I am not having you abandon me in a gay bar."

"So you'd be open to going if I didn't get drunk and run off?" She leans into his space as she pries, amusement tugging at her lips.

He heaves a put-upon sigh, "I don't think I'm ready for that anytime soon."

Robin hums as she retreats out of his space again, "I think I can think of something else to the same effect."

She hops off the counter then, disappearing into the aisles of tapes with single-minded focus as Steve's eyes follow after her in confusion. What was she up to now? She returns a moment later with a grin that splits her face and a tape in hand. She slaps the tape down onto the counter, her hand covering the front as she does so. He reads the title once it moves and meets her gaze with a quizzical eyebrow raised.

"The Rocky Horror Show?"

"Yep," She says popping the 'p' obnoxiously, "Your queer education starts here."

Steve sighs deeply before looking back down at the tape in consideration. He doesn't see how this is going to help but they need a tape for their movie night and Robin looks so excited and well it's not as if he has any better ideas. He's already kissed boys and is still not any closer to being certain. So he shrugs and meets Robin's expectant gaze.

"Sure, why not?"

A/N: I wasn't happy with the way the first chapter turned out but I couldn't figure out how to link the scenes I wanted so here's another update. Originally steve was gonna tell robin about his crush on tommy before going to nancy but this ended up working better. I don't know how accurate robin's lil speech was particularly for the 80s cus I don't know how it works being attracted to one gender but...

Also steve and nancy gossiping and comparing celebrity crushes was an image that just wouldn't leave my head. When you and your ex both end up having a bi crisis upon realising you had more than friendly feelings for your childhood friends that are no longer in your lives. But also you can be bi for non-plot related reasons, I do it every day

Anyway, let me know your thoughts in the comments, I had to look up 80s films for this one because my film knowledge is atrocious :)

Comments:

cathfo: I really enjoyed this first chapter, I can't wait for the next!
Thank you sweetie, had to fight my brain to co-operate but I'm glad you enjoyed it