"I don't like this."
"I know. You've said that a lot."
"Because it's true."
"I don't like it either, but I have to do this. You know I do," TK sighed. The thought of seeing Lorna again made him sick to his stomach and he spent the better part of the night before dry heaving and crying, but that didn't change the facts. This was about the men who weren't as lucky as him. This was about giving their families an answer after years of torment. TK could put himself back together afterwards.
"I know, but I still-"
"Don't like it," TK finished for him. That was pretty much the summarization of the conversation they'd had since they got to the station. They were sitting at Carlos' desk, waiting for Detective York to come get them. TK was going to have to go in alone, but Carlos would be right on the other side of the mirror watching. That provided TK some comfort, although he'd prefer for Carlos to be in there with him.
"I'm just ready for you to be able to move past this. Once those people are locked up where they belong," Carlos said, his voice going bitter at the mention of the couple who were the cause of all this.
"I want that too, more than you know. But I won't be able to move on with this hanging over my head."
"I know, but sometimes I wish you weren't as good of a person."
"No, you don't," TK chuckled, resting his head on Carlos' shoulder.
"No, I don't," Carlos agreed begrudgingly.
"Mr. Strand, we're ready for you now," Detective York said, effectively bursting their little bubble. The confident front that TK was trying to put on for Carlos was quickly crumbling and he had the urge to tell everyone he changed his mind and run out the door. Carlos must've noticed his hesitation, because he reached over and squeezed TK's knee in support. TK took a deep breath and nodded to himself, standing up as tall as possible.
"Let's go," TK replied, gripping Carlos' hand as tightly as he could. They walked down the halls to the interrogation room. It was the same one he'd given his statement in, although he hadn't been on this side of the mirror before. Lorna was already inside and TK's breath caught when he caught his first glimpse of her.
This didn't look like the same woman who'd held him against his will. Lorna looked like she'd aged a decade since he saw her. She was wearing a jumpsuit, courtesy of the county jail, and her hair was pulled back into a bun. She looked frail, but TK wasn't going to let that fool him. He knew what she was capable of.
"We'll be right on the other side of the mirror, okay? Any time you want to leave, just say the word," Detective York directed. TK nodded, glancing up at Carlos one last time.
"I'm not going anywhere," Carlos promised, kissing him on the forehead. "I love you."
"I love you too," TK breathed out, eking out a few more seconds in Carlos' presence. His boyfriend was one of the strongest people he knew and he needed some of that strength right now. TK had gone through some tough times in his life and this felt like one of the hardest. But if he could survive what happened in that house, he could survive this too. TK schooled his features and opened the door.
Lorna's head whipped up to face him as soon as he stepped inside. He quelled the urge to just walk right back out. She was staring at him the same way she had in her house. Like he was the son she'd lost so many years ago. Like she was still caught up in her delusion. The only thing that helped him settle a bit, besides the knowledge of Carlos being right outside, was the fact that Lorna's wrists were attached to a metal ring on the table. She was the one trapped now, not him.
TK confidently walked around to the other side of the table, pulling his chair out enough that there was no chance of their feet touching, then sat down. He looked at her with his chin held high, even though every muscle in his body was trying to shake apart. Showing weakness would put him at a disadvantage.
"Brian, I-"
"No!" TK snapped, pursing his lips. "My name is not Brian." He wanted to scream at her that she was crazy and a monster and every other terrible thing he could think of, but he couldn't risk her shutting down completely. Being called Brian was unacceptable though.
"I-I don't-"
"You told the detectives that you would talk to me, so I'm here. What is it you want to say?" TK demanded. He should be playing this a lot cooler, but he couldn't. Being this close to her was making him physically sick. There was no playing at buttering her up.
"I needed to see you. To help you understand."
"Understand how you and your husband could justify hurting me? How am I supposed to understand that?" TK asked incredulously. How had these people gone along all these years living amongst the public? It terrified him to think of what else was out there? If you couldn't trust the nice, older couple down the street, who could you trust?
"We were trying to help you."
"I didn't need help! Lorna-"
"Mom."
"Lorna," TK repeated, grinding the name out through his teeth. He would never refer to this woman that way again. "You hurt me. Just like you hurt all those other men over the years. You didn't help them, you signed their death warrants."
"They were sick. Brian was sick. I just needed another chance to save him!" Lorna wept, hanging her head in despair. TK closed his eyes, willing himself to not be affected by her emotions. He was naturally empathetic and other people crying always got to him. He'd gotten used to powering through it while on the job because he had something else to focus on, but being confronted with it one on one was hard.
TK had no idea what it was like to lose someone like that. He'd obviously never had a child, but he knew he would love them with everything he had. And losing them would be devastating. But there was no part of him willing to hurt someone else to try to cope. And he didn't think most other people would either, at least not in this way. TK knew that Lorna was not okay mentally, but it wasn't quite hitting him fully until now.
Now that he wasn't held hostage by her, he could feel something else when he looked at her. It wasn't fear or anger anymore, it was pity. She was a sad, lonely woman who'd been lost for years. Maybe there had been hope for her before, if she'd gotten proper help. But she only had a husband who decided it was easier to aid in her delusions. Lorna wanted to heal Brian, but it was her who was sick all along.
"Lorna, will you tell me about them? About the other Brians?" TK asked, setting his emotions to the side. This was for them, not her. This was about them, not him. "Tell me about the first time, in Montana."
"Montana?" Lorna mumbled, her eyes getting a faraway glaze to them as she thought of the past. "It was so cold."
"Was it winter?"
"You weren't wearing your jacket. You know how cold you get without your jacket," Lorna chastised lightly. TK bit the inside of his cheek, keeping in the knee jerk defiance at being put into Lorna's story again. "Maybe that was my fault. I should've taught you better. But now I had the chance."
"What happened?"
"I had to figure out a way to get you to talk to me. I don't know why you never recognized me. I kept the same hair and clothes and everything. I know I look older, but not that different, right?" Lorna muttered, jerking her hands up suddenly. TK couldn't help flinching back, remembering how it felt to have those hands striking him across the face and clawing at his lips.
"How did you get the opportunity?"
"I may have told a little fib about some car trouble," Lorna replied, smirking a little as if they were old friends telling jokes. "I don't like lying, but it was the easiest way to get us talking. And you were so polite, offering to help in any way you could. Becoming the man I'd raised you to be."
"Then what happened?" TK asked, knowing he wasn't going to like the answer.
"Your dad doesn't mean to be so rough. He's just a product of his time." TK was right, he didn't like this. "We just had to get you back home to explain everything. You understand." He would never understand.
"What happened at home?"
"You were stubborn. I know it's hard to accept that you're sick, but you should've trusted me. If you can't trust your mother, who can you trust? I was just trying to make you better, but you fought me every step of the way!" Lorna cried, getting more hysterical. TK flicked his eyes toward the mirror, even though he couldn't see Carlos there. He still needed the reassurance. There was the quietest of taps in response, just barely heard over the sounds of Lorna crying, but TK knew what that meant. Carlos had his back. "Maybe it was because you never believed you would get better? Maybe that's why the medicine didn't work? You just kept declining during that week and-"
"A week?" TK whispered, feeling his throat go dry. He hadn't even been held a day and it felt like the longest experience of his life. This poor man had endured a week of this?
"I tried every medicine I could find! Every soup! Every herb! I even tried homeopathic remedies. Nothing worked!" Lorna shrieked. TK could feel a cold sweat breaking out across his back. "You- you died in my arms. How could you do that to me again?"
"What happened to the- what happened next?" TK ground out, trying to clear his throat. He felt sick trying to find out what would've happened to his body if he'd had the same outcome.
"I couldn't get out of bed. I thought I'd squandered my one chance to make things right. Your dad tried to help. He really was so thoughtful after everything. He handled all of the funeral arrangements as well."
"Where? Where was this?" TK asked, gripping his hands around his knees to the point of pain. This is what he needed.
"We couldn't have a traditional service, since people wouldn't understand. But there was a creek not too far from our house. You would've loved it. I was planning on taking you there when you got better," Lorna mumbled, her expression flashing from mournful to excited in the blink of an eye. TK had never seen anything like it. "There was space to have picnics and trees to build rope swings. I was even thinking about getting another dog. The new Sparky. It felt right for you to be buried there. Then I could go visit you all the time."
"Yeah," TK choked out, sniffling as he imagined that poor man being covered in dirt and lost to everyone who cared about him. Lorna had no right to mourn a person she killed.
"Eventually dad's job meant we had to move again. Oh, I hated having to leave you. I fought with him so much, but there wasn't anything I could do. We ended up in Washington, in a little town with a big lake. Everyone was so nice. Our new neighbors had the cutest granddaughters who came over every weekend to visit. Isn't that sweet? That's what I always pictured for us," Lorna rambled on. TK couldn't believe she could go from talking about burying a body to puttering around in her garden with a neighbor. This woman needed to be kept away from the public, for everyone's safety.
"And how long before you were reunited with Brian again?" TK asked as soon as he could get his voice working properly.
"Only a few months. You just walked right past me in the supermarket. You were even buying your favorite cereal," Lorna grinned. TK stared blankly at her as she recounted the events, from luring the man back to her house after tearing one of her shopping bags and needing help home, to her failed attempts to save him from the illness that only existed in her mind. She told him everything, with only a few coaxing words here and there to keep her going.
All of the men who'd had their lives stolen, all because they bore a similar appearance to her son. All of the families who had to go years without any answers. All of the potential that was snuffed out because these two people thought their wants were more important than anything else. TK sat through all of it, listening for hours as Lorna gave up the information that would finally bring closure to so many people. It was finally going to be over.
When Lorna started telling him about his own ordeal, as if he wasn't the one who lived through it, he stood up. TK didn't need to hear this. He didn't need to hear her skewed view of what happened. She paused in her story, looking up at him in surprise. TK stared at her for a moment, but he had nothing left for her. This was over.
He walked over to the door and Carlos opened it before he could even reach for the handle. Lorna was screaming at him to come back and stay with her, but he didn't look back. TK grabbed Carlos' hand and walked out, ignoring Detective York telling him they would be in touch. TK was done.
Carlos led TK through the building and out to the car, not saying a word as he unlocked the door and helped him slide in. He rushed around to the other side and climbed in as well, putting the keys in the ignition without starting the car. The only sound for a few seconds was them breathing, with TK's breaths catching in his chest every so often. Carlos leaned over and cupped TK's cheek, rubbing his thumb back and forth soothingly.
"Let go." And he did. TK finally let out the last of what he'd been holding back. There was no need to be strong anymore. He didn't have to keep himself together for anyone or anything else. It was over.
TK fell forward into Carlos' arms, gripping the back of his shirt as the sobs sounded like they were being ripped out of him. Carlos murmured softly into his ear as TK's tears soaked the collar of his shirt. He finally felt a sense of closure, now that everything was out there. He'd done all he could for everyone else. It was finally time for TK to truly heal.