- Chapter 10 -

"I've missed you." Shyloh stared up into the starry sky, trying to swallow the lump that formed in her throat.

"I know sweetie." Mom's voice was gentle and knowing beside her.

They laid side by side in the soft grass, watching the stars twinkle above them like a light show. Tears threatened to spill out of the corners of her eyes but she blinked them away, not willing to break down so quickly.

"Its been so long since I've seen you," she said sadly. "Why?"

Mom sighed and Shyloh could feel her eyes on her but she didn't turn her head to meet the woman's gaze.

"I don't get to pick when I come honey," Mom answered. "But I know you have questions."

Feeling a little irritated, she wasn't ready to dive into it just yet.

"It's not fair. Why did the dreams stop?"

"You needed time to adjust."

"You just shut me off." Her voice rose and she snapped her mouth shut and pinched her eyes closed, trying to quell the anger and frustration that was growing inside her. Taking a steadying breath, she kept her voice calm. "I didn't mean to snap, I'm sorry. I know it's not your fault. It's just, I needed you."

Mom's hand took hers and she gave her a squeeze. "I believe Elrond said something along the line of, 'it does not do to dwell on dreams and forget to live.' Or something like that."

Shyloh huffed.

"He's got a point. You can not forget how to live Shyloh. You are not alone, you know that right? You have family that loves you and friends that care about you."

"I care about them too, but I miss my family. I miss Dad and Mack and Tony, and my old friends. I miss Boss." The words came out in a rush of air she didn't realize she'd been holding.

"They will understand one day, but that time is not now. You can not continue to dwell on the past and you can not focus so much energy on having these dreams. Arda is your present and future sweetie, as hard as that is for you to realize. This is where you belong. You have grown so much since you came here, do you even realize the change in yourself? You are becoming the elf you were born to be. You are a princess; a daughter of Kings."

"Princess," she scoffed. "I'm no princess. Princesses don't act like me."

"Just how are princesses supposed to act?"

"You know, with grace and dignity and poise. They're supposed to say the right things and have really nice hair."

Mom laughed. "You've been watching too many Disney movies. I'm pretty sure a few of those movies had warriors and maids instead of pretty pink princesses."

Shyloh laughed. "I'm no warrior either."

"No, but you could be."

She gave her mother a look that said 'yeah right.' "I didn't ask for this."

"We don't always get to choose how our lives play out. I had plans and dreams of my own, remember?"

Guilt washed over Shyloh and she closed her eyes in shame.

"I remember. I'm sorry, I didn't mean to sound so selfish."

Mom squeezed her hand. "I know honey, but you have to remember that we are always here in your heart, and it is okay to talk about us and remember us. We are very much alive in you. You are not alone in this," Mom said again, and Shyloh let a trembling sigh escape her lips. "There are worse things than death you know."

Shyloh looked at her then, questions forming in her eyes.

"Living life without love, for instance. Living life alone and away from the light. Do you have any idea how beautiful you were tonight? How proud I was of you? You shine so brightly in this world."

"I felt like a puff of cloud," she muttered and mom laughed.

"You certainly did not look like a puff of cloud! Do you think that handsome elf would have looked at you that way if you had?"

Shyloh's face burned bright red and she squeezed her eyes together in a grimace. "He didn't look at me in any way," she snapped and mom's snicker said otherwise.

"Oh honey, he wasn't looking at you like you were a troll either."

Shyloh huffed and rolled her eyes. "I'm not interested in him."

"So certain already, are you?"

Shyloh nodded firmly. "Yup, I'm certain. I don't need a man right now."

"If you say so. Just remember, the two bad boys you dated does not define an entire gender. There are good ones out there."

She tried not to roll her eyes again but a silence filled their space as they laid side by side, holding hands. Their eyes watched the sky twinkle above them before a question formed in Shyloh's mind.

"Why are you here?" she asked finally, unable to control her curiosity anymore.

"To help you move on."

"With what?"

"Life."

"Are you purposely trying to be cryptic?"

Mom laughed again and Shyloh looked at her and raised her eyebrows.

"Well?"

"I came to tell you that it's okay to move on. It's okay if you find happiness. You're allowed to be happy, Shy, it really is alright! You aren't betraying your father and Mack or myself."

Shyloh shook her head a little, unable to comprehend the thought of being truly happy without her family by her side. "Easier said than done."

"I know, and I know you're trying. You learned two new languages in a year. Don't you think you pushed yourself a bit much with that?"

"I wanted to learn it," Shyloh shrugged. "So I did."

"You didn't need to push yourself so hard. All those nights you stayed up late studying..."

"Not really any different than when I was in college. I always studied late at night."

"Not the point, kid."

"I've always studied hard, that's really nothing new. I'm going to be learning about healing soon. Uncle has agreed to teach me."

"Yes, I know. That will be interesting to learn. You would have made a great nurse back home and I know you'll excel at it like you always do. I have a question though, and I don't want you to get upset. I just want you to think about it very carefully before you answer."

"Okay..."

Mom hesitated a little before taking a deep breath. "Did you want to become a nurse because you wanted it for yourself, or did you want to become a nurse because of what happened to us in the accident?"

Mom's question hung in the air like a knife and it poked at Shyloh's heartstrings. No one had ever asked her that before but she really didn't know how to answer.

"I...I wanted to become a pediatric nurse, not an ER nurse..." Shyloh said, fumbling for words. Irritation flooded her suddenly. Why did it matter why she wanted to be a nurse? She liked kids, so it made sense to work with kids. Didn't it?

"I'm asking, because I don't think you've come to terms with the fact that the doctors weren't able to save me like they did you."

"I thought the Valar had a hand in that? I was a miracle, remember?" She spoke with a bit of annoyance in her tone and flicked her free hand in the air as if she were swatting away a fly. "They saved me but they couldn't save you."

There it was. The words she'd been mulling over since she'd found out about the hand the Valar had had in her life. They healed her body and mind but they couldn't be bothered to save her mother.

"There was nothing they could do for me," Mom said suddenly, breaking the heavy silence that filled the air between them. "I was already gone. I could not go back."

Shyoh pressed her lips together, still fuming.

"You have to understand, it was my decision. My body was too broken and the life I would have led would not have been much of a life at all. I did not want that for my family or myself."

Understanding washed over Shyloh suddenly, even though it was still so unfair, and something seemed to click in her brain.

"I know now," she said in a small voice. Mom squeezed her hand tightly before kissing the back of it just as the ground shifted.

"It's time sweetie."

Shyloh sighed and closed her eyes again, letting a tear slide down the side of her face.

"I'm not going to see you again for a while, am I?"

"No."

"Why not?"

"I'll be back, when you need me the most."

"I need you the most now."

Mom shook her head. "I'll always be in your heart. But right now, you need your uncle and your cousins and your new friends. You need that sweet little boy that follows you all over the place."

"Estel." Shyloh's eyes smiled as she spoke his name. "He's really something else."

A shift made the smile fade from her eyes.

"I love you, Mom."

"I love you, Shy-girl."

Shyloh woke with a start, bolting upright in bed. Her room was still dark except for the flicker of light that came from the fire at the end of her bed. The white curtains shifted in the breeze, revealing the start of a sunrise on the horizon. Deep orange and reddish pink colors skirted over the tops of the roaring mountains and she angrily turned away from it. Raising a hand to her cheek, she wiped away the tears that fell from her eyes.

She brushed her hair out of her face and pulled the sheets up over her arms, shivering a little at the cool air that drifted into her room. A heavy sigh escaped her lips as her mothers words repeated themselves in her head like a broken track record; imprinting themselves into her brain like a branding iron.

This was so unfair. I didn't ask for this. I didn't ask to be here. I didn't ask to be a princess.

Good lord did she sound selfish. Her mom was right though, we didn't always get to decide how our lives played out. Still, she couldn't help the rush of anger and sadness that washed over her like a waterfall.

There are worse things than death.

Sighing in defeat, she knew those words were true too. She could live the life she'd been given alone and away from the light, or she could embrace her new role, accept her new family, and learn to lean on them for the guidance and support she needed.

She rolled her options around a little more while her room slowly lit up before kicking herself free of the covers. Her bare feet hit the cold floor, sending a slightly uncomfortable shiver through her legs. Crossing the room, she snatched her blue robe and pulled it on. Swiping a white curtain aside with slender fingers, she stepped out onto the small balcony of her room and peered out into the valley.

Green tree tops swayed gently with the breeze, their colors were already turning with the change of weather, giving the valley a slightly reddish hue. Crossing her arms in front of herself, she let her feelings calm down as she stared out over her little piece of paradise.

The battle to accept her new life raged within her though, and she sank down onto the covered bench and tucked her feet up to her chest, hugging them close. It wasn't like she was unhappy here in Rivendell. She'd already learned so much from her uncle and cousins about this way of life. Maybe, just maybe, one day she would find true happiness, even if it seemed impossible at the moment.

The seamstresses hated her.

All of Shyloh's favorite dresses of deep blues and dark colors had completely vanished only to be replaced by yards and yards of white and pastels. Good lord was there a lot of white!

Out with the old, in with the new.

The welcoming feast had been the beginning of the end for her. The next morning it looked as if someone took buckets of pastel paint and doused her entire wardrobe in it. It was as if the seamstresses decided that she had no say in what she was aloud to wear and they took it upon themselves to fashion her in what ever they pleased. She eyed the tunic and leggings she used for riding but then pushed them aside. She was supposed to be getting ready for breakfast. Riding would have to wait until later if she got the chance.

Sighing heavily, she closed her eyes and blindly picked a gown from the rack. The lavender ensemble had white bell sleeves and silver beaded trim around the cuffs with the usual scooped neckline. Another sigh escaped her lips and she told herself to suck it up and slipped it on before heading back to the bath to comb out her wet hair.

Placing the silver circlet on her brow, she again felt the heaviness of its weight on her mind. There would be no escaping it. One last glance to make sure everything was where it should be, she headed out of her room for the farewell breakfast of the Lothlorien party.

A month sat between the time the elves of the south arrived and the day of their departure. Many of those days she spent with Haldir, walking and talking when he wasn't occupied with council meetings, or she spent the afternoons entertaining others in his company; doing her best to make sure she wasn't left alone with the marchwarden too often so that her cousins didn't give her a hard time. She made friends with some of the elleths of his company and was actually sad to see them go.

Now, as she stepped into the dining hall alongside her tall cousins, she was greeted with the usual head turns and stares as she made her way towards the head table. Even though she had spent more than a year in Rivendell, she was still the hot item to look at.

Apparently they didn't have anything else to occupy their eyes with, she thought dryly. As she took her seat, she couldn't help but look forwards to a quieter atmosphere and getting back into her old routine. She missed spending time with her uncle and soon the twins would be headed out to do border patrol within a few days. Spotting Estel, she caught his eye and gave him a wink. He smiled mischievously back at her. Since the Lothlorian party arrived, the boy had been absent by her side and she couldn't deny she missed his company. Though his lessons had continued with Glorfindel, Shyloh's time had been occupied with entertaining their guests.

Yes, she was definitely looking forwards to getting back to 'normal.'

Once the farewell breakfast was over, the marchwarden fell into step with her as they made their way to the courtyard to bid their guests safe travels.

"It was a pleasure meeting you," she said, and she was surprised by how much she actually meant it. The marchwarden had been pleasant company during his stay and part of her wished he could have stayed a little longer.

"And you as well," he said with a smile. They didn't say too much more since the walk was short lived and there were too many ears, not that she wished to bid him farewell in privacy or anything but still, people eyed them curiously enough as it was.

"I hope you all have a safe journey home," she said. He gave her an appreciative look as they stopped just short of the courtyard.

"I hope to see you again sometime, I thoroughly enjoyed spending time with you."

Shyloh blushed as he took her right hand in his and kissed the back of it gently before meeting her eyes one more time and turning towards his kin and waiting horse.

Mounting their horses, Elrond bid them farewell and safe travels and then as one they turned their horses and crossed the main bridge, disappearing shortly after down the road and into the trees like a whisper on the wind.

Shyloh watched them go until they were out of sight, then she fell into step with her uncle who eyed her suspiciously.

"Will you miss him?" Elrond asked, giving her a curious look as they walked slowly back to the house.

She gave him a wry smile and tried not to roll her eyes. "I enjoyed the company of both him and his kin equally."

Elrond's head rose and fell in a slow nod and a smile played at the corner of his mouth. "That was not an answer to my question."

"Yes it was," she said, knowing well enough what he was hinting at.

Sure, she would miss Haldir's company. They actually had a lot of things to talk about which was surprising considering the fact she had only spent a little over a year in Arda. Of course, the marchwarden hadn't known that she was from a completely different world, and the topic of her whereabouts for the last how many years never came up.

The giddy little girl inside her was trying to do a stupid little dance, despite the reluctant part of her brain doing its best to squash the butterflies that formed in her stomach when he kissed her hand. Half of her wanted to flirt, the other half screamed 'run,' so she put her walls up around her heart instead, denying herself the thought that there could have been something more between them.

Her story was too strange and problematic and she'd probably been a bit vague when she talked about herself, but Haldir didn't need to know she'd grown up in a different world. That, was a story only a small group of individuals would get to hear. Before Elrond could say anything she took her leave and headed to the garden. He raised his eyebrows in surprise but didn't call her back, so she detoured to her room to find her favorite book and spent the afternoon in her favorite spot, reading poems until the shadows stretched and the sky grew dark; thoughts of the marchwarden creeping into her mind.

Shyloh fit the arrow to the bow and pulled back on the string, tucking her right hand into the corner of her mouth like she'd been taught. Releasing a sigh, she let loose the arrow and it soared through the open space, sinking into the side of the target with a thud. Narrowing her eyes, she nocked another arrow and tried again, this time evening out her weight on her feet and steadying her left arm.

It sank into the target just to the left of her last arrow, but, at least it was closer to the bullseye. Third time was the charm so she tried again, this time hitting the bottom right hand corner of her target.

Estel watched eagerly from the sidelines but he stayed quiet so she could concentrate. He watched her try until the quiver of arrows was empty before hopping up and walking with her down to the target itself. He saw her face scrunch up in frustration as she looked at each arrow, silently noting to herself that they were indeed not inside the target circle itself.

He helped her pull the arrows from the board before he couldn't stand the silence anymore.

"You're doing better than I was when I first started," he said, as if trying to boost her self-esteem. She eyed him warily, wondering if he was just saying that to be nice to her or if he genuinely meant it.

Shooting a bow wasn't coming as natural as the healing lessons with Elrond were, although Glorfindel assured her she was doing just fine. Her fingers ached and she found out she had muscles she never knew she had before. Her shoulder muscles throbbed and even her abdomen had a slight ache to it, as if she had done a hundred sit ups in one go. Then again, she had only been shooting for a little over two weeks so she gave herself points for at least hitting the target board.

When she first started, she either overestimated the distance or underestimated it. Either way, she still didn't think two weeks worth of archery lessons was going to make her into a pro so quickly, but she hoped to at least hit the rings.

Swordsmanship on the other hand, was going a lot better than she thought it would. Turns out, she had a rather knack for wielding a blade that it even surprised Glorfindel.

"I have a long way to go," she muttered as she set the quiver on the stand for Estel. Glorfindel was in council with Elrond and the other high Lords so the two of them had taken it upon themselves to practice their archery together.

Estel gave her a shrug. "Maybe you should stand closer."

Shyloh looked at the distance between the target and where Estel stood now, brandishing his own bow to take his turn at shooting. He got to stand much closer than she did, but he was also much smaller than she was.

"I doubt that would help," she grumbled, but he didn't hear as he took his first aim.

Thud!

She watched his arrow sink into the middle circle of the target. She couldn't deny, the kid had good aim.

Gilraen came to stand by Shyloh's shoulder, seeming to appear out of nowhere. Her eyes gazed at her son proudly as he took his next aim.

"He loves spending time with you," she said to Shyloh quietly, so as not to disturb Estel.

"Well, the feeling is mutual. He's a really great kid."

Gilraen smiled warmly and folded her arms over her middle as the two women watched Estel fire the remaining arrows. Shyloh couldn't help but wonder where his father was, but thought it would be too rude to ask. Besides, she figured she already knew the answer because the sadness that emulated from Gilraen's eyes spoke volumes.