For a little girl, Charlotte was surprisingly brave whilst I tended to the cut on her forehead. I supposed it was an unavoidable side effect of growing up within the extreme lifestyles of the Ark. In one way or another, we'd all been bred to be survivors and we each carried our scars from those experiences. My view of her in particular was that she had responded in a similar manner to me, keeping her inner strength quietly hidden.
"How did this happen?" I asked gently as I worked, keen to ease her discomfort.
"I had a nightmare. I think I must have hit myself in my sleep. It's happened before." She explained in a small voice.
There was a similarity between us in the way that she avoided my eyes as she spoke, clenching her hands together in a form of self-soothing. It was easy to recognise the distrust that she held for people and I couldn't blame her when she'd been left alone at such a young age. I still remembered how frightened I was after my mother was floated, clinging onto my father for comfort. Without him, I wasn't sure how I would have survived. I wondered if she had the luxury of having anyone to rely on in the Skybox.
"You know, if you hit yourself that means you were fighting." I pointed out, carefully placing a small dressing over the area to keep it protected. "Maybe you are braver than you think." I suggested, flashing her a warm smile when she finally dared to glance up at me.
"I don't feel brave." She pouted, the vulnerability in her eyes breaking my heart as I strained to think of a way to empower her.
"Honestly, neither do I most of the time." I confessed as I finished working and placed my supplies aside to grant her my full attention. "Everything down here feels scary. What's most important is that you don't give up. Keep nurturing that bravery and it will get bigger, just like you. It's easy to feel alone with it all, but you're not. We're all scared. Nobody wants to show it." I explained, noticing that she raised a brow at me sceptically.
"Even Bellamy and Murphy and all the tough boys?" She queried, studying me as if I was talking complete nonsense and I leaned in closer.
"I'll let you in on a little secret. Especially Bellamy and Murphy." I whispered, watching as her brows raised in surprise. "If you ever need help, feel free to find me. I was training to be a doctor. No problem is too small, okay?" I asserted, feeling relieved when the tension finally dropped from her shoulders.
Heavy footsteps drew my attention as I glanced up to find Clarke, Finn and Wells marching through camp as if they were on a mission. With a deep sigh, I gathered my things and allowed Charlotte to go as I made my way over to investigate.
"Cassidy! We have a possible plan of action for Jasper." Clarke announced as I neared, raising my brows in surprise at this turn of events. "Wells thinks the poultice was made from seaweed and Finn has an idea on where to get some. We're about to head out now. With any luck, we'll have a healing tea for him before this evening." She revealed whilst she moved to pass me, but I stepped into her path.
"Wait. I want to come with you." I spluttered, as both boys stared at me in disbelief and Clarke appeared confused. "Just in case we can't find any seaweed. I have a few other ideas of plants to look for. Maybe we'll find them in new ground?"
"I don't know if it's a good idea to leave camp without any medical help, especially with Jasper in the condition he is." Clarke remarked, peeking toward the dropship with anxiety dominating her features.
"I've filled Octavia in on how to care for him. I just need to make sure that she's happy to take point on changing his dressings every 4 hours." I argued, determined that I would not be made to remain in camp. "If he does get any worse, there's nothing I can do for him anyway. Everything depends on what we find today, so the most sensible option is to get as many options as possible." I suggested as Clarke chewed on her lip, considering my proposal.
"Come on, Clarke. The more the merrier, right?" Finn interjected, seeming to grow impatient with the tense silence between two people who were clearly friends. "Grab a pack, Doc. We'll leave as soon as you're ready."
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Wandering through the trees, I constantly scanned the ground for any plants that could be helpful. My back still ached from the injury that I gained on my last exploration, but I kept my focus on Jasper. Without intervention, there was no question that he would die in agonising pain and I couldn't allow this to happen without at least knowing that I had exhausted every possibility to save him.
Up ahead, Clarke and Wells seemed to be having a tense conversation, leaving me at the back with Finn. Even though we had been in silence thus far, he now snuck a sly look at me that hinted he was glad that I was there to save him from the awkwardness.
"So, you think Octavia will be okay with your instructions?" He asked in a bid to make conversation and I envied how comfortable he seemed even around someone that he didn't know well.
"I think so. She's a promising assistant." I commented as I continued to search the area, but Finn cleared his throat.
"What's the deal with them, anyway?" He enquired with a gesture toward the two in front, causing me to scrunch my nose with discomfort.
There was a pang of disappointment in my chest when I felt as if he had only bothered to speak to me to fulfil his own agenda. I was simply another stepping stone on the way to his conquest to seduce Clarke. However, I had to acknowledge that I hadn't exactly given him any other motivations. Even when I did speak to Finn, I fell into my old tendencies of closing down any leading conversations before he could learn too much.
"That's Clarke's story to tell. I don't gossip about friends." I responded bluntly, whilst Finn held his hands up in silent apology. "All I will say is that she's doing her best. If the person who ruined my life was down here, I'd be a mess. She's strong." I continued in a softer tone as I reminded myself that he was merely curious.
"That she is." He muttered, his gaze remaining on her for a few moments too long and I shook my head at him.
Although there was something softer and more thoughtful about Finn, he was still as easily puppeted by his desire as every other male in this camp. It made him more likeable that his focus remained on one specific girl, but I still didn't trust him with my friend's delicate heart. Clarke had been hurt enough and I felt that I owed it to Abby to ensure that no one else was able to damage her.
"This is Earth, Clarke. Anything's possible." Wells announced, still fighting to repair his shattered friendship with the blonde who clearly had no interest in his efforts.
Finn and I shared a knowing look from behind them. I was relieved on Clarke's behalf when Wells allowed himself to fall behind and turned to speak to Finn, allowing her a brief reprieve from his constant pleading. Whilst the boys engaged in a petty fight for ownership for the girl that they both wanted, I marched past to join Clarke. Even if she didn't want to talk, I was happy to provide another layer to her protection from Wells.
She flinched as I fell into step with her, before noticing that it was only me at her side. Her shoulders dropped their tension and her posture became less guarded as she focused her gaze on the distance.
"I'm sorry about what happened with Jasper." She began as I peeked at her calmly. "I really thought that I was doing the right thing, for him and you. I could tell that you didn't want to do it. I thought I was taking it off your shoulders." She continued, keeping her eyes trained on the path ahead as if she were too ashamed to face me.
A wave of guilt washed over me as I considered the way that I had spoken to her this morning. I wasn't proud of embarrassing her, but I couldn't always control the protectiveness that hid beneath my quiet exterior. Abby had always taught me to fight for my patients, that it was my job to advocate for them when they couldn't do it for themselves. She nurtured my voice and now I took on an entirely different persona when lives were on the line, one that it seemed didn't know how to treat friends.
"I know, Clarke. I'm sorry, too." I revealed, prompting her to stare at me with wide eyes. "I didn't mean to make it sound that way. I should have been clearer. I'm sorry that I went off at you like that. You didn't deserve it. I'm just a different person when I'm working."
"Yeah. I noticed." She remarked with a fond smile that eased my nerves. "You remind me of my mom. It was nice to feel that sense of control in the room. I'd be drowning here without you." She admitted and I allowed a relieved sigh to escape my lips as the air between us cleared.
"Thanks for standing up to Bellamy for me." I praised as I returned her smile, observing the way that her shoulders straightened with pride.
"Hey, I am always happy to help with that." She admitted with a wink and I was glad to see that the sparkle seemed to have returned to her eyes.
Whilst I chuckled at this sentiment, a loud noise from behind caused us both to whip around. Finn seemed to be fascinated by some part of the terrain that made a strange metallic sound whenever he stepped on it. We paused to check whether it was safe and he did this repeatedly like a child who had discovered a new toy. Clarke and I rolled our eyes in response to his playful experimentation.
"What is it?" She called impatiently as he knelt down to investigate.
Wiping away the moss, Finn revealed a bright door that seemed to be embedded into the forest floor. He yanked open, lifting it above his head triumphantly. Wells seemed equally drawn in by the mystery, as they both stared down at it with awe-struck expressions.
"It's an automobile." Wells breathed with a tempered excitement and the artist in me was desperately tempted to take a look.
"Come on, guys." Clarke urged, bouncing on the spot as if tempted to leave them behind. "The thing's been here 100 years. It can wait. Jasper can't." She scolded, before turning on her heel to storm off with Wells jogging over to catch her up.
I waited for Finn to reluctantly close up the secret that he'd found, making it clear from his expression how difficult it was for him to walk away. I could understand his desire to explore, but as my medical experience also allowed me to relate to Clarke's need to hurry, I simply rolled my eyes at him. He wandered over to me with a disappointed demeanour, his hands deep in his pockets as we started to walk again together.
"Coolest thing we've found since we arrived and we don't even have time to check it out. Earth blows." He mumbled as I chuckled under my breath at his subtle strop. "Okay. Fun question for you. Since we landed in our ancestral home, you found any new fears?" He probed, turning to face me with a curious smile.
"You mean other than the constant threat of imminent death?" I quipped, earning a wide grin of appreciation that he had found someone willing to engage in his playful conversation.
It was a welcome change from the stifling pressure of camp. I was able to enjoy our natural surroundings as the sunshine filtered through the trees and twigs crunched beneath my feet. Deciding to give my mind a break from it's constant guard, I sighed deeply and settled into Finn's company.
"Oh, that's boring. We all fear that." He winked and I shook my head at him, a wistful smile filling my lips. "I'm talking about weird stuff that you didn't think you'd be afraid of in theory. A lot of things are way different from what we were taught. For example, mine is water." He revealed, plodding along with slightly more spring in his step that demonstrated he had noticed the change in my attitude.
"That's not especially weird. We weren't ever given much of a chance to learn how to swim in space." I conceded, watching him tilt his head and shrug in agreement. "Besides, I treated that wound on Octavia's leg. Anything that can leave a bite that big has to be a pretty sizable beast." I added with a slightly shudder at the thought.
"You know, that's really tempting me to make a size joke, but I'm trying to resist." He remarked with a mischievous smile and I rolled my eyes.
"Come on, Finn. You're better than that. Don't lower yourself to such basic humour." I commented, looking ahead to notice that Clarke and Wells seemed to be getting into a heated conversation again. "I'll have to think about it. When I find a weird fear, I'll get back to you."
After walking for a little longer, we emerged into a clearing with a pebbled shore beside a stream. It was the first time that I'd been around a body of water, feeling as if the sound of it flowing was pulling me under. For a few moments, I was lost in the beauty of our location, wishing that I had some supplies to draw. Then, the image of Octavia's injury returned to my mind and I subconsciously backed away a few steps.
Whilst the others argued over how to retrieve the seaweed, I was distracted by a white growth that spread over a nearby tree. Sprouting from the branches were far smaller white stems, each individual part bundled together in a thick mess. It was surprisingly brittle to the touch, making it easier to crush into a powder than I would have expected, but I was mostly distracted by my relief to have actually found something useful.
I broke off a large chunk of the plant that I recognised to be Usnea and neatly packed it into my bag, before returning to the others. When I joined them, they were in the process of packing away a large section of deep red seaweed, allowing us an unexpected second victory for the day.
However, before we could celebrate a strange sound interrupted. Emerging from the treetops was a huge cloud of birds, diving down to swoop between us. In a panic, I bundled myself into a ball, covering my head with my hands as the screeching of the birds drowned out any conversation. My heart hammered in my chest in an unjustified sense of panic, sweat covering my palms at the thought that any of the creatures might touch me.
Around me, the others had already begun to recover, but I remained caught in my rapidly developing panic attack. The only thing that could successfully tear me free from its clutches was a loud horn that echoed in the distance and I braved peering up at my partners with a renewed dread.
"Grounders?" Clarke asked in a small voice that made my stomach flip.
"It could be a war cry." Wells suggested as he neared Clarke protectively.
Subconsciously, I touched the wound on my back. This would be the second time that I'd been caught up in conflict with them on a simple supply run despite convincing myself that it couldn't happen again. The terror that built in my chest only worsened now, sending the trembling in my hands down to my legs.
"Or a warning." Finn argued with his voice closer to me than I had anticipated.
I was surprised to find that he was the first person who noticed my condition. He broke away from the others to grip my arm and encouraged me to my feet, pausing to check that I was alright with a subtle nod. At the sound of me stumbling on the pebbles, Clarke and Wells turned to face me too.
Once I straightened up, I noticed something yellow creeping across the previously clear blue sky. The others were distracted by checking on me, causing them to fail to notice the threat and I pointed behind them with urgency.
"Behind you!" I gasped, prompting them to spin around.
There was a shared sense of alarm between us as we watched the fog seeping towards us, tiny strikes of what looked like lightning flashing from within it. This was unlike any storm that I had ever read about, the power of the electricity in the air causing a strange buzz around us.
"What the hell is that?" Wells breathed in disbelief.
Him and Clarke took a few dazed steps backward and almost bumped into us from their shock. The four of us were stunned into silence as we huddled together beneath the cloud that swirled in a manner not unlike a tornado. An oppressive atmosphere loomed over us, growing from the strange substance that spread through the trees.
"I have no idea. They didn't cover this in the basic Earth survival skills!" Finn hissed as his eyes darted over each of us for some indication that we might recognise what we were dealing with. "What's the plan? What's the plan?!"
Despite all of our mandatory lessons on the dangers of Earth, nothing could have prepared us for a threat of this nature and I couldn't bring myself to move a muscle. My eyes grew wide as it blocked out the previously comforting sunlight, replacing it with something that felt utterly inescapable.
"Run. Run!" Clarke yelled moments before the cyclone hit the ground and began hurtling towards us.
Without a moment of hesitation, she and Wells took off in a sprint back in the direction that we had come from. Everything seemed as if it were going in slow motion, each crackle of the storm ringing in my ears. Realising that I was still frozen in shock, Finn grabbed my arm to drag me along behind him and I struggled not to lose my balance.
"Run, Cas!" He urged as he used all of his strength to pull me from my stupor.
A rush of adrenaline passed through my body at the acknowledgement that I was at risk of being left behind. My legs carried me forward regardless of the lack of instruction from my brain and we darted recklessly through the trees. Behind us, the fog felt as if it were lapping at our ankles and the sounds that were carried within it were almost otherworldly. Unable to think clearly enough to even know where we were going, I simply focused on following Finn as he led our terrified pack.
Out of nowhere he bent down to open the door to the vehicle that he'd found earlier, ushering us all to climb inside. Clarke reached him first, sliding through the gap without question, closely followed by Wells, as always. Finn practically threw me inside by my back and dove in behind me barely seconds before the gas hit.
The space within was small, but could just about fit the four of us. We clambered around in search of things to block any gaps where the thick yellow air had begun to seep inside, coating our lungs with a burning feeling that made us cough. For several minutes there was a shared sense of doom as we battled in silence to protect ourselves, until finally our shelter was secure.
Once our sanctuary was confirmed to be safe, we each collapsed to the ground to recover and panted from the panic. Even without speaking, our emotions were clear from our matching expressions that spoke a million words of our fear and confusion.
"I think I found that fear you were talking about." I gasped between breaths, realising just how unfit I was after a lifetime of living in space.
"No way." Finn replied sceptically, his head rolling lazily on his shoulders to face me. "Acid fog doesn't count. That's a perfectly rational fear."
"Birds." I divulged, witnessing his brows raise in a judgemental manner. "I don't know. It's that noise their wings make." I explained, a shiver passing down my spine at the thought.
"Birds?" He questioned and I flapped my hands together in a fruitless bid to emulate the sound. "Fair enough. That is a dumb Earth fear." He laughed, shaking his head with amusement.
With some of the tension relieved Clarke and Wells began to make themselves comfortable, whilst Finn busied himself with finally exploring the vehicle. He crept around to the front where we had first entered, fiddling with all of the surfaces as if seeking even more hidden treasures. I chuckled to myself when he discovered a section that he clearly believed he could break into, attempting one idea after another in his single-minded determination.
"It's still out there." He remarked, becoming distracted by looking out the window of the door that we'd entered from like a child who was already impatient with his current predicament.
"Look. We should just make a run for it." Clarke suggested, glancing around at each of us as if there was something that we could do to force the issue with the air to resolve itself faster. "Jasper can't wait much longer!"
"Us dying in a cloud of acid fog isn't gonna help Jasper." Finn argued, causing Clarke to drop her head into her hands in stress.
"He's right, Clarke." I admitted, earring an annoyed glance from her, but our familiarity allowed me to easily withstand it. "Octavia knows what she's doing with the charcoal and he seems to be responding well to the treatment. We bought ourselves some time. He'll be okay." I asserted, placing a reassuring hand on her shoulder and she managed a weak smile in response.
A loud crack sounded from behind, as we peered around to Finn's hiding spot to find that a panel had opened up and his face cracked into a smug smile.
"Booze!" He announced, turning to face us with a small flask in his hand. "Hooch. Rotgut." He listed as he stepped through the seats, then dropped himself between us all proudly.
Clarke and I leaned closer to take a look, whilst Finn struggled to open the tightly sealed bottle. I couldn't deny a sense of curiosity over it's contents. It was the first time that we'd had the chance to find something so well preserved from the old world and it was a unique opportunity to gain a peek into life before.
As soon as the lid popped off, Finn took a swig without even considering the risks.
"Well, careful." Clarke spat, unable to stop him in time. "Finn, it could be-"
"Whiskey, I think." He declared before she could work herself into a frenzy, and instead of being remorseful for his actions, he seemed greatly satisfied with his find. "Better than the moonshine on Agro station." He praised as he held out the flask to Wells who glared back.
"Alcohol's toxic." He answered curtly and I rolled my eyes at his continued uptight behaviour.
"Not as toxic as your attitude." I mumbled, surprising even myself as Clarke smiled at me with a devious appreciation.
"This is Earth. Everything's toxic." Finn argued after also giving me a sneaky side eye. "Plus, it's a time honoured rite of passage." He defended as he raised the bottle like a holy object and I doubted that he even needed alcohol to entertain himself.
"We'll pass." Wells groaned, seeming at his wits end with Finn's antics.
Before I could dive to my friend's defense, or warn him not to make decisions on Clarke's behalf, she had already fixed Wells with a withering stare. She snatched the flask, surprising Finn with her keen attitude.
"Far be it for me to stand in the way of tradition." She remarked, taking a long swig of the liquid, much to Wells' dismay.
From her expression and the small cough that followed, it was clear that this was her first taste of alcohol and I chuckled to myself at the differences between us. Regardless of my timid nature, I had never been afraid to misbehave in my own ways. Everything that I lacked vocally, I invested into rebelling by drinking with my smuggling contacts, or covering my skin in tattoos. There was something enjoyable about finding ways to break the rules that people wouldn't expect from someone who seemed otherwise obedient.
By stark contrast, Clarke had always been part of a group of perfect citizens on the Ark. In my opinion, it was part of the reason that her imprisonment was so shocking. She had spent her youth dedicated to being a model citizen and there wasn't a single person in her life who could have anticipated her committing any form of treason.
Now that we were free of that oppression, it was refreshing to see her dropping those heavy expectations, even if it was only to spite Wells right now.
I held out my hand for the bottle, causing Clarke to raise her brows in surprise, but she still handed it over. Before they could stop me, I quickly stashed it in my pack and positioned it behind me so that they couldn't reach it.
"Sorry, guys. Real alcohol is too good of a medical supply to waste on you getting your party on. This is a valuable commodity." I stated, as Clarke and Finn both looked thoroughly offended that I could swindle them in this manner.
"Wow, Cassidy. I had no idea that you were such a buzzkill." Finn groaned, viewing me with an obvious disappointment, as if I'd completely misled him with my banter earlier.
"If you're just looking for something to mellow out, then I have an alternative that we have a more plentiful supply of." I conceded as I reached into my bag to pull out the pouch of mugwort which I began to roll into a leaf.
"Oh, great. Drugs." Wells spat, flashing me a disgusted expression that only worsened my distaste for him.
"Relax, mini-Chancellor." I answered bitterly, noticing the slightest hint of hurt cross his face. "It's a herb. We use it to treat anxiety. No high whatsoever. It'll just bring down your stress levels and the tension in this very small space. And seriously, if anyone needs to relax, it's you."