"THIS IS INCREDIBLY PAINFUL!" Cheinten's voice barks out. His arms are glowing bright blue, while Atticus sits on his back, drinking from a large amphora. That is also resting on his back.

Ow.

"Don't worry, it'll only hurt for a couple hours, then the numbness sets in. Still, you take to magic like a natural, maybe you won't explode!" Atticus' cheerful voice rings out into the room, the only other occupant being a wide eyed Theseus. He's not sure if the boy is surprised he can handle the weight, or surprised that he's really weak.

"WHAT THE FUCK DO YOU MEAN MAYBE!?" He pushes himself back up, his bones protesting even as his skin prickles and burns. Using magical energy feels like setting oil on fire directly on your skin. Maybe that's the oily feeling in the air around him, or at least the feeling that isn't what he's damn certain is wine aged over twelve years. Easily.

Sweat drops from his head, but the anger at Atticus' laughter pushes him to go higher, the ground sparking as he pushes himself back up again and again. "It means right now you're like a pound of greek fire. Fun right?"

Greek fire? "Isn't that the fire bomb that doesn't go out even under water?" back down once more. He's really not suited to push ups, especially with so much weight on his back. This… "Reinforcement" is helpful, but still hurts his arms and back something fierce.

Atticus' much too cheerful voice rings out with a solid "Yup!"

Theseus on the other hand, looks a bit more worried. "You aren't going to explode for real, right Χέιντεν? I mean you've only been here a few days now, I want to hear more of your stories of your home!"

Atticus laughs again, and he feels the shifting of weight indicating that he nearly toppled over again. His legs strain against the sudden weight. "Yeah yeah! Don't explode or you'll disappoint poor Theseus! Oh and remember, Reinforcement is only a basic spell my friend!"

His bones creak again, the sheer weight on his back being irritating, with the reinforcement seeming to do more to hurt him then less. "Basic my ass! If this shit's basic I can't believe anyone would use magic, my skin feels like it's melting!"

He only gets another bout of laughter for his efforts.

He manages to hit a hundred press ups with the amphora on his back before Atticus finally steps off, dropping to the ground after in exertion. The magical circle underneath him finally dies down, and he can feel the chicken blood slowly seep into the clothes provided for him.

He kind of hopes he didn't revolutionise the local fashion by letting Meta get a good look at them, but at the same time it was that or she snuck into his room. Waking up to her sniffing the shirt was probably one of the creepiest fucking things ever. At least, he thinks it was her, but he hasn't seen a lot of women around the 'palace'.

And he's going to call it a palace regardless of what Aegeus says. Still, back to the chicken blood.

Picking himself off the ground, he hears Theseus walk over before a hand is thrusted in front of his face. Taking it gratefully, he stands on shaky legs, still feeling a very heavy tingling sensation as he follows the boy out of the room.

"We'll have to get you a new toga again. Atticus is being surprisingly brutal. X-I mean, Cheinten. Are you sure this is what you want? This kind of training can't be good for you. At least in the short term anyway."

He'd bring a hand up to rub his face if it weren't currently covered with chicken blood, letting out a sigh. "It's not about what I want Theseus, it's about what I have to do to survive. If I can't get this whole mana thing under control, I'll die. And I'll probably take a good chunk of my surroundings with me too, if Atticus' words about just how much mana was actually in me is any indication."

Theseus nods uncertainly, walking with his head down slightly. "Yeah I guess, but the way your legs are shaking doesn't look healthy at all. You look like you're going to keel over just cause they can't hold you up."

Cheinten doesn't respond verbally, simply nodding his head.

Soon, they're in the bathing area. He still feels bad washing off the chicken blood in a communal bath. "You know I could just scrub this with a bucket and some water right?"

Theseus scoffs, rolling his eyes. "Yeah yeah, you say this every time, and every time I tell you that it's fine. You're enough of a prude as it is I'm sure you'd just shrivel up and hide. Now shut up, put on those weird short things you have, and get in the bath so we can get the blood off you. It's all over your chest."

Rolling his eyes, Cheinten still complies, thankful they at least had stone dividers between each changing stall. As he walks back he's careful to keep his eyes on neck height. That might not be as easy in the bath itself, but at least out here he can ignore anything in his peripheral vision.

The smirk Theseus wears just makes him think the reedy kid's a smug little shit. "You're lucky I don't smack you upside the head for that grin. And from before, it's not that I'm a prude, it's that you guys are way too casual about feeling someone else up."

Theseus simply laughs again, an annoying honk. Then again, he laughs like a seal, so he has no right to talk.

Sitting down in the bath, he's disgusted with just how much red floats off him. Considering how stained the toga was, he's not particularly surprised, but more curious. "How the hell do they get so much chicken blood into a magic circle? There's no way you'd be able to do this normally, let alone with one chicken."

Theseus snorts, upturning a bucket over his head. Thankfully his hair isn't ridiculously long or it'd probably be in his eyes. "Well duh. That's why it's called magic you dumbass. Seriously though, the more you do it, the less likely it is you'll explode right?"

He nods, scratching off some particularly stubborn flakes of blood. "That's the plan at least. After that though, I dunno. Maybe I'll tour the country or something, find something interesting to do."

Theseus perks up, ignoring how the water around his chest runs into a strawberry colour. The main reason he has less of a problem is that for some reason the bath doesn't seem to let blood soak in anywhere but the surface.

"Maybe you could be a great hero! Like Alcides!"

There's that name again. "And what's Alcides well known for?"

Theseus smiles in excitement, happy to finally be telling him a story. "Well, cousin Alcides for starters killed his teacher with a lyre. So he's super strong! He's also one of the first men to ever come back from a temple that's only been spoken of in hushed whispers, about three beautiful snake goddesses! And so far he's proven he's the strongest man in Greece, able to push a ship into the surf from the middle of the city of Lerna!"

Cheinten frowns, idly noticing a woman he hasn't seen before walk by but pushing her out of his mind. "That doesn't sound much like a hero to me Theseus. Sure he's strong, but if one of the things he's known for is killing his teacher, he doesn't sound like a good man."

He focuses on the water, ignoring the splash of someone else entering. The murky red liquid at the top shows his face to him, showing anger at the greek idea of a "hero". "Men that are known for killing people, for abandoning those that care about them, or starting a war simply for their own lusts. Those aren't heroes. They're just bastards."

The quiet is a surprise, usually Theseus would've jumped to a hero's defense by now. Looking up at him, the boy is staring at something with a vacant expression, practically drooling. Snapping a finger in front of his face, it doesn't seem to have any effect.

"What the fuck?" Following his gaze, he sees a blonde woman on the other side of the bath, smirking directly at him. His frown shifts from annoyance to confusion, but seeing that Theseus is spellbound, she's likely used some kind of magic.

"So… Who the hell are you then?"

Her grin stretches, looking just a touch too long. O-kay, so definitely something screwy. "Who am I, you ask? We are a God, not so fatboy. If you guess which, perhaps We shall be generous."

Snorting, he rolls his eyes, a smile forming. "Be generous huh? Alright. Can I get a hint at least? I'd like to know what specific pantheon you're from."

The "god" in front of him fans her face, letting out her own snort of laughter. "Well, aren't you a cheeky one. I am part of the Greek pantheon, separate from the Atlantic pantheon. I was born of a titan, or perhaps born of one of Zeus' times with his wife. We take men's hearts, and leave them wanting, and our cruelty is as common as our kindness. Who am I?"

Levelling a flat look, he rubs his face. "Do you realise just how little that narrows it down? Ugh. You steal men's hearts, leave them wanting with your body. You're known for cruelty as well as kindness. You were also potentially born of a titan. Hmm… So you mentioned an Atlantic pantheon, I'm going to guess Atlantis didn't worship the titans if it ever existed. So the original twelve are the Atlantic ones then?"

The woman chuckles, but says nothing, resting against the stone. She's purposely trying to get him to react, but she's also not doing anything to his brain or being offended that he isn't focusing on her. "Can't be Aphrodite. She'd get pissy if someone wasn't looking at her while she was trying to be attractive."

Rubbing his chin, he closes his eyes, doing his best to remember Greek Myth. "Artemis either hates men, or doesn't like being around them. Either out of naivety, or a general dislike. Athena and Hestia wouldn't bother with trying to look attractive. You're not Hera cause i've disrespected you twice, and also she wasn't born from Zeus. I'm going to assume you're not Demeter, because she's a harvest goddess that isn't known for fucking people over, even if she got thrown back up by zeus. Persephone would probably be in Erebus, since it's spring."

More laughter rings out, a nicer chiming laugh compared to his and Theseus', though it feels fake. Hmm. "Melinoe was said to be proud but naive, and you aren't naive. Or trying to give me severe day terrors. Circe would've already turned me and Theseus into pigs."

He's interrupted by a bark of laughter, the woman sounding like a mix of a hyena and a seal. There's the real laugh.

He's got a smile on his face, now that the chiming laughter isn't fake, but a proper belly laugh instead. It's a lot nicer than the fake chimes.

"You came here and were purposefully vague, acting as if you were Aphrodite by charming Theseus, then asked me a riddle designed to confuse a normal man. I don't know enough about a lot of the other gods, but my guess is Eris, goddess of chaos."

The laughter dies down a bit, the woman rubbing her eye. Her tears touching the water change the surface of it, part of it turning gold. Oh… She was serious about the god thing.

"Wait shit, you're actually Eris, aren't you?"

The satisfied grin on her face says it all. Balls.

"Why yes, We are, mortal. I am Eris, Goddess of chaos, and holder of the apple of discord. You are a particularly interesting little enigma. I was speaking to the fates, they've said something new has come up. What could that mean I wonder? Perhaps the little fish could change things he doesn't enjoy, yes?"

A spike of nervousness shoots up his spine, but it doesn't reach his face. He knows she can see it anyway, but he'll still make the attempt. "If I'm actually in the time of ancient Greece, then yes. I would like to change things. But it seems things are different even without my arrival. The island that the three goddesses are on is still standing, there's been no mention of Perseus, despite him being Herakles' great grandfather and half brother, and Jason hasn't fucked around with the argonauts yet."

She leans forward, which does interesting things to her chest area, and also causes him to practically ogle her just to look her in the eyes. "You're still half unconvinced that you were put back through time. That's understandable. But you, little mortal, are a veritable fountain of chaotic energy. So perhaps I shall grant you a boon."

His eyes narrow in distrust. "A boon? From a goddess of chaos. Forgive me if I'm not tripping over myself to beg for your favour."

The pout he receives confuses him, isn't she meant to be one of the greek 'frat house' gods? "Well that's no fun. Here I am offering you some help, and you won't even trust me? I get that I have a bad reputation, but it can't be that bad can it?"

…

"My first exposure to anything to do with a greek god named Eris, was on a show called the grim adventures of Billy and Mandy. On the show, Eris showed up to mess with the trio. She had a gap in her teeth, laughed like a weird chipmunk, and ended up getting ridden by Billy like a rodeo dog. So, just a little bit."

The woman across from him looks gobsmacked, blinking rapidly a few times. "I… I'm sorry? I'm seeing the images in your head and they're just… not seeming to make sense for me. Was this actually the very first thing you ever saw of me, or a form of me? This… This CLOWN!?"

Nodding his head, he's almost unsurprised when the water around her begins to boil. Thankfully the heat doesn't spread. And hopefully he didn't just prevent the show from existing.

Then again, he wouldn't survive to see it, so would it really be a huge thing?

Yes. Because with the way Greeks operate, she might just find a way to kill the creator's family. Standing up, he walks over to her, quickly activating reinforcement when his skin begins to scald. "Okay, okay. Calm down blondy. The entire show was a well written piss take, they were just taking what was known about you and adapting it so that, like everyone else on the show, you were missing half a brain."

She surges out of the water, her arms shaking in repressed anger. "I am a GOD! This, this… MOCKERY is unheard of! Even you disrespecting me isn't anywhere NEAR as irritating as the way my image was mocked!"

"And they made Cupid a tiny cherub that was cutesy as hell, they made Hermes in almost every single one of his media appearances a stoner, and they made Zeus a GOOD FATHER, and Hades the villain!"

She recoils as if slapped, sinking back down into the water. "Oh… Oh my."

Sitting by the stunned goddess, he rubs his face again. "Look, I can't claim to understand the reasons that the other gods were portrayed like that, but that version of Eris was made to be a lying jerk in a setting full of idiots. They also had you hanging off Adonis' arm, so I'm pretty certain it was just a pisstake."

He hears an explosive sigh, then feels weight on his shoulder. "Yes. That's true I suppose. We still don't appreciate it."

"Course not. Doesn't mean it was done out of malice though. It was just to make you fit in with the cast of braindead dipshits, and Mandy."

The weight on his shoulder increases, not to an uncomfortable level but still noticeable. Looking over, he notices the goddess using his shoulder like a pillow. That's a first. "I can't tell if you're going to curse me, bless me, or chain me down so I can't escape, and that scares me."

"Good."

Even with Theseus back to normal and not drooling, Cheinten finds himself with a problem.

Specifically, a very clingy problem.

"Most mortals don't actually accept a boon from me, oooh this is exciting! We haven't had one of you connected to us in such a long time!" Eris giggles like a particularly happy schoolgirl, hanging off his arm like a limpet.

Theseus is quiet, likely terrified that anything he says could set her off.

Unfortunately for him, Cheinten doesn't particularly care. "I wonder why you don't have any, considering all the shit you end up stirring with the other goddesses. Maybe if you weren't always causing shit, people wouldn't be afraid to be associated with you."

His voice is heavily sarcastic, but the goddess simply ignores it, humming happily. Rubbing his face, Cheinten puts it out of his mind, ignoring the stares of the palace staff as they walk through.

It's been five days, and he's already gone through twenty toga. The launderers probably hate him. Seeing a few of the shifty looks only validates his concerns.

He's content to follow Theseus, who from the look of things is walking towards the throne room. Aegeus should be there, as it's around the time he handles complaints and authorizations. Even in prehistory red tape is everywhere.

As they walk in, a hush falls over. Looking around, he sees a VERY large man. His hair is wild, his skin a strange mix of bronze and pale. And judging by how giddy Theseus suddenly is, it's probably one of the heroes he looks up to.

Joy. Knowing his luck it's probably Alcides. "Eris. I am going to ask you something. I would appreciate it if you would listen. Please do not speak of what I said earlier."

The hum that sounds from her is not reassuring. "I don't know, you were very passionate about it. We believe it should be shared, yes?"

Rubbing his face, he sighs. "Eris, I would prefer not to be a bloody smear on the ground. Also, do you want to lose the only receiver of a boon you've had in how long?"

Looking over, the smug grin on her face makes him even more nervous. "Oh, but to start a myth about how one of my chosen heroes fought the great Alcides? Why, would that not be marvelous?"

By now, people are beginning to whisper. He's aware of the looks, but is reasonably sure they can't be overheard. Theseus has already abandoned him, running over to talk the ear off Alcides.

"Eris, unless you want that legend to be a curbstomp, I would appreciate it if you didn't. I'll allow you to name your price later."

Her smile doesn't diminish, but she nods her head. "Very well, I won't tell him what you said. Our terms are simply that you face him in a fight."

"W-Are you crazy!?" His voice is harsh, a valiant attempt to keep himself quiet. This woman…

"Well, unless you'd prefer for me to go into detail about what you said…?" She pretends to look at her nails, but the smile tells a different story. Ugh…

"I'm not even that good in a fight. What the hell do you expect me to do, break my bones at him? I don't even have any divinity to make up for how weak I am."

"And if Jason can make a man of himself, you can too."

A red haze overtakes his eyes for a moment, before he breathes. "Please, never compare me to that man. Ever again."

She laughs again, but nods her head. "Fine fine, I won't go near a touchy subject like that again. You'll still need to fight him though. Oh Alcides!" She practically drags him over, her arm staying hooked around his, even as he tries to escape in vain.

Sighing, he realises he's probably not getting out of this without a broken jaw at the least.

He's not going to think "How bad could it be" again. He already learnt that lesson with Atticus' training.

His time here has been awfully convenient. First he lands in Athens after being caught by king Aegeus, then he's allowed to stick around, then Eris shows up. And now the human version of Herakles is here. The hell is going on?

[End.]

So I forgot to put an authors note at the end of the first chapter. Basically, i'm going to be taking a lot of liberties with the greek mythological timeline. Mostly cause like, from what we see a good chunk of it's out of order anyway.

In this story, Medea isn't the witch of betrayal yet, Jason has only just gotten to the middle point of learning from Chiron, the gorgons are still alive, and Perseus isn't Herakles great grandfather and half brother. Those are just some of the changes. I'll eventually set up a proper timeline, but it's going to be whack. Just a heads up.

Also, the war of Athens and Minos hasn't happened yet, but will be happening soon.