A/N: Still working through the Past into the Present arc.

The Missionary

Sometimes I wish that I could stop
You from talking when I hear
The silly things that you say,
I think somebody better put out the Big Light,
'Cause I can't stand to see you this way.

— Allison, Elvis Costello

Chapter Twenty-Seven: Blushes, Lady Bics and Bowels

Chuck settled on the couch where Carina had been sitting earlier; Sarah sat down where Chuck had been sitting.

Sarah's cheeks were still faintly red. Her hands seemed to interest her suddenly and Chuck looked at them too. They were steady, but Sarah remained fixated on them.

Chuck waited and waited, unsure if she was ever going to speak. He fought back an impulse to reach for her nearest hand, to hold it. He could feel anxiety pulsing from her and he did not want to upset her or upset the moment.

Something was about to happen.

Finally, just as Chuck's patience was stretched to almost its breaking point, Sarah looked up, right into Chuck's eyes.

"I told you — in Mexico — when Tyger was holding us — I told you we would talk about that night. My seduction — "

Despite his attempt to wait, the word 'seduction' set Chuck off. He leaned forward slightly, cutting Sarah off. "I seem to be the seduction equivalent of a crash-test dummy. First you, then Carina. It would be flattering," (his tone became bitter) "if it weren't so fucking demeaning." After a pause, a downward glance at his own lap. "Are you taught to make your mark's body respond independent of his heart?"

Sarah blinked, and then Chuck was startled to see a tear drop from her eye and wet her cheek. Wiping it away with a brave, self-conscious smile, she started again.

"In Mexico, I mentioned moonlight."

Chuck leaned back, blowing out a breath slowly.

"I remember," he said, sweetening and softening his tone, affected by her tear and smile. "And I remember the moonlight. I saw the moon — blue — in your eyes."

Sarah smiled again, this time wistful, recollecting. "When you looked into my eyes, — that was the first truly romantic moment of my life."

Chuck's jaw dropped.

It was his turn to be silent.

It took him several seconds of processing before he closed his mouth, then several seconds more to use it for speech.

"The first?" He forced himself to meet Sarah's eyes, still blue but now moonless, and to watch her nod in answer.

Chuck held Sarah's eyes for a moment, and then Carina's words about Sarah came back to him. Believe me, you'll never know where you really stand with her. She's a 3D lie, you know.

Chuck let the words form in his consciousness, more like words painted on a wall than words spoken. He stared at words, as it were, neither assenting to them nor dissenting from them.

The words unformed. Chuck did not believe Carina but he also did not understand Sarah,

"But, Carina made it sound like you two had lots of romantic adventures. You know, interrogating marks, maybe together?"

Chuck was not sure why he asked, he was not sure he wanted to know anything about Sarah's time with Carina.

Sarah bit her lower lip and studied the floor.

She was still studying it when she answered. "Carina and I have a twisted, tragic history. When we were partners for a while," Sarah frowned, "we had a terrible effect on each other.

"We became friends, but it was a friendship built on rivalry. I thought she was unprofessional; she thought I was impersonal — that I had no personality and no personal life. As a result, she tried to outdo me in the field, and I tried to outdo her out of it." Sarah's eyes were distant; she seemed to be reliving particulars she was not relating. "But I don't want to talk about Carina, Chuck, or about those days. I want to talk about — the moonlight. About that night. About shaving my legs before we went out."

Chuck looked at her blankly. "Shaving your legs?" He shook his head. "Shaving your legs?" He repeated the words as if to make sure of them. "Ellie always shaves her legs before a date."

Sarah's response was simple and earnest. "Exactly."

Chuck did not immediately understand. A moment of silence stretched taut between them.

The moment snapped. And then he did understand, but he still seemed bewildered.

"But, if it was a date, why — "

"Because I didn't know that, for me, it was a date. I hid that from myself. But I shaved my legs. I didn't realize that was significant until later. — See, shaving my legs is — well, it's something I've never done…" she slowed, her voice lowering to an anxious whisper, "...never done before a termination."

Sarah dropped her chin and peered at Chuck, fearing his reaction.

Chuck leaned forward again, and put his index fingers to his temples, moving his fingers in small circles. His elbows braced on his knees. He kept rubbing.

He looked up, plaintive. "How do I respond to that, Sarah? I mean, even after all the Tell and Show? You weren't going to kill me because your legs were shaved? A Lady Bic Pardon? And even if that's true, how do I trust you, how, even if I want you?"

"You want me." Sarah echoed, straightening her posture, her lips curving into a slight smile, this one not self-conscious. "You want me?"

Chuck blew out a breath. "I've wanted you since you walked into the Buy More. Even with all that's happened, even though, afterward, I promised myself I would get even with you for what you did to me, I want you. The Intersect knows how I feel. It knew before I did. You're in my head. I can't stop dreaming about you."

Chuck sat back, shrugging more at himself than at her.

"But don't you see, Chuck," Sarah said after a moment, in an intimate voice. "You've been self-divided too; the way I was self-divided. Both of us knew how we felt — how we feel — and we both refused to acknowledge it. My training, and my years on this job, obscured my feelings from me. But they didn't keep me from shaving my legs. That computer in your head knew you were obscuring your feelings from you, and it prompted you to save me in Mexico. Your anger didn't keep you from throwing a frying pan."

Sarah paused, took a breath, then plunged forward before Chuck could respond. "I've made myself a promise, Chuck, a promise that my new mission was protecting you, and that I would do that even if it meant ignoring Graham, ignoring my CIA mission. You are my mission now. — Do you understand?"

Chuck put out his hands, a gesture of frustrated hope. "Shaved legs and frying pans? — So, when you came in just now, you were protecting me from Carina? That's why you grabbed her, threw her out?" Chuck's eyes flashed as he asked the questions. "You were just keeping me safe?"

Sarah blushed again and looked away.

She faced him after a moment. "It's not a good idea for us to pursue this right now. Not with Carina here. Graham didn't send her here just for information on Tyger. He sent her here to evaluate us."

"Us? You and me and Casey?"

"No, not Casey, at least I don't think so. He sent her here to evaluate us, you and me, to find out about our relationship. He's not sure he can trust me."

Chuck smiled, but grimly. "There's a lot of that going around."

"And I deserve it. I want you to trust me, Chuck, the way I trust you. I never worried you would avenge yourself on me. It's not who you are.

"I'll earn your trust if you'll give me a little just to start. I need a little; after all, from nothing, nothing comes. I'm asking you to go above and beyond, I know. Asking you to believe that the woman I have been, the woman I no longer want to be, is passing away. Not dead, but dying. I'm in transit, Chuck, from the woman I have been to the woman I want to be — the woman I want to be for you. A new woman.

"And no, Chuck, I didn't just save you from Carina. I was saving you," Sarah paused, swallowed, then continued with an obvious effort, "I was saving you for me."

It was the closest to a full-on speech Chuck had ever heard from Sarah.

The something he thought was going to happen had happened.

He started to respond when the office door opened.

Chuck and Sarah whipped their heads around to face the door. Sarah reflexively put her arm across Chuck, then leaned herself in front of him, shielding him.

Casey stalked into the office, his face dark, brooding, his suit rumpled worse than usual.

"Where is she? Where's Miller?"

Carina got out of the Uber a distance from Sarah's apartment complex.

She did not want to run into Casey, not on the heels of the run-in with Sarah.

Carina shook her head as the car pulled away.

Walker has feelings for Bartowski. That lanky goof has melted Icee. She could have anyone she wants, and she wants him. Jesus!

Walking quickly, thinking more quickly, Carina found a way into the complex that allowed her to skirt Casey's apartment. She walked behind the apartments, on a thin sidewalk guarded by trash cans and recycling bins.

Eventually, she emerged from behind the apartments, near the one she knew was Bartowski's, walked fast past the fountain, and up to Sarah's door.

Dipping her hand into her purse, scanning the area (no one was outside), Carina grabbed her lock-picking tools, all kept on a convenient key chain and disguised as keys.

She was choosing a tool, about to open the door when she heard a voice behind her.

"Hi! Are you looking for Sarah? She's not home."

Carina dropped the tools back into her purse and turned to find herself face to face with Bartowski's sister, Ellie.

Ellie was far prettier than the file photo Carina had seen, the one in the file Graham supplied Carina, but there was no mistaking Ellie: she had her brother's eyes and his quick, generous smile.

Carina smiled in return. "Um, yeah, I am looking for Sarah. I'm an old friend of hers and she told me to meet her here." Carina shrugged good-naturedly. "Maybe she's forgotten me."

Ellie looked puzzled; she picked up Carina's word but said it differently. "Maybe, but that's not like Sarah. Details are her thing. She was here a while ago, but she left before I could say anything to her. She works with my brother, Chuck, at Appocalypse Enterprises. They design phone apps. You know, computer stuff."

Never look a gift horse in the mouth. Carina smiled.

"Oh, yes, Sarah mentioned that she had a new job, that she was working for a new company. She promised to tell me all about it when I got to town."

Carina realized that Ellie was considering her outfit, her seduction clothes. She wasn't dressed for a casual visit.

"Forgive the way I'm dressed. I intended to twist Sarah's arm. We used to do a lot of clubbing, and I was hoping I could convince her to go out with me tonight. I dressed to make it hard to say no." Carina smiled at her double meanings.

Ellie's brow knit. "Sarah, clubbing?" She asked as if the two words together were an oxymoron. "She doesn't seem the clubbing type; at least, I've never known her to go clubbing since she's been here."

"Left to her own devices, no. But I've always been good at getting Sarah to push her boundaries, spread — her wings, you know," Carina winked.

Ellie stiffened. "Oh, well, I don't know about all that. I don't know her all that well, and I don't know much, if anything about her past, now that I think about it." She paused, taking stock of herself. "I'm sorry if I seemed judgy; it just surprised me."

Carina made a no problem gesture and then looked around the apartment complex. "Do you live here?"

"Yes, sorry again — I do. My name's Ellie Bartowski. My brother, Chuck, lives with me and my boyfriend, Devon, right over there." Ellie pointed to the door. "If you want, you can come to our place and wait. It'd be more comfortable." Ellie glanced at Carina's legs. "If Sarah said she'd be here, I'm sure she will be here soon."

Carina nodded, and gestured at herself. "I'm Carina Miller. Thanks, that'd be nice. Don't really want to stand here long in a skirt this short."

"Then follow me. I've got fresh chocolate chip cookies cooling in the kitchen; I made them for Chuck and Devon but there are plenty. I'll make coffee. I don't work tonight."

Right. Doctor. The boyfriend too. "That's kind, thanks," Carina said, falling in beside Ellie as Ellie started toward her door.

"I'd love to hear more about your brother and Sarah, about their work."

"Sure, and I'd love to hear more about Sarah," Ellie said, a slight giggle of anticipation in her voice.

Carina smirked to herself. I bet you would.

Sarah shot Casey a baffled look. "You know Carina?"

Chuck stared at Casey, then his eyes shifted focus. "Wait, you were once on a mission with Carina, weren't you?"

Sarah's eyes narrowed. "I didn't know that."

Casey just nodded without any explanation. He looked at Sarah "She's in town, right?"

Sarah was silent. Chuck answered. "Yes, she was here a little while ago. — But you weren't on that mission with her for long."

Some of the energy drained from Casey, but he sneered. "No, but we happened across each other one snowy night…She saw, we came, she conquered."

His heavy shoulders sank. Casey crossed to the armchair and fell into it like a stone. "We were kind of a thing, not that she would ever admit it. Bitch."

"How did you know she was in town?"

"She called me to tell me she was in town, but that I was supposed to act like we only knew each other professionally. Beyond that, she wouldn't explain. But — fuck that. Damn spook skirts!" He growled, then paused for a moment, and nodded apologetically to Sarah. "Present company excluded."

The comment surprised Sarah, Chuck could tell. She glanced at Chuck. Chuck was grinning, and then his grin bubbled into laughter.

Casey frowned aggressively. "What's so funny, numbnuts?"

Chuck waved his hands, exasperation making him stand. "This, all of it. Us, all of us." He gave Sarah a significant glance. "Spies and feelings. It's like you can't do this if you aren't emotionally constipated — unless your bowels are frozen." He waved his hands in wider circles. "And, yes, I mean 'bowels' as a pun, in the Ex-Lax sense, the gut, and the Biblical sense, the bowels that include the heart."

Casey looked at Chuck. "But whoso hath this world's good, and seeth his brother have need, and shutteth up his bowels of compassion from him, how dwelleth the love of God in him?"

"Casey?" Chuck and Sarah asked in tandem.

The big man laughed mirthlessly. "I grew up Catholic. Altar boy. Not that you'd know it, but I looked good in that tunic."

The quotation and the image seemed to have shocked Chuck into seating himself again.

"So, Carina didn't tell you why she was here?"

"Hell, no. Just gave me my we-hardly-know-each-other marching orders."

"I'm almost certain she's here to evaluate Chuck and me, with emphasis on me."

Casey gave Sarah a long, contemplative look before speaking. "So Graham suspects you want to download the Intersect's precious bodily fluid?"

Chuck blushed but tried to cover it with a quip. "This from the man who just quoted scripture."

Sarah had blushed again too. She ignored the comment and did not look at Chuck. "We need to figure out what to do about Carina before she — "

"Fucks us all," Casey said, finishing Sarah's comment.

Ellie poured Carina a cup of coffee. A plate of chocolate chip cookies was on the table.

Carina picked up a cookie and took a small, exploratory bite. Damn, that's good.

Ellie sat down after pouring a cup of coffee for herself. She too picked up a cookie.

"So," Carina said, "tell me all about Sarah and your brother."

A/N: This is, in effect, what I planned as the second half of Chapter 26. But had gone so long without posting that I wanted to get something up, so I posted the first half by itself.

Expect future chapters to return to normal length.