It's Magic

Here I was again, sitting at the table with my death daisy in front of me and I was terrified.

I didn't want to do this. I was too afraid. Nothing had ever happened before so why should it happen this time? I also had my mother on my mind which was making me feel even more hopeless. All the things she said about me being a disgrace, it was so true. I couldn't do anything right. I couldn't even wear the right clothes that people wanted to see me wearing. I couldn't eat like everyone else, I couldn't face the cameras like everyone else, I couldn't even talk like everyone else because I always stuttered and shied away…I could never be a witch. I couldn't even be me.

I curled myself up with my knees tucked in and sat sideways on the chair, resting my head against wooden back. Doctor Facilier had noticed my tiresome body language as he watched me from the other side of the table. Although he was out of my line of sight I heard the chair squeak on the wooden floor as he rose from his seat. His footsteps echoed on the oak planks behind me as he made his way around the table.

He had something in his hand behind his back but I didn't know what it was. I soon found out when he placed it on the table in front of me. At first I thought it was a picture frame, but I soon realised that it was a mirror. I looked away, I didn't want to see myself.

"Tell me, Charlie doll." Doctor Facilier spoke softly to me in a friendly voice as he looked in the mirror. "What do you see?"

I refused to turn my head. "I don't like looking at myself."

But Doctor Facilier would try to persuade me. "Why not?"

"I don't like what I see." I was forced to admit.

"Then look at me instead." He requested. "Come on, Charlie. Show me those sapphire eyes."

I was reluctant to comply. I didn't want to accidentally glance away from his reflection in the mirror and see my own. "I can't."

"Alright then." Doctor Facilier tried another tactic. "How do you feel right now?"

I searched for my feelings for a second or two before I could reply. "Cold. Heavy. Afraid."

"What are you afraid of?"

"I don't know. I feel lost."

"What you're afraid of is being yourself. That's why you can't stand to look at yourself in the mirror. That's why you let your mom walk all over you this mornin'."

I was surprised to hear that he knew of the discord between myself and my mother.

"That's right, I saw the way your mom treated you. You act like that kinda stuff happens all the time. You didn't even put up a fight, you just crumbled."

Out of the corner of my eye I saw something shimmer as it left the doctor's hand. I rose my head up just a little bit to see a projection of myself and my mother in this mystical pink powder floating in the air in front of me. '...that skirt of yours, it is far too short. You look like a harlot when you wear it.' I heard my mother's voice in the illusion repeating what she said earlier that day. '...It's a pity you couldn't do better sometimes, Charlotte. Most of your class think you are a complete disgrace.' 'You do ask for it.' I could hear my sister siding with my mum.

The illusion in the dust cleared and I suddenly found myself staring at the very mirror that Doctor Facilier had encouraged me to look into earlier. I saw my reflection staring back at me and I quickly turned my head away.

"You're scared of what people think of you, that people might hurt cha if you don't follow their demands." Doctor Facilier continued talking to me as I rested my head on the chair back. "So you let 'em boss you around. You let 'em control your life just to stay outta trouble. You don't even try to stand up for yourself. Sounds to me like you've gotten used to backing down and givin' up after gettin' nowhere. You've been this way for a long time, haven't cha darlin'?"

I didn't reply. I didn't even nod. We both knew he was right.

"You're used to givin' up on gettin' what you want, 'cos you ain't ever got it. And right now you don't expect things to be any different when you reach out with your magic. Nothin's ever happened before so why should it now? Life's never that wonderful, right?... Wrong."

I opened my eyes as I heeded his words of encouragement.

"You don't have to be afraid of who you are, Charlie. Life's given you a gift, girl. A power even greater than mine, I might admit. And that ain't nothin' to be ashamed of."

His words were comforting, but not absolute. "I'm just afraid I'll never do it. That it won't ever happen."

"Just 'cos it ain't ever happened before that don't mean it never will. I know you've had a hard time gettin' what you want in this world, but let me tell ya somethin'. Back in my time I made a livin' outta helpin' folks get what they wanted and you ain't no different. I'm gonna do the same for you no matter what it takes."

I had to admit, no-one had ever shown me this much sympathy and compassion before, not even my sister. I started to feel like I didn't want to let him down. Every word he said made me feel cared for, for once in my life. But it also brought out the submissive side of me. There was still a voice in my head that told me to just accept the fact that my magic was never going to work, because nothing had ever worked in my life.

"Everytime I've tried to get what I want or do what I wanted to do something bad has happened to me." I couldn't yet bring myself to even look at him. "I never get what I want, or what I need. Everytime I try to free myself, everytime I try to exert my individuality I am punished."

"Listen to me very carefully, alright? Nobody, and I mean nobody can tell you who to be. Not your mom. Not your sister. Not your class. Nobody." A part of me knew he was right. If only I could let it out. "You wanna be a witch? You be one."

"But you have no idea how much pressure is on my shoulders and how easily I break under it all." There it goes, that voice in my head again. "My mum's demands. My master's expectations. And now your expectations. What if I let you all down? What if-"

"-Look." Doctor Facilier made a swift interruption to my emotional outburst. "You think too much. Alright? You don't do enough acting because you take up all your time thinking about what might happen. You carry on like that and nothin' ever will happen." He took a quick glance at my papers where I had written down notes from my grimoire. "In fact. I think you could do with a change of scenery to clear your mind."

I saw him start reaching for my notes that were scattered around the table and gathering them up. I panicked as they vanished one by one. "No! Don't take them!" I lifted my head off the chair and almost rose off my seat. "I need those!"

"You don't need no mumbo jumbo from some busted up old spellbook." He placed a firm hand on my shoulder and pushed me back down. "You got everything you need right here."

"But I-"

"-No more talkin'." He interrupted me again. "Don't think. Feel~"

I understood and heard what he said, but tried to object one more time. "I can't…" Before I could utter another sound he placed a finger on my lips to shush me once more.

"Now open your eyes, and take a good look at yourself. Go on, be a brave girl now."

I still couldn't bring myself to do such a thing. I was too nervous.

"Remember how your mommy tried to make you do somethin' you didn't wanna do?" He continued to coach me the entire time. "You don't like people controlin' your life. So why let them?... Take control~ Open your eyes and look in the mirror."

I opened my eyes, but my head was aimed away. I still couldn't bring myself to meet eyes with my reflection. But then something else came into view when Doctor Facilier presented something to me in my line of sight. One of the cards… my future.

"Don't she look beautiful? She's the lady starin' back at cha. She's you, Charlie." He then removed the card from my view and encouraged me to lift up my head. "Get a good look at her."

I braved it as I did as I was told. I rose my head up and faced my fear. Myself.

I always felt insecurity when I saw myself in the mirror, I could only imagine that this was the disgrace everyone saw when the looked at me. But there was something different this time and it wasn't anything to do with me. It was the gentleman behind me. He reminded me of all the people who had entrusted me with this task and who were relying on me to become a witch and use my magic for good things. Doctor Facilier had been nothing but kind to me, patient and determined. He too was counting on me to find the magic within me and unlock it, just like my master in many respects. I knew my class did not care for the person I really was, but to my ghost friends who I was didn't matter. So long as I can use my magic to help them find their way to the other side.

"You're destined for this." That smooth, gentle voice whispered in my ear. "You can't lose."

I remained surprisingly strong as I took my eyes off his reflection and laid them on my own. I wondered if I really was looking at a future enchantress. I wanted to believe it. After all, Suenamoon did. And so did all lost souls I've vowed to help her watch over.

"You either do it... or you don't." Finally, Doctor Facilier removed the mirror from the centre of the table to reveal my rose on the other side. "Do it."

Do it for them. Do it for Suenamoon… And do it for him.

I reached my hand once more and closed my eyes, trying to find the magic within me, allowing my feelings to lead the way. 'I want the rose to come to me. I want the rose to come to me.' I tried not to think, I just wanted this to work so badly. I wanted my magic. I didn't want to let them down. I wanted my magic. It was there, it had to be. Suenamoon gave it to me, Doctor Facilier had seen it. It was there. I didn't know what I was supposed to be feeling, but for a moment I felt some kind of determination. This was something I had to do. It was going to happen, today, right now. My magic was going to work this time. It was going to work because I wanted it to. And Suenamoon wanted it to, and Doctor Facilier wanted it to, and all my ghostly allies wanted it to…

My moment was soon disrupted as I felt something cold touch the tip of my finger. The sensation caused my eyes to open, curious to find out what object had made contact with my skin.

The first thing I saw was blue. A wavy mist of deep blue, like embers flowing and flickering in the air, emitted from my rose. I was perplexed, It had never reacted that way before. Then I realised that the same ultramarine embers were present on my outstretched hand.

...Oh my god…

There it was… my magic… I couldn't stop staring…

"I told ya, darlin'." Not even the voice of Doctor Facilier could break my trance. "It was there all along."