KAGEYAMA SHIGEO

Eventually, Mom comes through the door in a simple ivory shirt and a blue knee-length skirt, carrying a small shoulder bag. Halfway to the gate, she notices myself crouched with my back on the fence, counting the blades of grass in our front yard.

"What are you doing there? Get inside. You'll get your clothes dirty."

"I'm heading out."

Mom cranes her neck, quick to notice the other missing half. "Where's your brother? Aren't you two going to Tokyo today?"

"He's on his way to the station."

Mom chuckles. "He lost you already?"

I get that they hardly see me leave the house apart from school, but when did I become clueless and dependent?

"Do you want Mom to take you there?" she offers with a warm smile, her genuineness only wounding my pride.

"I can get there alone…." I mumble, sinking my chin on my crossed arms. It doesn't take a genius - or a psychic for that matter - to read directions. Though, I suppose it's not the lack of literacy that Mom worries about. I rarely set out of the house. It's always been with my family.

"Did you two fight?" she continues to prod. I can't tell if she's being patient or entertained with the guessing game.

I shake my head. Mom waits in silence for an elaboration. It's too troublesome to go through the entire thing, so I go for the best way to deal when I don't want to explain.

Changing the subject.

I press my index finger on the ground an inch deep. "Are you heading to the shrine?"

"I'm dropping by before meeting up with a couple of friends. It's not the usual shrine, though," says Mom. "There's one on the roadside near the river. It's been unattended for years, and apparently, I've gained a reputation with this thing, so they mentioned it to me in the last meeting."

I nod, though I already know all of these details. Ritsu's not going to be in Tokyo for at least an hour and a half, so I guess I can go with Mom.

Mom smiles. "Do you want to come along?"

I nod and stand up. As I get to her, Mom leans to look at my back, pats down on some unseen mark on my shirt, and then brushes specks of dirt meticulously on my pants.

"I told you, you'll get your clothes dirty… Wait inside next time." Just as I think she's satisfied with her inspection, I feel a light tugging on my hat. "It's getting too small for you…."

"It's fine. It's just the hair."

Mom opens the gate, still giving the hat a studying look. "You know, you two don't have to keep putting those on when you leave the house. A lot of young people have colored hair nowadays."

The young people Mom is thinking of aren't exactly middle school students, and the high school students that do are those that get their parents called for bad behavior… which has already happened to me once in my first elementary school.

"Maybe not until college," I tell her. Mom isn't satisfied with the response but leaves it be.

We take the route I used to go through to my old school. I hear Mom still wondering why I stayed behind. She isn't worried, so I think instead of the bakery we're passing by on the way.

I haven't been there in a long time. Wait, I don't think I've ever been there. From first to third grade, I feasted on their sugary doughs on display from afar. Guess today's the day to change that.

Mom plans on getting an offering but is still undecided on what to get. I'll be sure to help her and hopefully get something in return. Although, I'm always going to have mixed feelings about letting delicious food go to waste. I could take the food once Mom isn't looking, but I know how much these religious stuff matter to her. It's her money, and if it makes her happy, I'll mind my own business.

Oh, we're back at this again.

"Shige, did you know that the school talked to Ritsu? He tells you everything."

That would be nice, but he doesn't. "He didn't tell me, but I knew about it."

Mom glances at me when it registers to her. "Ah, right."

"He didn't want to make a big deal out of it," I explain, hoping it doesn't get Ritsu in trouble. "He didn't want to worry you and Dad."

"Did he tell you that?" asks Mom. "Or, you heard it? With your…"

"No. But he didn't talk to me about it. He didn't want to... He knows I know, so when he doesn't bring it up, he doesn't want to talk about it."

"That doesn't sound right."

I look at Mom. "Would you like it if I talked to you about something I read from your mind?"

Her head jerks, the question catching her off-guard. "Oh - Shige, that's not what I'm talking about. You two are brothers. You're supposed to share everything with each other." She smiles wryly ahead. "You boys don't always come to adults for help anymore, so it's reassuring knowing you two are at least watching each other's back."

I recall Mom worrying about us "keeping them in the dark" when we went on that fishing trip over a year ago. It's been peaceful since we transferred, so it's good that Mom finally realizes she's overreacting. Kids get into arguments all the time. I'm not an exception to that rule, but I learned my lesson, and everything's been worked out. All is well.

But…

"Ritsu and I didn't get into an argument. But he hasn't been telling me many things for a while now. I don't know why. He didn't talk to me about studying in a different school. He didn't even ask if I wanted to come with him." Dad had asked me privately if I had the same plans as him. I knew from reading his mind that I had the full blessing to follow suit. It was what Dad would have preferred, to keep us together. But if it's not what Ritsu wants…

"Why don't you ask him?"

Mom says it like it's so simple, and I'm dumb for not doing the obvious. "Why don't you ask? You're his mother," I snap.

Mom stops in her tracks. She crosses her arms and glares at me coolly and silently, waiting for me to do the right thing. The guilt that stirs uncomfortably in my chest doubles over when I entertain the small, resentful voice that demands its justice. It's been bugging me why Ritsu hasn't been as open with me as he used to be. Mom's flippant response struck me differently. I'm very aware that these were Mishima-san's suggestion too… I don't know. But it stings—a little bit.

"Shige."

I let out a huff as I intently study the bricks on the road. The weight in my chest has gotten heavy, and all I can do is stay still and hold it in. Maybe it's because I'm focused on this weight that Mom's and the other surrounding thoughts deafen to airy mumblings.

Mom lets out a sigh. I don't know how long I've been unresponsive. It didn't feel like it's been a minute.

He is at that age. I can hear Mom's thoughts again. I don't know if I'm being too lenient or too strict. But Shige's not the hard-headed one of two. I don't understand him at all…

"Let's do this another time," settles Mom with a heavy sigh, releasing her arms to her sides. She attempts with a reconciling smile. "We don't get to walk together often."

Forcing my head to nod feels like trying to bend iron rods. I shouldn't have said anything. Mom had already been through enough.

That's right. This was supposed to be about Mom, not me. She was worried about Ritsu, yet here I am, selfishly dumping my problem onto her. I wasn't expecting her to help in the first place, so why had I talked back like that? What's wrong with me?

I thought I didn 't have to worry about Shige as much anymore. Should I ask Ryuji? Let's not. He looks like he has a lot on his mind lately. Maybe I'm overreacting. I'll give Shige some space for now.

Ugh. I promised not to burden them anymore. I need to fix this.

"I -" Mom's eyebrows rise as I move my mouth like a fish gasping out of water. "...got scolded in class. It was annoying."

Mom becomes confused. Not the reaction I wanted. "Is that so…Well -"

"I was very annoyed," I interrupt, looking at her meaningfully. "Um, it put me in a bad mood. Like a crab stuck with a shell with a horrible fit."

"A crab? A shell?"

"But just now, it's gone! I don't feel it anymore. I am psyched!"

Mom is utterly confused. Is it a slang word kids use nowadays?

Good enough. As long as she isn't worrying over me. "We should hurry to that bakery while it's open," I press.

"It's not closing soon," replies Mom dryly.

"They'll run out of bread. We can't be sure today isn't the day their bread turns into a bestseller."

But it seems like my acting is too much. Mom puts a hand on my shoulder. "Shige, I'm going to cut you off on the sugar."

"What?"

It took scouring through every square by the lake to find the shrine, swallowed completely by weeds. We expected it to be overtaken by plants, but we hadn't known it would be as small as a teacup. It's so small I accidentally stepped on it a couple of times, and it hadn't snapped in half.

This had to be some prank. But if it were, it's a prank that had been set up for at least fifty years, given the way it had been overtaken by nature.

"We can't leave it like this," declares Mom pityingly. Cutting the knots of overgrowth would take time, time Mom doesn't have if she doesn't want to make her friends waits. She smiles my way, reassuring me that I don't have to be roped into her menial tasks. "You go on ahead. You'll be wasting your weekend watching me get rid of the weed."

I kneel by the teacup shrine and, clutching the tangles, rip them out with my bare hands. I'd already torn through them all when Mom grabbed me by the wrist and forced my palm up. "Shige!" Her horrified eyes dart to every spot on my hand and finding not the slightest mark. "How? Didn't it hurt?"

"It's just weed. It's not like it has thorns."

Hesitantly, Mom picks up a lengthy weed and tears it between her two thumbs and index fingers. It breaks with a clean snap.

"See?"

She doesn't respond, her gaze anxiously going to the thick pieces of grassy net discarded to the side. He took that apart like they were cobwebs.

I've never touched cobwebs before, but I can still understand the comparison. Still, they were just weeds. It's nothing to be alarmed about. Maybe I have really thick skin. Or those weeds were the weakest of their kind, who knows?

Mom moves to take care of the rest. She sets up a circle of rocks to keep the teacup shrine steady and standing out. It will need more than a pile of stones to not be toppled by the weather and sinking into the ground again. Mom knows this and plans to keep this god's home upright better another day.

Mom finishes a quick prayer before rising I look forlornly at the slice of cake left on its side, sure to feed whatever tiny deity in there for two months.

"Shige, is there something you want?"

"Some cake would be nice."

Mom is not amused. "Be serious."

It's a serious answer. Why is she not taking my love for sweets seriously?

I huff. I would be confused with the randomness of the question if I hadn't heard with telepathy what made her ask.

"Nothing, really… I can't think of anything I want." I look up at the clouds drifting by. "There's nothing for me to want since I already have everything. Sure, it isn't a life without its share of problems, but that's true for everyone. Compared to what other people face, I prefer to deal with the burdens I got. I've been lucky. Blessed, even."

"Shige…" Mom turns slowly, both shocked and impressed. "If you spoke maturely like that more often, you'll be as popular as Ritsu."

"Got it. I'll keep on being immature."

"I'm serious!" laughs Mom, reaching for my other shoulder. She doesn't get that I don't want to be popular. Mom takes me over to a nearby bench. "Honor students are really different."

I quickly remember things I read, and problem-solving and critical thinking isn't difficult for me either. I assume my brain's built differently from others because of the development of my powers. The only difficulty I've faced was focusing, but it's been smooth sailing once I learned to ignore all the noisy distractions. It makes things very dull, but at least it's not an issue.

But for ordinary honor students? She's right. Having gotten used to hearing my classmates' thoughts, I know how different honour students operate. Mishima-san looks like an ordinary girl, but she's scarily talented when under pressure. Takahara-san is an athlete, but she's still one of the brightest students in our year.

And, of course, my younger brother, Ritsu, always aims for the stars.

"Ritsu, though," starts Mom, her head slightly tilting, "He is also different from you."

It's really bothering her…

"I think I'm the one in the wrong. A son that's aiming to go into a prestigious school. I would be so proud. It would make me so happy I wouldn't be able to sleep. But it's not joy that's keeping me awake. I think about Ritsu going to a place where I can't help him." Mom plays with the edges of her shirt. "If… If you two had never gotten sick, if you boys had grown up with ordinary childhoods, our lives would have had fewer uncertainties. May the gods forgive me, but I wouldn't be tending to a stray shrine either."

I sit numbly, not knowing what to say. My eyes catch the shrine poking out of the grass, and it's all my effort can manage to talk about. "It isn't Kannon-sama's, right? Why did you bother coming here?"

"Taking my chances, I suppose. No one knows the name of the god the shrine was for, except that it might have belonged to a god of calamities."

Huh? I'm bamboozled. Aren't gods supposed to help people? What were the ancient people thinking coming up with a god like that in the first place? "Why are you giving cakes to a god that wants to destroy things?"

Mom smiles mysteriously. "Where there's life will always be destruction. We can't control the will of the heavens. But when that time comes, maybe he will remember my kindness and spare my dear children."

Ritsu puts his phone back in his pocket, grinning. "This may not be the best place to say it, but congratulations on your first 'trip' to Tokyo!"

The restroom doesn't have the best view, but it's the safest place I can teleport into. Ritsu gives me a moment to adjust as voices inundate me. It's a lot heavier than I anticipated. The population density, the high emotions of the metropolitan, and my unfamiliarity with the area are all significant factors that are honestly destroying me right now. My heels hit the walls, my spine and shoulders knocking on the tiles as I reel back. Ritsu is quickly attached to my side, clutching my arm and biting his lips. The maelstrom feels like it's about to burst out of my head, my rapid breaths not slowing down. All my senses are in overdrive, yet I don't see. I don't feel, and I don't hear.

I'm drowning, an anchor chained on my ankle. I wouldn't even notice if I'd stop breathing.

There's a chime—a sharp, small ripple of sound slicing the dense mud. A transparent thread, bleeding in a pink glow. When I open my eyes, every second is a battle to keep them open. I can sense the back of my hand again and push all my willpower to force its form to clench as tightly as possible. I can't feel my extremities, but I can feel the tension as I squeeze Ritsu's hand. I want to black out, to sleep through these overwhelming sensations. But I have to stay with Ritsu. I can't leave him out here.

He must be scared. I've put him through something ugly and terrifying again. I'm still too unfocused to understand his thoughts, but his inner voice has been unraveled from the rest. Maybe it's because we're brothers or each other's closest friend, but I can always zero in on it. Ritsu knows this, so he knows talking or yelling can't help me. All he can do is to call me in his mind.

This was what Ritsu was worried about. He knew I might not be able to handle it when we arrived in Tokyo, so he insisted that he travel alone instead, and I teleport to him once he found a place without people. I hadn't voiced it out since I didn't want to make him feel bad, but I had been firmly against it. I wanted to show him that things had changed. I wanted to prove him wrong, and I was so confident and sure…

Am I always going to be like this? A source of worry? A burden? A problem for everyone?

My eyes sting. I hiccup through a bone in my throat, forcing myself steady. I can't be having this right now. Ritsu tugs me by my wrist, his other hand taking my other shoulder. My mind blanks as he pulls me all the way, and I realize belatedly, while staring at an empty cubicle, that he's taken me into a reassuring hug.

"It's okay. You're okay," soothes Ritsu, running circles on my back.

Is he not…scared? No, I didn't hear him well. I think there was a crack in his voice; I'm not sure. Gently, I nudge away, signaling him to move back. Ritsu obliges. His arms untangle while I try not to seem too eager to get out of it and check on Ritsu.

"How - " Ritsu chuckles at his mistake, his smile spreading wider. How are you feeling?

My heart sinks. I touch my cheeks to check for any wetness. Are my eyes red? Did I accidentally vocalize my thoughts telepathically toward him?

Despite the lack of response, Ritsu's smile is unwavering. He pulls a knee up and his other leg in, chilling on the floor of a public restroom as if his psychic big brother didn't just have an episode where it looked like he was going to fall over. He's not even worried. For a single, foolish moment, I thought that Ritsu must have read my mind…

"Are…are you okay?" I keep my voice at a whisper just in case. I start to hear better, but I don't want to accidentally make my voice too loud.

His head jerks. "Yeah. Don't worry about me. I'm not the one getting overwhelmed with telepathy."

I can hear Ritsu's thoughts with greater clarity as well, but the answers I want aren't there either. "I thought…" My eyes drop at my fidgeting hands. "I scared you."

"It was scary," he admits very casually. "But panicking isn't going to help either of us. You're doing your best, so I'm going to support you with everything I have too."

The bone in my throat has moved to my chest. The feeling of being overwhelmed has returned, but it's not because of my telepathy anymore.

Taking a deep breath, I raise my hands by their palms to my stinging eyes and discreetly move them. Feeling hungry. Mom said she's cutting me down on the desserts.

"What were you doing with her?" he laughs. You said you were going to Brazil and get me souvenirs.

I giggle before letting out a long, heavy sigh, my eyes uncomfortably dry. "This will sound weird, but can we talk without telepathy for now?"

Ritsu slightly frowns. "Sure… Is something wrong?"

I shake my head. "Just feels off. Maybe my brain's in a bit of a shock."

"Does it hurt?"

"No. Just different. I can't really describe it, but as I said, I think my brain might be in shock."

Ritsu hums contemplatively. "Tell me if anything starts hurting. Or maybe we should head home. Let's come back another day."

I ponder on this idea. Much as I hate giving up now, considering how much trouble I put Ritsu through, I don't want Ritsu to have to deal with me collapsing. I don't think it would happen, but this experience has humbled me. Clearly, I'm not as resistant to the effects yet as I thought.

"Give me ten minutes. If I'm feeling fine, let's at least have lunch."

"Somehow, I knew you'd say that."

"No, you didn't," I tell Ritsu smugly. "I didn't hear it."

"It's a gut feeling, Nii-san. You read minds, not guts."

"I do, though. Though the title is Berserk…."

Ritsu shakes his head. He tries to hide it with his hands, but I know I made him laugh. "You're not funny."

"No, I'm Nii-san."

Ritsu sighs. "Maybe Mom's onto something. I seriously hope you don't tell lame jokes like this to Mishima-san and the others."

I snort, letting Ritsu come up with his own answer to that. I settle my head down on my arms as we sit silently. We're both exhausted but not in low spirits. I guess this isn't anything crazier than we'd already gone through. The first year my telepathy emerged will - most likely - always be the worst of them all. Still, I'm a bit disheartened because I truly thought I wouldn't be having this again.

It's ironic how Mom was just talking to me about how there will always be some things outside my control. She used a more religious lingo by calling it the "will of the heavens," but this is just RNG. Sometimes, crappy things happen. There will always be some good rolls and some bad ones.

What Mom's going through is more complex than how I put it; this I know. Talking to her made me realize we feel the same way. But Mom doesn't always know how she can help or if she should intervene at all. The life she led is too different from ours. Dad probably feels the same way. It would explain why they rather we choose to live easily as well.

I raise my head, eying Ritsu hesitantly. "Ritsu, I think you should talk to Mom about what the school told you."

I'm a little nervous since it's the first time I brought up something I learned from hearing his thoughts. I have done it a couple of times before - accidentally. I'm so used to speaking to him telepathically that I sometimes have a knee-jerk reaction to things I'm not supposed to respond to. This leads to Ritsu apologizing and me feeling horrible.

Ritsu doesn't get it, though, tilting his head in confusion. "The what?"

"The Opening Ceremony."

"Oh." He hasn't been expecting it, but he doesn't seem bothered. I breathe a little better. "Why? She already knows. It's been weeks." He grunts in annoyance. "This is exactly why I didn't want to tell her."

I find myself jumping quickly to Mom's defense. Considering how I usually am, it comes off hot. "She's your mother. Don't be like that."

"But - " stammers Ritsu, clearly surprised. Maybe I should have chosen a better time and place to bring it up.

This is why I don't have friends! Besides Ritsu, that is, and I won't blame him if he wants not to be that anymore either.

Ritsu purses his lips. "But you think it's not a big deal either, right? So the school wanted me to put on a wig in front of everyone. There are first-years and parents. Can you really blame them?"

Ritsu wants to feel better by finding an ally in me. He'll always have that, no matter what. I nod understandingly. "Fifth grade, when we got into the Kanto tournament. There were a lot of reactions since it was televised…."

"Not one, but two pink-haired elementary students." Ritsu nods, recalling it well. "We were pretty spoiled. We didn't think it would cause a stir either. The school learned its lesson."

"That was on TV, though."

"Playing it safe," he theorizes, sounding confident. "Maybe that's why they never asked you to represent your year."

Well, Mishima-san exists, and she also happened to be top of our year when we graduated. They'll always pick her over me as representative. Regardless, if our club senpai hadn't graduated, Ritsu and I would have been benched.

I swallow, my throat getting dry from talking. "It must have been a shock to Mom," I reason to him. "You came to the school with pink hair and then showed up on stage looking very different than she expected."

Ritsu's immediate reaction is to argue that it's merely a change of color but soon remembers his reaction when the lower years (aka his fanclub) showed the pictures they shared that day. He didn't take the wig off until he was out of school, so when he came over to mine, the photos we took had him with his usual pink hair.

"Maybe I'm the one over-thinking it," mutters Ritsu after a while, rubbing his forehead.

"Actually, Mom even brought up the hats and said we don't have to wear them anymore."

Ritsu groans. Usually, you'd think parents who want their kids to live normally wouldn't be against covering unnatural pink hair. But not ours. Our parents feel strongly about us doing anything with them. It's bizarrely immune to chemicals, so a hat or a wig is the only way to hide it.

"I'll apologize to her." Ritsu's heart doesn't seem to be in it, but he understands he did Mom dirty for trusting her so little.

"Thanks," I say, unable to stop smiling. Ritsu doesn't know how happy this makes me. I want Mom to be happy, and I want them to get along. I hadn't been confident I could do something about it - I was sure I would make it worse somehow. But it all worked quite well. My bad RNG today had been balanced out.

Or maybe it's a +1. I'm also feeling well enough to check out Tokyo's cafes. I'm going to enjoy the rest of the day before this incident haunts me tonight when I try to sleep.