Chapter 3

The next day, after lunch, Toshiko stood in front of Kondou's room. She knocked on the door with her left hand while holding Hoshi close to her with her right hand. "Isami-kun, it's me, can I enter the room?"

"Yes come in."

She opened the door and saw her son sitting next to Kondou.

"Oka-san, I though you were with the kids?"

"Yes I was, but Okimi and Rini want to take a walk through the city. So I came here to ask permission."

"Well, you have my permission." Kondou looked at Hijikata, as if asking if he was alright with it.

"Only with company from one of the men." Hijikata didn't make eye contact with his mother, indicating that he didn't really like the idea of them going out.

"I suggest you take Toudou-kun with you. It will be good for him to have a motherly figure to talk to," Kondou said.

"Alright, I will ask Heisuke-kun to come with me. I also need someone to look after Hoshi and Natsu."

"I will take care of Hoshi," Kondou said, his arms already stretched out towards the little boy.

"You really like him, don't you Kondou-san?" Hijikata asked.

"Yes, I do Toshi. When I hold him I get the feeling of being a grandfather."

"Do you regret not having children, Isami-kun?"

"Sometimes, but I am happy enough with watching these boys grow up." Sadness could be seen in his eyes, but not for too long. He smiled at Hoshi, who laid now in his arms. "And Natsu?"

"I don't know what to do with him. He doesn't want to sit still, but you all are busy with your work."

"How about you ask Chizuru?" Hijikata said. "He could help with some of the chores or play around her."

"That would indeed be a good idea."

"Shall I look for her?" Hijikata asked, already standing up.

"No you don't have to. I will be fine on my own." Toshiko stood up as Hijikata sat down. She brushed Hoshi's cheek and walked towards the door.

"Have a nice walk," she heard Kondou saying before she left.

"Hijikata-san?"

Hijikata looked up from his work and turned his head to the door. "Come in."

The door opened and a young boy came in, followed by Chizuru.

"Are you sure it's not too much for you to take care of him?" He asked Chizuru as she put a cup of tea on his desk.

She shook her head, some strands of hair coming loose from her bound hair. "He listens very good and helps me with some chores."

Natsu sat down next to Hijikata. "What are you doing, nii-chan?"

Hijikata gave him a letter which was already done. "Writing letters."

"May I also write a letter."

Without answering the question with words Hijikata gave him a brush and a piece of paper and shoved the ink pot his way.

"Who are you going to write to?"

"Oka-chan."

Chizuru glanced over at Hijikata.

"Don't worry," was all he said.

"Shall I leave him in your care?"

Hijikata nodded.

Chizuru made her way to the door, but was stopped from opening it by Hijikata's hand.

"I want to talk to you for a moment."

Outside the room, Hijikata turned his back towards Chizuru. He took a deep breath, afraid of how she was going to react. "I'm sorry about yesterday. I should've known when to stop but…it just hurt me to see you in so much pain because of your past."

His voice was softer than usual, which made it clear for Chizuru that he was really troubled by what had happened before. She stayed silent for too long, making Hijikata turn around.

"Chizuru…" He'd made her cry. Again. "You're crying a lot these days, aren't you?" He took a step forward and brought his hand to her face. He brushed away the tears while smiling softly at her. She didn't resist his touch, so he took another step. Their eyes were locked, giving away a waterfall of emotions. Hijikata bent down a little, with the intention of placing a small kiss on her forehead. But what he saw in her eyes besides shyness and a hint of love, was fear. Just as his lips were about to touch her skin, she brought her hands up to his chest and pushed him away. She ran past him towards her room. Hijikata didn't bother stopping or following her. He really needed to take his time with dealing with her. She was a delicate girl with unexplainable feelings. Expressing his feelings would be more difficult now.

Back in the room he sat down next to his little brother.

"Nii-chan, what did you talk about?"

"I said sorry to her for what happened yesterday."

"Did you do something wrong?"

Hijikata looked at Natsu. His big brown puppy eyes reminded him of Chizuru. She always looked at him with the same sparkle if she wanted to be of use but he'd refused her offer.

"Nii-chan?"

"This stays between us, okay?"

Natsu nodded happily.

"I'm not very good with expressing my feelings. And Chizuru is a special person to me so I don't want her to feel sad. But I can't make her happy."

"Hug her. When I am sad I go to oka-chan and she gives me a hug."

"I'm afraid she will think of an excuse and run away."

"Do it quickly."

Hijikata smiled. "I will keep it in mind the next time I see her." He ruffled Natsu's hair and went back to writing and reading letters.

Chizuru walked through the garden. After sitting a few minutes in her room she needed something to distract her from her thoughts about Hijikata. She looked at the different kind of flowers. They were all so beautiful in their own way. She wished she could be as beautiful as they were. She had once felt beautiful. But that was only because she wore a kimono. And every woman would feel that way in a kimono.

She was often told by the men that she looked cute, with her big chocolate brown eyes. But there was a certain someone who hadn't said anything like that to her. She knew he wasn't the type of person to say that, him being not very good with words for emotional stuff, but still... It is only natural to want to hear those words from a special person.

Chizuru caught herself thinking about Hijikata once again. As she was scolding herself she didn't realize Toshiko walking next to her. When Toshiko grabbed her hand Chizuru glanced surprised to her right.

"What were you thinking about, Chizuru-chan?" Toshiko said as she smiled at the girl.

A light blush grew on Chizuru's face but soon vanished. "Nothing special."

Toshiko nodded slowly, guessing her thought must have been about her oldest son. "Where did you leave my little Natsu?"

"He is with Hijikata-san right now."

"Ah that's good. Siblings are supposed to spent time together."

Chizuru stopped walking, her thoughts wandering back to when she and her brother were still together.

Toshiko was too late with realizing what she'd just said. "Chizuru-chan, I'm sorry, I forgot for a moment what you told us yesterday."

Chizuru pulled back her hand and made a quick bow towards Toshiko. "I-I just remembered that I have to buy some extra food for dinner." She turned around and whispered "I'm sorry." She left. A single tear escaped her eye as she hurried away.

While walking around and searching for the vegetables she wanted to have for dinner she recalled her actions from before. She didn't want Hijikata or Toshiko to worry about her. But by how she ran away from both of them made her realize that she'd made them worry. She decided that when she would see Toshiko again she would apologize for her behavior. Toshiko had said to her that she could talk to her anytime about anything. And that she would gladly accept her as her daughter-in-law. Chizuru fastened her pace toward the shop, trying to think about something else.

She entered the building. It was a small room with a door to the back of the building. But there were a lot of food supplies. This was one of Chizuru's favorite shops. The woman who was in charge of here was always very kind to her, even though she worked for the Shinsengumi. Several months ago she died from a sudden heart attack. Through all the hardships her daughter Aiko took over the shop. She looked a lot like her mother. They had the same kind of sparkling in their eyes and they would always stay calm, even during war. They also looked alike with their looks. Aiko's hair was a little bit darker brown than her mother's but both had dark blue eyes and a perfectly shaped mouth. Chizuru had once been here with Harada and she remembered that he'd almost tripped over his own feet as he entered the shop. He was taken away by her beauty and wasn't being careful. Chizuru didn't tease him with that, even though it was pretty funny. But she knew how irritating it could get if someone kept making fun of about how you behave in front of the one you like. So she didn't do that by Harada. She definitely needed to ask Harada to accompany her again. Or maybe she could ask Aiko to come to the HQ, she almost knew for sure that Kondou would be happy with her having friends of the same gender and age.

She looked around the shop, scanning all the food with her trained eyes. She knew exactly what everyone liked and disliked, so she tried to make something that was within everyone's wishes.

"Chizuru-chan," Aiko said her name as she came in from the room behind the shop.

"Aiko-chan." Chizuru took a good look at her. The kimono she was wearing was stunning. It was light pink with blue patterns of birds and butterflies. Her hair was perfectly done into a knot on top of her head with a silver flower-shaped ornament in it.

"You look so cute in that kimono. Is it a new one?"

Aiko made a little circle on front of her friend. "Yes, I've been looking at it for months and now I finally had enough money to buy it." She sighed deeply as she glanced at Chizuru with half lidded eyes.

"Do you think..."

"That Harada-san will like it? I'm sure of it."

Aiko looked up, surprised that she knew what she wanted to say.

"I now know how people could make out that I like Hijikata-san, it's obvious as you see other people."

"You admitted it."

"Hm?"

"You said you like Hijikata-san."

"Ah." A blush grew on Chizuru's cheeks. "That-"

"Don't worry. I won't tell anybody but it's as you said. If girls are in love it is obvious."

A moment passed in silence. After that they both had to chuckle. Chizuru really liked it that she had someone here in town with whom she could talk about this kind of stuff. Of course, Sen was also in for this kind of talk but she wasn't here all the time.

"So do you want the usual?"

"A bit more, please."

"Oh you're having someone over?" Aiko asked as she picked some vegetables from a basket.

"Well, I'm not sure if I may tell you," Chizuru whispered.

Aiko looked around. The only people who were in the shop was an older pair. "You can tell me, they have bad hearing."

Chizuru smiled at the remark. "Hijikata-san's family is at the HQ."

"What?! I didn't know that he had living family members."

"I also didn't know, but it seems that his mother raised a few children who were homeless. So it's a pretty big family."

"Do you think it's possible for me to meet them?"

"I think so. His mother is really kind and carrying."

Aiko handed over the bag with the food supplies to Chizuru. "Tell me when I can come over."

"I will."

The girls said goodbye to each other and Chizuru made her way back to the HQ.