The day had been going so well. They were well on their way back to the Dark Kingdom. The Captain, though protective of the princess, was still nice to Varian. Rapunzel had been treating Varian with more patience than he probably deserved from her. He still didn't trust her, but he didn't think he was scared of her anymore.
As for Horace, things with him were actually getting better. The prince didn't treat him badly, or try to act like everything was okay. He gave Varian space, and didn't force him to spend time with him or even talk to him. Horace did things exactly the way that Varian wanted him to, and he was slowly starting to trust him a little bit. Not completely, but just enough that when Horace asked if Varian would be okay with him joining him and Lance in making breakfast, the boy had said it would be okay.
And it was. It was actually better than okay. It was nice. They talked, they laughed, and while things were far from normal Varian could almost pretend that they were actually friends again. Varian wasn't stupid enough to think that this would last, but it was nice to at least pretend.
Varian was starting to relax and enjoy himself. For the first time since they had left Corona they were having a peaceful breakfast together. No fighting, no distrustful glances, and nobody coming up with an excuse to eat breakfast somewhere else. It was just them and a relaxing breakfast.
But the peace couldn't last, just because that wasn't the way that Varian's mind worked. When Varian was calm and relaxed his mind wandered. He didn't think about anything specific, he just let his thoughts stray, and that was a mistake.
He thought about the journals that had been given to him by Rapunzel, and how he was just starting to scratch the surface on translating them. Going through the journals and making a snail's pace at translating them was probably the most fun Varian had had since leaving the Dark Kingdom.
As Varian thought about the journals he wondered if there was any information in them that could help get rid of Zhan Tiri. He knew that he had cursed the world when he took the spear out of the tree, and if there was any way that he could clean up his own mess then he wanted to do it. It shouldn't be somebody else's job to fix his mistakes…except…wait a minute.
Varian froze and stared at the ground. His eyes moved rapidly back and forth as he imagined that he was back in the tree. He tried to recall every little detail he could. He must be remembering it wrong. He needed to go over the facts.
Fact: He had been trapped in the goo, immobile and unable to move his hands and feet. There was not a shred of doubt in Varian's mind that he was remembering that part right.
Fact: The spear had been pulled out of the tree, freeing the power of Zhan Tiri.
Fact: The spear had been used to dissolve the goo. That was the whole reason why Varian had taken the spear in the first place.
But something wasn't adding up. Ever since Horace and Adira had found out about the spear they'd been saying that Varian had been the one to pull it out. He hadn't seen a problem with that claim, because he knew that he was responsible for the spear being pulled out of the heart, and he was the only one hearing Zhan Tiri's voice, and it only made sense that if she revealed herself to anybody it would be to the one who freed her. But now that he was thinking about it he realized that they were wrong.
Varian hadn't been the one to pull out the spear.
How could he have been? The only reason the spear had been pulled out was because Varian needed to free himself, but while he was trapped he was unable to move at all, so he couldn't have pulled anything out. He had to ask for help.
Varian's eyes widened in realization and he suddenly shot to his feet. Ruddiger was the one who had pulled out the spear. And this past year there had been many times when Varian had thought he'd seen a green glow to his raccoon's eyes, but he'd convinced himself that he was just imagining things. After all, why would a raccoon's eyes ever glow a magical green?
Unless, of course, there was a powerful ancient sorceress involved.
Varian didn't like this theory at all, but he couldn't just dismiss it because it made him uncomfortable. He was a scientist and a warrior, and that meant that he didn't duck his head away from a problem. He faced it head on. He had to investigate.
Varian muttered an excuse of some kind that he barely paid attention to before he ran off to where he had left Ruddiger napping near Demanitus' journals. He didn't notice the confused and concerned looks sent his way by Horace and Lance. He had something far more important to worry about.
Varian ran to the other side of the carriage and immediately froze in his tracks when he saw the sight before him.
Ruddiger was no longer sleeping against Varian's books and notes, like he so frequently did. The raccoon was wide awake, and his glowing green eyes shook Varian down to his core. If the eyes weren't enough of an indication that something was wrong with Ruddiger, what he was doing was a huge clue.
The raccoon was sitting in the middle of a pile of ripped books and tattered pages. Ruddiger was chewing aggressively on one of Demanitus' journals. Some of the other journals had already been gnawed and scratched at. One of Varian's own journals, which had his translation notes in it, was completely torn apart.
"No!" Varian felt like screaming, but he didn't want to get anybody else's attention yet. He just barely kept his shout just above a whisper. Varian ran to Ruddiger and quickly picked him up. "Wha-what are you doing?!" Ruddiger shook his head and looked at Varian curiously. His eyes were back to the normal black.
Ruddiger chirped at him in concern and sniffed at his face. He looked like he had no idea what was wrong. That somehow made it hurt even more. Tears gathered in Varian's eyes. He gasped and let out a short sob. He held tightly to Ruddiger and buried his face in his fur as he cried against him.
Varian didn't know what he was supposed to do. Ruddiger was his constant companion and oldest friend besides Horace, who didn't really count right now. The thought that Ruddiger might not really be Ruddiger right now, that he might have been possessed by Zhan Tiri or something, it was a terrifying thought.
Varian whimpered and squeezed Ruddiger just a little too tightly. His legs were shaking so much that he sank down to the ground. He wanted to curl up into a ball and forget about everything, but he was scared that he would just get another nightmare.
After being abandoned by Horace Varian had thought that he would never feel so alone, but at this moment he felt lonelier than ever. He thought that he'd had Ruddiger at his side every step of the way, and now he didn't even know if he'd had that. If Zhan Tiri had taken over Ruddiger's being, if she'd actually possessed him, then Varian really had been all alone, and the thought made him feel like he was going to be sick.
A dark feeling built up in Varian's chest. He hated this. He'd felt so comfortable and almost happy just a few minutes ago, and now, even with Ruddiger in his arms and people that he liked just barely out of sight, he felt like he was the only person in the world. If felt like the loneliness was going to swallow him up whole.
He needed help.
"Lance, can you come help me?" Varian called out. He sounded way more scared than he wanted to, but nowhere near as frightened as he actually felt.
"Yeah, I'm coming." Lance's response was immediate, and Varian felt instantly better. Maybe this was something that he should talk to Adira, or maybe even Horace, about, since they knew a lot more about Zhan Tiri than Varian did, but he was scared, and wanted a reassuring voice to tell him that everything was going to be okay, and Lance was a lot better at that than Adira, and a lot more trustworthy than Horace.
Lance came running around the back of the carriage. He faltered for a second when he saw Varian sitting on the ground surrounded by his ruined journals and notes, but he quickly recovered. Lance went to Varian's side and knelt next to him.
"What happened?" Lance asked quietly. He put a hand on Varian's shoulder. The boy whimpered and leaned against Lance, wanting to be hugged tightly, and Lance didn't let him down. He put his arms around Varian and held him close.
"Are you okay, kid?" Lance asked. Varian shook his head. "Can you tell me what's wrong? I mean, I know that your books are kinda a mess, but we can fix that. I'm sure it's not nearly as bad as it looks."
"I-it's not that." Varian said as he pet Ruddiger. The journals were scratched up, but they were durable. Varian's private notes were in the worst condition, and while it would be inconvenient to have to start his translations over, it wouldn't exactly be from scratch because he remembered things.
Varian took a deep breath. "F-forget for a second that we know that Zhan Tiri was responsible for the voice I was hearing. Do you remember where I said the voice was coming from? Who I thought was talking to me?"
Lance was quiet for a moment. "You said it was Ruddiger."
"W-well, I don't think I was wrong." Varian said. "Have you seen Ruddiger's eyes glow?"
"Well, yeah, but I thought I was just imagining the green." Lance said. "Or maybe it was a reflection of the trees we were always around."
Varian shook his head. "I think it's magic. Zhan Tiri's magic."
"You…hang on, what are you saying?" Lance asked.
"I'm scared that Zhan Tiri is possessing my raccoon." Varian said. "Maybe I'm just being paranoid and looking for things to be upset about, but there are all of these little clues that I can't get out of my head."
"Okay, okay," Lance adjusted himself and pulled Varian closer. "Talk me through it. Is it just the eyes and voice, or is there more?"
"There's more." Varian said. "I heard the voice a lot more when I was upset, or angry, and it just kinda fed into everything, but I didn't hear the voice at all when I was first locked up in the dungeon. I didn't feel Zhan Tiri's presence or anything until Horace showed up…with Ruddiger."
Lance wasn't dismissing Varian's fears or calling him crazy, and he wasn't trying to drag Ruddiger away from his grip either because he was too dangerous to be around. He just listened.
"Do you remember when I asked you if Horace had said that he had real friends in Corona?" Varian asked quietly. He pushed past the pain that the memory caused him. "For the first time in his life."
Lance gave him a sympathetic look. "Yeah, kid, I remember."
"Did you ever wonder how I knew?" Varian asked. Lance shook his head. "It was the voice. It told me in a dream. Zhan Tiri knew exactly what Horace had said. I-I know that a powerful sorcerer can know anything they want, but what if the voice knew because it was there? Because Ruddiger was there?"
Varian squeezed Ruddiger close, just a little too tight, making the racoon whine and squirm slightly. "But the biggest thing is that I wasn't actually the one that pulled the spear out of the Great Tree. That was Ruddiger. Technically, he was the one that freed the power of Zhan Tiri."
Lance was quiet for a minute. "Do you really think that Zhan Tiri is using Ruddiger as a vessel or something? Or is this just a worst-case scenario that you're stressing about?"
Varian wished that he was just worrying for no reason, but the evidence was there, and it made sense. "I think Zhan Tiri's actually there." Varian said. "That she's getting to me through Ruddiger." Varian gestured around them. "I mean, look at what he did. Ruddiger would never destroy my notes."
"Yeah, he wouldn't." Lance agreed. He sighed. "Okay, I know this is kinda scary, but we can get through this together, right? We'll just have to keep a closer eye on Ruddiger, and maybe you don't cuddle with him when you sleep anymore, see if that improves your nightmares that you say you can't remember."
"I can't remember them." Varian said defensively. He tried to pull away from Lance, but the man hushed him and pulled him close.
"I know, I know." Lance said quietly, comfortingly. Varian reluctantly relaxed. He had mixed feelings about being reassured, because he knew that it was far too easy for somebody to just be giving him empty comfort. He didn't want to be patronized and not taken seriously, but that wasn't what Lance was doing. His voice was sincere, and Varian had never been given any reason to not trust Lance.
"I-I just don't know what to do." Varian sniffled. He leaned back against Lance and let the man's arms envelope him completely. "I-I've been alone for so long, and I felt like Ruddiger was the only thing keeping me sane, but has he not even been himself this whole time? D-did I not even have Ruddiger?"
"Hey, hey, don't think like that." Lance said. "Look at the little trash panda now. He's a cuddle bug." Lance was right. Ruddiger was currently curled up in Varian's arms, nuzzling him and licking the tears from his cheeks. He was comforting him the same as he had been doing for several years.
"Now, maybe I just don't know a lot about demon sorcerers, but I don't think of them as big cuddlers." Lance said. "And even if Zhan Tiri's a great actor, it's impossible that he's good enough to fool someone as smart as you for this long."
"Y-you don't think Zhan Tiri's possessing him?" Varian looked at Lance hopefully. The man hummed thoughtfully.
"I'm just saying that maybe it's not a constant, all the time thing, you know?" Lance said. "Like, maybe Zhan Tiri is in control sometimes, but he's mostly just your old buddy."
Varian took a deep, shuddered breath. "M-maybe" He was still scared, but he didn't feel absolutely terrified anymore.
"And even if you don't have Ruddiger, well, you still have me, don't you?" Lance gave Varian a charming smile that the boy couldn't help but return. As worried as Varian was, Lance had a way of making everything seem better.
"Yeah." Varian gave Lance a shaky smile. "Thanks."
"Hey, no problem, kid." Lance said. He gave Varian one more reassuring squeeze before he let him go and started gathering up the papers and books. "I've got your back, no matter what." He gave Varian a gentle look. "Everything's going to be okay, alright? It doesn't matter if we're dealing with magic princesses, runaway princes, or scary demons, we'll get through this together."
Varian nodded, feeling just a little bit better. He set Ruddiger on his shoulders and started to gather his notes and books. He had to make sure that this mess was cleaned up before anybody else saw it. That would just bring unwanted questions. Varian may appreciate Lance's support with this whole thing, but he didn't think he wanted anybody else to know about it.
"C-can we keep this between us?" Varian asked. "Please, you can't tell anybody else. Especially not Horace or Adira." They were the ones who were the most concerned about Zhan Tiri's influence. What if they thought that Ruddiger was a lost cause right now, and the best thing to do would be to get rid of him before he could cause anymore trouble?
Varian knew that would probably be the smart thing to do, but he didn't think he could take it. He'd lost his prince. He was separated from his dad, and his home. He couldn't lose Ruddiger too.
"I won't say a word." Lance said. "This can just be our little secret."
Varian let out a sigh of relief. "Thank you." He and Lance finished cleaning up the notes and securing them in the chest that they had borrowed from Corona for Varian to put his things in. Varian washed his face in the river, making sure that there were no visible tear tracks on his face. If he didn't want anybody else to know about what was going on then he needed to make sure that they didn't know that anything was wrong.
Once Varian was sure that he had complete control of his expression, and he had a tight hold on Ruddiger, he followed Lance back towards the others. Varian was confused to find that Horace and Adira weren't in sight. Only Rapunzel and the captain were waiting there. The princess gave him a small smile, though there was concern in her eyes.
"Is everything okay?" Rapunzel asked.
"It's fine." Varian said stiffly. Lance put a hand on his shoulder and Varian relaxed. He didn't trust hte princess, but she didn't deserve his animosity right now. She was trying. The least that Varian could do was return the favor.
"I'm fine." Varian insisted in a softer, more gentle tone. "There was just something I had to check in the journals."
Rapunzel brightened. "So you like them?"
"Yeah, they're great." Varian said. It was the closest he had come to thanking her for the journals. His voice was still tense and cold. He really did appreciate the journals, but he didn't feel comfortable enough around Rapunzel to show his enthusiasm around her. And at the moment thinking about the journals just made Varian think about everything that was going on with Ruddiger and Zhan Tiri. Varian had far too much on his mind to properly show his gratitude to Rapunzel.
"Where're the others?" Lance asked as he brought Varian to sit down again, getting him a new plate of food. Eating was the last thing on Varian's mind, but Ruddiger was more than happy to eat his pancakes for him.
"Eugene said he had to talk to Adira about something important." Rapunzel said. "They left just a minute ago." Varian had no idea what they could be talking about. His mind immediately jumped to the worst, that Horace was asking Adira to take Varian from here so that he and Rapunzel could go back to Corona. What if Horace had just been on his best behavior so that Varian would let his guard down?
The boy pushed that thought to the back of his mind. He didn't trust Horace right now, but he wanted to, so he had to at least try to see the best in him. Besides, even if Horace did want to leave again, Adira would never let him get away with it. Maybe Horace wouldn't stay in the Dark Kingdom forever, but that was something that he would have to talk to his father about, which meant that he had to return home, even if it was just temporarily.
Varian didn't want to think about Horace leaving the Dark Kingdom forever. That was the reason why he had gone after him. Horace was his prince. His friend. His brother. Varian felt like his whole life revolved around him. But if there was one good thing that came out of this whole mess, it was that Varian didn't think he had to rely completely on Horace anymore. He had another friend. Another brother who encouraged Varian to explore who he was outside of the Brotherhood.
Varian would fulfill his responsibilities as best he could, because he'd been taught better than to give up just because things got hard. But after Horace was home, and Zhan Tiri wasn't a concern, maybe Varian could retire from the Brotherhood, just for a little bit. He could just enjoy being home, let his dad coddle him overprotectively like he surely would for a long time, and catch up on some alchemy experiments that he'd thought of in his off-time
Varian loved the Dark Kingdom, but he was starting to see that maybe his dad was right and being a knight just wasn't for him. He could find another way to help his family though. He didn't have to be a great warrior to keep his home safe, he just had to be smart, resourceful, and creative, and Varian was definitely all of those things.
He just hoped that he wasn't banished from the kingdom or something along those lines because of how much he'd messed up. King Edmund was a surprisingly forgiving man, but he still had responsibilities to his kingdom, and Varian knew that there were some things that just couldn't be excused. Varian expected his family to be disappointed with him, and he knew he would have to be disciplined for his behavior in Corona. He was willing to accept whatever his uncle decided was best. He just hoped that in the end he got to stay home, because that was all Varian had been working for for all this time.
If only he knew how to make the Dark Kingdom feel like home for Horace again. Maybe then the prince wouldn't leave, and everything could go back to the way it was before, but even better.
But that was a fool's wish, and Varian wasn't a fool. He knew that nothing would ever be the same again, and just when things started to improve they got even worse than before. It was almost tempting to just stop hoping and dreaming, because then it wouldn't hurt so much when things fell apart.