TK sighed as he tried to get comfortable in his hospital bed. It was pretty much impossible, but anything was better than the chair he'd been tied to for hours earlier. The lack of any substantial pain relief was getting to him though.
He didn't remember much of the drive to the hospital, but unfortunately he'd woken up when he got there. The jarring brightness and chill had kept him awake and panicky as the staff moved around him, barking questions. Tommy was able to answer some of them, since she knew a little about what happened, but her knowledge only went so far. TK wasn't sure how many times he was going to have to tell his story and relive it, but it was already too much. He wanted to forget it happened and move on with his life, but that was easier said than done.
The doctors took a sample of whatever chemical he'd been given down to the lab and began to discuss courses of action as soon as TK was wheeled into a room for treatment. One of them proposed a stomach pump, even though a considerable amount of time had passed, but TK made that idea a bit unnecessary soon enough. The combination of a penlight in his eyes and someone checking his broken fingers triggered TK's stomach and he was gagging before he even knew what was happening. Luckily there was an emesis basin shoved under his head before he could make a mess of himself as he turned his stomach inside out. He didn't stop until there were strings of bile hanging from his lips and his dry heaves settled back down into occasional gags.
Things after that were sort of a blur. He heard his dad inform the staff of his refusal of strong painkillers, which they were hesitant to give him anyways due to the unknown substance in his body. The best they could do was give him a local anesthetic for the various wounds on his body. It felt like there should've been so many more than what he actually had, since his ordeal felt like it had gone on forever, but after a few stitches on his scalp and back and a couple reset fingers, there wasn't much to be done. TK felt kind of pathetic to be in such a state mentally when his physical ailments were dealt with so easily, but that had always been the hardest thing to get through. It was coming to terms with the events that was harder than the actual healing of the wounds.
Now he was alone in his room, trying to get some rest. Everyone who had come to the hospital with him was in the waiting room after he asked for some space. TK knew they meant well and while he was stuck with Lorna and Burt, all he wanted was the chance to see them all one more time. But now he just felt overwhelmed. They were looking at him with so much love and affection and touching him softly, but it was too much. He was still in pain and it was just making him think back to Lorna doing the same.
Was he ever going to feel normal again? He had these sorts of thoughts after the gunshot, but they were more about feeling unsettled in his professional and personal life. And right now he could say that those things were going great. But now he felt uncomfortable and detached from his own body.
TK had told Carlos once that everything around him was gray. That wasn't quite true anymore though. Now it was only him that was gray, while the world around him was filled with color. So many things kept happening to him that he had no control over and he felt so disconnected from himself. And this time was made worse by having his identity ripped away from him. At least every other time he'd gone into it and through it as TK. This time he had to fight just for the chance to die as himself. Being buried in an unmarked grave was one thing, but having a different name tacked onto it was something completely different. His family would never know what happened to him, just like the countless other "Brians" who came before him. This ordeal may have been over, but it didn't feel over. And TK wasn't sure that would change for a long time.
"TK?" a quiet voice murmured from the doorway. TK's eyes filled with tears as he looked up to see his favorite person.
"Hi Babe," TK whispered, reaching his hand out toward him. Carlos knew what he wanted, immediately walking over and sitting on the edge of the hospital bed, mindful of all the equipment. Carlos cupped his cheeks, kissing every inch of his face that he could get to.
"Are you okay?" Carlos asked, staring deeply in his eyes. TK had to close his own, knowing that Carlos' gaze would break him open without much effort. He couldn't let that happen right. At some point, he wouldn't be able to put himself back together.
"I'm okay," TK mumbled, reaching up with his good hand to wrap his fingers around Carlos' wrist. Carlos was real and he was there, not just a desperate trick of the mind. "Did everything go okay?"
"Don't worry about that right now," Carlos brushed off, pressing their foreheads together. "You are what matters right now."
"Please tell me. I won't be able to rest if I don't know what happened," TK sighed. Rest sounded unrealistic no matter what, but the idea of Carlos facing repercussions made it impossible. Or Lorna and Burt being let go.
"Everything went fine," Carlos assured him, smoothing the blankets over his lap. "The police came and took over the scene. Burt was taken to a different hospital and Lorna was taken to the station for questioning."
"I'm so sorry you had to shoot someone. Are you okay?" TK asked. He knew shooting someone was a big deal, no matter your training.
"I did what I had to do. That makes it easier."
"And you're not going to get in trouble?"
"No Baby, of course not. I'll have the mandatory few days off since I discharged my weapon, but the investigation won't take long. And I'll be happy to have the time off with you," Carlos soothed, although it didn't make TK feel much better. It seemed like his issues were always causing problems for the people around him.
"I'm sorry," TK whispered, pressing his lips together as he felt them start to tremble.
"For what? None of this is your fault," Carlos insisted.
"I just- sometimes I feel like I'm more trouble than I'm worth," TK admitted, choking back a sob. "Like there is always something causing everyone around me stress."
"That's not true!"
"Isn't it? I keep thinking each thing is going to be the worst thing and then things will finally get better once we get through it, but it just keeps piling on. When is it going to be too much? Because this- this feels like too much," TK cried, burying his face in Carlos' neck as he gently guided his head down.
"Oh, TK."
"This one was different. It was too personal. And all I could think was that I should've been able to figure a way out, but I was helpless. I hate feeling like that, but it's true, isn't it?"
"Baby no, it's not."
"Every situation I'm in I have to rely on someone to save me and that's not fair to you. When are you going to finally give up on me?"
"Never," Carlos declared.
"I wouldn't blame you."
"TK, listen to me," Carlos said firmly, lifting TK's face from where he'd kept it hidden. "I'm here with you because I want to be. Because I love you. Nothing that has happened to you has been your fault, but you survived. That's what matters. It doesn't matter how you did."
"I felt so powerless and I hate it," TK whimpered, letting his fears and his tears finally spill out.
"But TK, you're so strong. After everything you've been through, you're still the toughest, sweetest, most caring person I know. So what if I helped out a little at the end? That's what I'm here for. And I know you'd do the same for me."
"I'm sorry. I should be happy that I'm safe and with you again, and I am. I'm just being stupid," TK muttered. This wasn't what Carlos needed to hear after what he'd done to save him.
"Hey, you can always be honest with me, no matter what. And I will keep reassuring you that I love you and you're amazing, as many times as I need to say it," Carlos soothed, shifting around so they were laying side by side. "You don't have to hide anything from me."
"Carlos," TK wept, crumpling into his love's strong embrace. Carlos held him, giving TK a warmth and protection he wasn't sure he'd ever fully deserve. But he was going to accept it, as long as he was able to. TK let out all the anguish that had been building up for the past months, probably years. Setting it free didn't really fix anything, but it helped relieve a tension he hadn't realized was there.
Carlos mumbled reassuring words into his hair as TK finally quieted down, feeling the exhaustion pulling at him. His random bouts of unconsciousness hadn't done much by the way of rest, so he felt the last of his energy giving way now that he didn't have to stay vigilant anymore.
"You can sleep, TK. I'll be here when you wake up," Carlos murmured, pressing a kiss to the top of his head.
"I love you," TK breathed out, letting his eyes slip shut and his body relax. No matter what was going on, he knew he was safe when Carlos was there.
Carlos listened as TK's breaths evened out into a deep sleep. He had been devastated to hear how TK was feeling about everything, but not really surprised. Everyone had their breaking point and it was only a matter of time before TK hit his. And after everything he'd been through, this was long overdue.
TK had always been so quick to bounce back after every crisis. From the gunshot, to the abduction, to their home burning down. TK had always remained solid. Sure, he had a few moments where he wasn't completely alright, but he always made it through to the other side quickly. It was unrealistic to expect that to last forever though.
This situation had been traumatic enough to break down TK's defenses. Carlos didn't even have all the details yet, but he completely understood. A problem TK struggled with when they first met was accepting people. He made friends easily of course, but it was all very surface level. TK was hesitant to really let people in, but once he did, he loved with all his heart. To have someone try to force that connection, mixed with violence, would make even the healthiest person more skittish when it came to relationships.
The officers who came to the scene hadn't interrogated the woman, but she'd screeched about them taking her son away. If the trio of firefighters hadn't been there to keep him calm, he didn't know what he would've done. At least he was the one who got to shoot one of the assailants this time, instead of that duty falling to Captain Strand. Carlos wasn't a violent man, but everyone had their limit.
"May I come in?" Owen whispered from the door. Carlos nodded, gesturing for him to come in as best he could with no free hands. He wasn't willing to let go of TK yet, even though being in this position during a conversation was a bit awkward. That didn't really matter right now though.
"He fell asleep a little while ago," Carlos murmured, glancing down at his love who was finally relaxed.
"That's good. He was forcing himself to stay awake until he saw you. I tried to convince him that sleeping would make the time go by faster, but he was having none of it," Owen chuckled, looking at his son fondly.
"Are you okay?" Carlos asked. This had to be just as hard for Owen as it was for him.
"This one might stick around for a while," Owen admitted, smoothing out the blanket at the foot of the bed. "I'm planning on talking to TK about going to a few extra sessions with his therapist and maybe getting a referral for my own. It's probably long overdue, after everything."
"I'll be seeing the department psychologist because of the shooting. But I might keep with it on my own time as well. It might be good for TK to see us getting help."
"Heaven knows we need all the help we can get," Owen sighed, smiling sadly.
"Did something else happen?" Carlos asked worriedly. It felt like Owen was holding something back.
"Good news, actually. The lab came back with the results for the liquid TK was given. It was just a standard household cleaner. Ingesting small amounts can cause stomach issues, but they don't think he got enough for any real damage. And the cough syrup was a children's version, so not as bad as it could've been. Nothing that will affect his sobriety."
"Thank God," Carlos breathed out, closing his eyes briefly in relief. The last thing TK needed was long term side effects.
"How are you doing?" Owen asked, staring at him knowingly.
"I'm fine," Carlos muttered, shifting uncomfortably under the scrutiny. TK was okay, so he was okay.
"Well, I'm not. And I don't think you are either," Owen pointed out. "Don't think you have to hide how you feel from him. It won't make him feel better if you aren't taking care of yourself." Carlos knew that what Owen was saying made sense, but it was still hard. He was so used to being the one to take care of people, in his personal and professional life. Admitting that he faltered just like everyone else wasn't easy.
"I was so scared," Carlos confessed, sniffling as he felt a tear roll down his face. "I'm scared all the time now because every call I get, I wonder if that's going to be the one that rips my whole world away."
"That's what you deal with when you love someone in our line of work. You don't ever really get used to it, but you learn to live with it."
"But this wasn't even work related."
"That's true. TK does seem to have the worst luck. But he also has the best luck. He's made it through everything the world has thrown at him and he'll make it through this," Owen said with determination.
"Sounds like something I just told him," Carlos chuckled softly.
"And that's why you're part of his good luck. We're all going to be okay, as long as we support each other," Owen said proudly, walking over and setting his hand on Carlos' shoulder. "And you've got a group of people out there who are going to be there for you as well. This family has got your back."
"Thank you," Carlos murmured, resting his cheek on the top of TK's head.
"How about you get some sleep as well? You look like you need it," Owen suggested, grabbing an extra blanket from a shelf and draping it over him. The care Owen was showing him made a warmth blossom in his chest. "We'll take care of anything that comes up."
"Thank you," Carlos whispered, letting his eyes flutter shut. He would be strong for TK and everyone else could be strong for them both. That was what a real family did.
Author's Note: I feel like there are only a few chapters left of this story. Although I said that once before and wrote another 20 chapters, so who knows.