Early season 9. Donna wants to keep their relationship a secret and Harvey struggles with it.
...
Donna's cell phone vibrates next to Harvey, sinces she left it on top of the dresser, he looks sideways at it and sees she has a text from her driver.
"Donna, I think your driver's downstairs" He calls in what he hopes is not an upset tone.
It's nothing against her driver really, it's that he thinks it's ridiculous to keep going to work separately when they spend every night together, just so no one can see them arriving together.
He sees her come out of her bedroom ready to go and smiling as she walks towards him.
"I'll see you later" She says as she kisses him quickly.
"Ray's coming in ten" He says and she nods.
"Great" She calls behind her as she exits her apartment, leaving him on his own.
It's been two months since he knocked on her door, two months since they've been keeping their relationship from everyone, except Mike and Rachel, the only two people among their friends who don't live in the same city as them. He knows Ray figured it out by now, and her driver too, but neither will ever say a word.
He got it at first, she suggested they didn't tell anyone because Robert's disbarment was too recent, she felt guilty about it and she wanted things to cool off before they shared their love with the rest of the world. And honestly, those first few days he enjoyed keeping things between them in this impenetrable bubble they created around them.
But as weeks went by and things started to go back to normal, she said she still didn't want anyone to know, that she wanted to have him all for herself for a while longer, not letting anyone break their bubble.
He respected it at first, because he always wants her to be happy. Donna's happiness means the world to him, and if she didn't want anyone to know he wasn't going to be the one to burst the bubble for her.
But more weeks went by, more secret looks and secret lunch dates as far away from the firm as possible, making sure they are not seen leaving or arriving together, having separate drivers even if they spend every single night in either her or his place and he's starting to get tired of it, it feels like he has a mistress instead of a girlfriend sometimes and he spent too many years keeping his feelings for Donna hidden to continue doing so. He doesn't want to hide his feelings anymore. He's in love with her, he's proud to call her his and he wants to shout from the rooftop of the firm that he loves Donna Paulsen like he's never loved anyone before, but she won't let him and he hates it.
…
They are currently in a partners meeting. Louis at the head of the table, Donna to his right, Harvey to his left, Alex next to Harvey and Samantha next to Donna.
"We managed to control the situation but we need to get more clients back if we want this firm to stay afloat" Louis says with concern while the rest of the partners listen to him, all except for Harvey who's more focused on Donna's cleavage than he is on the meeting. She feels his gaze on her and looks at him with a warning look, imperceptible to the rest but he caught it alright.
"We need Wexler's business back" Alex jumps in and Louis nods.
"We do indeed" He says "We need to do whatever it takes to sign him again, which is why I already invited him to the gala we'll be hosting next friday" He explains.
"The guy is a womanizer, I'll make sure to charm him and he'll sign" Samantha adds but Louis shakes his head.
"That's not gonna work, sorry Samantha, but you're not his type" Louis explains while Harvey and Donna continue to steal glances at each other. "He prefers redheads" Louis adds as he looks at Donna and Harvey snaps his head at Louis so fast that Donna's terrified that he may as well have just tipped the rest of the partners off on their relationship.
"Are you insane? You want to hand our COO on a silver platter to that asshole for money?" Harvey exclaims and Alex leans back into his chair and looks at him with a curious look.
"Of course not Harvey, I could never do that to goddess number one, all I'm saying is Donna could work her charm on him and convince him to sign with us again" Harvey rolls his eyes at Louis and Donna's warning look tells him he's probably being a bit too obvious, but he doesn't care, she's not single, she's taken and she's his girlfriend.
"I think it's a good idea" Samantha chimes in "He's handsome, successful and rich, it's been what? Two months since Thomas? You could help us save the firm and even have some fun while you're at it" She continues as she looks at Donna and Harvey is about to combust.
The COO remains quiet and at this point tries very hard not to look at her fuming boyfriend.
"Unless you're seeing someone" Samantha adds.
"I'm not" She says quickly and snaps her head at Louis, avoiding Harvey's look at all costs. "I'll do it, I'll charm him and try to get him to sign with us again" She says and from the corner of her eye she sees the hurt in his eyes, and she feels terrible, but saying no will only lead to the partners to figure out that she is indeed seeing someone, and it won't take Samantha long to figure out who she's seeing. Besides, it's not like she has to go on a date with the guy, it's only using her charm on him during a firm event.
"Perfect, thank you Donna" Louis says.
"Any problems Harvey?" Samantha asks the name partner who shakes his head.
"None, Donna's free to do as she pleases, if she's okay with this then so am I" He replies trying to sound casual and unbothered.
"Good, it's settled then, that'll be all" Louis dismisses them and they all stand and leave the meeting room.
"If this doesn't wake him up, nothing will" Samantha whispers to Donna as she passes her by and keeps walking towards her office. Donna stays frozen in her place, grateful that Harvey didn't blow their cover but nervous to face him because she knows he's furious.
…
She walks into his office and finds him staring at his computer. She sits in front of him but says nothing.
"Is there something pressing you need? I'm busy" He says in a flat tone.
"It doesn't mean anything" She says as she keeps her eyes on him.
"Using my lines, uh?" His tone is full of sarcasm.
"Harvey-"
He snaps his head up and interrupts her "This is a work environment Donna, within these walls we're nothing more than co-workers, so please, let me work" Cold and calculated, like the tone she's heard from him so many times before, like when he made her promise that she would never kiss him again, or when he told her she made him a cheater and that he didn't want more, and it hurts, more than she'd like to admit. Because now he's the one that's all in, and she's the one holding back, and she can't even find a logical explanation for it. Or she does, but she's too scared to acknowledge it.
She stands from her seat but speaks before turning to leave "Will you come over tonight?" She asks softly as he keeps typing on his laptop.
"I haven't decided yet" He simply replies and she sighs before turning around and leaving his office.
…
When Donna arrives home, she's exhausted, so she takes her coat and her shoes off and heads into her bathroom to prepare herself a very much deserved bath.
It's maybe half an hour later when she hears the door of her apartment being closed and she sighs in relief, he came.
"Donna" He calls.
"Bathroom" She calls back and a few seconds later he opens the door. "Hey" She says softly.
"Hey"
"Join me?" She suggests and he debates for a few seconds until he sighs and starts taking his clothes off.
She sits straight to make room for him behind her and leans against his chest once he's positioned inside the bathtub.
"It bothers me" He says and she tilts her head to the side to be able to kiss his jaw.
"I know, it bothers me too, but it's you I'll be leaving with that night, and every other too"
"No, you won't, you'll leave with your driver and we'll meet here or in my condo, but you won't leave with me" He clarifies and she sighs.
"Harvey, just for a few more weeks, we're still trying to get back on our feet, the firm needs this"
"I'm tired of putting the firm's needs above mine" He spats.
"Harvey, please" She begs, her lips brushing his clenched jaw.
"If he touches you I'm punching him in front of everybody without giving a damn about the firm or tipping everyone off on us"
She turns in his arms to face him "Deal" She says softly with a smile as she pulls him in for a kiss that he stubbornly doesn't return. "Playing hardball, huh?" She whispers against his lips and straddles him while trying to kiss him again but he keeps his lips pursed. "Alright then, I guess I'll have to leave this tub and take care of myself, on my own" She says next and when she's about to stand he yanks her back into the tub, water spilling over the edge and onto the floor at his sudden movement.
"Stay" He says softly as he starts kneading her left breast with his right hand while he kisses her. As he breaks it he brings his hand to her lower parts and his mouth right next to her ear.. "You're mine Donna, I waited too long to have you and I'll never share" He growls and she moans at both his hand working on her and his voice so fierce and possessive in her ear, and it turns her the fuck on.
She wants to reply, to tell him he'll never have to share her, that he's always had her and she's always been his, now more than ever, but she can't find the words as she's already too far gone under his touch.
…
She looks stunning and he knew she would. Her black dress hugs every curve tightly, her exposed cleavage allows the imagination to fly but doesn't reveal all that much, the slit of her dress deep enough so that her right thigh shows when she's walking.
She's holding a glass of champagne while she talks to some clients and occasionally glances his way while he stands at the bar nursing a scotch and keeps his eyes fixed on her, making sure there's no overstepping asshole he needs to shove away from her.
"Have you considered just telling her?" Samantha asks as she shows up beside him to order herself a drink.
He quickly looks sideways at her in acknowledgement but immediately re-focuses his look on Donna.
"Tell who, what?" He asks feigning innocence.
"Oh, please, you're Harvey Specter, playing dumb doesn't suit you, trust me" Samantha dryly retorts.
"I'm not playing anything, there's nothing between me and Donna" He tries to sound casual and truthful but fails miserably.
"Yeah, right. You once told me we'd never get on the right foot if I brought her into our conversation" She reminds him.
"She's my right hand woman and my best friend, the fact that I won't tolerate anyone talking shit about her doesn't mean I'm in love with her" He defends quickly and Samantha's eyes widen.
"Wow, who said anything about being in love?, I was just saying you're obviously attracted to her"
"She's beautiful, but that doesn't mean I have feelings for her" He growls as he sips on his scotch.
"You were better at hiding it before, but lately, ever since she broke up with Kessler-"
"Samantha" Harvey says in a warning tone.
"Alright, sorry" She holds her arms up in surrender and eyes Donna looking at them. "Idiots" She says before turning around and leaving him standing there.
…
Wexler arrived around half an hour ago and Louis took him straight to Donna, straight to his girlfriend. Harvey had to endure the way he took her hand and kissed it softly, when that porcelain skin is only made for his lips to touch. They've been chatting animatedly, other people in the round too, but his gaze is only focused on her and on how that bastard has tried to touch her waist at least thrice and Donna has subtly moved a bit away to avoid it. That's my girl, he thinks.
Wexler inevitably asks Donna to dance and he can see the moment he does clearly, and it's not because of the way he extended his filthy hand for her to take that Harvey realizes what he's asking, it is because her eyes immediately search for his with an apologetic look. He gives her an almost imperceptible nod, one that only she catches, letting her know it's okay to accept Wexler's offer.
So he leads her to the dance floor and he sees how he puts a hand on her lower back as she places her hand on his shoulder, and Harvey wonders why they keep doing this, why she doesn't want everyone to know, why does it bother her so much. Is it that she's nor certain about them? Maybe he made her wait too long, maybe she's not as in love with him as he is with her, maybe she just wanted him all those years because she couldn't have him and now that she does, she realized what deep down Harvey has always known, he's not good enough for her, she could do so much better, so maybe she regrets this, she regrets them.
They need to talk, he knows that much, but he's never been good on communicating and right now all he wants to do is leave this fucking party, and he knows he has two options, either he walks out of there alone and doesn't look back or he takes her hand and takes her with him, not giving a damn that everyone sees. Number two is definitely the one he wants to go for, but as the coward he is, he takes option number one.
He downs the rest of his scotch and places the glass forcefully on the bar before walking towards the exit. He can feel her eyes on him but he ignores her and continues to walk out.
"Harvey, where are you going?" Louis asks as Harvey walks past him and Sheila.
"I have a terrible headache Louis, I'm leaving" He says, offering no further information.
"Oh well, feel better, it seems Wexler will be signing again anyway" Louis says with a chuckle and Harvey looks at how that bastard smiles at his girl.
"Seems so" Harvey manages to say without losing it and continues on his way.
He's made it through half the hallway when he hears his name.
"Harvey, wait" He stops but doesn't turn around "You're leaving?" She asks softly and he manages to turn around to face her.
"I thought I could handle it but I can't" He admits and she sighs as she steps closer to him.
"I understand… He asked me out and I told him I have a boyfriend" She says next and he looks up at that.
"Pretty sure you didn't tell him who your boyfriend is" He replies with a clear upset tone.
"Didn't have to, I think me running after you gave it away"
"I don't wanna do this anymore Donna" His confession comes out in an exhausted tone.
"I know" She replies softly.
"Thirteen years" He says next as she looks at him intently "That's how long I struggled with my feelings for you, how long I waited to have this with you, and now that we're finally here, I have to pretend I have no right of being jealous when an asshole has his hands on you, when I do, because you're my girlfriend and you should have been dancing with me instead of him"
She closes the distance between them and wraps her arms around him, tucking her head under his chin and breathing him in.
"You're right, I'm sorry Harvey, I just…"
"Now that we have this, you're not sure it's what you really want" He finishes for her and she lifts her head with a confused and hurt look.
"What? No!" She exclaims while shaking her head. "You think that's why I didn't want to tell anyone?"
"Well, yeah, what else could it be?" He asks, still upset.
"Harvey, you're not the only one who waited thirteen years to have this. I've never been more sure of anything in my entire life, but I also have never been more scared too"
"What are you afraid of?" He asks quietly, trying to be supportive and understand her motives to keep their relationship a secret.
"I'm afraid that it's too good to be true, I always act like nothing or no one can get to me, but you could destroy me Harvey. And I trust that you would never do that, but it's scary in itself, to hand someone so much power over me, over my heart…" She trails off and he sighs.
"When I broke it more than once" And this time he correctly finishes her sentence for her. "I told you how sorry I was for everything I did the night we got together and I meant it Donna, I'm all in, I want you, forever, I want to share my life with you" His confession comes out in a breathy voice and she can see how sincere he looks.
She throws her arms around him and he brings their foreheads together
"I know, I'm so sorry Harvey, I know you're all in and I want forever with you too"
"Then why won't you let me show the world that I finally got my head out of my ass?"
She chuckles sadly and shakes her head "Because people talk and they judge, and I'm always the one being questioned. Just like when you made me COO and no one believed I deserved it cause I was only a secretary, but they assumed we were sleeping together and that's why you promoted me"
His face softens and he moves his hands up to cup her face between his palms as he looks deeply into those hazel orbs he loves so much.
"All the people who matter know that is not true, you deserve everything you have and more. We're not having an affair Donna, we're in love and I don't wanna hide that anymore"
"You're in love with me?" She asks with a soft smirk and he chuckles.
"I am, Ms Paulsen. Aren't you?" He asks back and she shrugs her shoulders.
"You're hot and very good in bed so I'm fond of you, yeah" She teases and he tilts his head to the side in an annoyed gesture. "Of course I'm in love with you Harvey, I've been in love with you for years" She says next in a more serious tone.
"I knew you were lying when you said you didn't feel anything" She chuckles softly. It feels good to be able to laugh at what was probably the darkest time of their friendship, maybe even worse than when she left him for Louis.
"Oh, back to when it didn't mean you wanted more?" She teases back and it's his turn to laugh.
"I always wanted more, why do you think I was so mad at you after you kissed me? You pulled away just as I was about to pin you to your desk"
"No, you weren't"
"Yes, I was" He confirms with a sincere look. "I think Samantha suspects" He says next.
"It doesn't matter anymore" She replies with a shrug.
"Why not?" He whispers as his breath tickles her lips.
"Because, you're right, we're in love and there's no reason to hide that, so we're going back in there, hand in hand and I'm gonna grant my boyfriend the dance I should have given him when we arrived" His smile spreads across his face and Donna thinks it might light up the whole room.
"You sure?" He asks just for reassurance that she really is okay with this.
She nods and kisses his lips softly "I'm sure. I love you Harvey and I don't want us to hide anymore"
"Good, I love you too" He replies softly as he drops one more kiss on her lips.
She extends her hand for him to take it and he does with a smile, leading her back towards the ballroom.
Samantha sees them first and grins at them with a shake of her head, Harvey just winks at her, letting her know she was right in her earlier assumption.
He places his arms on Donna's lower back as she wraps her arms around his neck and he sways them to the music. Some looks turn to them, but they don't pay attention, only focused on each other as Harvey rests his forehead against hers and holds her tightly to him, not a doubt they are more than work colleagues, not a doubt that they are in love, and they won't be hiding it anymore.