CH 3 - PRINCESS PRIVILEGE

I'd been exhausted, in body, mind and soul, but still sleep provided little relief.

Nightmares of Jurian and Hybick ravaged my mind, distorted memories of what they'd made us do. The blood and bodies of my friends, of innocent human villagers, and even the fae that we'd killed. All of it flashed through the dark corners of my mind, torturing me, until I jerked awake, covered in a cold sweat and breathing panicked, shallow breaths.

As I steadied my racing heart and mind, I kicked off the sheets of that perfectly soft bed and rose on shaking feet. It took a second for the dizziness to pass. The hunger, a perpetual ache in my gut, seemed more empty and angry this morning.

Too bad, it would have to wait until I returned to the Mortal Realm. I wasn't about to get so close to escaping Prythian only to stumble into some faerie food-trap at the last minute.

For a moment, I struggled to remember the handmaids names to summon them, but when I remembered, "Cerridwin?" And she appeared, in a blink. She was so fast, I wondered if she wasn't always just standing there, invisible to me.

"Yes, Dellia?"

"Did you manage to repair my clothes?"

She nodded, although her face pinched a little. "They are very worn," she said, pulling them out of thin air with magic. "I don't think they will survive another laundering."

That was fine with me, as I didn't plan on laundering them again. When I got back to the Mortal Realm, they were getting tossed. I just needed them for today. She handed it to me and I thanked her, and the faerie vanished again.

She'd done a better job than I would have hoped with my clothes, but I could tell she wasn't being facetious that weren't going to last. They felt thin and threadbare against my clean skin. I made it to my sink to wash my face, but was horrified to see the person looking back at me in the mirror.

The gaunt, tired face staring back at me with sad brown eyes— I barely knew myself. And my hair— oh, I could have cried if I wasn't so exhausted. I wasn't normally this vain, but in a fit of rage early on in my captivity, Jurian had hacked off my auburn hair. It had been long, down to the middle of my back even in a complicated braid. And now, it fell in short, lopsided waves around my shoulders, and when I felt the back of my head, it was jagged and all the way to the base of my neck.

Fucking Jurian.

The other human captives, I was surprised they recognized me at all.

"Cerridwin," I called again, and she appeared in the reflection of the mirror, standing behind me. "I need some scissors, please. Desperately."

"For your hair?" She asked tentatively, like she didn't want to offend me. I couldn't possibly be offended at this point, I was so numb.

"Yes."

She reached a dark hand back into the nothingness around us, like she was searching through an invisible cupboard, and pulled out a pair of hair shears. "Would you like me to do it?" She asked. I looked back into the mirror. I'd never cut my own hair before, I always had an aid or a handmaid to do it. And although my instinct was not to trust faeries, I smothered my pride and fear and said, "That would be great, thank you."

"I'll just even it out," she promised, and I sat in a chair at the vanity next to my sink. She ran her long, soft hands though my hair a few times to rid it of knots and then began to section out the hair and trim.

I didn't speak, and neither did the faerie, so all I heard was the soft sound of falling hair and the snip snip snip of shears, metal sliding against metal. She finished relatively quickly, and stepped back so I could get up and look in the mirror again.

"A significant improvement," I said, as I touched my hair again. She had managed to straighten the ends, and now my hair fell in a sweeping bob from the shortest part at the back of my neck, to just above my shoulders in the front. "I hadn't realized my hair was wavy," I said, "It's normally quite long."

"It's pretty," she said, "Red hair. In the Prythian, we would have assumed you were from Autumncourt with hair like that."

"All the red-heads live in one place?" I asked with a chuckle.

She grinned. "Kind of. Just like many people here have dark hair, dark eyes. Those are the typical Nightcourt features. In Autumncourt, its a lot of red hair."

I looked at myself again in the mirror, and Cerridwin brushed some fallen red strands off my shoulders. "Thank you so much," I said, and truly meant it. I didn't look like myself at all, but this one thing helped me feel a little bit more like the Dellia I was before my life exploded.

Azriel and Rhysand were speaking in low voices when I approached them in the study Cerridwin had directed me towards. Rhysand smiled when I entered and Azriel nodded.

I saw the sun was glowing gold thorough the windows, casting a beautiful yellow light on the books and tables and couches in the room. But the light seemed to bend from the faeries, like the darkness of them swallowed it up. And now, I saw even Rhysand had a little bit of shadows flowing out of him like tendrils— but not nearly as much as Azriel.

But that golden light— when it dawned on me what that meant, I asked with immediate panic, "Is the sun setting? Have I slept all day?"

"We didn't want to disturb you," Rhysand said. "You needed to rest and recover."

It felt like any relief I'd gained from that long rest and fixing my hair had evaporated when I realized I'd lost another day in Prythian.

"I- I need to go home. There's a faerie out there kidnapping people and using them for war! I have to warn everyone along The Wall. I should have never come here, I should have gone straight there-"

I hadn't seen them move, but suddenly felt Rhysand's hand on my shoulder. "It's alright. We sent people to warn them."

I rolled his hand off and put distance between us with a sidestep. "They won't listen to the fae, they don't trust you."

"And they'll listen to you?" He asked, his voice hinting at a challenge.

"Yes!" I said, exasperated.

"Why?" Rhysand asked, "You know everyone along the border?"

"Everyone knows me."

Rhysand and Azriel exchanged glances and immediately I felt a pit develop in my stomach. Like I'd just stepped on a snare and hadn't even noticed it tighten around my leg.

I told myself not to think. To think about anything else. Think about the beautiful setting sun. Think about how obnoxious the fae were. Think about the soft, perfect bed. But don't think about home. Don't think about-

I saw Rhysand's eyes assessing me, and in this light I saw they were actually a very dark blue with flecks of violet. The corner of his mouth turned up just a hair, hinting at amusement. "Stay out of my mind," I yelled at him. "And take me back to the Mortal Realm already. If I'm your guest, then prove it, and let me go. Or else just say I'm a prisoner and stop deceiving me already."

Whatever was hinting at a smile faded away and Rhysand said, "You aren't a prisoner."

I crossed my arms. "Take me back, now," I demanded, and just because I figured as a 'High Lord' not many people demanded things from Rhysand I added, "Please."

Rhysand sighed and said, "Something has come to my attention. Answer me this, are you Dellia Monroe, Princess of Scythia?"

Lie I thought, lie so he will let you go. But what good was a lie to a person who could hear your thoughts?

"If you already know the truth then why ask?" I snapped, "And why do I fear this newfound knowledge will prevent me from returning home?"

Rhysand and Azriel were silent. I scoffed and stepped further away from them. Feyre must have recognized me. Or else they figured it out some other way. I suppose I should have just been honest from the start. My identity was hardly a secret on the other side of The Wall.

"I'm Princess by birthright, but not in practice or power. I do nothing for the court or my sister. I don't even speak with my family regularly and I haven't seen the Queen since her coronation."

I pointed to the window. "Take me back to The Wall now, or I will walk there myself," I looked back at Azriel, remembering what he had said in the woods when we first me. "Damn however far it is."

Rhysand turned to Azriel and shook his head very slightly. But Azriel's hazel eyes were on me when he whispered back to him. Rhysand seemed to consider whatever it was Azriel told him before gesturing towards me. "Fine." And then he just— vanished. And it was just me and the shadow-covered faerie, alone.

I blinked again, frustrated that he'd just left. Hoping he would return in another blink. He did not. "Where did Rhysand go?" I asked, my tone not hiding the irritation.

"He'll be back," Azriel replied in that low voice, the sound a shadow would make it if could speak.

Faeries, I thought with terrible spite. So rude. So self-important.

I looked out the window just to busy myself with anything other than thinking about how I was alone with this frightening creature who was always followed by thick, black shadows.

The view of the setting sun over the ocean was stunning, but it made my heart ache a little. It was the opposite of what we'd see where I lived in Scythia, where we only ever got beautiful ocean sunrises on dark, rough waters.

Very far in the horizon, I thought I saw a ship. "Do you get traders out here?"

"Many," Azriel replied, and he walked over to the window next to me to see what I was looking at.

"Any from the Mortal Realms?"

"A few, certainly."

That was good to know. I felt Azriel's eyes on my back, assessing me. Pulling my gaze from the window, I matched his stare.

"Are you going to take me home or not?" I asked, no hint of civility in my tone.

The faerie nodded and I felt my heart grow lighter, even if I did not fully believe him. "Good, thank you."

He gestured to the couches and offered me a seat. When I did, he sat on a chair next to me. I could see the shadows around him swell as he leaned in. "Why do you have those?" I asked, perhaps rudely.

"I'm a shadowsinger," he said quietly. "It's a rare gift."

"What kind of gift are shadows?"

"The shadows hear and see things others don't notice. Shadows are everywhere. I can manipulate them, travel thought them, and learn the secrets people tell in the dark."

"That's," quite scary, I wanted to say, "Very unique."

The shadows seemed to swirl around him again, I saw even some flowing over his ear. Probably telling him what a liar I was.

"I'd like to ask about your sister," Azriel said, his face assessing and unreadable. I tried to keep my expression muted as well.

Even though I knew who he meant, I still said evasively, "I have three, so you'll have to be more specific."

"The Queen."

Of course. "Vassa, my oldest sister."

"What is your relationship with her?"

"Borderline nonexistent. Like I said, I haven't spoken to her since her coronation a decade ago."

"Why is that?"

I struggled to find the words to explain something like that. "We had no falling out, if that's what you want to know. I bear her no ill will. We just— we're very different."

"Tell me more."

Bristling, I said. "Why do I feel like I'm being interrogated? Where is Rhysand, and when exactly am I going home?"

The shadows coming off Azriel seemed to creep closer to me, especially as the sun began to fade beyond the horizon. I folded my feet back away from them.

"We can assess when you will go home when I have the answers I seek."

A non-answer. I stood up in frustration, and headed to the door. "I'm going back to my rooms."

"The longer you delay," Azriel called, his voice calm and low, "the longer it will take for you to spread the word about what's coming. All the humans along The Wall you want to protect are at risk until then."

I spun on my heel, anger rising in my heart. "They're at risk because you lot won't send me back! Because some faerie psychopath wants to kill and kidnap them until he has enough for an army to fight you!"

I felt the earth rattle at my feet and I quickly calmed myself. "I'm sorry," I said when I saw Azriel's hand had tensed against the arm rest of his chair. I certainly didn't want him to reach down and grab the dagger he kept on him. "I- I don't have full control over that."

When I had calmed down, Azriel stood up. Instinctually, I took another step away from him to keep my distance.

Every move I made, I felt his hazel eyes registering, calculating. It felt like he was trying to read my soul.

"There's something we'd like from the human Queens, and they've been unwilling to help us so far," Azriel started. "If you asked your sister to do something, would she do it?"

I scoffed. "Absolutely not. She doesn't hold her throne by doing whatever anyone asks of her." I rubbed my temple. "And if Rhysand is considering keeping me here to pressure her for some sort of exchange, I can promise you that would not be well-received. And you definitely got the wrong sister."

I felt myself growing increasingly upset. "Is it money you want? I can give you whatever amount you want, and we don't need to involve my sister." There had been almost no problem I'd encountered that couldn't be solved with gold—until I'd met Jurian.

Azriel shook his head very slightly, his gaze so intense, like he was analyzing my every word.

I was getting flustered with frustration. "I- I don't know how to explain this any more clearly, but I don't have any political influence, despite my title. My power is with the people— I have relationships all over the Mortal Realm as a merchant and business owner. I have risen entire cities out of poverty through business enterprises. And I use my own finances, so I'm not subject to the wishes or control of my sister or any other Queen. That is why whatever you are planning won't work. I don't have that type of relationship with Vassa where I work for or with her and request things from her."

Azriel nodded. "You've said you want to warn the people yourself. You don't think telling your sister would be a quicker course of action?"

I hadn't really thought of that. I relied on Vassa so little in my day-to-day that telling her first hadn't really occurred to me. As Queen, I was certain she was aware of what was happening along The Wall. With the amount of humans that I knew Jurian had taken, she would have to be completely incompetent to not have heard about the attacks on the villages, or the kidnapping of her own sister.

How those attacks had persisted, and more humans came under Jurian's control— that part I didn't know.

"I would do both, I suppose," I conceded after some thought. "But the Queen is in the middle of the realm, in the capital city, and those at risk are in villages along the Wall, where I was attacked. The priority should be there."

I groaned, having a hard time bottling in all this anxiety. I had to leave, whatever it took. Why couldn't these faeries understand that? Why were they dragging their feet? "Please, just tell me what you want from me and I'll do it. I have to return to the Mortal Realm. Please, Azriel. Even just to warn one town, and then we can come right back."

Azriel gestured to the couch and I reluctantly sat back down.

"Tell me about your sister, and I'll take you to The Wall," he said, taking the seat next to me.

A promise. I could hold on to that, the hope that provided. In the Mortal Realm, a promise was everything. Your word, it was the most important thing, the reflection of your character. I didn't know if faerie's held the same weight for a promise as we did, but it still made me trust him. Hopefully that wouldn't prove to be a foolish mistake.

And so I told Azriel everything, anything I could think of about Vassa. He never interrupted me, never asked me a question, just sat there listening. His expression was muted but his eyes were so intense, I never felt like his attention strayed from a single word.

It seemed like I talked for an hour straight. "I- I don't know what else to say," I concluded. "Have I given you the insight you wanted?"

Azriel nodded. "Oh, great. Let's go, please," I said with relief.

I held out my hand so that he could vanish us to The Wall, but Azriel just stood up and started to walk away. I felt my heart sink to my stomach. "Where are you going? I thought we were leaving?"

"I need you to do something for me first," he said as he went to a desk against and retrieved a paper and pen. He motioned for me to come over to him, and I reluctantly obliged.

"I want you to write to your sister. Tell her what happened to you and request an audience with her. And tell her to supply the item we seek."

"What item is that?"

"She will know."

"Well I don't know, how am I supposed to ask for an item if I don't know what it is?"

Azriel tapped on the paper. "I'll direct you."

I was nervous, putting the pen to paper. In my gut, I had a feeling this was not going to end well for me. Vassa… she was very clever, and she would see right though this if it wasn't coming from a place of complete honesty. And adding this part about some mysterious object— she'd sense a trap. She was court-trained her whole life, cunning, and wicked intelligent. And she didn't particularly care for me, or what I wanted or thought.

I wrote the whole letter myself, with no input from Azriel, until we got to the part about the item the faeries wanted.

My Queen and sister,

I write to you after surviving the most terrifying ordeal of my life. It is critical you read this and act quickly to prevent this from happening to anybody else.

A faerie named Jurian abducted me, my guards, and townspeople along The Wall three months ago. He did this in an effort to create a captive army of slaves to go to war for him in Prythian. He used a cursed artifact to retain full control over us during this time. I had no voice, no action that he didn't explicitly direct. He forced us to do many horrific acts of violence, and perpetrated such violence upon us.

I was the sole survivor of a battle that Jurian abandoned me at. It is the only reason I am alive— that the faeries I was forced to fight showed me mercy, and freed me from Jurian's control. Now that I am myself, I am able to write to you. I beg you to heed my warning and honor my request.

You must warn our people along The Wall to leave their villages. That area is Jurian's hunting ground, and he will continue to prey upon the humans he finds there.

Also, there is an item that has been asked of you and the other Queens. I implore you to supply it. It is absolutely crucial to stopping the forces that threaten to destroy our home.

Please, sister, I have wanted nothing of you as Queen. But I ask you now to do everything in your power to stop this threat while you still can, before any more people are taken, enslaved, and tortured. I survived, but I know of no others who have. And I fear there will be no others if we don't act quickly.

I would like to tell you this and more in person, for it is hard to communicate on paper. Please send word back at your convenience and I will come. And to prove this is truly me writing this, under no duress, I'll add that your favorite macaroon flavor as children was the green pistachio one, which no one else could tolerate.

With respect, your sister.

Dellia

When the letter was done I handed it to Azriel who folded it, and sealed it with the crest of what must be the Nightcourt. Hopefully Vassa knew what that was. "You know there's a chance she'll ignore this. Or that she'll think it was you all that abducted me, not Jurian. She might not believe that I wrote this of my own free will."

I was nervous about how she would interpret a lot of the letter, especially the vague part about the item the faeries wanted. If they'd already requested this item of her, and she'd been unwilling to oblige, I worried that when I asked for it she would instantly be suspicious. I hoped it wouldn't impact her warning the villages along border of Prythian.

The letter vanished in Azriel's hand in a black shadow of a swirl, and he turned to me. "We'll see. I believe despite the emotional distance, you might have more sway with your sister than you realize. You're independent, and you do bring prosperity and positivity to your realm and others. She may view you as a goodwill ambassador to her court. And the Queen doesn't need to concern herself with your activities, because you raise no concern. It doesn't mean she doesn't care."

He held out his hand, which was still swirling with dark, smokey shadows and said, "Let's go to The Wall."

Azriel's shadow power was very— interesting. The cloudy blackness swirled around us when I took his hand in mine, blocking out everything but the faerie and I. The space was completely silent, but the thundering of my heart and my breathing. But then, just as quickly as when Jurian and Rhysand had vanished me away, the shadows dispersed.

I looked around, and saw we had appeared in the forest just on the outskirts of a town. I didn't recognize it at first from the little light I could see. But then I smelled the fumes. "Bardstown," I said and Azriel nodded. This town was known for growing tobacco and making cigars. I knew it well, as I'd funded quite a few of the smoke shops and farms in the area when they were young businesses, and I sold their products all around the Mortal Realm.

"Let's go," I said, ready to run towards the village. The faerie made to follow me, but as he did so, I watched the shadows swirling around him disappear, as if they were pulled back inside him. And the fae qualities about Azriel, his sharp features like his ears and cheekbones, and powerful wings vanished as well. In the end, he looked himself, but if he were human. He looked surprisingly handsome.

"I don't want to scare them," he said quietly. "After you."

I hadn't even made it all the way into town when a group of women spotted Azriel and I walking towards them. At first one of them looked curiously at me, probably wondering why this stranger looked frantic and halfway to hell, but then her eyes widened.

"Princess Dellia!" She cried out, pointing, and immediately people began to emerge from their homes to see me. They rushed over, and the woman held my hands, tears streaming down her face. "We thought you'd perished!"

"I nearly did."

The humans, my people, they were all talking and crowding Azriel and I, asking me a million questions, shouting their well-wishes, thanking the forgotten gods I'd survived. I felt my heart splintering in my chest, because while I was so flattered and thankful that they were happy I was alive, the guilt was so immense in my soul, it felt like it was suffocating me.

Everyone else was dead. Everyone.

When more than three dozen people had gathered around, I said loudly, "Listen everyone, this is a matter of life and death. The creature that took my group from Perth, and other humans from villages along The Wall—he will come back, and continue to kill and steal until there's nobody left. Go to the capital city, and go as quickly as you can. Tell everyone you meet along the way the same. Abandon this life, and save yourself while you can. Go!"

I waited for them to start moving, to begin packing their lives up. I saw that they were taking my words seriously, that nobody dared question me, even though this meant leaving their homes, and livelihoods, and everything they'd ever known behind. They trusted me, completely.

Azriel put his hand on my shoulder, and I knew he wanted us to go. He'd fulfilled his end of the arrangement after all. But I wanted to stay, I wanted to continue to warn others. I was about to argue with him when a teenage girl ran up to us. "Pardon me, Princess," she said, her voice cracking with emotion. "I- my brother was in Glaris when it was attacked. We haven't heard from him since and we didn't find his body there… His name is Colin-"

I remembered Colin, when Jurian brought him to that cold, windowless stone room. I remembered how he died. I shook my head and the girl's lip wavered but she still nodded. "Thank you for letting us know."

"He was brave," I said. "I'm so sorry."

She walked away, her shoulders sagging into sobs, and I tried to steel my heart from feeling any emotion. I couldn't get sad and distracted now. I couldn't think about all the humans who had died, because inevitably it would turn back to my friends I'd lost—

No, I couldn't go there. Couldn't feel that, not now.

I turned to Azriel. "Can we continue? There's so many more towns along The Wall, many that are not as well off as Bardstown."

But the faerie shook his head. "It's not safe to be here. We attract danger. We warned them, and that's the best we can do. They'll warn others."

Before I could object, Azriel placed his hand on my shoulder and we were overcome with shadows. We reappeared moments later back at the House of Wind.

I was disappointed, and guilty now that Azriel said we attract danger. But I still felt that warning them had been worth it. So with gratitude I said, "Thank you for that, Azriel."

"I knew you would be helpful," he said softly, his features shifting back to his normal faerie-self, the shadows returned and his wings reappeared along his back. "Before we went, I could hear from the shadows the humans talking about you, missing you. Word of your abduction had made it to the capital city. Your people care about you."

If word had made it to the city, then the Queen definitely heard. She'd probably hear that I'd reappeared along The Wall, warning others. Certainly that was why Azriel had allowed me to make an appearance in town— to lend credibility to my letter. Not because I'd wanted to go.

"Do you think I could go and warn another town tomorrow?" I asked. The faerie's face was unreadable, and so I continued in an effort to convince him. "Please, Azriel, this is all I've thought about for three months besides my own survival."

"I understand," he started slowly, his tone thoughtful, but not promising, "But we know Jurian is hunting along The Wall, and he will continue to attack, regardless of if you warn your people or not. And if you happen to be there during another attack," he stopped talking, and I saw a dark look cross his face. "We don't want you to get hurt. He knows you're powerful and he would try to take you again, or kill you."

I felt like I was mustering all my royal upbringing to formulate my thoughts in a way that was assertive but not demanding, so that I would get what I want. Azriel was the only person who'd truly done something for me that I'd asked for, and I didn't want to seem ungrateful.

"I appreciate that you care about my wellbeing," I started after a pause, "But I would do anything to make sure that Jurian did not do what he did to me to another human. Please, tell Rhysand this is what I want. And you don't need to put yourself in harms way for me. I'll assume the risk. I can protect myself, or die trying. I'm not so easy a target for him anymore." I held up my left wrist, so that he could see the brass bangle, although I'm sure he hadn't forgotten about my powers.

Azriel nodded at me, but he seemed a little stiff. "I should go," he said. "I will relay your wishes to Rhysand." And then he stepped back into the shadows that lingered behind him, and vanished again.