Steve the Headcrab

Epilogue

In the bustling city of Crabachusetts, down some less-traveled roads, through a secluded alleyway, inside a mostly-empty café, sitting in a booth in the corner by the window, Steve the Headcrab was typing away on his CrabTop. He was fully aware of how much he fit the stereotype of the starving writer, but these days he was caring less and less about others' opinions about him. That's why he liked this small café, though - it was almost never busy, and the staff knew to not bother him. He was going to finish writing this thing even if it killed him (which, considering the subject matter, would be quite ironic).

Suddenly, a noise came from the CrabTop. Did that publisher finally get back to him? Oh, it was just a chat message. Steve decided he might as well answer it; he needed a bit of a break. He opened up the chat client.

DAVE

yoooo steve
stevie
stevemeister
steveageddon

STEVE

I got your notification the first time.
What's up?

DAVE

same old same old man
our little village is thriving now
we dont have a mayor but if there was theyd totally elect me
yeah... mayor dave sounds pretty good
you think theyd give me one of those cool sashes majors get?
anyways howve you been?

STEVE

Well, I'm still looking for publishers for this thing.
Seems like getting into this industry is as difficult as any other.

DAVE

you still sure you don't want to change the name?

STEVE

What do you mean?

DAVE

come on steve
"My Half-Life On Earth"?
there are better ways to make a scifi sounding title
itll never catch on

STEVE

Hey, come on, I thought it was neat!
Although, you do have a bit of a point.
Maybe I should change the description from "nonfiction" to "fiction."

DAVE

well no wonder nobodys gone for it yet!
i dont want to play off all the crap you went through but
not everyones gonna believe your story
most of your readers probably havent ever left their home town
much less going to another world entirely

STEVE

I'll agree with you there, begrudgingly...
Well, if I'm turning this into a fiction story, maybe I can make it a bit more fantastical.
Artistic liberties, you know?

DAVE

yeah go for it!
you can make yourself a badass headcrab hero
and while youre at it maybe you could even give me a bigger role bwl

STEVE

"bwl?"

DAVE

come on dont you know internet slang?
maybe you should use your computer for more than just writing sometime
oh yeah before i forget
do you still have that weird statue thing?

Steve knew exactly what Dave was referring to - Gordon Freeman's parting gift, the strange statue of a short human wearing a tall red hat. Steve was still surprised he managed to lug that thing into his apartment. It kind of clashed with his other furniture, but it was sentimental. It would also be a good conversation starter... if he ever had anyone visiting, that is.

STEVE

Yeah, I still have it.
Why do you ask?

DAVE

did you ever catch it talking again?
i still think its haunted dude

STEVE

Yeah, well, I'm still a skeptic.
I told you, the "talking" was probably a figment of my sleep-addled brain that night.
And the "laughing" could easily just be kids playing outside.
You really want this to be a thing, don't you?

DAVE

im just saying
a haunted human statue could make you more famous than that autobiography ever could!
you could be on talk shows
get books written about you
and if they make a movie theyd better get someone good to play me

STEVE

I'm not shelling out the money for a surveillance system for it on a hunch.
Besides, you do realize that's less believable than my story, right?
And it's not exactly what I'd want to be remembered for, either...

DAVE

oh fine
be that way
but if you do ever catch it again let me know though ok?
anyways i gotta go
mayor stuff yknow?
good hearing from you steve
later!

STEVE

Yeah, see you later, Dave.

Steve closed the chat client and sighed. That Strider could be a handful sometimes, but Steve was glad that he had someone on his side. He wasn't really sure where his life was headed now, but one thing was certain - it was a hell of a lot better than how Earth treated him.

Steve tabbed back into his writing program, sat up straight in the booth, and took a deep breath. "Well Steve, this book isn't going to write itself."