Varian didn't know exactly where the moonstone was being kept in the tree, and even if he did he didn't know if he'd be able to find it. The Great Tree was huge, and Varian hadn't spent any significant time here since he was a little kid. When he was really young he would be with his dad when it was his month to guard the tree. That had all stopped after Varian had those series of nightmares. After that Varian would stay with Adira and Hector while his dad was gone, and once or twice a year Varian's dad would call in a favor and ask Hector to take his month at the tree for him.
While Varian didn't know his way around the tree, Hector's bearcats did. The beast that had been previously following them reluctantly took the lead. They weaved in and out of tunnels, and with every step they took he felt more and more comfortable. Varian thought this might be the first time that he had spent meaningful time with Lance when he wasn't worried about finding Horace or getting home. It was nice. It actually felt like they were having an adventure because they wanted to, not because it was part of something they needed to do.
Varian couldn't help the small spring in his step as they went through the tree. Even though he hadn't spent a lot of time around here, Varian had heard enough about the exotic, dangerous, and sometimes magical plants and artifacts that were around the tree. Hector was always ready to talk about the Great Tree and the work that he did here, and Varian liked to hear from him, because he was probably the only person in the Brotherhood who wasn't endlessly, needlessly, and frustratingly vague. Hector said what was on his mind, whether somebody wanted to hear it or not.
Varian told Lance everything he remembered. He didn't know how accurate it was, as he still didn't know if the suits of armor that lined some of the halls were actually haunted with the spirits of those that died in an ancient war, or if Hector had been pulling his leg with that particular story. Regardless of the validity, Lance hung onto every word that Varian said. He always was a really good listener.
As they got deeper into the tree it was darker. Varian didn't think anything of it. He just pulled some vials and chemicals out of his bag and put together a simple concoction that would glow. He could do this kind of thing in his sleep.
Varian knew that they were going the right way when he saw some black rocks on the walls. It was a beautiful sight, and despite the destructive nature of the black rocks Varian found comfort from them. These rocks felt like home.
Varian put his hand on one of the rocks. "Looks like the moonstone has been working its magic."
"The moonstone is magic?" Lance frowned slightly. "Really?"
"Very." Varian said. "You know about the sundrop, right? The flower that gave Rapunzel her magic?"
"I've heard of it." Lance rubbed the back of his neck.
"Well, the moonstone is like the sundrop's other half." Varian said, repeating what he'd heard Adira say dozens of times. "They're perfect opposites. Sun and moon. Life and death. Healing and destruction."
"So it's evil magic?" Lance asked.
"Hardly." Varian said. "Death and destruction aren't inherently evil, they're natural parts of life. But they can be very dangerous. The Brotherhood's purpose is to keep the moonstone out of the hands of people who would want to use this power for their own selfish desires. It's a very important job, and we take it very seriously. It's why me and Horace were raised to be warriors and protectors. The responsibility is going to be passed down to us."
Varian faltered slightly in his steps. "At least, I always thought it would be. I'm not so sure anymore."
"Do you want that responsibility?" Lance asked.
"I don't really know." Varian admitted quietly. "This is all I've ever known, and I've been proud of it. I've always wanted to help people, even if it's a thankless job, and this was my way of doing it. But I wanted to do it with Horace. I want to learn how to trust Horace again, but I don't know if I'll ever be able to trust him in the way that I would need to to protect the moonstone with him."
Varian sighed and squeezed Zmeya. Ruddiger chattered and climbed onto Varian's shoulders, nuzzling against him. "Besides, I don't think that Horace will be very happy to have that responsibility. I think he might do it out of a sense of guilt, but I don't want that either. I don't want him to make himself miserable for my sake, the way I was doing for him. I know how much it hurts."
Varian frowned slightly. "But the moonstone needs to be protected, and if we don't do it then who will?"
"It shouldn't be your job to worry about that." Lance ruffled Varian's hair in an attempt to pull him out of his melancholy. It worked just a little bit.
"But it is." Varian said. "I don't want to let them down."
Lance hummed thoughtfully. "It sounds to me like your family are the ones that are letting you down."
Varian found himself agreeing a little bit, and it left him feeling incredibly guilty. His family was doing their best. So what if they weren't perfect? Nobody was. Varian definitely wasn't. He felt like it would be hypocritical of him to judge them.
Varian shook his head. He didn't want to think about this anymore. He had brought Lance down here to talk about the legacy of his people, not to wonder just what the future of his kingdom held for them.
Fortunately, they were getting closer to the moonstone. Varian could see the blue glow of the moonstone, and he was suddenly hit with a strong sense of déjà vu. This glow in the darkness was unnervingly familiar, and when Varian realized why he found himself stopping in his tracks, his breath getting caught in his throat.
"It was here." Varian said breathlessly. So much of the Great Tree looked the same to him, but there wasn't a doubt in his mind that he knew this very place. "The heart of the tree. This is where the spear was. This is where I made Ruddiger…" Varian's breath quickened. "This was where Horace left me."
"Here?" Lance looked around, as though he could see some signs of it after all this time.
"I'm sure of it." Varian said. He hugged Zmeya tightly, looking for some physical reassurance. He didn't need to say anything for Lance to know what he needed. He put his hand on Varian's shoulder and gave it a tight squeeze. Varian leaned into the touch, appreciating the reminder that he wasn't alone anymore.
Varian took a deep breath and shook his head to try to chase off the unease he felt here. He tried to pretend that he wasn't in the heart of the Great Tree, and was instead in the moonstone chambers back home. It wasn't hard to do. The presence of the moonstone and black rocks made it really easy.
"Anyway, this is the moonstone." Varian pointed to the glow. It was in the heart, right where the spear used to be. There were black rocks surrounding it, bringing out the glow of the moonstone and making it a little hard to see, but once your eyes adjusted to the brightness you could see the shimmer of the opal itself.
Lance leaned in to get a closer look. His eyes widened with awe as he got a good look at it. "That's the moonstone? It's beautiful."
"Isn't it?" Varian gave a small smile. "I've never really been allowed near it."
Lance didn't look away from the moonstone, but he tilted his head towards Varian. "I thought you guys were its protectors."
"The grown-ups are the ones that protect it." Varian said. "I'm just a little too young, I guess." Even as he said it he realized how odd it sounded. His family had never seen age as a big issue. Varian had joined the Brotherhood at the age of five. He'd been trained to be a warrior even before then. Why had he never protected the moonstone, or even been allowed near it? Horace had been helping his dad guard the moonstone for as long as he could remember. Why was Horace, irresponsible as he was, trusted with that and Varian wasn't?
Varian furrowed his brow. He'd never thought a lot about it before, and yet now it was really bothering him. Why wasn't he trusted with the moonstone? Wasn't he as much a part of the Brotherhood as any of the others? He'd gone through the training. He'd proved his loyalty and dedication. He had the symbol. Why wasn't he good enough?
Varian's head ached a little bit as Ruddiger nuzzled up against him. Did his family not trust him as much as he thought they did? Were there secrets of the Brotherhood that he wasn't aware of? Were they just humoring him, and they didn't really see him as one of them? Was it just because he was young, or would this never change? Would he forever be not quite part of the Brotherhood, always on the outside looking in?
Varian bit his lip and fiddled with Zmeya's wing. The bearcat whined and nudged against Varian. The boy sat on the ground and buried his face in the bearcat's fur as it nuzzled against him and licked his face.
Varian didn't know if it was a side effect of erasing his memory or not, but Varian felt so young right now. He felt lost, underestimated, and overwhelmed by so much. He felt like he couldn't handle what he was faced with, and yet he was disappointed and anxious that he wasn't trusted with more.
"What's wrong with me?" Varian asked quietly.
"What was that, kid?" Lance asked, distracted. Varian felt like his heart seized. He lifted his head and looked at Lance with wide eyes, but the man only had eyes for the moonstone. Varian's breath quickened and his hands shook as he seethed.
Varian knew that it wasn' fair to get so mad at Lance for this. He hadn't really been talking to him, and everybody got distracted sometimes, but that didn't mean that they didn't care. But Varian was so sick and tired of not being listened to. Of not being respected, or taken seriously.
Ruddiger pushed underneath the bearcat so he could push at Varian, pawing at his face. Varian held Ruddiger close. He remembered…something. Last time he was here he had a nightmare, or dreamed about a memory, something along those lines. He'd almost forgotten about it, but he remembered this one just because of that voice in his head. Zhan Tiri.
If he was remembering his dream right, and if that dream was accurate to what had really happened all those years ago, Varian had heard Zhan Tiri talk to him as a young child. She'd tried to convince him to steal the moonstone. Was that why he still wasn't trusted around the opal? Even before Ruddiger had been influenced by Zhan Tiri, had his family thought that he would take the moonstone?
Did they really think he was that easily fooled and manipulated? That with one small whisper he would crack and ruin everything that their people had worked to protect for generations? Did they think he was that weak?
And were they right? Varian had let the whispers lead him to telling Ruddiger to take the spear out and freeing the evil power. In just a few months he'd followed Zhan Tiri's advice and let her influence him in ways that he didn't even understand now. How could he have been so stupid? It was no wonder his family didn't trust him. Varian didn't trust himself.
But he should. He was a good warrior. He was smart and resourceful. Why should he doubt himself with the moonstone? Because Zhan Tiri might trick him? She was capable of tricking anybody if she wanted to, why should Varian be the only one singled out? Maybe Zhan Tiri was using reverse psychology, and she was just making Varian doubt himself so that, should he have to defend the moonstone, he would hesitate and falter.
Varian took in a shuddered breath as he pushed himself to his feet. Though it wasn't talked about often, Varian knew that every few years somebody in the Brotherhood would go through extensive meditation and training before taking the moonstone just for a few hours. They did this partially to see if they were worthy to protect the moonstone, and partially to make sure they could use it if they absolutely needed to. After all, if they were attacked and someone came after the moonstone its greatest defense was itself, and though the moonstone could lash out on its own, it definitely worked better when somebody was wielding it.
What if Varian was the only one around to protect the moonstone, but he didn't know what to do with it? If he was to be a good warrior he needed to be able to use the moonstone, just in case. And if Varian wasn't worthy to protect the moonstone after all, then it would be better to know that now.
Varian stepped towards the heart. He ducked underneath Lance and, ignoring the man's concerned question about what he was doing, reached out for the moonstone. As he got closer to it Varian could feel a slight chill through his gloves. It sent shivers down his spine, but it also felt good. Comforting. In one moment Varian felt connected to his ancestors and his people. This was the thing that they had given their lives to protect, and it was Varian's turn to take up the mantle.
Just before Varian's fingers touched the stone itself he felt a sharp piercing in his leg. Varian yelped in pain, which quickly became a cry of alarm as his leg was pulled back, yanking him off his feet. Varian fell, hitting his chin harshly on the ground. He groaned and looked over his shoulder to see the bearcat biting his leg and growling. Varian's breath got caught in his throat.
"W-what are you doing?" Varian whimpered. He was so busy staring at the bearcat that he didn't take notice of the blood on his leg. "W-why?" Varian had never been scared of or threatened by the bearcats. He'd known them his whole life, and they knew him well. Why would the bearcat attack him now?
Did…did it really see him as a threat to the moonstone. After all these years did the bearcat actually see him as an enemy now? That almost hurt more than the bite did.
Between the betrayal and the physical pain Varian could do nothing to keep tears from falling from his eyes. "You guys really don't trust me."
The bearcat stopped growling and its eyes softened. It was still biting him, but the hold was less painful and more firm. The bearcat wasn't trying to hurt him, it was just trying to keep him away from the moonstone. It should be a reassurance, but Varian didn't feel any better. For the bearcat to not trust Varian around the moonstone, it meant that Hector didn't trust him around it, and chances were that Edmund, Adira, and Varian's own dad didn't either.
Varian closed his eyes and began to sob openly. The bearcat whined and released his leg. It came closer to Varian and tried to nuzzle against him again, but he cringed back. The Brotherhood kept on hurting him. He trusted them, but they didn't trust him back. Everything that Varian tried just made things worse. It stung.
The bearcat gave a pitiful and non aggressive growl. It licked Varian's leg, as though in an apology. The boy yelped in alarm and pulled his leg back, ignoring the pain. The bearcat made a questioning sound, which was cut off by a thumping sound and a whimper of pain. Varian's eyes snapped open and he looked to see the bearcat several feet away, splayed on the ground. It looked like it had been knocked back.
Near Varian's leg was a black rock, but it looked odd. Instead of the sharp point that all black rocks had, this one was flat and thick, giving it a blunt edge.
Varian stared at the black rock for a long moment before he felt a gentle hand on his shoulder. Lance. He was here, and Varian wasn't alone.
"Are you okay, kid?" Lance asked.
"No." Varian said. His voice shook. "No, I'm not." Tears continued to fall down his cheeks. Everything's just getting worse, and I don't even know what's going on anymore." Varian sighed. "Everything hurts, and I just want it to stop."
Lance was quiet for a long moment. "You fight so hard all the time, and you shouldn't have to. Do you trust me? Will you let me fight for you?"
Varian didn't hesitate. He nodded.
"Alright." Lance said. Varian could hear the smile in his voice. "I'll take care of everything. I'll fix things. Whatever you need, I got you. Just rest, and I'll take care of the rest."
Varian blinked a few times. He really was tired. Maybe he was just being overly emotional because he was tired. He closed his eyes just as Lance picked him up. Varian felt Ruddiger's fur tickle his neck as he nudged against the raccoon that was sitting on Lance's shoulder. When had Ruddiger got off of Varian and climbed on Lance?
Varian squinted his eyes open ever so slightly, only to see a bright blue color, just like the glow of the moonstone. Had the moonstone gotten brighter? It must have. It was probably just glowing more because it had just used some of its power to summon that black rock.
Although, why would the moonstone attack the bearcat when it was just trying to protect it? Maybe it was just a mistake, or an accident. The black rock had probably just been a warning to Varian, because he really wasn't worthy of the moonstone, and the bearcat had just been in the wrong place at the wrong time.
That had to be it. Varian felt like he should be hurt that the moonstone might be rejecting him, but he was just so tired. He really couldn't care anymore. It just hurt too much.