Chapter 24

Nathan made Allie get up early on Sunday so they could get to church before the rest of the congregation. Nathan wanted to have a few minutes to talk with Joseph before service. On the way to church he told Allie about riding horses with Sarah. She reminded Nathan that she had to work on a group project for school at Emily's house. "I guess you and Miss Crawford will just have to go on your own. It's okay if she uses Bridget." Nathan was pleased that Allie was willing to let Sarah ride her horse. She loved that horse and didn't let just anybody ride her.

Allie found a pew and waited while Nathan went looking for Pastor Joseph. He found him in the small office at the back of the building. Joseph smiled when he saw Nathan walk into the office.

"Nathan, you're here early. Welcome back to town. I understand you were gone for a while."

"Thanks Joseph, yes, we were working a case in Benson Hills. It's always good to get home. I was wondering if you have just a few minutes before service." Nathan took a seat across from Joseph.

"Of course, what can I do for you?"

"I've been thinking a lot about the conversation we had before I left. I think I'm ready to tell Elizabeth I forgive her." Nathan realized he'd not told Joseph who it was he needed to forgive but assumed Joseph had figured it out. "I'm not sure how to go about it."

Joseph smiled "Nathan, there's no particular way to go about it. Just be sincere and as I said before remember that forgiveness is a process and as much for you as for her. I imagine you're ready to move on with your life and that has prompted this?" Joseph gave Nathan a knowing look.

Nathan looked at Joseph and wondered how he knew such things. "How did you know?"

Joseph laughed "You're not the only one in this town with good instincts. I've seen you and Sarah Crawford together and you seem to be getting along quite well."

Nathan felt his cheeks flush. "She's very special and I feel blessed that she wants to spend time with me considering the dangers of my job."

"Nathan, don't sell yourself short. You are an exceptional man and an outstanding father. You are not defined by the uniform you wear any more than I am defined by my time in the pulpit on Sunday mornings. I think as men it's very easy to consider what we do as being synonymous with who we are. That's just not true. We need to remember that."

Nathan considered his words. "Thank you Joseph. I try to keep that perspective but after some things that Elizabeth said to me I started to doubt that."

Joseph nodded. "I can understand how that could affect you but I assure you, while it's true the people of Hope Valley recognize you as their beloved Mountie, they also see you as their neighbor and friend. Never forget that Nathan. I will be praying for you."

Nathan thanked Joseph and made his way to the pew Allie was sitting in. As he was ready to sit down he saw Sarah come into the church. The sunlight coming in through the window crossed her face as she walked toward him giving her an ethereal look. The smile she gave him as their eyes met made the air rush out of his lungs. If he had any doubts about what direction he wanted to go in his life they were quickly leaving. He waited for Sarah to reach him and extended his hand for her to join them in their pew. Allie usually sat next to her dad during service but today made it a point of sliding down the pew so Sarah could sit between her and her dad. The new seating arrangement did not go unnoticed by many others in church nor did the extended looks that took place between Nathan and Sarah.

Nathan wanted so badly to kiss Sarah but settled for holding her hand. He had no idea if it was appropriate to do so in church but he found he didn't care. He looked over at Allie and Sarah sitting next to him. Sarah had extended her arm around Allie's shoulders and she'd settled in next to Sarah. Nathan wasn't sure he'd ever felt so optimistic about his future. It made him even more determined to bring closure with Elizabeth.

Following services Allie took off with her friends. Nathan told Sarah that it would just be the two of them on rounds in the afternoon since Allie had a school project to finish with Emily. "Allie said you are welcome to ride her horse Bridget. Nathan let Sarah know he would be by to pick her up at two o'clock.

"That's perfect Nathan, it gives me time to make some lunch to bring along." Sarah made her way home while Nathan scanned the church yard to see if he could find Elizabeth. He saw her and Little Jack heading to their row house. Nathan walked quickly to catch up to them. "Good morning Elizabeth." Elizabeth stopped as she realized Nathan had called her by her first name. "Constable." Nathan sighed heavily. "Elizabeth do you have a few minutes? I'd like to talk with you about something."

"I'm due at Rosemary and Lee's for brunch but I have a few minutes." Nathan noticed Little Jack lagging along and quickly scooped him up into his arms and put him on his shoulders. Little jack squealed and Elizabeth couldn't help but smile and think how this could have been her life.

Once they reached Elizabeth's row house she welcomed Nathan in and offered him some tea. Nathan declined knowing he needed to say what he came to say before his nerves got the best of him.

"Elizabeth, I've been thinking a lot about the sermon Pastor Joseph preached a couple of weeks ago on forgiveness. I have to tell you that I thought of two people during that sermon. One was my father, but the other was you." Nathan could see the pained look on Elizabeth's face realizing that he'd put Here in the same category as his father. "I know you've been through unthinkable tragedy and challenges given Jack's death and trying to raise Little Jack on your own. I came to Hope Valley to protect you and Little Jack and help you in whatever way I could. I didn't intend to fall in love with you but I did and no matter what you say, I still believe you were in love with me but for whatever reason you chose to deny those feelings. For the last two years you continually gave Allie and me glimpses of hope that there was a future for us and then you would snatch those hopes away. I'm not sure you understand how much your indecision hurt me and Allie. Your choice to be with Lucas is just that. It's your choice. The boundaries Allie and I established with you have helped us to start healing and move forward. There's one other thing I need to do and that is to forgive you."

Elizabeth felt as though she'd been punched in the gut. Listening to everything Nathan was saying made her want to deny much of it but she realized she couldn't. She was in love with him but she was too scared to admit it and face her fears. Part of Elizabeth thought she had time to work through her fear but in reality she'd had almost three years. Elizabeth had seen Nathan and Sarah in church and she realized she had run out of time.

Nathan continued. "Elizabeth I forgive you for the pain you caused us. Allie and I are moving forward and while the idea of being friends will still take time for me, Allie and I agree that we should try.

Elizabeth was struggling to find words. "Nathan, so much of what you have said is true. I know I've been confused and indecisive and I know that I've hurt both you and Allie. For that I will forever be sorry. I do hope that we can repair the friendship that we've had. I do care about you and Allie and I always will."

Nathan made his way to the door and as he headed out he turned to Elizabeth. "One more thing Elizabeth, for what it's worth, you chose Lucas." Nathan emphasized the word chose. "I don't know where the two of you are at but in spite of our differences over the years, he's trying to be a good man and do the right thing. There are reasons, that only you know, for why you wanted to spend your life with him. Don't throw it away without trying. Love is always worth fighting for." With that Nathan headed home feeling like he could break into a sprint at any moment.

Inside her house Elizabeth began weeping unable to catch her breath. Shortly after Nathan left there was a knock at the door and Rosemary let herself in. Elizabeth was turned away from her. "We were wondering why you didn't come over for brunch." Elizabeth turned around and Rosemary saw the tears and pain on Elizabeth's face. Rosemary rushed to take Elizabeth in her arms. Elizabeth continued sobbing. The two friends stood together holding each other until Elizabeth's sobs started to fade.

Rosemary led her to the settee. "Elizabeth, tell me what happened."

Elizabeth told Rosemary everything Nathan had said to her. Rosemary let Elizabeth talk without interruption. As much as Rosemary wanted to console her friend she couldn't deny that anything Nathan had said wasn't true. Rosemary had tried to be supportive of Elizabeth's journey even when she didn't agree with her behavior or decisions. At one point the two best friends had become estranged because of Elizabeth's actions. The truth was that Rosemary admired Nathan for how he'd handled the entire situation. She knew his pain. She'd felt it when she was vying for Jack Thornton's love and had lost. The only difference is that Jack Thornton hadn't been in love with Rosemary but Elizabeth was in love with Nathan Grant. She just refused to acknowledge it or to fight her fears.

"Elizabeth, you know how much I love you and because I love you I am always honest with you. Nathan spoke the truth. You need to let him go. Nathan has a real opportunity at happiness with Sarah and if you care about him at all you need to let him have that." Rosemary wasn't sure if her honestly would sit well with Elizabeth.

"Rosemary, I know you're right. I just feel like I made such a mess of my life." As she spoke those words Little Jack walked over to his mother and wrapped himself around her legs wanting her attention.

"Elizabeth, regardless of what you think you've made of your life, that hug from Little Jack should help you realize that he is your life's focus right now."

"I know you're right Rosemary, Nathan said one other thing to me too. He said I had reasons for choosing to be with Lucas and that I shouldn't give up on our relationship without fighting for it."

Rosemary nodded in agreement. "He's right Elizabeth. You owe it to yourself and to Lucas to try."

Elizabeth wasn't sure how to do that but vowed she would make the effort. She just hoped Lucas would too.