I have written and re-written this chapter many times. While I don't want my story to focus on Elizabeth and Lucas I don't believe they belong together so thought I should reflect that in my story.

Chapter 32

Elizabeth picked up Little Jack and after getting him in his coat they took the short walk next door to see Rosemary. They were having tea and getting caught up with each other. The two hadn't spent as much time together as they used to. Elizabeth attributed it to several things. She thought there was a still a bit of friction left from when she'd been so awful to Rosemary. Elizabeth also knew that Rosemary was becoming better friends with Sarah Crawford and she had to admit she was a bit jealous that Rosemary had made friends with Nathan's girlfriend. Lastly, though Rosemary always supported her decisions, she was fairly certain she hadn't agreed with Elizabeth's decision to choose Lucas.

"Oh, hello Elizabeth and Little Jack, come in out of the cold. I'm so glad we're having a chance to catch up. It seems like everyone gets so busy during the holidays." Rosemary could see that her friend wasn't looking in the holiday spirit. "What's wrong Elizabeth?"

Elizabeth sat Little Jack on the floor with a basket of toys that Rosemary and Lee kept at their house permanently. In a few months their own baby would be playing with them. Elizabeth sighed. "I've been so unsure lately about Lucas and I'm just not sure if I'm doing the right thing."

"Elizabeth, I'm always here for you. You know I have no problem sharing my opinion with you. You just need to make sure you want to hear it." Rosemary brought their tea and some cookies to the table and the two friends sat together while Little Jack played on the floor.

"Okay Elizabeth, why don't you tell me what is going on." Rosemary was to the point, one of the things Elizabeth had always admired about her.

"I can't stop wondering if I made the wrong decision with Lucas." Rosemary remained silent waiting for Elizabeth to continue. "I think I've been using my relationship with Lucas as an escape."

Rosemary didn't deny that she thought the same thing. "What do you think you're trying to escape?"

Elizabeth considered the question. "Lucas always spoils me and after raising Little Jack on my own for almost three years it felt nice to have someone take care of me. Does that make sense? He made things easy for me. Dates were perfect, conversations were always easy, and I never felt like he wanted any more than I was ready to give him." Elizabeth looked to Rosemary for affirmation of what she'd said.

"Elizabeth, of course you want someone to take care of you. We all want someone to be there to take care of us, encourage us, laugh with us, cry with us." Rosemary thought of Lee and how he did all of that for her. "Do you think your relationship with Lucas is moving in the direction you want it to?"

"That's what I've been struggling with. I don't really feel like we are any farther along in our relationship than when we started dating." Elizabeth did not look like a woman who was in love with her suitor. "He's done so much for me with my book and the library."

"Elizabeth, I'm going to stop you right there. If Lucas donated the library because he thought it would put him in a more favorable light with you then he did it for the wrong reasons. He can say the town deserved a library, of course, but did he do it out of the goodness of his heart or to impress you? I'm sorry if that sounds harsh but you need to think about that." Rosemary did not hold back.

"I suppose he had both intentions. Everything he does seems to be an effort to impress me but I don't need that. It would impress my mother or my sister Viola but I'm not the same girl I was coming to Hope Valley or even the girl I was when I married Jack. Yes, it's nice to have a fancy date once in a while but I appreciate the simple things even more." Elizabeth thought about Nathan and his unassuming personality. He even made something as simple as looking for a Christmas tree feel special.

"Elizabeth I know what you're thinking. You need to stop comparing Lucas to Nathan and think of him on his own merits. Lucas is a good person but he lives a different lifestyle than you do. You may enjoy slipping into it on occasion but are you ready for a lifetime of it?" Rosemary had a way of knowing the right thing to say.

Elizabeth considered her friends comments. "I can't live that lifestyle. I know that and it certainly wouldn't be good for Little Jack. Oh Rosemary, why did I choose Lucas?"

"I'll tell you why you did. You chose Lucas because you were afraid. I think you will admit that now won't you?" Elizabeth's eyes told Rosemary she was correct. "Elizabeth I'm going to ask you two very simple questions. Do you love Lucas enough to spend the rest of your life with him and do you see him as a father to Little Jack? You can consider all the rest of it but ultimately you need to answer those two questions."

Elizabeth considered her dear friend's questions. She appeared to have an epiphany. "I don't Rosemary. I think I've been trying to force my feelings for Lucas and that's what has caused me to be confused. If it was just me maybe I could eventually have deeper feelings for him but I can't see him as a father to Little Jack." Knowing what she needed to do Elizabeth asked Rosemary, to keep Jack for a while. "I need to go talk to Lucas now that I'm feeling certain in my decision."

Walking to the saloon Elizabeth steadied her resolve. She knew it wasn't going to be an easy conversation with Lucas. He was used to getting his own way. Elizabeth entered the Queen of Hearts and found Lucas back in his office. "Lucas do you have a minute?"

"For you, of course, Elizabeth." Lucas's face seldom showed emotion so it was difficult for Elizabeth to know if he had any inkling as to why she was there. Lucas didn't get up from his desk so she pulled a chair over to face him.

"Lucas, I've been doing a lot of thinking with regard to what I want for mine and Little Jack's lives." Elizabeth searched Lucas's face and saw no reaction to what she said. "Lucas I appreciate everything you've done for me but I'm not sure we want the same things in life. I came to Hope Valley to be a teacher and lead a simpler life than I had in Hamilton. You have spoiled me with reminders of things I enjoyed from my life before Hope Valley but that's not the life I've chosen here."

"Elizabeth what are you saying?" Lucas still showed no emotion. "Are you breaking things off with me, because if you are don't you think that deserves a conversation first?"

"Lucas, I have tried to talk to you about it. You avoid the conversation. Let me ask you a question. "How do you feel about being a father to Little Jack? Could you see him as your own?" Elizabeth always made excuses for how Lucas seemed to avoid Little Jack. Now that she was evaluating their relationship she realized how little Lucas had to do with him.

Lucas hesitated. "Elizabeth you know how happy I've been to have you in my life. I can provide things for you that you deserve."

"Lucas, the fact that you just avoided my question about being a father to my son tells me I am making the right decision. I have to think of Jack first. You deserve someone who can give you their whole heart and I can't do that. I'm sorry if you think I've been leading you on. I do appreciate everything you've done to help me get my book published. " Elizabeth did regret that she may have hurt Lucas but she also felt as though a weight had been lifted from her shoulders.

"What do you do now?" Lucas asked.

"I'm going to raise my son, teach school, and be part of the community that I love. I don't like who I've been this last year and I need to get back to the person I know I am inside." Elizabeth stood up to leave. "I am sorry Lucas." And she turned to leave.