Steve the Headcrab

Chapter 4

Kleiner spent the next half hour "calibrating" the orange suit that he had kept in the storage room. Steve swore he saw cobwebs all over the thing, too. After taking a short break to wipe the sweat off of his brow, Kleiner turned to Steve.

"Ah, nearly finished! Now, Lamarr, we'll be having some guests in a bit, so be on your best behavior!"

"Oh, I'll behave all right," Steve chirped, "just until you get that teleporter working."

Kleiner chuckled and turned back to the suit, with Steve walking up to examine it himself. Apparently this was the same suit that Gordon had worn at Black Mesa, but as to how it came to be in Kleiner's possession now, Steve had no clue. Neither did Kleiner, apparently. Since then it had been upgraded - Kleiner called it the "Mark V" - and was soon to be occupied by one Gordon Freeman. Steve walked around the side of the machine containing it to get a different view, when suddenly the room went dark and the shutter closed, trapping him in the storage room.

"Hey idiot, I'm still in here!" Steve yelled, annoyed with Kleiner's egregious mistake. He eventually found his way towards the small strip of light that had slipped between the shutter and the floor and began to claw at the shutter. All his chirps and growls went unnoticed by the human on the other side. That was one of the most annoying things about Kleiner (among many, many other grievances). Steve at least had the decency to (unwillingly) learn the human language, but Kleiner never even made an effort to learn his. Maybe if Kleiner actually listened more, he would give Steve something more than watermelons to eat, for starters. Oh, and he would let him out of the storage room, but that was obvious. Kleiner would have to open the shutter anyways once Gordon got here, so Steve decided to find somewhere comfortable to nap until then.

Steve was awoken by some noises and voices on the other side of the shutter.

"Well, is he here? ..There you are! Man, Gordon! You stirred up the hive!"

Gordon's finally here, huh? Took him long enough. With all the speedy jumping around he did I thought he'd be here earlier, Steve chuckled to himself. Then, he had an idea. As punishment for locking him in here, Steve would pounce on Kleiner as soon as the shutter opened. Sure, it wouldn't hurt him any, but it would really startle him, and Steve wanted to see the look on Kleiner's face when it happened. As he listened in on the humans' conversation, Steve noticed a distinct lack of Gordon's voice. He was able to tell all the other voices apart, but why wasn't Gordon saying anything? Steve thought it was rather rude, not that he cared about human etiquette at all or anything. Steve was so lost in thought that he almost didn't notice the footsteps approaching him. The shutter opened, the lights turned on, and he pounced! ...right onto Barney's head.

"Damn it! Get it off me!" Barney yelled, tossing Steve to the floor. Oh no he didn't. Steve was having none of that, thank you very much. He pounced again! ...only for Barney to duck, sending Steve with into the wall. Ugh, how embarrassing... Steve sighed. Regaining his composure, he jumped on top of a nearby locker to rest. And there he saw him: Gordon Freeman.

Much like their last encounter, Gordon was hopping about the room, seemingly bored with the other humans. At least we have something in common, Steve thought, continuing to observe him. The humans didn't seem surprised by this behavior, so Steve assumed that this was just a Gordon thing. Then, Gordon started doing something strange. He picked up a binder and began bopping the others on the head with it. Once again, they didn't even seem to notice. In fact- wait a minute. Did Kleiner just suddenly shift a few feet to the right? No, couldn't be... Must have been his imagination. He was snapped out of his thoughts by Barney getting a bit too close into his personal bubble.

"Get that thing away from me!" Barney yelled.

"Fine, I'll be outta here soon anyways!" Steve retorted.

"Here, my pet. Hop up." Steve turned around to see Kleiner gesturing to his head. He had a better idea, though. He spied the ventilation shaft above him and made a few jumps up to it, knocking down several objects on the way up.

"No, not up there! No, no! Careful, Lamarr! Those are quite fragile!" Steve ignored Kleiner as he made the final leap into the vent. He began to go over his plan one last time. Still dazed from his rude awakening and roughhousing with Barney, Steve was having trouble remembering all the details.

Okay, Kleiner said they're doing a double teleportation, Steve recounted. Perfect. If the first one works fine, then I can hop a ride on the second one! Just gotta wait for the right moment, then I'll be home free! Although, after the cat incident... Steve shuddered, then shook himself to get it out of his head. No, no time to worry about that. This is my chance! I'll finally be out of this dump! Steve knew the ventilation system well by now. He slowly made his way towards the teleporter room, going over his plan once more. For a moment, Steve wondered if he was forgetting something. Something like a very important step that could cause disaster if it wasn't done. Well, if it was that important, then surely he wouldn't have forgotten it in the first place. As he approached the exit, he looked down and saw the grate below him.

Ah. Well that puts a wrench into the plan. Steve realized that he wouldn't be able to easily see the teleportation for himself without giving his hiding spot away. At least he could still listen in to the events. It was better than nothing, he supposed. He eased himself down the shaft and found a comfortable position to sit in while he awaited the results. He wouldn't have to wait long, though.

"Very good. Final sequence. Commencing... now."

"I can't look."

Steve froze as he heard yelling from a very panicked Alyx, then everything went dark. As lights began turning on again in the room below him, Steve was anxious to see if his escape plan would finally come to fruition. He had to resist the temptation to leave the vent and and find out.

"Well, did it work?" Kleiner asked.

"See for yourself," the voice of Eli Vance replied.

"Hey, Doc!"

Never in his life did Steve think he'd be happy to hear a human voice. But that voice meant that the teleporter had worked successfully, and that in mere moments he'd have his chance to strike. Steve's heart was beating quickly, and the sound of the lift starting up again made him antsy. He'd just have to wait for the perfect moment...

Three...

"Excellent. Initializing in three... two... one! Barney? If you'd be so kind?"

Two...

"Good luck out there, Gordon."

One...

"Yes, indeed. We're ready to project you, Gordon. Bon voyage, and best of luck in your future endeavors! Final sequence."

Now!

Steve stomped on the grate, dislodging it and letting him drop into the room.

"What the hell?"

"What is it?"

Can't get distracted now, Steve thought, finding his bearings. Now where's Gordon?

"It's your pet, the freakin' head-humper!"

Steve turned towards the teleporter and set his sights on Gordon Freeman.

"Lamarr? Hedy! No!"

Dr. Kleiner's pleas were ignored as Steve made the most important jump of his life. He leapt towards Gordon, and his vision turned white.

This was a long chapter. I'm not used to writing long chapters. Or writing in general, for that matter. Oh well, hope everyone's enjoying the ride nonetheless.