A/N: Takes place during chapter 13 of Caught in the Crossfire. These are all the scenes Michelle misses. Kelly's POV.

Chapter 14: Sharing Courage

"Keep your fears to yourself, but share your courage with others."
― Robert Louis Stevenson

The shopping list was long. I'd started with what was supposed to be a basic list of things I thought we still needed, but it quickly expanded. Setting up a new house was a lot more work than I expected. I'd lost track of how long I had been working on the list. I tapped my pen against the table trying to refocus on my task, but the silence of the house felt like it was closing in around me. I mentally reminded myself that Michelle and Jane were out running, and Dean had run into town to try to track down some parts for our car. A familiar bubble of panic started to grow in my stomach. It happened whenever I was alone, which luckily had not happened too often. I needed to find someone to talk to, it was the only thing that would help. I found Sam in the basement, working on the fusebox. I made a bit of sound as I approached, hoping not to startle him. I didn't want to test a hunter's reflex, especially when he would probably already be on guard with a vampire sleeping nearby. Sam turned at the sound and smiled in greeting realizing it was me.

Familiar relief spread through me knowing that he could see me. I smiled back, "how's it coming along?"

"Good. Well, as good as it's going to get I think."

"That's good news. Anything I should know if it goes sideways when you aren't here to fix it?"

Sam motioned me forward and pointed out how he had wired the power. It didn't make much sense to me, but his explanations seemed simple enough. I prayed that I wouldn't have to fix it without him around, but felt confident enough that I could troubleshoot the basics. Sam looked down at me with a furrowed brow, "are you okay?"

I looked back up at him, "what?"
"You seem nervous. Is it Spike?"

"No." I hesitated but something in his look prodded me to say more, "it's not Spike. When I was upstairs I realized I was alone and just got in my own head."

"About?"

"I'm going to sound crazy."

His eyebrows shot up at that, "I hunt monsters with my brother for a living, and Lucifer wants to wear me to prom. Doubt you can shock me with 'crazy'."

I sighed and rubbed my hands over my face. I hadn't talked to anyone about this and had not planned on it. It had been easy since I was rarely alone anywhere I went. I looked up at Sam, and his look of genuine concern broke the dam.

"Since being here, being human again. I have this constant fear that I'm just going to vanish again. One day I'll just wake up, and none of you will see me. No one will hear me." I heard my voice getting shaky, "I told Dean some of it, I don't know if he told you?"

Sam shook his head, so I continued. "When I was dead. I was completely alone. No one to talk to, no one to touch. Never found any other ghosts."

"That must have been incredibly lonely."

I laughed darkly, "it wasn't too bad at first. Well, after I worked through the initial grief of my own death. But when I found no other ghosts, that's when I started to panic. Hell, at one point I was totally game to find even a pissed-off spirit because at least I wouldn't be alone."

Sam laughed softly, "a world without vengeful spirits sounds like heaven to me, but I get it. Facing an eternity of loneliness…"

He trailed off and we both stood in heavy silence for a moment. I felt the panic bubbling up again at the thought of eternal loneliness, but Sam's voice cut through my panic.

"Why don't we go outside for a bit, get some air?"

We left the basement, stopping in the kitchen for beers and granola bars, before settling back down on the front porch. The panic had mostly subsided again, but Sam still looked at me concerned. He passed me a beer.

"You should talk more about your experience. It will help."

"I know, but I also have this fear that if I talk too much about it, I'll be zapped back to ghost-hood."

"That's not going to happen." He paused and looked like he was considering something, "besides, at least in our world you know you know wouldn't be the only ghost."

"That is not a comforting thought. I'd threaten to haunt your ass, but you'd know how to end me pretty quick."

Sam laughed, "Yeah right. Dean would kick my ass."

"If I was haunting you? Threatening Sammy? I may be blonde, but I'm not that dumb."

Sam smiled and took a swig of his beer, and I did the same. We lapsed into silence for a moment, before Sam spoke again.

"You two looked cozy last night."

I felt my face heat up in a blush, "sorry, was that awkward?"

"No no no, it was nice. It's a side of my brother I don't get to see. He looked happy. It makes me happy."

I smiled down at my beer but could feel Sam watching me.

"Thank you by the way." I looked up to see Sam confused, "for seeing through us. I was surprised when Dean told me you knew."

"Ha, yeah. Dean thinks he knows me in and out, but I know him just as well. He said you haven't told Michelle yet though?"

My smile fell, "not yet. I keep trying to find the right time, but can't. I don't know how she'll react. She's already so on edge."
"She's stronger than you're giving her credit for."

"I know." I paused, we were treading into territory I didn't want to go. I'd be dead almost 2 years and our friendship felt awkward for a number of reasons in our circumstances. I looked back at Sam, remembering something Dean had mentioned to me.

"So what about you and Michelle?"

It was Sam's turn to be flustered, he smiled boyishly at me, "we're just friends."

I narrowed my eyes, "Sure you are." Sam took another swig of his beer to stall on answering, so I continued, "listen, Michelle is oblivious. Like super oblivious. I can help you, but you gotta make the first move."

He laughed, shaking his head, "you and Dean aren't going to drop this now, are you?"

"Probably not. So you should probably just man up and make a move."

"Wow, okay. Remind me again why I shouldn't spill your little secret?"

I pulled a face of mock dismay, "you play dirty Sam Winchester. Fine, I won't press it, but in case you haven't realized, the world might be ending, so why waste time?"