We know that having hard conversations is what makes relationships stronger. This chapter includes hard conversations. Hoping it makes their relationship stronger.

Chapter 17

Sunday was the only day of the week that the Grant household got to sleep in since they weren't due anywhere until church later in the morning. Normally Allie took advantage of this but not today! She was up early eager to hear how her dad's date with Miss Crawford had gone. Nathan woke to the banging of pots down in the kitchen. His first thought was to be irritated with Allie but within moments he realized she was doing it on purpose to wake him up. She was going to have questions about his date with Sarah. He had made the mistake of telling her he would share details after the date. He was regretting that a bit. He knew Allie could be discreet but part of him wanted to keep last night private just between him and Sarah.

Nathan made his way down the stairs "Why are you being so noisy this morning?"

Allie used her most innocent voice "Oh, I'm sorry, did I wake you?"

Nathan laughed. "I know what you're up to."

Allie conceded. "You said you would tell me about your date and I couldn't wait any longer!"

Nathan proceeded to tell Allie that the evening was very nice and they had a good time and enjoyed each other's company. Allie was not satisfied. She kept peppering Nathan with questions. "What did she wear? What did you talk about? Did you kiss her?"

Nathan finally answered some of Allie's questions but drew the line at answering the question about a kiss. Allie read between the lines on that one. "So you did kiss her!" Allie could hardly contain her excitement. Nathan finally conceded that it was just a small kiss on the cheek. "Well that's more than what I expected from you dad. It sounds like you had a great time." Nathan agreed that yes, they did have a very nice time and that Sarah seemed to appreciate the effort he put into it. Allie wrapped Nathan in a hug and said she was glad and he deserved to go out with someone who appreciated him.

After eating breakfast and cleaning up the two got dressed and made their way to church. Allie had gone ahead of Nathan so she could walk with Emily and Opal.

By the time Nathan had made it into church Allie had already found a pew for them and Sarah was sitting at the opposite end of it. Allie sat with a very satisfied look on her face.

Pastor Joseph's sermon that day was on forgiveness. He spoke about how it is more for the forgiver than the forgiven. "It doesn't mean you forget the wrong nor do you have to excuse it or make up with the person who did you harm" he emphasized. "What it will do is bring you a sense of peace that will enable you to move on with your life." Nathan thought about the plaque he'd engraved that was hanging over their book shelf 'Nobody Can Bring You Peace But Yourself.'

Nathan absorbed the message that had just been shared. He felt as though Joseph was speaking directly to him. It became clear to him that he needed to forgive Elizabeth. While his mind accepted the idea, his heart wasn't quite ready. Nathan looked over to Sarah who was sitting at the end of the pew. He felt like he was ready to move forward and he thought Sarah might be the person he wanted to do that with but first he had to figure out how to forgive someone who'd hurt not just him but Allie too.

Nathan looked around the church and saw Elizabeth sitting with Little Jack, Rosemary, and Lee toward the back. He wondered where Lucas was this morning. Elizabeth looked up as though she could feel Nathan's stare. The look she shared with Nathan was one of sadness.

It was hard for Nathan to try and understand what Elizabeth was saying with that look. Maybe it would be easier to forgive Elizabeth had she apologized for the pain she'd caused but that hadn't happened. Nathan thought he might need to seek the counsel of Pastor Joseph to help him work through the forgiveness process.

Following service there were many who took time to catch up with their neighbors out in the church yard. Nathan and Allie had walked out with Sarah and were visiting with Rosemary and Lee. Rosemary hadn't seen Elizabeth come up from behind her when she said "It was so nice to see the two of you last night at Abigail's. Did you enjoy your dinner? I'm sorry I wasn't quite myself. I've just been really tired lately." Elizabeth couldn't believe what she'd heard that Nathan and Sarah had been at dinner together the previous evening. As she walked by the group she said hello to Sarah and included "Hello Constable." Nathan reciprocated "Good morning Mrs. Thornton."

Sarah, again, thought the exchange was stiff and unusual considering how friendly she was finding everyone in Hope Valley. She couldn't quite put her finger on it but she found it disconcerting.

Once Rosemary and Lee had gone and Allie was off with her friends Sarah decided she needed to say something. "Nathan, I'm sure this is none of my business but why are you and Elizabeth always so formal with each other? I would think since she's Allie's teacher that you would know each other much better." Nathan breathed a heavy sigh. Not answering her question he simply said "Sarah, would you go for a walk with me this afternoon?"

Again Sarah's intuition told her something was off but she accepted Nathan's invitation hoping she could get Nathan to open up to her.

Nathan made his way home with so many thoughts churning around in his head. He knew he needed to explain things to Sarah. He liked Sarah and wanted to explore a relationship with her but he knew he couldn't do that if he wasn't honest with her. If there was one thing Nathan had learned over the last few years it was that you had to be honest with the people you care about no matter how difficult it may be.

After Allie and Nathan had eaten lunch Allie asked to go to Emily's house to work on a school project. Nathan made his way to Sarah's trying to work through what he was going to say. Sarah greeted him warmly and after helping her on with her coat they made their way to the pond. The weather was chilly but the sun was out and gave a balance of warmth to counteract the cold air.

They walked in silence for a while as Nathan figured out the best way to begin the conversation. "Sarah, do you remember what Pastor Joseph preached about this morning?"

Sarah nodded, "yes he talked about forgiveness being for the forgiver."

Nathan stopped and turned to Sarah. "There's someone I need to forgive and I haven't been able to do it yet and I'm not sure how."

Sarah instinctively knew Nathan was talking about Elizabeth. "Nathan, what did Elizabeth do that you need to forgive her for?"

Nathan sighed heavily. "Let's sit down." He directed Sarah to a bench at the edge of the pond. "Sarah, I want to start by telling you that I like you, very much, and while I would like to see where this might lead but I need to be honest with you about something."

Sarah appreciated how hard this was for Nathan but she also felt a sense of apprehension waiting for him to continue. "Nathan, I like you too but we can't see where this will lead if we're not honest with each other."

Wringing his hands Nathan finally began telling Sarah about when he and Allie moved to Hope Valley. He shared the troubles Allie had settling into school and how Elizabeth had been so caring with her. He told Sarah how, over time, he found his feelings for Elizabeth had grown to what he thought was more than friendship. He told that Elizabeth had taken care of Allie when he'd gone out of town furthering the bond they already had as teacher and student. Nathan shared that Lucas Bouchard also had feelings for Elizabeth but neither he nor Lucas knew where Elizabeth stood. Nathan shared some of the events that led him to believe that Elizabeth had feelings for him. Nathan told Sarah about the botched prisoner transfer and the hug Elizabeth had given him when she realized he hadn't been shot. Nathan then told Sarah about the day he'd told Elizabeth that he was in love with her and how Elizabeth had responded that "she can't." Nathan also told Sarah about the times in the last six months since he'd made that admission of love that kept up his hope that Elizabeth might change her mind. Finally he told Sarah how Elizabeth told him she loved him but wasn't in love with him.

"Sarah, I realized this morning while I was listening to Joseph's sermon that I need to forgive Elizabeth for what she has put me and Allie through.

Sarah felt so many emotions once Nathan finished what he needed to say. Her strongest feeling, to her surprise, was anger at Elizabeth. Yes, she understood that she'd lost her husband, but that didn't excuse her treatment of Nathan and Allie. The other overwhelming emotion she felt was that she was heartbroken for Nathan and Allie. This kind, selfless, honorable man had put everything on the line with Elizabeth only to have her reject him not once but twice while also stringing him along and giving him glimpses of hope. The anger toward Elizabeth came back again. "Nathan, I don't know what to say. I'm so angry at Elizabeth and I don't even know her. How could she play with your and Allie's emotions like that?"

Nathan took Sarah's hand really wanting to pull her into his arms. "Sometimes I think I must have misread her behavior in order to justify the feelings I had and my choice to not give up."

"Nathan, I'm only hearing your side of things but I don't think you misread anything. I wish you didn't have to experience that. It's hard to be with someone who leads you to think one thing and then changes."

Nathan thought Sarah might be talking from experience. "Do you want to tell me about it?"

Sarah hadn't talked about what happened with Tom to anyone. Not even her father. Taking a deep breath she began. "I was engaged to a man several years ago when I still lived in Buxton. He was a successful solicitor who swept me off my feet. All my friends told me how lucky I was to have "landed" a man like Tom." Sarah stopped and took a another breath before continuing. "The closer we got to our wedding date the more controlling he became. He wanted me to quit my job at my father's bookstore and focus on being the perfect solicitor's wife. I woke up every day sick to my stomach thinking about being married to someone so controlling. I knew I couldn't do it so I broke things off. My friends all shunned me because they thought I was making a huge mistake. Tom told me I would never find someone to marry because I was fickle. My father was so upset. I'm sure it contributed to the heart attack that killed him." By the time Sarah finished she was choking back tears. She'd never confided any of this to anyone and here she was baring her soul to Nathan hoping he wouldn't think less of her.

Now Nathan did pull Sarah into his arms. He hated how upset she was and he couldn't believe that she had no one to talk to. At least he had Allie.

"Sarah, you are one of the bravest women I've ever met. I can't believe you've had to keep this all to yourself for so long. I'm sorry and I'm glad you told me. I'm also glad that you broke off your engagement. If you hadn't you never would have found your way to Hope Valley."

Sarah pulled back and put her hand on Nathan's cheek. "Thank you Nathan, you have helped me more than you can know." The two of them sat on the bench for quite a while absorbing everything that had been shared.

Sarah finally broke the silence. "How can I help you Nathan?"

Nathan thought about that question. "I don't know. I think I need to talk to Joseph and see if he can help me. Just knowing you care is enough."

"I do care Nathan and I admire you for recognizing that you might need someone to help you through this. I know you want people to think of you as the brave, tough Mountie but I think the bravest thing a person can do is to ask for help."

Nathan stood up and reached his hand out to Sarah. "Come on, let's continue our walk." The pair continued around the pond hand in hand.