Varian hadn't thought that everything would fix itself just because they got home, but he thought that things would at least get better. If they weren't in Corona, or around Rapunzel, Maybe Horace would be able to ease back into contentedness and they could start to pick up the pieces. And surely once they were back with the rest of the Brotherhood they'd be able to clean up the mess that Varian had only made worse.
He'd thought that even if things couldn't go back to normal, they'd at least get better. This…this wasn't better.
"You abandoned my son?!"
"He tried to make things right."
"He should have never allowed things to get this far in the first place."
"Did you really not know what Demanitus' spear looked like?"
"Don't you dare blame my son."
"The only one blaming anybody here is you."
"I'm not blaming him, I'm just trying to figure out how we could have neglected something so important. Or should I say how you could have neglected it, because you're the one who insisted on not teaching your son our history just because you can't handle the thought that he can deal with so much more than you give him credit for."
"He's still just a child. Just because he can handle things doesn't mean that he should. He shouldn't have been left alone."
"Nobody's arguing with you about that, but that wasn't what I was talking about."
"No, because you're far more worried about the threat of an ancient sorcerer than the safety of my son."
"Zhan Tiri can be a threat to the whole world, including Varian. Of course I'm worried about it."
"If you're so worried about Zhan Tiri why are you so unconcerned about the threat that Ruddiger poses?"
"Because he's a raccoon!"
"I've seen you slaughter humans who even think about unleashing Zhan Tiri's power, but a raccoon is where you draw the line?"
The Brotherhood had silently listened as Horace spent the past few hours telling them everything that had happened since they'd been gone. Every once and awhile Lance would cut in to share Varian's point of view, since the boy wasn't quite up for talking about it himself.
Everybody had listened quietly with very little interruptions, but a fair amount of disapproving glares and sighs. Things had gone so well while Horace told his story, and Varian had started to calm down the more that was heard. He would have thought that it would have been painful to hear the story all over again, like it was just a reminder of everything he'd been through. In a way it was painful, but it was also a little cathartic. The Brotherhood now knew what was happening. They could fix everything.
As soon as Horace was done with his story, the patient quiet was over. Varian's dad's anger and concern had been building up this whole time, and now he was letting it out, and he wasn't just aiming it at Horace.
Varian felt sick to his stomach. His family was supposed to make things right, but all they'd done was fight with each other. They were all blaming each other for everything that had happened. The Brotherhood fought a lot, but it seemed so much worse this time. There was so much anger and resentment. They weren't having a discussion, they were just shouting.
It had been going on for so long that Varian didn't know who was saying what anymore. The words and voices all just blurred together. Varian started to block out the accusations themselves. The sentiments were the same.
His dad was mad at everybody. Adira was defensive about what had happened with Ruddiger, and then mad at Hector for not siding with her. Hector was mad at Adira for what she had done, and frustrated that the others weren't focusing on what he felt was the most important issue.
Edmund was the only one who wasn't mad, and that just angered the others even more. Whenever he tried to diffuse the Brotherhood's Frustrations they would just turn their anger onto him.
It all went into a big circle. Varian thought that there was some relief in the fighting as things finally started to calm down, but then Edmund had mentioned that it would be nice for Horace to be home, and Rapunzel took that opportunity to jump into the fighting herself. She passionately scolded Edmund for the way that he treated Horace growing up.
She used the words abuse and neglect, which startled Varian. It felt just a little extreme, and Horace seemed to agree. He jumped to his father's defense, which just made Rapunzel fight for his sake more passionately. Varian hated it. Rapunzel didn't really sound scary, but the tone in her voice, the stubborn determination with just a dash of fear, was the tone that she used when she had hurt him.
Once Rapunzel had cut in, the fighting picked right back up again. Now that she had drawn attention to herself Varian's dad started yelling at her for hurting him. Horace tried to defend her. He didn't really defend her actions, he just didn't want Rapunzel to be yelled at, and Varian felt similarly right now. He just wanted everybody to stop yelling at each other.
Of course, because Varian's dad was so mad at Horace he just turned his anger back to him. He went so far as to accuse Horace of caring more about Rapunzel's feelings than Varian's safety, which Varian didn't think was entirely fair.
He didn't say a word to defend Horace though. He didn't want all of the anger to turn on him instead.
Varian didn't think that his dad would yell at him, at least no like this, but he was still scared. He hadn't thought that his family would be fighting like this either, and just look at where they were.
Varian sighed and drew his legs close to his chest, squeezing Zmeya tightly as Ruddiger curled up against him. All of this fighting was almost enough to make Varian want some peace and quiet again, and the desire made him feel sick to his stomach. He'd worked so hard to get back home. He should be grateful, but he just wanted it to stop.
Then again, it didn't really feel like home right now.
Varian stiffened when he felt a touch on his arm, but he quickly relaxed. He knew that touch. He turned to look at Lance, who was watching him with concern.
"Are you okay?" Lance asked.
Varian meant to say yes, but the words got caught in his throat. He really didn't know why words were escaping him, but talking just felt so wrong. He decided to not instead, but he barely nodded once before his head started to shake back and forth instead in an indication of no. He really wasn't okay.
Lance gave him a sympathetic look. "Do you want to talk about it?" This time Varian did mean to shake his head, but he ended up nodding instead. Traitorous head. He was fine, even if he wasn't okay.
Lance smiled gently and took Varian's hand. He began to slowly pull him away, and Varian felt a rush of panic. He couldn't leave his dad. Not again
"Hey, hey, it's okay." Lance said. "We're just going somewhere a little quieter. It's a little loud in here, isn't it?"
Varian's face crumpled as he felt like he was about to start crying. This was so pathetic. He was sixteen years old. He was a trained warrior. More than that, he was finally being given exactly what he had wanted for the past two years. He shouldn't be getting so upset just because his family was fighting.
They continued on. As soon as they were out of the room tears started to fall from his eyes. He cried silently as they walked through the tree. One of Hector's bearcats followed behind them. When Varian was younger he had been a little bit annoyed when the bearcats occasionally just followed them around the castle. It made him feel like the Brotherhood didn't trust him. Now though it was a big comfort. He knew that the bearcat wouldn't let anything happen to him again.
When they'd walked far enough that the echoing sounds of arguing couldn't be heard anymore Varian started to truly cry, sobbing and gasping for breath. He really didn't want to cry, but he couldn't help it. At least he knew that Lance wouldn't judge him. The man had a lot of experience providing comfort and company.
Once Varian started crying Lance stopped them where they were. He sat on the ground, and Varian practically collapsed to lean against him. Lance held Varian close as the boy cried. He didn't push Varian to talk about something that he wasn't ready for. He just sat patiently, letting Varian set the pace.
Finally Varian's tears subsided, though he was far from calm. It was just more of a numb pain than a crying one. Varian blinked and just stared blankly ahead of him as he pet Zmeya.
"I don't know what's wrong with me." Varian said quietly when he finally felt up to talking, and even then it still felt off.
"You've had a tough couple of years." Lance said. "Now you just finally feel like you're allowed to get upset about it." Lance sighed. "And when I was growing up I saw a lot of kids that came from homes where a lot of fighting happened. It can really mess you up."
"I thought that everything would be better once I was back with my family." Varian said "I knew they'd be mad, but I didn't think they'd be mad at each other, and that feels worse, and I don't know why."
"You know, I don't think you really need a reason why." Lance said. "You're allowed to be upset, even if you don't understand why."
"But I should be better than this." Varian grimaced as he felt like he was about to start crying again. Apparently he wasn't quite out of tears. He hated this.
"Says who?" Lance said.
"Says me." Varian squeezed his stuffed dragon. "I'm home now, so why do I still feel homesick?"
Lance hummed thoughtfully. "Maybe you just don't feel comfortable here. This is where Horace left you, wasn't it? And where that whole thing with Zhan Tiri started. You've had some bad experiences here."
Varian shook his head. "Please don't say that I'll feel better when I'm actually back in the Dark Kingdom. I'll just get my hopes up all over again, and when I end up feeling like this at home too it'll just hurt even more."
Lance gave Varian a sad look. "No promises that I can't keep, right?"
"Right." Varian said. "I just can't take it right now."
"Okay." Lance said. He stood up and pulled Varian to his feet. "Do you want to try to walk off this anxiety? It doesn't always fix things, but it can sometimes help."
"Yeah, okay." Varian said, just because it was too hard to think of a reason to stay, and he felt like he couldn't say that he wanted to stay unless he had a real reason.
They continued walking, with Lance pulling Varian along. Ruddiger took the lead, running down the twists and turns. Sometimes when Ruddiger chose a certain tunnel Hector's bearcat would trot ahead of them and growl and nip until they turned around. Varian didn't know what was down those paths that they were herded away from, but he knew that the bearcat wouldn't drag them away unless it was really important
They made their way up and up until they found themselves on a branch midway up the tree. The sun was starting to rise, but they couldn't really see the sunrise itself. The sight to the east was cloudy, overcast, and almost ominously dark. Varian couldn't help but feel comforted when he saw it.
"That's the Dark Kingdom." Varian said.
"No kidding." Lance said. "That's your home?"
"It looks scarier and more lonely than it really is." Varian wrapped his arms around himself. "At least, I think so, but I guess Horace didn't agree." Varian sighed. "You know, me and Horace sat in the tree just before he left. I knew that something was wrong, but I didn't think it could be that bad. I thought that he was just having a hard day. If I'd known that he was thinking of running off I would have…I don't know, but I would have done something. I could have talked to him, or reminded him that I was happy to go with him."
"But would you have been happy?" Lance asked.
"Not really." Varian said. He didn't like not being at home. "But at least I would have been with Horace. At least I wouldn't have told Ruddiger to take out that stupid spear. Even if I wasn't happy, I could have at least been happier than I am now."
Varian liked to see the Dark Kingdom, but it also made his homesickness stronger. He couldn't sit up here anymore. He took a deep breath and made his way back inside of the tree. He didn't want to talk about his feelings. He just wanted to relax, as well as show his appreciation to Lance. The man did so much for him. Varian wanted to return the favor.
"Do you want to see something really cool?" Varian asked.
"I'm always up for seeing cool things." Lance said. "What've you got in mind?"
"I know Horace said that King Edmund would tell you guys about the moonstone, but do you maybe want to see it for yourself?" Varian asked. Ruddiger and Hector's bearcat looked at him in shock, but there was no growling and biting, and that was as close to approval as he could get from them.
Varian knew it was reckless to show people the moonstone, but he wasn't worried about it. Lance was his brother, which meant that he was practically a member of the Brotherhood. It was only fair that he knew about the thing that the kingdom had dedicated their lives to protecting.
"Are you sure?" Lance asked.
"I'm sure." Varian said, and he couldn't remember ever being more confident of anything. "I trust you."