Responses to Earlier Comments:

Hi War Sage - thanks again. That last installment was hard to write. I think there's some importance for a character to have an epic failure or to take a beating either physically or figuratively - something that keeps them humble. But conflict has consequences and collateral damage. The result is Evvie lying next to him, beaten, frightened, and not really understanding the depth of what has happened to humanity. Evvie is strong, and we're kind of seeing that, so it was hard to write her that way.

Chronus1326 - Thanks for the correction. I think that sets in motion a portion of the storyline I drafted months ago and that War Sage and dankuser hit on.

MonBade, are you still out there?

Chapter 13, Sense of Humor

Please note: I own no part or share in the Battlestar Galactica realm, either commercial or otherwise. This story is submitted for entertainment purposes only.

Reminder: I did not spend time making up non-earth names for common things; a vampire is not a "Blood-Sucker with Great Hair", a Fork is not a "Hand Skewer", a Betazoid is not a "Prying Brain Interloper"

"Chief Tyrol didn't stand a chance. It was funny watching him get barbecued by Evvie."

~Cru's journal, if he had time to keep one.

Bree's Twin, Day 28

John carried Evvie from the Receiving Deck to Evvie's quarters. Emily, nicknamed 'Cookie', was Evvie's daughter. Cookie said only two words to Cru, "You failed."

Cru didn't disagree. He did fail.

John caught up with Cru, a little while later, in Cru's quarters.

"They got us good," said Cru with a slight shake of his head. "Hawkins got pummelled."

John nodded. "Looks like you did too." He didn't have to witness the event to guess how it played out. Cru was a wreck. The woman John carried back to her quarters, Evelyn "Evvie" Hawkins, was worse.

Cru gave a dismissing wave. He'd had an aggressive past in battle and out of it. Waking up beaten and bloody on a different ship wasn't entirely new to him. "I've never seen it like this," said Cru. "These people were…I don't know…not right. Starvation. Thirst. Fear. They came at us in a mob. They were…I don't know…driven."

John nodded again.

"Did you get her settled in?"

"I did," said John. "She's in a bad way."

Cru nodded his agreement.

"Young Cookie is with her now," continued John. "She and her brother are going to take turns sitting with her when their work is done. As for you, what do you need?"

"I need some light duty. Maybe a couple days to shake this off."

"Maybe more," said John.

"Yeah, maybe more." Cru didn't disagree.

"Keep an eye on Hawkins," said Cru. "She was coughing up blood."

"That's not good."

"No, it is not. The medic gave her a wrap and told her to go easy on it. She was hopped up on pain meds. I doubt she heard him."

"Okay, I can do that," said John. "What about you?"

"I'm definitely hopped up on meds," Cru said with a cautious laugh. Outward laughter, even in small amounts, was painful.

John smiled.

"I'll do what I can," said Cru. "John, the ship's yours until I can see straight and maybe take a deep breath without experiencing a new adventure in pain, each time."

"Okay," said John. "That would be a handy thing, breathing and all. I'll get Badger to step it up. He's been wanting more to do than just the basics. It's time."

Cru nodded. "And Cookie - Emily…"

"She'll need to work the crops. We can't let them go."

"Agreed. They are vital." Cru nodded again. He tried to yawn but he stifled it because of the pain it caused in his jaw. "Alright, I'm gonna get some sleep."

"Good idea, boss. Niters."

~~~~~/~~~~~

Cookie, Badger, and John managed what they could of the ship. John chased from one issue to the next, and the next. Young Cookie and the younger Badger received crash courses in electronics, heat transfer, fluid dynamics, and the use of mops when the Number Three condenser leaked - a lot. Cookie kept the meals hot or cold, depending on the intended fare. She took up the gardens where Evvie left off. Badger took full watches on the bridge and kept logs of all the critical monitoring gauges and levels. John worked the repairs and caught an hour of sleep here and there.

Cookie and Badger indeed stepped up. Late in the evening, on the fourth day after Cru's and Evvie's encounter, a large fan broke loose from its mounting. The whole unit slammed back and forth, out of balance, echoing throughout the ship. John never woke up. Cru and Evvie were still sleeping under the heavy effects of prescription pain meds. Badger turned off power to the area. He and Cookie secured the unit with clamps. Cookie wheeled the welder up from the shop and laid down a welding bead where the frame of the metal housing and its base met. The fan housing was secured and the fan ran fine when reenergized. Cookie was inexperienced and the welding was a hack-job by the best of opinions, to be sure. But, nothing went up in flames, no equipment was accidentally fried, it worked, and the adults never knew until Cookie mentioned it days later.

~~~~~/~~~~~

"Mom!" Called Cookie and Badger - almost in unison."

Cru stood and so did John.

Cru, John, Cookie, and Badger had met in the galley. It was early morning and Cookie served up the pancakes she had made from a 'just-add-water' powdered mix. Cru had his tablet and was working through the overnight equipment readings. John had an old valve he was trying to unstick with solvents, on the table, much to Cookie's disapproval. Badger was searching through a large bucket of nuts, bolts, and washers for particular sizes needed on a job later in the day.

It had been six days since the attack on Cru and Evvie aboard the PYXIS. Cru was back standing watch on the bridge and doing some of the maintenance. It would be weeks before he could manage any heavy work.

Evvie's progress was slow. She refused most visits by anyone but the children. She ran a fever for several days but it had broken the night before. It was a long painful walk from her quarters to the galley, but there she was.

"Mr. Cru, you look an absolute fright," she said with a tired smile.

Both Cru and Evvie still showed the bruises from the attack. Their faces were blotchy yellow and purple and both had cuts and abrasions that were pink and healing. Evvie had fresh bandages over the wounds on her forehead and cheek. Cru had removed his stitches the first moment they started to itch.

"Mrs. Hawkins, you look like a ray of sunshine," replied Cru with a warm smile. "Coffee?"

Cru and Evvie exchanged long glances. They had witnessed and survived the worst of desperation and fear - the way it manifests and takes hold of people. Now, there was a connection between them as can sometimes happen between victims of shared violence.

"Is it fully caffeinated?" asked Evvie. She gave another tired smile. "I have no interest in decaffeinated coffee right now."

"Well, young lady?" said Cru to Cookie. "Decaffeinated?" With the rationing and the stretching of inventories, he didn't know what he was drinking, only that it still tasted like coffee.

"It's full regular, mom," said Cookie. "The mixed coffee is for bartering only."

There was a long pause. Evvie was the heart and soul of the fledgling bartering business. Her first attempt after T-Dog and the shuttle ended in violence. No one would be surprised if she chose not to continue.

"It brings up a point, Mrs. Hawkins," said Cru. "Will you continue bartering?"

Evvie nodded. "I will, Mr. Cru. I can let this define me…" she gestured to the bandages on her face, "or I can adjust and we continue forward." She paused as Cookie poured her a cupper and topped off Cru's and John's cups. Evvie's coffee cup had a vendor logo on it - 'Cheply Precision Transducers'. She smiled again as she held the coffee cup with the logo facing the others. "...Starting with the need for matching tableware."

"Hey," said John, attempting some light humor in front of the kids. "That's my cup. I love that cup." John turned to Cookie and Badger. "You should know - the Captain had one just like it, but he broke it."

Cru followed suit. "No, you broke mine," said Cru with exaggerated indignation. "My cup was red and you were jealous. So, things happened by accident - but not really by accident, was it, John?." Cru turned to the children, as well. "Envy is an ugly coat, kids. Choose not to wear it."

Cookie and Badger smiled but weren't sure what to do. John enjoyed teaching them how to fly the shuttle. The three of them joked and had some fun with it, away from the other adults. But Cru and John making light of the situation, together, was nothing they had encountered before. Every day was survival and one task followed by another, followed by another. Neither of the children had seen Cru smile a real smile until a moment ago, and before that, only the fake kind he would give, attempting to reassure them that they weren't all going to die at any moment.

"Knucklehead is an ugly coat, too," said John. "It's best if you let the Captain wear that one."

The children laughed. Evvie gave a little smile.

"Nice…," said Cru.

"Pancakes, mom?" asked Badger with a light air to his voice. The tray was closest to him. He slid the tray towards Evvie. John turned in his seat and reached for a clean plate.

Evvie waved them off as she sat down at the table. "I cannot chew very well, yet." She gave an encouraging nod and another smile. "But, every day is better."

"Here mom, I have some lovely strained carrots for you and you can have the last of the juice," said Cookie. She had brought Evvie juice and a straw every morning, with a bottle or two from the six cases of assorted baby food stock. She brought similar entrees down to Evvie at noon and in the evening but sometimes substituted in canned milk or pink lemonade from a powdered mix.

"That's the end of it, then?" asked Evvie, nodding slightly towards the juice. She referred to the frozen perishable items Cru had aboard when they escaped Caprica.

"It is," said Cookie. "We unplugged the freezer yesterday. The frozen juice concentrate was the last item needing to stay frozen. We still have the ice-maker and there's the cabinet above the crisper, that's really cold.

"Ummm…the crisper?" asked Cru. He stopped in mid-sip of his coffee. He looked sidelong over at John and gave a barely perceptible wink.

"I got this, Boss," said John to Cru. He turned to Cookie. "Honey, the crisper is where the biodegradables go, including human waste. And since we are saving the food-stuff for composting, it's a whole lot of human waste and not much else. It gets stripped down, de-scented, and processed for fertilizer or storage."

"Um…okay," said Cookie with a note of panic. "That's alright, though. The cabinet is sealed, right? I think you called it a 'closed-loop system'."

"I don't know that it is," said Cru without looking up. "Have you been storing much in it?"

"Well…Maybe" Cookie looked down and away.

Cru nodded his understanding, "Okay a point of order, if I may. I encourage using the fridge instead of the exhaust hood for venting waste fumes."

"Wait, it's not a cabinet?" asked Cookie - there was a tone of deeper panic. "For storage?"

"Nope," said Cru.

John shook his head. "It's a Crysen/Perryl, self-cleaning, biohazard vapor hood - CRS-PR - or, 'Crisper'. It's for the methane gas."

"Methane gas?" stammered Cookie. The room fell silent.

"Yep," said Cru. "And, well, you know, for the smell of poop."

Badger spit out the mouthful of pancake he was chewing.

Evvie snorkeled some of her coffee.

Cookie's throat tightened as if she would vomit right then and right there.

Cru smiled. John smiled. They both burst into a long fit of laughter.

Evvie, Cookie, and Badger looked on in confusion. Their dawn of understanding took the slow road. The Hawkinses knew nothing of Cru's humor.

"The Crisper is just for kitchen waste," laughed John as he wiped tears from his eyes.

"Right, and the cabinet is made for cold storage," added Cru, with more laughter. He held his side. "It's not a - what did you call it, John? A 'biohazard' vapor hood?"

"I did," laughed John loudly, "...for methane!"

Cookie didn't laugh. Cookie wasn't amused. Cookie chased them out with a spatula - John and his messy valve parts, and Cru with his coffee-to-go.

"Mrs. Hawkins," called Cru as he turned back at the door. Evvie was seated at the table with wide eyes for the loud and chaotic event that had just unfolded. "It was good to see you up and about."

"You!" shouted Cookie whilst pointing her spatula, "Out!"

~~~~~/~~~~~

Cru and John walked together for a short distance.

"That was pretty funny," said John.

"Cookie's face was priceless - I thought she was gonna lose her breakfast." Cru smiled. "...and Young Badger spitting out his food."

"Right, priceless." John chuckled. "They're funny kids."

Cru nodded.

"You know, Boss," said John. "Speaking of all that - we need to figure out a way to get more people aboard - families. Those two kids need more than this. Mrs. Hawkins, too."

"Are they getting to you, John?" chided Cru. "Are they making you a family man?"

"They are, I guess - they're good people," said John with a smile. "But listen, I've gone through the inventories - you have, too. We've got plenty of the needed parts - evaporators, reclamation, ionizers, CO2 scrubbers..."

"Upgrades to the air handling," added Cru, "Some serious plumbing additions, larger waste tanks..."

"Right," said John. "We could make it work. We'd just need some help to do it right - engineers and folks like that."

Cru paused in thought. "We could do it on our own."

"Not really - not while keeping the rest of the ship running. There's too much to do."

Cru didn't disagree. He and John, along with help from Evvie, Cookie, and Badger, struggled to keep up with the maintenance work - it was a large ship with many things that break down. His and Evvie's recovery after the PYXIS event put all the critical work further behind.

"You're getting along with that T-Dog fellow - despite that first meeting."

Cru nodded again. He had dragged T-Dog bodily onto the receiving deck and escorted him and his crew off the ship at gunpoint. "Yeah, T-Dog's alright. I need to keep him at arm's length, though. He's shown what he's capable of."

"Agreed, but he's got people we could use."

"He does - and back to your point - I saw what it was like aboard the Pyxis. I'm told it's the same everywhere. We need to do our part - but control it, or someone else will. I'd pair up with T-Dog long before I let President Roslin's or Commander Adama's people drive the effort."

"Speaking of that," said John with a nod. "Galactica called for you again last night. I told them you were still recovering."

"I shouldn't put them off too much longer."

"Probably not," replied John. "They're getting insistent. They said they can send someone over."

"Tell them that won't be necessary."

~~~~~/~~~~~

A visit by Senior Chief Petty Officer Tyrol

"I just need the parts," said Chief Tyrol.

"...and you've brought nothing to trade for them," replied Evvie. Her hands were on her hips, shoulders squared, and her jaw was set firm with resolve. "You haven't even offered anything. How does that help us, Senior Chief Petty Officer Tyrol? Everything on this ship is all we have. You can't just walk in here and say, 'Oh, look at me, I'm from the Galactica. Give me the last solitary possessions you have in the entire universe."

Tyrol looked at Cru with pleading eyes. "Help me, Major, please."

"Don't look at him, look at me," demanded Evvie. "We need a heavy-duty floor jack - the kind with a long handle that you can pull it around with, we need an air compressor tank - something bigger than twenty gallons, and we need a portable laser cutting station."

"Major, please. I beg you."

Cru shook his head. "You awoke the dragon when you landed here with your 'requirements' list," said Cru with a smile. "I can't help you."

"Sir - Ma'am," Tyrol turned to each. "Why do you even need all of that? It's standard equipment. How are you flying without it?"

"It's complicated," replied Cru.

"It's not complicated," interrupted Evvie. She took hold of Tyrol's sleeve and turned him around to face her. "Can you get us what we need?"

"Yes, I'm sure I can, but-"

"Deal," said Evvie. "Cookie, Badger, get Senior Chief Petty Officer Tyrol the items on his list."

Cookie and Badger jumped up from their seats in the small office opposite the entryway on the receiving deck. Cookie took hold of Tyrol's list and they both chased off to the storage.

Tyrol sighed. "You can just call me 'Chief'."

"...And you can call me Evvie," said Evvie with a smile. "When can you deliver?"

Tyrol shook his head as if all that had transpired was out of his control - which it was... "I'll have them sent over this evening."

"Good," said Evvie but then softened her tone. "Good," she said again and clasped Tyrol's arm. "Thank you." She gave a kindly smile. It had all the looks of genuine sincerity despite the previous heavy-handed salesmanship. "Chief, I'm sure you're working off an old inventory of our spare parts. I'll send you an updated copy and a list of what we could use in our shop and what we could use in general, should you come across such items. Will that work for you?"

"Yes, ma'am," said Tyrol in a defeated tone, "it will."

"Great." Evvie patted Tyrol's arm and released it before speeding off to help the children gather the items.

Cru and Tyrol watched Evvie leave. When she was gone and out of earshot, Tyrol turned back to Cru. "Major, what just hit me?" He referred to Evvie's hard-hitting control of their equipment trade.

Cru smiled. "That would be 'The Formidable Mrs. Hawkins'."

"Formidable, definitely," said Tyrol. "You know, Major, at some point we're going to be desperate and I won't be over here 'asking'. I mean, take PDT reductor slip rings - according to your inventory - her inventory - you have forty-seven of them. I go through a pair every time a pilot blows a landing. I'm gonna run out and my raptors won't fly."

"I understand chief, we'll comply when you get there," said Cru. "Meanwhile, Mrs. Hawkins' has her momma-bear claws out over those children of hers. She's dead-set on this boat being autonomous."

"Meaning, independent," said Tyrol. "Independent from the fleet."

"Exactly so," said Cru. "'Unbeholding to anyone', I believe is how she put it."

Tyrol nodded his understanding. "The only thing you won't have is weaponry."

"Right, please do come find me if she starts angling for missiles."

Tyrol laughed. "You got it, sir."

Thus ends Chapter 13.

Some vision notes (what I was thinking at the time)

I need these folks to heal like Marvel superheroes, so I can get them moved onto the next events without these long recoveries.

There's a cat aboard. Cru hasn't noticed the missing bags of cat litter. John notices but assumes Cru is using it to soak up fluid spills like oil. The cat is a black and white named Oliver. Don't be surprised when I trot him out.

Did you know BREE'S TWIN is old enough to have been armed during the wars? It is and it was. The kids will find something interesting one day soon.