Chapter 5

Four buckets filled with water were standing next to the bathtub. Natsu was the first one to get his hair washed. He was sitting on the edge of the bath, while Chizuru sat down inside the bath. She carefully massaged the soap into his hair, without touching the small cuts.

"Can you sit down on the ground, and bent your head back a little?"

Natsu did as she asked and covered his eyes with his hands. Chizuru put a cup in one of the buckets and poured the water over his head. The one thing she didn't think about was that she would also get wet. The water seeped down the inside of the bath to her legs, soaking her hakama. As she was done, Natsu stood up and turned around. He let his small body fall forward and hugged Chizuru tightly.

"Thank you, nee-chan."

Hijikata hit the head of his little brother playfully. "If you're not going to call her by her name, call her nee-san."

"Yes, nii-chan," Natsu muffled against Chizuru's hair.

"And now you can let her go, before you make her wet with you hair."

Natsu let go of Chizuru and stepped back, grabbing the towel Hijikata held out for him.

"It doesn't really matter anymore," Chizuru said, "I already got wet." She stood up but her feet slipped on the wet floor of the bath, making her loose her balance. Hijikata reacted fast and grabbed her by her arm before she could fully fall backwards. He reacted too fast and lost his own balance too, causing the both of them to fall. Hijikata's arm slid around Chizuru's waist.

"Nii-chan! Nee-chan!" Natsu exclaimed.

"We're okay, Natsu-kun," Chizuru said.

"Are you sure you're okay?" Hijikata asked as he propped himself on his hands, hovering above her. Chizuru nodded, too shy to say something realizing how close they were. Hijikata got up and offered the girl a hand. She accepted it and in one tug she was standing on her own feet. Hijikata stepped out of the bath and turned to Natsu. "Natsu, what did I tell you just now?"

The boy looked up at him questionably.

"What do you call her?"

"Nee-chan?"

"Nee-san."

"Ah, I forgot, sorry." He dipped his head in a bow as an apology.

"I-I don't really mind, Hijikata."

"But I do. He needs to show respect to adults."

Chizuru nodded slowly. She then realized a mistake in her sentence. "I meant Hijikata-san," she whispered and slightly bit her underlip.

"Huh?"

"I forgot to add 'san' to your name."

"Ooh." Hijikata turned his back to her and sat down on the ground, leaning his back against the bathtub. "I didn't notice, so don't worry."

Chizuru nodded again, even though he couldn't see it. With lightly shaking hands she repeated the same steps she used while washing Natsu's hair. Her breathing was slowly getting more uneven. She stopped moving her hands for a moment to try to stop the shaking and to get her beath in a steady rhythm. But it didn't work. Her nervousness only got worse. Natsu noticed it and asked if she was alright. Chizuru couldn't answer and gave him a small smile.

"Nee-san-"

"Natsu, could you leave us alone for a moment?" Hijikata asked.

"No."

"Natsu?"

"I will not leave." The little boy crossed his arms, as he did before and looked challenging at his older brother.

The sound of a knock on the door made the three look at it at the same time.

"Toshizou, can I enter the bathroom?" Toshiko asked.

"Yes."

Toshiko opened the door and looked inside. "I was wondering how your wounds were."

"They're all treated by Chizuru, so they will heal pretty soon."

"That's good to hear. Is Natsu already done?"

"Yes," Natsu answered.

"Alright Natsu, let's go."

"No."

"What do you mean?"

"I don't want to go."

"Natsu, don't be so stubborn," Hijikata said, his patience slowly fading away.

Natsu didn't even look at his brother.

"Natsu," Toshiko entered the room and kneeled down next to her son. "Why don't you want to leave?"

"Nii-chan and Nee-san are going to do nau-"

"Natsu! Watch your words." Hijikata's usual stern voice had returned, something the little boy hadn't heard yet. Natsu made a little jump and his lower lip started to tremble.

Hijikata let out a tired sigh. "I'm sorry, Natsu."

Natsu shook his head and wrapped his arms around his mothers shoulders.

"Natsu." Before Hijikata could stand up he felt a small hand on his upper arm.

"Don't," he heard her whisper into his ear.

"Natsu, those two need some time alone, so let's not bother them any longer." Toshiko lifted him up in her arms. She left the room, glancing over her shoulder to the two in the bathroom. With a small smile she closed the door and walked away.

As her footsteps faded away Chizuru continued washing Hijikata's hair. Now that Natsu was gone she felt a little better, her hands were shaking less and she didn't feel stared at. She rinsed off the soap, dried his hair, combed through it. She had always dreamt of doing this and thought it would be calming to do all this, that she would be able to forget all the problems. But it was the opposite. It made her aware of her racing heartbeat, her faltering breathing.

Hijikata noticed she was done as she had let go of his hair. He stood up and turned around to look at her. The way she sat there, her hands fiddling with the fabric of her hakama, her eyes darting from one place to another. He had to hold back the urge to pull her up and hug her tightly. He focused on her hands and saw her hakama completely soaked. Without saying anything to warn her he reached out and grabbed her by her shoulder, helping her stand up. He bent a little forward and loosened the tie from her hakama, letting it fall onto the floor of the bathtub. He softly grabbed her hands and she stepped out of the bathtub. Hijikata gave her towel, told her to dry herself off and wait here, while he was going to get her another hakama. He returned a few minutes later and saw Chizuru standing at the exact same place as when he left, the towel wrapped around her waist. "Here, I'll wait outside," he said and gave her the hakama. He turned around and heard her whisper a soft 'thank you'. He left the room again and sat down, carefully leaning his back against the door. His upper body was still naked, but he didn't mind. The cold wind helped him to calm down.

A minute passed and the only sound to be heard was the rustling of fabric from inside the bathroom.

"Hijikata-san?"

"Yes?" Her voice was close by and sounded thin, making him think she was about to cry.

"I want to talk to you about something, but promise me you'll stay outside."

"You don't want me to look at you?"

"Yes."

"Okay, I promise."

"I…I think you've already realized that I've been acting weird for the last few days."

"Different."

"Hmm?"

"Not weird, just a little bit different. But I can understand that. My family being here caused quite a change in your daily routine. And not only that, it also made you think about your own family, like you told us before." He heard her giggle as he finished his sentence. "Did I say something funny?"

"No, it's just that it looks like you know better how to explain my feelings than me."

"Aah, I am not really a person who sees changes in others personalities that well, but for you it's different. You're most of the time so open and worried, so when you're not your usual cheerful self, it makes me feel that I'm missing something. Or that you are missing something."

"I'm sorry." He voice had turned back to the serious tone.

"Chizuru, we've already forgiven each other, so let's stop apologizing." He stopped talking, but she stayed silent. "There's more you want to say, right?"

"Yeah, it's just… I haven't thought about how to say it yet."

"Don't worry, I will wait." Silence took over the space around them once again. Hijikata felt his eyelids become heave ad closed his eyes.

"Hijikata?"

"Yeah?" This time he noticed that she use an horrific. He liked it better when she said it like that. It made their relationship less formal.

"I… I feel, no I think…"

He heard her sigh out of frustration. "Just say it Chizuru. I wont laugh or get mad, you know that very well."

"I know, but it's difficult."

Hijikata opened his eyes and stared at the light blue sky. He had a bad feeling about this. Maybe she wanted to leave them, the Shinsengumi and him. Maybe she found someone to spend her life with. But he would have noticed it, wouldn't he? Probably not.

"Chizuru, this is nerve wrecking, please say it."

"Okay, I feel… no you are, uhm… since a few weeks I've been feeling more conscious of you and you are a special person to me. You saved me, you provided a place for me to stay, you took care of me when I was sick. I don't wish to be separated from you. A few days ago, just before your family came, a friend told me all those feelings belong to one feeling, love."

Hijikata's breathing stopped for a moment. She'd said it so fluently.

"I love you Hijikata."

"Chizuru, I-"

"I know you probably don't feel the same way and that it's not very wise of me to fall for you, the vice-commander of the Shinsengumi."

"Chizuru, I'm sorry-"

"You don't have to give me an answer. Just you being there for me is enough."

Hijikata stood up and opened the door. He had promised not to, but he cant let her interrupt him once more.

Chizuru was sitting close to the door and turned to face him, surprised. Her eyes were watery, tears could fall down any moment. You-You promised not to open the door," she almost whined.

"But you didn't let me finish talking." He kneeled down in front of her. "I didn't say sorry as a rejection. I meant: sorry for leaving you alone with those feeling all the time. Like I said, I noticed that you were behaving different, but you need to tell me why, otherwise something like this is going to happen again, and I really don't like this kind of tension surrounding us. And about those feelings, I agree with you that it's not the best thing to do, to fall for someone in the Shinsengumi, but-" he stopped. Hijikata slowly reached out to her face. His long fingers traced her cheekbone as he whipped away her tears. "You're also special to me, Chizuru, and I don't think I can live in happiness without having you around me every day. The only uncertainty I have is that I don't know if I can return those feelings, if my feelings are the same as yours, or if it's just some part of me that wants to protect you, without thinking about what could be behind that feeling. Therefor I cannot give you an answer."

She turned her head away from his touch.

"Not yet," Hijikata said and he pulled his hand away.

She looked back, almost immediately as the words left his mouth. Tears were still streaming down her face, but she didn't look sad anymore. "What do you mean?"

"Exactly what I said, I will give you an answer, but you need to me some time to think about it."

"Really?" Her eyes filled themselves with hope.

"Yes." Hijikata moved to stand up, but Chizuru grabbed his hand and pulled him back down on his knees.

"Thank you," she whispered.

Hijikata felt something he hadn't felt before. The way she said the two words made him feel weak. He reached out again and pushed some strands of her hair behind her ear. His fingers travelled down to her neck. "No need to thank me."