Chapter 19

Nathan's week filled up quickly. By Thursday he'd realized he was behind on several things he wanted to accomplish including meeting with Rosemary. Rounds continued to take longer as he kept adding more areas to his route to include the new factory and the housing that came along with it. Nathan had not been happy when the factory started going up on the edge of town. He'd seen in previous towns where he'd been stationed that more industry and more people could be a good thing but they could also be a bad thing. Nathan was determined to make it a good thing for Hope Valley. Doing rounds gave Nathan lots of time to think and this week he'd had a lot on his mind. His conversation with Sarah on Sunday kept coming back to him. It was not lost on him that the only woman he'd ever been able to have a conversation of that depth with was his sister Colleen. He so wished she was still alive and he could talk with her. He did speak to her in his prayers and knew that she was watching over him and Allie

The other thing weighing heavily on Nathan was Joseph's sermon from Sunday. Forgiveness. What does that look like? Nathan had always thought that he was not one to hold a grudge. As a Mountie he was trained to do his job and not get personally involved. He never thought about having to forgive the criminals he tracked and arrested. The only time he'd felt the need to forgive a criminal was Jenny O'Rourke who'd pulled a rifle on him trying to free her brother during the prisoner transfer. Nathan knew that Jenny hadn't chosen to put herself in that position, her family had done that. They'd convinced her that the Mounties would never suspect a woman trying to break free a criminal.

Nathan thought of others in his life he needed to forgive. His father came to mind. He and Archie had been estranged for so long because of his gambling and the prison sentences that stemmed from it. When Archie came to town a couple of years ago to meet Allie and reconnect with him, Nathan wanted nothing to do with him. It had actually been Elizabeth who'd helped him see that a reconciliation of some sort might be possible. Since then, Nathan and Archie had been communicating regularly as had Archie and Allie. The question Nathan had to answer was had he forgiven him?

And finally there was Elizabeth. As much has he had loved her he found that she was the hardest to forgive. Maybe because it was still recent. Maybe it was because he had loved her. Did he still love her? It was hard to stop loving someone after having feelings for so long but he was finding that with each day passing he felt less of those feelings for her. He would always care about her and Little Jack but that stemmed as much from his sense of responsibility to Jack as it did from love. He admitted one of the feelings he had for her was anger. Anger at how she'd strung him along. Anger at how she'd worked her way into his and Allie's lives only to reject them. Anger at how she'd hurt Allie. Nathan was never one to hang on to anger. He knew that it didn't benefit anyone and only makes a person bitter. He didn't want to be a bitter person. It would only hurt Allie and she'd been hurt enough.

Nathan did know that he couldn't move forward with Sarah until he resolved his anger toward Elizabeth.

Nathan made his way back to his office to finish his reports. He had arranged to meet with Joseph and he was due in half an hour so Nathan continued working until he heard the door. Joseph announced himself and Nathan welcomed him into the office. Offering him a cup of coffee the two sat opposite each other, neither sure who should start the conversation.

Joseph finally began. "Nathan what can I help you with today?"

Nathan wasn't sure where or how to start. "Joseph, your sermon on Sunday felt like it was directed right at me. I've been thinking about it all week."

"Ah, forgiveness, it sounds simple but it can be one of the most difficult things that we, as God's children, are called to do. Forgiveness isn't something you do once and it makes everything okay. You may need to forgive the same thing every day. When the heart hurts it doesn't heal overnight. Remember what I said on Sunday? It doesn't mean you forget the wrong or excuse it. But hopefully making the choice to forgive someone brings you peace.

Nathan considered this. "Do you have to tell the other person you forgive them or is it enough to know in your heart you forgive them?"

Joseph smiled. "Well Nathan I think that's up to you. Forgiveness is certainly for the forgiver but it is also for the forgiven and if that's true it's important for them to know they've been forgiven.

Nathan thought about what it would be like to face Elizabeth and tell her he forgives her. His mind drifted to Florence and Ned's wedding when Elizabeth pulled him aside and told him she didn't blame him for Jack's death. If she could do that he realized he needed to forgive her face to face. He knew it was a continuation of his healing process and could only serve to help him move forward with his life.

"Joseph, the person I need to forgive hurt both me and Allie. How do I help Allie to forgive and move forward?"

Joseph thought he knew who Nathan was talking about so he chose his words carefully. "Nathan, our children learn from us. The behavior you model for Allie will teach her how to treat people, she will learn from you. You are her rock, she looks up to you, I've seen it. Talk to her; explain what you are trying to do. She'll understand, she's wise beyond her years."

Nathan stood and thanked Joseph for his time. As Joseph left he turned to Nathan. "I'm available any time you want to talk. Remember to be patient with yourself. Forgiveness is a process."

"Thank you Joseph." Nathan was still contemplating how to proceed when the phone rang. On the phone was Gabe Kinslow. "What's up Gabe, do you need my help again?"

Gabe was used to the ribbing Nathan gave him. It was a mark of their friendship. "It's not me. It's the folks in Benson Hills. They need both of us to help them with a series of thefts they've had in the area. Apparently they need to call in the experts and that means you and me."

Nathan let out a heavy sigh. As much as he liked being able to use his tracking expertise, he hated being away from Allie and these types of cases never had an end date. "How soon do they need us?"

"As soon as we can get there. I thought I'd head to Hope Valley in the morning and meet up with you there. We can leave for Benson Hills tomorrow afternoon."

Okay, I need to find a place for Allie to stay.

"What about your schoolteacher?"

Nathan was curt in his reply. "That's not an option. I'll take care of it."

Gabe could tell he'd hit a nerve. It didn't take much to recognize when Nathan was irritated.

"Sorry, I guess that's a story you can share on the ride."

Nathan ignored his friend's comment. "I'll see you tomorrow."

Nathan hung up and grabbed his hat heading out of the office. He made his way to Dottie's. He hadn't seen Sarah all week and had hoped to spend some time with her over the weekend but it looked like that wasn't going to happen.

Nathan removed his hat and entered the store. Clara was behind the counter working on a display case. "Hi Clara, is Sarah here?"

Sarah heard Nathan's voice from the back of the store and after quickly checking herself in the mirror made her way to the front of the store.

"Good afternoon Nathan, what brings you in today?" Sarah was trying to sound casual but one look at Nathan's face sent her heart racing. She hadn't seen him since Sunday and realized she'd missed him.

Nathan stood twirling his hat in his hand glancing at Clara who discreetly excused herself to find something in the back that she needed for the display case. Once she was gone Nathan turned his attention to Sarah. "I was hoping we could spend some time together this weekend but I have to head to Benson Hills on a tracking mission."

Not wanting to sound too disappointed Sarah asked Nathan what a tracking mission was.

"They've had a string of robberies and they need some help tracking the thieves. The Mountie from Brookfield is coming in the morning and we'll head out tomorrow afternoon."

Sarah didn't have enough understanding to know if she should worry or not. "Is it dangerous?"

Nathan's heart sank as he heard the same words Elizabeth had so often used. He hated worrying anyone and he was also concerned that Sarah may decide, as Elizabeth had, that the life of a Mountie is too dangerous. That realization could end their relationship before it even gets started. "We're very well trained and there are several of us working on the case. There's always some level of danger but I have reasons to make it home so I'm always very careful."

Sarah noticed that he said reasons, not reason meaning just Allie. She hoped he was including her as a reason to come home safe and sound. "Where does Allie stay when you're gone?

"She usually stays with Opal's family. They've got an extra bed in Opal's room that Allie uses when she's there."

"That must ease your mind when you're gone." Sarah couldn't imagine how hard it must be for Nathan to leave Allie at the drop of a hat not knowing when he'd be home. "It must be hard to leave Allie when you don't know when you'll be back."

Nathan appreciated that Sarah could recognize Nathan's struggle when called out of town. "It is but Opal's family has welcomed her into their home so often that she feels a part of them. It's a blessing to have her with them."

Sarah reached for Nathan's hand. "Please take care of yourself and let Allie know if she needs anything she can come see me."

"Thank you Sarah. I'll let you know when I return." With that Nathan replaced his hat and with a tip toward Sarah he left to pick up Allie from school.

Once he'd gathered Allie at school he headed to the Weiss's home to see if Allie could stay with them. Allie was disappointed her dad would be gone over the weekend but she put on a brave face. "I'll miss you dad but I've got the cafe on Saturday morning and I'm sure Opal and I can find lots to keep us busy. Before I know it you'll be home."

Friday morning Nathan made his way to the office to finish up some work. Hearing the door Nathan looked up to see Gabe. "Hey Nate, you ready to go?"

Nathan grabbed his bag and he and Gabe started out for Benson Hills. They hadn't been on the road for long before Gabe started asking Nathan about "his schoolteacher."

"There's nothing to tell." Nathan really wasn't in the mood to bare his soul even to his good friend.

Gabe wouldn't let it go. "Come on Nate, you know you're going to tell me eventually."

Nathan knew his friend wouldn't stop until he broke through his defenses. "Elizabeth decided that Lucas Bouchard was the man she wanted to be with. She said she loves me but apparently not in the same way she loves Lucas."

"Lucas Bouchard? Isn't he the saloon owner? I'm sorry, Nathan, I know you really cared about her."

"Yes, Lucas owns the saloon and lives a much grander lifestyle than what I have. Really it's okay. I'm just working through a few things to try and close out that chapter of my life. I even had a date last week." Gabe about fell off his saddle.

"Who is she?" Gabe couldn't remember the last time Nathan had said he'd gone on a date.

"Her name is Sarah and she runs the dress shop. She moved here from Union City while back."

"Another big city girl? Didn't you learn your lesson with Elizabeth? Gabe was incredulous.

"Sarah's not like that. She's very down to earth and I can talk to her in a way I've never been able to talk to a woman."

Gabe laughed knowing the truth in that statement. Ready to change the subject Nathan flipped the conversation. How's Lillian?"

Gabe blushed which told Nathan things were going well for the two of them. "Actually, I've wanted to tell you we're getting married in February. I'm hoping you'll agree to be my best man."

Nathan smiled at his good friend. "I'm happy for you Gabe, and for Lillian. I'd be honored to be your best man." Nathan was happy for Gabe. They'd been friends a long time and he'd watched his relationship with Lillian develop over the last year or so.

They rode in silence. Nathan's thoughts were full of his conversation with Joseph. It was time for to take the next step to moving forward in his life.