The Numancia's bridge was unsettlingly overcrowded. Firth, Second and now Ninth insisted on remaining on the bridge, and they stayed for minutes like statues near the different stations, closely watching the Starfleet officers, their eyes never blinking. They said they wanted to learn about them.
The Jem'Hadar were their guests, so they were diplomatic and let them stay. Nobody wanted to upset the Dominion warriors, but they were starting to unnerve them.
To worsen the situation, the readings they were getting from the Firebird were not precisely good news. They have been monitoring the Romulan ship since the moment Sloan gave them control over it. They were listening to their inner communications and this way they were aware of the crew's intentions. After the shields and the engines were suddenly shut down, the engineers have been trying to contact the bridge and once the Avenger had been destroyed other crewmembers had done the same request. Several Romulans had tried going directly to the bridge, but the doors had been blocked too. Chaos had reigned for hours, since every senior officer was in the now silent bridge, but finally the higher ranking officers outside the bridge had decided to meet to come to a decision; they realized something was going terribly wrong. Unfortunately, the Starfleet officers could not hear what was being said in that meeting, but they realized they would probably convene to enter the bridge by force and discover what was going on. If that happened, they could retake their ship.
But Saavik was not ready to trust Ajeya's word. She had sent another message to Spock and now waited for his answer. If the praetor had truly ordered Koval's arrest, the news would soon spread around the Romulan Empire. She could only receive the communications in her quarters, but given the delicate situation they were still in, she preferred to stay in the bridge. She was Vulcan; she could work for long hours; the tiredness she felt came from a very different source.
She had sent Ba'el to rest; but that was not entirely true. She had accompanied her and both had entered Saavk's quarters. She had sent Spock's message then, and had left her aide in her bunk, with instructions to contact her the moment an answer arrived.
She had convinced the senior officers to leave the bridge too, under the premise they would be called if the situation in the Firebird worsened and the crew retrieved their bridge. Now the junior officers manned the different stations, and the Jem'Hadar were making them nervous.
"Admiral Saavik," Ba'el's voice finally was heard, "the report is readied as ordered."
That was the key sentence they had agreed. She noticed her trepidation increase and kept it under control. "I'll take it now. In my quarters," she said as she raised from the command chair. "Lieutenant Uriz," she addressed to a young woman who sat at Tactical 1 now, "you have the conn."
"Yes, ma'am!" the officer replied as she also stood up.
She was taking her position on the command chair when Saavik left the bridge.
Ba'el was waiting for her at the door, and Saavik almost ran into her when she went in. She was nervous and Saavik could tell she had not slept at all. A quick glance at the untouched bunk confirmed her impression. She did not make any comment and went directly for the computer instead. Ba'el stepped back to let her pass into the narrow cabin. She turned to leave, but Saavik also noticed her movement and told her to stay.
"Let's discover together if Ajeya lied to us," she told her, still an underlying bitterness attached to the name. "We may have to form a new plan next."
Ba'el was beside her at the double. "I'm sure Spock has good news," she optimistically replied, smiling; she truly believed in her words.
Saavik, however, could not be so sure. She had too many sound reasons to distrust her Romulan counterpart. She started the series of passwords and codes necessary to run the program. She realized it was the first time she did so in the presence of another person, but she knew she could rely on Ba'el. Ba'el was not just her aide, she was family, and she would never betray her or Spock.
After several minutes, Spock's simple words appeared on screen. "Koval has been arrested." And the same sentence she had read many times before, "I am available now."
"Yes!" Ba'el happily screamed when she read the Vulcan script.
Saavik raised one eyebrow at her answer, though it did not surprise her. She was just too used to the emotional responses of most of the people she was with. She was satisfied too, and truly eager to talk with Spock again. Immediately, she sent a reply and waited for Spock to open the comm line. They had talked more in the last days than they did for moths when Spock was on Romulus. She appreciated the contact, but she knew the risk, and, however, once more, each of them were willing to take that risk again.
Ba'el was behind her. Saavik was not about to tell her to leave now, even if the most emotional part of her wanted the intimacy. She adjusted the settings so Spock's image would appear on screen instead of forming an hologram in the cramped room.
Saavik just waited. Ba'el asked her if she authorized the release of the Firebird now, but she shook her head slightly. "Not yet." And Ba'el waited too, even if she didn't know what she was waiting for. A few minutes later, Spock finally formed on the screen.
Saavik's eyes smiled fondly at him. Ba'el did not need to take a look at her to know that. She smiled too, "Good afternoon, Spock."
"Good morning here, Ba'el," Spock replied. "Saavik?" the Vulcan man asked as he searched intently on her face.
"Everything is fine, Spock. No bloodshed yet," she answered dryly.
Spock looked at her sternly after her mocking reply. Ba'el cleared her throat, "Actually, if you confirm Koval has been arrested, the mission has been a success."
"That is what I want to assess now," Saavik contradicted her.
Ba'el knew she was not smiling anymore. She was all business again. She imagined the self-control needed to reign the strong feelings she knew she felt towards Spock and focus on Koval instead.
"I still cannot trust the Empire will not continue with Koval's plans, especially considering she is the one who says so."
Now Ba'el wondered if maybe her negative emotions towards Ajeya were even stronger and they were the reason why she was so determined.
"Yellow alert. Senior officers to the bridge." The voice of lieutenant Uriz ended Ba'el's musings.
She turned to leave, but Saavik stopped her again. "Wait, Ba'el. Commander Song will handle the situation." She turned back to Spock, "Can you ensure that will not happen?"
"I know someone who can," Spock calmly answered her. He raised his eyebrow; Saavik just set her jaw. Silently, he was questioning her if it was right to ignore the bridge's call. Ba'el missed the exchange; he was wondering who Spock was talking about.
Spock left, and an armchair of purple leather took his place. Almost a minute passed and Ba'el paced impatiently.
"Don't you trust the Numancia's crew?" Saavik asked. "They are good officers, Ba'el."
"I know," she affirmed, "but I'd prefer to be there, where the action is."
And now Ba'el could see her eyes were smiling to her too; she flushed inwardly.
"You will make a good captain, Ba'el."
"Admiral Saavik," an unknown male voice coming from the console interrupted them and Ba'el could not answer the compliment; it spoke in accented Vulcan.
Ba'el turned to look at him and so did Saavik. The man was dipping his head respectfully and smiled almost shyly to her.
"D'Tan," Saavik greeted him with familiarity.
Ba'el could not say she had not recognized the Romulan man who gazed now at them from the screen. The Tal Shiar uniform he was wearing made the identification even easier. The Starfleet officer had seen him many times in the reports Starfleet Intelligence sent regularly about the Romulan Star Empire. He was vice-chairman of the Tal Shiar.
"I am Chairman D'Tan now," he said proudly, as if he had read Ba'el's mind; but he was not haughty correcting her, he sounded almost like a young boy announcing his mother his last achievement. Ba'el was shocked.
"Congratulations," the even tone that Saavik used to reply, so very Vulcan, did not serve to diminish her confusion.
"You can be certain," the Romulan assured her, switching languages. "Koval's research facilities have been destroyed, and all his bioweapons. And the documents for their development, I'll get rid of them once the trial is over. You have my word. I hope it's enough." He now looked dubitatively to Spock.
But Saavik had her own question in mind, "And what about Ajeya? She has collected enough data by herself."
"I know," D'Tan mulled over it only an instant. "I'll make sure she does not put any of that data into use too."
Saavik nodded, and turned this time to Ba'el, "Go to the bridge now. Tell Ajeya she can take her ship."
"Yes, ma'am," still in shock, Ba'el almost stammered.
"So you're the famous Ba'el," the Tal Shiar officer said before she could take a step. "Spock and Saavik speak very well of you. I'm glad to meet you."
Ba'el turned to look at him and even if she tried, she could not match the apparently friendly grin that accompanied his words.
"I'm glad to meet you too," she managed to say.
"Ba'el, go," Saavik mildly reminded him.
"Yes, ma'am!" she repeated; her voice did shake now.
She hurriedly took her leave this time and was out of the room an instant later. She pressed her back heavily against the corridor's wall just outside the cabin, and sighed loudly. She knew Spock had a friend named D'Tan on Romulus, she knew he was an important member of Unification and that Spock trusted him. But she had always though he was another D'Tan, not the same one who was Tal Shiar and whose official reports from Starfleet were not precisely good. And Saavik and Spock had neglected to mention that detail when they talked about him. She wondered if he could really be trusted, she certainly could not.
Two junior officers were coming towards her; they were chatting loudly but still she did not notice them until they were almost by his side. "Lieutenant" they formally acknowledged her as they passed by. Ba'el hardly had time to compose herself. She noticed a dank sweat had taken over her. Thankfully, the young officers did not seem to notice. She made an effort to clear her head and walked purposely towards the bridge. She had a job to do, and whatever was going on, she could rely on Saavik to do always what was right.
At the cabin, everyone was unaware of Ba'el's turmoil.
"Is there anything else you want from me?" D'Tan asked politely.
"Yes, I want you to continue taking good care of my husband," Saavik seriously replied.
However, D'Tan laughed out loud at her request. "Oh, he can take good care of himself." He was in high spirits.
"I had never seen you in uniform before," Saavik commented. "It's… disquieting."
"That's an understatement!" D'Tan loudly answered her. "I hate dressing this way. It makes me feel sick. It makes me feel dirty." He stressed the last word, as he grimaced. "But soon it will be over! Soon, there are going to be great changes in the Empire!"
"Yes," Spock spoke this time, softly, halting him. "D'Tan, would you leave us alone, please?"
The younger man seemed confused for an instant, and frowned; then, he beamed up again, "Oh, sure," he muttered, "you want to be alone." He chuckled. "Remember, Admiral Saavik," he said confidently as a farewell, "the Empire you knew soon will be over. Soon you will be proud of us."
He said it with such a certainty, with such a good faith, that the sting his words unwittingly provoked on her felt terribly wrong. Saavik seriously doubted she could ever feel proud of the Romulans as a whole, and much less of being half-Romulan, if he had indeed intended to say that; no matter how much Spock and his well-intentioned followers insisted and no matter what proof they showed to her. She had taught her children about their Romulan heritage, and she had allowed Ruanek to be their teacher; she did not want them to hold the same old prejudices, but still, she could not get rid of them. No matter how many honorable Romulans she had met along the way, the mean ones, as she had once named all them, still weighed heavier. Especially now.
To Spock, however, her words were soft. "He is even more idealistic than you," she told him once D'Tan was gone.
Spock's eyes sparkled, "I know."
"And you worry about him."
He nodded, "And about you, my wife."
Saavik breathed deeply, "Everything went well. She behaved, I behaved."
"Everything did not go well," Spock corrected her; he knew her too well, and even if he could only observe her features from the screen, he could read her anyway.
"There are many things I need to meditate about," this time she conceded him. "We will talk at length about them, but not now. We must end this conversation as soon as possible."
Saavik was always the more pragmatic one, Spock was very aware of that. But she still needed to address something to him; he noticed that too, so he waited in silence for her to collect her thoughts. He did not want to add to her strain by pressing her to talk.
"It's about Hellguard," she finally mustered to say. "Koval never explained himself, and now he would never do so."
"What matters, Saavik, is that Koval has been stopped and Hellguard will not be repeated again." Spock's deep voice sounded as reassuringly as always.
However, Saavik knew better. Hellguard had happened again; it was true for the Jem'Hadar who now stayed on her ship, even if they seemed content with the results; it was true for all the Romulan citizens and other prisoners who had also been subjected to Koval's experimentation. And, after all, that was not what truly tormented her.
"But why?" she asked; and she had to fight despair. "What's the reason behind Hellguard? Why will someone—" She stopped, trying to find the right way to voice her troubles.
When she had returned to the cursed planet so many years ago and had found herself face to face with the man she only knew as Black Cloak, she had been too young and untrained, and had let rage and hate rule her actions. He had killed himself and he had taken his secrets with him. Then it was the boy, whose name she could not even remember, who had claimed to know the truth too; hunger and anger had made her kill him before he could utter a word. And now another evil man had had the answer, and this time she had not let dark emotions control her; this time, she had made everything right. And, still, the answer eluded her. Koval was also going to take his secret to the grave.
Spock looked compassionately at her. They have spent most of their life together; they were bonded and there was little they did not share. He had known that question had plagued her since her childhood, even if she had not spoken it aloud. He wished he could have an answer, but logic seemed to have little to do with what had happened in Hellguard, and he refused to speculate about the reasons the people responsible of such atrocities could have. He could not give Saavik an answer, and therefore, peace.
"We will never know," Saavik sobered; she had reached to that conclusion too many times before; still, it did not satisfy her.
"There is no logic in lingering in the past," he reminded her tenderly, "you know that, Saavik."
And she knew. She had not lived for so long by staying in the past and letting herself be tormented by it. But, still, she could not forget, and her mind and her soul could not help but ask the same unanswered questions. As she had done many times before, she made a conscious effort to put those questions in the back of her mind and focus in what was attainable.
Spock noticed the change. "Koval and all his criminal plans had been stopped," he cheered her up. "We have been successful."
Saavik sighed, "Yes, we have." She looked up at him hopefully, "Will you be back at home soon?"
Spock's eyes smiled at her. The question did not surprise him, even if usually she would never ask him. He did not know when he would be back, though, so he simply answered, "As soon as I can."
That was enough to appease her, "We will talk when you come," she said, and with the matter as settled as it could be, they said goodbye to each other.