KAGEYAMA SHIGEO

Despite the initial setback of our day, Ritsu is eager to take me around. While visiting schools, he had been busy marking down specific businesses. He had acquired an extensive knowledge of the cafes, the bakeries, and the confectionery shops and dessert stalls in the area. Given his reluctance to let me come along, I thought he would be fussier about my being here. He's not entirely undisturbed, but it's not stopping him from unveiling a shop one after another like an avid collector sharing a niche interest.

"You've had this, Nii-san. Their bestseller crepe sells out by evening, and they don't open until 1 pm. It shouldn't be a problem with you though, since you can teleport before anyone can get here.

They even have a sign for it: 250 of their bestseller crepes a day, strictly one per person only. Ritsu addresses this next.

"Of course, you can bring me along any time. I can even get you a third."

Dad had been with him when he brought home two, so I'd assumed he got it with his help. Had he done it without Dad? Did he say the second extra was for his cute little sister back home?

"It's a popular store for couples, so all I did was to make sure they see me talking to a girl and act like I'm buying for the two of us."

I turn to stare at him.

"What? I bet plenty of other people do it too."

Flirting with a random girl to get an extra crepe? Somehow, I doubt that.

Then, he unexpectedly takes me to a quaint coffee shop with a semi-rustic aesthetic. A couple of delicate cakes occupy the bottom of the blackboard, but Ritsu directs me to their special ice cream menu.

"All homemade. It's a bit pricey, but the owners aren't around Friday and weekend. If you tell the barista you're my brother, they'll give you a scoop for free. It would probably be strawberry. Their lame sense of humour."

Lame? But strawberry is perfect. It's a red fruit but light pink as ice cream. It would be so adorable since it matches his - oh.

I clear my throat, trying not to look interested. "We can eat lunch here…."

"Oh, sorry, you did say you're hungry. But hmm." Ritsu glances at the shop as I swallow nervously. "They don't have a lunch menu. I promise the next one will be the last. You don't like coffee anyway."

"No, I don't mind it," I say hastily. "It's just the smell of coffee. Oh, what if we take out lunch and eat it in the shop?"

"That would be rude," says Ritsu with a light laugh. "Their ice cream is good, but the next cafe has a lot of desserts to choose from, don't worry." Is he trying to be considerate again? He doesn't look that excited to get in the shop.

Drats! I was too subtle!

After failing to secure a memory of Ritsu eating a strawberry ice cream in a cone, we take a fifteen-minute stroll into a busy commercial area. I knew a giant mass of consciousness was waiting ahead, but it still knocked the wind out of me. Ritsu sees through my attempt to mask my motion sickness, taking my hand in the off-chance that I fall.

"Sorry, I didn't think it would be this busy. We're almost there. Two minutes."

I nod, doing my utmost to stay upright. As we continue, I watch my feet while Ritsu leads me like I've become a blind guy. Music is blaring from a record store. Some older girls are trying to call attention to their menus. Groups of friends hanging out. A mother asking to purchase a toy. A lover's quarrel. Students doing research. Money withdrawals - PINs, ten different passwords. A mangaka working on a panel. A man checking his wristwatch. They're everywhere. Inside my head. Right in my ears.

Why won't they shut up? Why can't they just shut up? My head boils while my persistent headache strums my veins. I recall the unfairness of it all. All these people live blissfully ignorant of their fortune. They never have to know what it's like to have the sanctity of your mind be robbed from them. I grasp at my chest, my heartbeat pounding harsher than usual, a disgruntled sigh slipping by my lips.

Ritsu turns around to check on me. I want to assure him I'm okay, but with my temper high, I'm afraid I may snarl. Why am I the way I am?

He grabs my shoulders, making motions with his fingers that is probably a massage. The pressure is practically non-existent. "Take a deep breath. Slowly, Nii-san. Take it slowly."

I do as I'm told, but my own voice is nagging me that this won't be enough. I'll need more than one deep breath. I need many of it, preferably while lying on the cold, hard ground. But I don't have that luxury right now. People are watching, and they've already taken notice.

For a fleeting moment, I despair. Is this what the rest of my life is going to be?

"Go… I'll…" But I cannot finish my sentence as I desperately need a gasp of air.

His hands lift from my shoulders. I try to reach for the sharp pain rolling on my temple, but Ritsu suddenly takes my hand away and proceeds to drag me through the bustling street. I fumble without grace, dazed and confused. If I weren't occupied keeping myself from tripping, I would have begged Ritsu to stop. My steps are landing safely, but each feels like it's the last that would do me in. The rhythm eludes me. It's like the skill of walking had been shut off.

We arrive by a back alley, hardly another person in sight. It's quieter, but I don't know if this is where the cafe is supposed to be. Maybe Ritsu has taken me to an isolated place to calm down.

But we march on. Where is Ritsu taking me? I can still pick up his thoughts that I'll know he's nearby if I close my eyes, but they're…foggy. Hard to understand like echoes. This is only to be expected. The trick I learned in muting distant thoughts is meant just for that - distant. But I've been extending it to cover everything to deal with this tidal wave of information. It's given me a reprieve, but I'm literally at my limit. I'm starting to worry that I may have pushed myself too much. Like I've given myself some sort of brain sprain.

"We're here," says Ritsu at the bottom of a flight of steps. He offers to support me, but the railing is more than enough.

I smile. "I'm fine. Thank you, Ritsu."

He smiles back, but it looks a bit forced. "All I did is drag you. I didn't do anything special." He nudges me to get in.

I already know we're not in a cafe. The establishment is too big. By the entrance is not a menu but a line of a proverb. As we step through the door, two stories with battalions of impressive bookshelves loom from above. Bright white light fixtures line the expansive ceiling, reminiscent of our - Ritsu's school library. A section on the right is filled with a dozen of computers.

Ritsu doesn't go straight for a table. Instead, he looks at me apologetically. "One last stair."

I nod, not minding it. Does he want to go to the toilet? I follow him up the carpeted steps, the stairs narrow and hugged to the pearly wall. At the top, I'm taken aback by the sight of a living area with cushioned sofas and tables. That's so fancy. Can anyone use those? It looks like a VIP section. Ritsu takes me to it, and I hesitantly sit on a couch, half-expecting a librarian to shoo my plebeian butt away. Ritsu doesn't follow suit and leaves.

"Wait -"

"Just getting the menu." He plucks a laminated sheet off another table, not even three steps away. I sink back on the cushions, mildly embarrassed. It doesn't look like it made him pause for one second, but since his thoughts aren't coherently-formed for me yet, I can't be sure he hadn't thought about how needy I was. Ugh. Yet another shame to keep me awake at night.

Ritsu sits across me and lends me the menu. "Pretty cool, huh? I thought you might like this place." He points to a sphere with a flat bottom by the centre of the table that I think is decoration. "You don't have to talk to a person. You input the number here, and they'll bring your food to you."

How do they know who to bring it to if they've never seen me? I steal a look behind my shoulders. Are they watching us now? Is it cameras? Or are they tracking me by GPS through my mobile phone?

"They can tell which table it's from with the computer," supplies Ritsu, smiling uncertainly.

"It's so high-tech…."

"You don't eat out at all. Servers are very familiar with their tables. I don't think this is a ground-breaking method."

I see. And I thought the way of ordering by phone in a karaoke was advanced. Ritsu wasn't as blown away as I had been, but to my shock, he hadn't known that either. That day we celebrated Mishima-san's #1 ranking was Ritsu's first time as well. And what I learned about him from that is what's driven me to come to Tokyo with him.

One month ago

"Ritsu-kun, can your brother still hear us? He's not wearing those." Takahara-san taps at her ear, being as subtle as possible, while I wolf down on this chocolate-coated banana cake.

"Yeah, don't worry about it. He doesn't have hearing problems the way you think." Ritsu quickly glances my way. When I don't hint at him to stop, he continues. "He has trouble distinguishing voices from white noise. The hearing aids help improve the clarity."

Takahara-san nods, processing. "I think I get it. So they're for hearing people. If that's the case, doesn't that mean he won't understand what we're saying?"

He can because he can read your mind. "Oh, what I mean is you don't have to raise your voice to talk to him. He never wears them at home."

Though still lacking confidence in her understanding, Takahara-san takes his word for it. What Ritsu said is the truth but left out the part where I didn't want to hear them. Takahara-san got right: I have no idea what any of them is saying - physically.

Miyaike, singing a song by Okinawan band, Hello Sleepwalkers, sounds to me like he is having a terrible coughing fit. Hyping him up are Mishima-san and Takahagara-san, who I can't even hear over the three Murakawa Rie songs being sung in other rooms. I don't want to pay attention. Having tunes overlap creates a torturous symphony that's making me dizzy.

I honestly want to lie down right now, and I could. It won't stop me from eating, but it would be worrying. I'd have lied down on the floor long ago if Ritsu weren't here. Heck, I wouldn't be here at all.

But Ritsu said I should go out with them at least once.

"It always bothered me no one's invited you to their birthday party," he had told me with a poorly-hidden clenched fist. "Anyway, this is a chance for you to make a move on Mishima-san and show off to her friends. Or, I can keep her friends distracted so you two can have a private moment."

So he says, but Ritsu is actually thinking,I need to know if these people deserve Nii-san. Plus, I hear a guy who's also Mishima-san's childhood friend is coming. So I'll have to get rid of him somehow, not that I have any doubts of Nii-san's chances.

Given my state, the only thing I'm showing off is the graduation money I received once I'm through with the dessert menu.

As for Mishima-san and I, I'm not sure I get what he's insinuating... She and I have eaten lunch together and walked home several times. Before the exams, we had study sessions in the library so that Ritsu could do his studying at home. (I don't enjoy the fact I'm essentially kicking Ritsu out of the house whenever he wants to study.) Those are a lot of private times together, much longer than what would count as a "moment."

But it's not in my heart to disappoint Ritsu. He seems to like Mishima-san. I won't lie and say I don't enjoy that he's playing matchmaker. As long as he doesn't confront her, I'll let his shipping energy run its course.

Oh, but there's an ulterior motive behind this. One day, I have my turn to do this to him. When he tries to argue with me about a girl he likes, I'll say, "I didn't complain when you were trying to set me up with Mishima-san."

It's a very devious but ingenious move; however, neither of our plans may come to fruition at this rate. Ritsu is busy engaging with Takahara-san alone. I don't think he's managed to get a word with Mishima-san since coming here.

"You're studying in Tokyo? No way…" Dejected, Takahara-san lets out a disappointed sigh. "I need a moment to process this."

Ritsu contemplates how to respond but remains at a loss. "Um…"

Takahara-san waves her hand animatedly. "Sorry, I didn't mean to make you uncomfortable. First of all, that's amazing! I look forward to what you achieve in your new school. Second, I heard you consistently placed top five in marathons. I was thinking of recruiting you for track. But you were already in the Judo club…."

"I'm flattered, but yeah. I plan on sticking to it. There are better opportunities with Judo."

"Ouch." Takahara-san laughs as Ritsu becomes appalled. "I'm joking! I mean, you're not wrong."

Ritsu is smiling, but he's taken it as a lesson learned to be more mindful around Takahara-san. "I wasn't aware sports clubs can still be mixed in middle school."

"Most students don't want to get dirty and sweaty in school, so ideally, sports clubs stay mixed for pooling in more recruits. Judo is still going to be mixed in our school."

"But it's a contact sport…."

"It's one of the rare exceptions."

They converse until it's Takahara-san's turn. She doesn't hold back and not only impresses everyone by picking a song in English, but it's also a whole eight-minute song.

"Love is such a sweet illusion (Let's come together)

Can't seem to stop my imagination (Goes on forever)

What a ridiculous situation (Another matter)

But I can't deny, I'm faced with a tricky temptation

In the world that keeps on changing

Don't know why my heart is aching

Gotta handle it, no more hesitation

There can be no turning back"

I don't understand what this song is supposed to be. I get the lyrics; my English skill is excellent. What's making it hard for me to get is how this song about youth and falling in love is being sung in bloodthirsty, heavy metal vocals. I'm willing to bet it actually isn't, given the reaction in the room. They're happily cheering Takahara-san on and don't look like they're getting their souls stripped away from their fleshy prisons.

Takahara-san is out of breath by the song's end, red on her cheeks as Miyaike shouts, "Takahara-san, Uenohara's Number 1 Idol!" Even Takenaka, who usually is very reserved, is giving passionate applause. Ritsu joins the applause but prefers to keep his excitement in his thoughts and not-so-subtly directed at me.

Takahara-san sure is energetic. I still like Mishima-san, but Takahara-san has more drive than her. I do prefer girls like her more.

My dear brother, whom I genuinely love, how about dating one of them yourself?

Mishima-san glances at us. "Kageyama-kun isn't singing, so Ritsu-kun, you're next!"

Dessert down. Hearing aids on. Capturing telepathic waves. Decreasing output. All brain functions directing to auditory systems.

Ritsu averts his gaze, troubled. "Ah. Sorry, I changed my mind. The seasonal allergy got to me. I won't be able to sing properly, not especially after that performance."

My day: ruined.

Takahara-san comes over to take Ritsu's hand and deliver the mic straight away. "Come on, Ritsu-kun! Don't let the pollens beat you. You'll be fine. No, more than fine! I believe you'll be super good!"

A ray of hope shines. I love you, Takahara-san.

"I was a little shy too at first, but it feels good to let it all out!" encourages Mishima-san.

"If he doesn't want to, there's no point in forcing him," says Takenaka. "Besides, his big brother isn't being a good example. You'll have to get Kageyama to sing first before Ritsu-kun considers it."

As soon as he finishes the sentence, a scuffle breaks out. Takahara-san almost falls over as Ritsu gets into a stance and slams his elbow onto my rib cage, having perfectly predicted my reaction. That blow is serious. I catch Ritsu glowering darkly my way. No words, just a look that can absolutely kill.

Is it enough to convince me to stop? Of course not. Some things are worth dying for.

I grab the mic with my superior, older brother arm. Ritsu, achieving zen, is not fazed by my decisiveness and makes a smooth pass behind him. "Mishima-san!"

"Huh? Me? Huh? Why?" Mishima-san scrambles to her feet and, with wide, confused eyes, successfully catches the mic like a pro baseball player. Takahagara-san gasps, impressed.

You fool. You just made it easier for me, and you even picked the only person in the room who would understand how important this is. Mishima-san lets out a shrill, mouse-like "eek!" as I lock my target on her. Then, before I can make another move, I fly. The room spins, and before I can brute force a counter, it turns upside down, and I'm lying on the floor on my back.

"Takenaka, look what you did," I hear Miyaike say. Takenaka leans over as Miyaike, barely containing his laugh, buttons on his phone.

"Send the vid to me later."

"Yeah, I got you."

Takahara-san doesn't find the situation as funny. "Ritsu-kun, that was dangerous! What if your brother had hit the table?"

"He's fine," he replies dismissively. Hey, stand up. Stop trying to embarrass me, asshole.

Oh. Wow. He's really mad.

I'm not trying to embarrass you, I say, placating, only to do a 180 because I'm an idiot sometimes. We can do a duet, I suggest hopefully.

Taking the noblest road, Ritsu ignores it and pretends I had kept my ideas to myself.

I didn't know why Ritsu was so against the idea. It isn't like he's tone-deaf. He didn't have a bad experience where his voice cracked (that would be me). Maybe it was because of all the sugar I had that I rang the secret doorbell for his room to ask him about it. Ritsu hadn't been pleased, but at least he didn't dunk me on the floor again.

"Look, I - okay, you got your answer. Please don't make me say it. Good night."

He didn't want to look at me as his thoughts flowed.

I chickened out. I didn't know how I was supposed to act when having fun with others.

Ritsu isn't lacking in confidence, and people can tell that. In the two years I was captain of the team, the members gravitated toward him. It wasn't just club members that noticed. Twice, the Student Council approached me for permission to get him to join them. I thought it was a brilliant idea, but Ritsu had only laughed at the matter.

So for him to suddenly fall timid was a confusing turn of events. Hadn't he been surrounded by people who admired him growing up? It was me who stuck to his friend group. I'm the outcast, the weirdo lurking on the side and not talking to anyone. That's me, not Ritsu.

That was when I recalled my conversation with Mishima-san on New Year's.

"Ritsu has always been popular. He's always helping his classmates study for tests. In that way, he's just like you, Mishima-san. But he's changed since we transferred … He hasn't made any new friends."

I was wrong. It wasn't because Ritsu was a new student. Logically, his popularity couldn't have come out of anywhere in a single day. His fan club has existed in the shadows since he transferred. People liked him from the start!

But Ritsu chose not to be more than a friendly, familiar face. Without friends, there was no hanging out. No eating after school. No singing in karaoke. No movies in the theatre. No checking out malls in big cities like Tokyo.

All Ritsu had was me. These everyday joys students are supposed to experience are luxuries I have specifically been deprived of.

I wish I could say Ritsu resented me for it. If he were holding a secret grudge against me, that would be a form of salvation. Being hated is easier than being inadequate.

My life changed during my formative years. Not once had Ritsu and I been able to leave the house and hang out with only the two of us. I wanted to be able to give him that taste of normalcy. He isn't like me. He isn't psychic. He's supposed to be ordinary.

"What's wrong?" asks Ritsu, catching me with my spoon idle for 14 seconds too long. "I already called Dad. He should have been here half an hour ago, though. I hope he didn't get lost."

"Ritsu, I'm sorry. You were actually looking forward to this, weren't you? But you knew this might happen. I knew it too." I stare at the waffles, my appetite gone. "But I forced you to do things my way."

Ritsu rubs his thumb across his other hand. My telepathy has returned to normal so I can hear his thoughts again. He knows that I know.

"Sometimes, I wish you didn't know what I was thinking. It can make stuff harder to explain." My heart drops, my insides turning frigid. I want to throw up. "Yeah. I don't disagree with anything you said. But I'm not complaining. I want you to keep doing what you want to do."

"I'm only troubling you. I'm even troubling Dad now." Ritsu didn't want to risk us taking the train home nor allow me to teleport us or myself. He made the executive decision to have Dad drive us home.

"What about it?" he challenges without a hint of remorse. "He's your dad. Trouble him as much as you like, and you don't trouble me. I'll support you no matter what. You're doing your best -"

"No, you don't have to do this," I tell him exasperatedly. Ritsu eyes me with unshakable steel.

This is my desire. You can't talk me out of it.

I draw my hands away from the table. I don't understand. I've been nothing but an inconvenience in his life. Maybe if I tell him - if I tell him how he got his own pink hair. His life had taken a dive because his psychic brother couldn't stand being different.

"Nii-san, there's nothing we could do about the rain."

I glance at the glass window behind him, which is relatively sunny.

"This morning, we made sure to check the weather forecast. There was a small chance it might rain, but since we would be spending the day in the mall, it wasn't a concern for us. If the rain had continued, we'd buy umbrellas in a convenience store. But when we arrived, not only did it rain, but it was a heavy downpour… We had to make a run for it. Our clothes were soaked, but at least we made it to this place and enjoyed our meals. It's unfortunate, but we can try again next week."

How often can you blame the rain? It causes all sorts of inconvenience to those affected by it. If you're not careful, you can get a cold.

We can always blame the rain. It's not something we can control, much like your powers. You're not at fault. Besides, it's not me who's affected by the unpredictable weather. The one constantly being beaten by the storm is you, Nii-san.

I exhale. At least this cheesy analogy has helped me understand Ritsu's reactions today. In the face of what was the telepathic equivalent of a panic attack, he stayed calm and focused on getting me through. When I was resigned to curling in the middle of the street, he forced me to keep on going. Ritsu insists on downplaying his support. He isn't trying to be humble. How he perceives things are different. When the situation gets out of hand, he knows the best way to tackle it is to keep it simple.

Ritsu, there's one problem with your comparison. The seriousness agitates Ritsu as he prepares for my argument.The rain is irrelevant. With these incredible powers of mine… I can make the rain go away at any time! Weather forecasts? Seriously, who needs those? Just make it go away. And you know, what do we hate about the storm anyway? So what if I get wet? I'll put on my swimming trunks then it would feel like meditating under a waterfall.

Ritsu doesn't reply.

I don't think my jokes landed well.