A/N: This story is in the Daughter of Abigail Verse. It was written for the Bonnie Bennett Rare Pair 2022 on Tumblr. It's Kefonnie. Kol x Bonnie x Stefan. Bad Language. Bad Grammar. Bad Bitches.
Disclaimer: Not Mine.
Bonnie was surveying the map on her computer trying to mark all the headings of the attack. Once she did that, she could try to triangulate a home base for their murderous sea inhabitant. A magical or mystical entity had gotten swept up in the gulf and was eating fisherman. They had a wager going on at the Job. For some reason, an Encantato had the most bets. Bonnie has no idea why a Brazilian werefish would be in the Gulf of Mexico, but anything was possible in her line of work.
Bonnie was a supernatural fixer at Clairmont and Associates. It meant she was a mercenary, assassin, bounty hunter, bodyguard, healer, diplomat, private detective, babysitter, PR expert, or anything that solved the problem she was being paid to fix. Right now, she was being paid to figure out why fishermen were coming up missing in the gulf. Charmaine, her boss, says it was probably a water serpent. Bonnie's ancestor, Qetsiyah agrees. Her cousins Lucy and Cass warn it could be a humanoid, possibly Sedna, herself. If so, it would be the first God Bonnie had to go up against.
Bonnie locked all the coordinates in place, and there was definitely a circular pattern. Bonnie would rent a boat and go to the epicenter of all the incidences, but first, she had to prepare. She looked up when Stefan came into the office. "Which shirt? Or should I wear the sweater?"
Bonnie looked at the clothing items in his hands and was confused. Stefan did not wear or own clothes like that. A polo shirt? A sweater that was not cashmere or 100% wool handknitted by some artisan craftsperson. "Where are you going? I guess the green will bring out your eyes."
Her husband disappeared before she could ask any more questions. She called her connection at the boat rental place. Then she called her hairdresser and begged to be fitted in. It was going to be double the costs and a day of sitting waiting for a slot. When she got off the phone, Kol walked in. His lip jutted out.
"What's wrong? I thought you were trying your new cake recipe."
"It deflated in the middle. I hate TikTok recipes. They are always so vague or lying altogether. Stefan was supposed to help me."
"So, buy a cookbook, babe."
"You want to go to the bookstore with me? We can go to the cafe for lunch and stop in at the bar."
"I would honey, but I need to go get my hair braided for tomorrow."
"Isn't that going to take all day? You usually do that style in the summer?"
"It's just cornrows until I'm done with this Gulf Coast case."
Stefan walked back into the office. "How do I look?"
She took in the crisp shorts and polo shirt, the sweater across his shoulders, and frowned. Where had her husband gone? Kol rolled his eyes. "Honestly?" Bonnie asked, her nose scrunched.
"Like an asshole," Kol said.
Bonnie nodded. "Like you're going sexually harass me and become a Supreme Court Judge."
"Great. I'll fit right in. The mayor invited me to his yacht club. I'm going to eat good tonight."
"This is why you couldn't help me with the cake?" Kol huffed.
"It's the Mayor and free blood. He can help with zoning for the bar and tax rebates."
"And your stupid popularity contest."
"I was going to ask you to come with me. Bonnie do you-"
"Hell, no. Plus, this may be the case of my career."
"Do you need help with your case?" Kol asked. "I know a woman. She's part selkie."
"Babe, you know I love it when you have my back, but I want to do this one by myself. Prove that I can operate at this level. You said you wanted to go to the bookstore and check on the bar. After I get my hair done, let's go to a movie and get dinner."
"Sure," Kol said, putting his hands in his pockets and walking out of the room. Bonnie bit her lip at her dejected husband.
She looked at Stefan who was running his hands through his hair to look even more like a douchebag. He turned to her and smiled. He walked over and bent down to kiss her He went for her mouth, but she gave him cheek. "Really?"
Bonnie shrugged. "Not with you looking like that. It's not segsy."
He snorted. "I want my real kiss when I get home." He left the room. Bonnie could hear Kol griping at Stefan in the parlor. It quieted, probably because they were kissing, and then the ripper was out the door with, "I'll be home in time for the movie."
Bonnie grabbed a book and a banana in the kitchen before she had to leave for her hair appointment. Kol was in the living room flipping through channels on the TV. "Are you going to the bar?" She asked, leaning down and pecking his lips.
"Maybe later."
She leaned down and kissed him for real this time. "Choose a good movie. If you buy me an ice cream tonight, I'll do that thing you like."
"I don't want your pity sex."
"Okay. I love you anyway." Bonnie said, walking towards the door.
"Only if you get Stefan to do it too."
"You know Stefan will do it before I will. See you tonight."
-o0o-
Bonnie was half drowned and dripping water into the house. She had seaweed in her hair. Blood and some kind of pus were all over her clothes, and she smelled like calamari. It was after midnight. Turns out someone tried to smuggle a Kraken egg into the port of New Orleans about a year ago. The damn thing hatched on the boat and instead of taking the blame, they dropped it in the water. The baby Kraken fed off fish and coral and grew stronger. Now, it was an abandoned teenager wreaking havoc on people trying to make a living.
Bonnie had to suspend the thing in a force field, hire a container ship to get it to land, rent a warehouse, and get someone to construct a makeshift tank until a Norwegian mage community official could come to get it and take it to the sanctuary in the north pole. Then she had to arrest the negligent asshole with her hacker's help. She was tired.
She wanted to take a shower and snuggle up between her two husbands and sleep for three days. The problem was her husbands was nowhere to be found. She looked at her watch. They may have caught the late movie and gone to the bar after. Bonnie sighed and dragged herself to the shower. She got out, and Stefan was laying in the bed flipping through a magazine.
"How was the movie?" Bonnie asked, putting on her bonnet.
"Okay. I'm sorry. I didn't make it back in time. We went for a cruise around the gulf on the yacht, and then couldn't dock because something was going on at the port."
"I was going on. I caught a teenage Kraken today. Someone spotted it right after Laronica finished my hair. I had to rush out to the port which means…"
"You didn't make it back either."
Shit. Bonnie thought. She picked up her cell phone and dialed Kol. No answer. She dialed the Green-Eyed Witch. Allegra answered. "The Green-Eyed Witch. This is Allegra speaking.
"Hey Al, can I speak to Kol."
"Sup, Bon. Bossman is not here. He came in for like two seconds, I think. He talked to Matt. We were doing inventory today, so it's been busy. The bar is slammed."
"I get it. If you do see him, please tell him to call me or Stefan." Bonnie looked over at her husband. "He's fine."
"Or he's murdering tourists."
Bonnie shook her head. "No. He promised me."
"We promised we would be home."
"Okay, how do we find him?" Bonnie said, going over to her dresser to pull on sweats. "Can you reach out to him through your vampire bond?" Bonnie watched him try.
"He's too far away, but-" Stefan gave her a strange look and then picked up his phone. He grimaced and then pressed a button. Bonnie narrowed her eyes and walked around the bed. She looked at Stefan's phone and a map of the Garden District and the French Quarter came up with two blinking pinpoints.
Bonnie realized one pinpoint was their house. "You can track our phones?"
"It comes with the family plan."
"The family plan we have had for seven years?"
"It's for emergencies."
"We are going to talk about this after we find our husband. Where is his dot?" Bonnie and Stefan leaned in close to get a look at the map. "Is that?"
"Holy shit. He's at the Mikaelson Compound," Stefan said, flashing through the room and putting on his clothes.
"He's going to start a supernatural Turf War." Bonnie pulled on her coat.
-o0o-
Bonnie and Stefan were ready for war when they arrived at the compound. What they found was Kol and Klaus sipping brandy in front of a huge fire. They were reminiscing about their childhood exploits and…laughing? Kol still hadn't forgiven Klaus for not getting revenge on the people who killed him and leaving him behind in Mystic Falls, but maybe he had. Bonnie kind of didn't want to bother them.
She was sure Kol missed his family. Rebekah had reached out several times. Stefan even tried to invite Elijah and Rebekah to dinner one Sunday. Kol left when they showed up and didn't come home until Monday. Stefan stopped trying after that.
"Ripper, Witch, how lovely of you to show up," Klaus said, putting down his glass. Kol wouldn't look at them.
"Sorry to interrupt," Bonnie began.
"We were worried," Stefan finished.
"Now," Klaus said. "You've been here, what, six hours, brother?"
"Kol?" Bonnie said. Her husband looked at her. Right. She had broken their plans and forgot to call. She was used to him fucking up. "I should have called; I'm sorry."
"Yes, you should have," Kol said, drinking his sherry.
"I was stuck against my will. I didn't have any reception on the boat or psychically," Stefan said.
Bonnie's mouth dropped open. Her hands flew to her hips. "Are you throwing me under the bus?"
"Just stating facts, but I should have kept my promise and shown you how to properly bake a pound cake. I tasted that thing in the kitchen and, babe, that was way too much flour."
"You're not helping yourself," Bonnie said. "I'm sorry, Kol. I should have let you know something came up at work but guess what! I closed my case, finished the paperwork, and I can spend all day tomorrow doing whatever you want."
"I'm free too. We can make a pound cake and go to the farmer's market for fresh strawberries and locally sourced cream."
"Aren't you going to miss your yacht friends?" Kol sniffed.
"They invited me to golf, but those guys are assholes."
"We told you that," Bonnie said. Stefan pinched her. She gasped, and he kissed his fingers and rubbed them better.
"Your little groveling will not sway us. We are Mikaelsons. We show no mercy-"
"Thanks, brother, but I think I'm going to go home now. This lot is lost without me."
Bonnie snorted but kissed her husband when he got up. Stefan hugged him. They were no doubt speaking in their minds. Bonnie looked at Klaus who looked a little dejected himself. "Since it looks like you guys finally made up, how about we invite the family over this Sunday for dinner?" Bonnie asked.
Stefan and Bonnie eyed Kol. After a moment he said, "I can make a pound cake."
Klaus shrugged. "I'll have to check my schedule, but I should be able to attend. What should I bring? I don't know why but I have a craving for fried calamari?"
Stefan snickered. Bonnie smacked him playfully. Kol smiled at his spouses and said, "Let's go home."
I hoped you enjoyed it. Thanks for reading.